boyfriends and weight gain

has anyone else noticed a correlation between relationships and weight gain?

i lost 30 lbs a year ago, and had 15 more to go to reach my goal. then i started dating someone, and instead of losing 15 more lbs, i gained back 20 i had already lost, which is very frustrating. i also can't seem to gather the motivation to go to the gym anymore. my boyfriend isn't into the whole dieting thing, and so i see him eating brownies and yummy stuff, and then i do too. he also won't go to the gym with me, and so i tend to choose him over the gym.

i'm very depressed right now because i have gained this weight back and also can't seem to find the motivation to go to the gym and eat as healthy as i did before.

has anyone else experienced this problem?

my friend always says that boyfriends make you fat, which is cute (she's not fat at all but we're both kinda out of shape). I think it's not necessarily the case but sometimes if you're comfortable with someone you can lose sight of healthy goals. I'm not saying to dump your boyfriend and buy a treadmill, oh no. I think you'll have to find motivation elsewhere and work really hard to get in shape on your own. Nobody can just eat terribly forever and be fine so you should warn him that brownies may catch up soon, but don't force him into a diet too, that's mean and no fun for anyone.

Eh, I think it's the monogamy. Sexual boredom makes women eat.  ;)

I have no experience with boyfriends....but I am in the same boat as you for gaining weight back. Its so hard to gain back what youve lost, especially in large numbers like that. I have gained 15 pounds back and I feel like Idont have the energy or motivation to start running again and I am not loosing it as easily as the first time it came off. They say that it gets harder everytime you gain to loose it again. I feel your pain.

i'm not trying to find motivation in my boyfriend, i lost all that weight before on my own. i was single for two years and in the best shape of my life. maybe a little support from him would be nice though, i don't think thats too much to ask.

and its definitely not sexual boredom trustwomen, lol....although my bf did find that comment amusing.

and thanks karliann. i'm glad someone else feels my pain. i feel like such a failure sometimes. i also can't seem to loose the weight again as easily, which i think adds to the lack of motivation. 

Well it just depends of your boyfriend, I mean if he pigs out on food half the time you guys are together, you won't be sitting there looking at him, you'll probably do the same.
On the other hand, my boyfriend is pretty active (more than me) and eats a bar of chocolate almost everyday, but hey I cant blame him, he's always biking for about 2 hours every morning, he swims throughout the day for refreshment, anyway the only sport I do with him is walk hand in hand at night for an hour or more. Plus a 30 min bike ride wich isn't much for him lol. But I do workout, and swim all the time, so I have my ways to keep active and healthy :)

Two years ago I've been 50-60 pounds heavier than what I am now, and I've always had those up & down moments, I gained and lost weight all the time, and finaly woke up one morning and said '' hey! what is wrong with me? I WANT that beach body! I want to feel comfortable in my skin" and I've finaly got to my goal weight, but I still need to lose about 5 pounds but I'm in no rush for that.
But hey, you can do it! Everybody can, get some healthy food, talk about your situation to your boyfriend and he'll probably encourage you by helping you and checking out on you.
Everything is worth a try, just don't give up!

I think you're right, polythelenepam... at the first stage of dating, there's all these dinner and movie dates, which, of course, replace the healthy eating you might otherwise do at your house.  Then, when the relationship loses its "newness," some experience a heightened comfort level that equates to gaining weight... I'm six years into a relationship in which I gained about 15 pounds.  I'm trying to lose them now!

Thanks everyone, i feel so much better now, knowing that its not just me.

maybe even a little motivated...i hope.

i love my boyfriend very much, so i'll try to explain everything to him, and see how it goes.

Just start cooking....everything including dessert.  There are some great brownie recipes that even a counter can incorporate with the right amount of food and exercise throughout the day.  If you're in charge of the cooking, he'll still be eating, but it'll be safe foods.  It's worked wonders for me, as I definitely gained a belly and a sweet tooth in the past year. Now that I'm cooking all the time, we've both lost a bit.....Good Luck...I also said that domestication kills a woman's spririt to be the best that she can be...but what I've realized is that it doesn't kill it, it only challenges it to be more creative.  

As a guy, I can say relationships do affect diets.  If you go thru trouble spots (all couples do) sometimes your emotions will wreak havoc with your self confidence, and thus sometimes you feel like giving up your normal eating / workout routine.  

There was a girl I dated that we always fought and hurt my self confidence, and I gained like crazy.  Ever since we broke up and I started regaining self confidence I started to feel good about working out again. 

Emotion can be your best friend or worst enemy, and with relationships, they are extreme either way, almost nothing in between sometimes.

I've seen girls get into relationships with guys that have crazy eating habits. The girl will try to "keep up" with the guy and that includes drinking 3-4 nights a week, eating late at night, junkin' out on fast food all the time. While a guy may be able to support these type of eating habits for a little while, a girl will almost immediately start gaining weight.

I've also noticed that when 2 people start dating, they tend to let themselves go a little bit, since they are no longer "out on the prowl" looking for someone. Its just contented complacency. Youre happy, youre with someone, and diet and exercise take a back seat. This is exactly what happened to me and why I am now trying to lose the weight.

I'm really into doing things that benefit me. When I started dating my b/f 2.5 years ago is when I wanted to get in shape. Not because of him, but because I wanted to. He eats so much garbage but it doesn't bother me b/c he can. He 6' and 185 lbs and he works as a roofer so he is always moving.

I think what helps our relationship so much is that we are both very independent but come together to make a great team. He never really encourages my eating/exercise plan but he also isn't sabatoging it. He just sees it as what I do and so do I. It's just how I'm living :)

Oh boy, do I ever know what this is like. Although in my personal experience, I tend to let myself go when things go bad in a relationship... I had a bad breakup around Christmas and gained so much weight, I'm only just *now* starting to get back to the weight I was then.

Of course, if I hadn't met someone new 5 months after that, I probably wouldn't have the motivation to do it. I know losing weight should be for myself and not anybody else, but I still want to look and feel better about myself when I go out with him. He is happy with me for each pound I lose, but he's not pressuring me to do it. But my boyfriend is very skinny, and I'm.. well.. not lol.

I do want to have more energy so I can spend time with him doing things out of the house, and not just in front of the TV. It took me a long time to arrive at that decision though, so I know where you are coming from. I just decided I didn't want to be "that fat girl with the thin guy" anymore.

Ooo My mom always called it the "Contented Cow Syndrome".

When I started cooking for my boyfriend and me I found that both of us stopped gaining weight and started losing weight!  He, like your boyfriend, eats brownies, cookies, etc.  Luckily I have never had much of a sweet tooth, but he also will dig into the starchy foods which I LOVE!  What I did was ask him to put his snacks, that I find non-condusive to my eating habits, on a certain side of the kitchen while I kept the stuff I would eat on the other side.  That way when I wanted a snack I would not automatically reach for the corn puffs! or Cheetos! 

It's sort of worth it though! You finally find someone you enjoy being with, who enjoys being with you--I say if you gain 15 pounds because you're HAPPY in a new relationship, then its worth it... be a "contented cow" as long as possible... because it fades and then you just want to be fit for YOU and so you will get the motivation again I think... The happiest weight I ever gained was when my boyfriend and I finally cut out the drama and relaxed into this happy situation--I gained about 20 pounds before i was sick of eating ice cream on the couch with him. Then i lost 40 pound! Now i'm fat again, but not for a good happy reason like being in love...I'm still with the same boyfriend but there is just something special about those beginning times when you eat snacks and watch movies and are so happy...

Laurasump - good point about being a 'contented cow' for as long as possible.  When the shine wears off the relationship and you're in it for the long haul, maybe that's when you want to be fit for you, like you said.  That's what happened in my relationship!  Now I'm exercising and I feel better about my body than I have for a long time.

Of course it's worth it!! It isn't called "contented" for nothing! :P

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who faces this problem.  I've always gained weight when I've been dating someone, even active people.  The dinners out don't help.  But I've found that I don't have the time to spend working out that I did when I was single.  It's definitely a hard balance.  Sorry I don't have any good tips.

i absolutely agree that that happens and i love the title "contented cow".  i was one for the last 5 yrs and just now am i getting it together and losing the weight for me!  i'm still happy and in love, but i just am getting tired of getting fatter and fatter.  in fact, now i'm happy and in love while being thin ... ahh, it's like we just met again, LOL!