Motivation
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Hey.  I was just curious if any of those in-progress people out there have any...hesitations about what might await them in their thinner life.  Here are some of mine:

1. I'm afraid I'm going to turn into one of those people who judges overweight people for not losing the weight--you know what I mean.  Those people who go "Well, I lost the weight, why can't you?"

2. On some deep level, I feel like I'm proving right all those people that made fun of me when I was little.  It honestly never bothered me much, but now I kind of feel like I'm saying their words affected me by losing the weight.

3.  I've never had a serious relationship.  I'm afraid that, if I do meet someone AFTER I've gone through this journey, I'll always be wondering, "But where were you when I was fat?"

Those are the big 3.  I'm sure there are more.  What about you?

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i guess in some ways your concerns are legitimate...BUT...in response to each of your concerns:

1) you can try to help them. lead by example. 

2) you have nothing to prove. your health, your weight, how you feel is internal...no one can take credit for what you've done! It's yours! 

3) it doesn't matter where they were when you were "Fat." everyone can say that about any number of things..."where were you when i was a poor college student?" "where were you when I was a socially awkward teenager?" ...this is no different. don't make it more than that. part of a relationship is attraction and that's just something that we have to cope with ya know? 

I definitely get you though...i went through a rebellious stage when i didn't want to dress up because i didn't want people hitting on me and being interested in me for my looks but i realized that it's silly to do that. part of me is what i look like. 

I sooo see what u mean on ur 3rd concern, one of my biggest concerns is that i wont be happy when i'm at my goal weight, that i'll be wanting to lose more or just be unhappy...:p

The only darker side I've noticed is a change in the compliments I receive.

I used to get told that I was clever/funny/witty/interesting.  Not like I was flooded with praise every day, but those were the things that people noticed about me.  My personality.

I haven't heard a single statement about my personality in several months.  I do get told, however, how "pretty" I am.

Honestly, I couldn't care less.  I wasn't doing this to be pretty.  I was doing this to be healthy, and to be around while my daughter grows up.  I don't mind the odd comment about how great I look (it is kinda motivating), but I'm starting to get worried.

Is this all people are going to see in me, now?  When you're slender, is that all people notice?  I'm still funny, I'm still intelligent, I'm still an interesting person to talk to.  My entire existence isn't encapsulated in a thinner waist.

Maybe I'm being oversensitive.  Here's hoping when the shock wears off, people start noticing my personality again.

After losing my weight I have found that I don’t judge overweight people for not losing their weight but then again, I’ve never been one to judge other people. I’ve also never pushed my weight loss success on others around me.

I lost my weight for me and me only and no one who ever made fun of me or judged me played a role in my decision to lose my weight. I did however hate everything there was to hate about being obese and I know that those who saw me judged me but that wasn’t why I decided to lose my weight. I did it for myself. I did it because I hated being obese, and it was bar none the best decision I have ever made in my life. I will NEVER be that obese person again, NEVER!

As for relationships; don’t waste a second wondering if the someone who likes you when you are fit would have liked you when you were overweight. Some people are attracted to overweight people and some are not. You can’t hold that against someone. JMO.

Vbeattie, I hope that you continue to enjoy the compliments you are getting now that you've lost your weight. Trust me, I'm sure everyone still loves your personality, witt, and intrigue, they just want you to know you look great too. It's just their way of saying congratulations. After losing 160 pounds and keeping it off now for over 2 years, I experience this almost daily and I, like you was always that funny, kind person everyone loved. I think our peers love being able to tell us how great we look. After being morbidly obese for over 20 years, I don't mind the compliments a bit, I've earned it!

dave: Thank you for that!  I just needed to be reminded that I'm the same person - only healthier :)

Thanks for the great insight! I guess I just have to remember that I'm not going to become a different person when (not if) I successfully lose the weight--My person will just come in a slightly smaller package.  

No one's really answered my question though.  What are people afraid will be different when you hit your target?

I'm weary (not so much afraid, per se) because when I'm lighter I still won't be blissfully happy about my life, and I'll have to face other things about myself besides weight. I don't have much to lose, (just vanity lbs) but it seems so natural to feel that X or Y would be better if I only weighed five pounds less… even though I know that's ridiculous.

I know what I'm afraid of:

I'm afraid men will look at me a lot. It really bothers me when men look at me in that way, and I've noticed as I've lost weight I get more and more looks. It is not encouraging. I still have at least 50 more pounds to go. What will happen when I'm at my goal weight? I hate being eye raped and it's only getting worse. I do not want to be creeped out on an hourly basis just by being at work (I work at a restaurant). Yuck!!! 

I'm also afraid people will judge me because I'll be skinny!!  There's the kind of judgement some people give to "fat" people, then there's another kind of judgement some people seem to give to "skinny" people. Why all this judgement? Can't I just be whatever size I want to be and be free of being judged for it?!!

I've got a dark thought about never feeling that I'm done "dieting". Yes, I know that I'll get to a point where I am comfortable at my weight - probably not far from where I am now. And I do know that maintaining is hard in the beginning and it will take some work getting from the losing mindset to the maintaining one. But I've done this for two years now. I'll have to work on this one.

I also have issues when I get comments, whether they are positive or "negative" as in "You shouldn't lose more, you'll disappear!". The latter coming from people who've known me for years - will they ever accept the new me or will they for always see me as the fat girl I started out as? I've gotten comments that I'm still me like I was before as a person - but aren't they able to see my personality inside a new shell as a good thing?

 

my Darker sides of dieting!

Have you ever dated someone who constantly ATE and wanted you to eat also? 

Can you imagine whipping out your phone to estimate the calories?

How about friends going to lunch and they order a chicken,bacon,ranch pizza, with EXTRA cheese. (720 calories)

While I order a gyro refusing there offers ( 380 calories)

 

Buuuuuut.. (ignore my little rant :) )

 

I agree with number three. I would be insecure like " i knew you when i was bigger where was you then?" But you have to give guys a chance! Since i've started loosing weight this guy has been hinting that I look great. Take it with a grain of salt so you don't grow a big head :)

1. You look great!

( Don't you always look great? What the hell is is trying to say? He didn't think you looked great before?)

Smile and nod at his compliment and even give a little laugh if you like them

Works for me!

My only fears currently are;

1. I have lost 45 lbs of the 100 lbs I need to lose to get down to my 150 lbs goal weight(with the option to go lower once I get there). It has been insanely easy to do so. No plateaus, I'm happy with the foods I am eating, and I don't feel like I'm 'working' at it all the time or deprived. I am prepared for challenges and I am sure they are coming but I worry about how easy it's been and will I be able to ride out the problems when they come?

2. I'm still fat and look awful(to me) naked and I'm starting to see lose skin. I worry that my skin will not bounce back since I am almost 40. I don't want to/can't afford to have to go under the knife to remove excess skin and I hope if I do have lose skin it will be easy to hide. Since I'm losing only 100 lbs I don't think it will be too horrible and I know in the end no matter how I look naked I will be a much healthier me. The idea of lose floppy skin on my arms and belly really bugs me. It bugs me even more knowing there is so little I can do about it.

That's it for me. Nothing too huge, just my mindset. I'm thrilled with my weight loss so far and I'm enjoying the process a lot more than I thought I would. I love the food and I love going to the gym 6 days a week. I swim and lift weights and walk for 2 hours most days and everything is still fun even after almost 6 months. I know I can change things and often do to keep it challenging and I'm just so happy. My temper has gotten much better with weight loss.

My biggest concern is that my miniscule annual clothing budget is going to get used by, like, February every year.

I'm going from "It fits so I buy it" to "Everything fits...BUY IT ALL!"

Original Post by oxford007:

My biggest concern is that my miniscule annual clothing budget is going to get used by, like, February every year.

I'm going from "It fits so I buy it" to "Everything fits...BUY IT ALL!"

LOL!!!!!  I feel the same way.  Before I used to shop for what fit, but now that I can fit into pretty much anything...shopping is even more frustrating, in a new way lol

Emmy - to reference what you said about judging overweight people - I feel horrible, but I do this.  I don't think it's so much meanness and "judgment" so much as it is me wanting to run over and hug them and say "I DID IT!  IF ANYONE COULD I COULD!  YOU CAN TOO!  LET'S GO TALK ABOUT CALORIES AND EXERCISE!!!!"  Obviously, that would be rude and out of line...but nonetheless, that is my brain.

Of course, there are times I do judge in a little bit of a mean way.  I just left a restaurant job after 3 years, and some people would come in, visibly overweight, tell me they're on a diet, order the biggest burger on the menu...and I'll have a diet pepsi with that.  Yeah.  Okay.

As for your number 3...

I always thought that this would be how I felt.  When I met my boyfriend Jeff, I weighed over 230 pounds.  Throughout the past 2 years, and the 90+ pound weight loss over the past 1 year, he's loved me just the same.  He's told me that I'm beautiful every single day since we met.  I always tell my friends I hope they find their "Jeff."  I hope you do, too!!!!!

#14  
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my sister has gained a lot of weight since she got married and had 3 kids.  i think that is a pretty common thing.  now she and her husband have almost no intimacy at all.  she wants to lose the weight, but she is afraid that he will start wanting more intimacy and she will resent him for it because he didnt want it when she was overweight.  the problem with this way of thinking, is that it does hinder the weight loss. 

Honest concerns...Maybe if we are reminded that we are composed of body (flesh), spirit and soul (our personalities). You are not your body, this is something we have learned from our image intense society. Our bodies is nothing but a container made up of dirt....When we  recognize that we realize that the real you is what makes you in your heart and mind and personality! That will never change! I love to encourage my dying patients that their bodies may be "broken" by their spirits and souls are whole, that is what blossoms and matures and what people remember when we die, not our diseased dying bodies....

I commend you for asking questions because it healthy to seek truth about life!

Original Post by pianowoman08:

Original Post by oxford007:

My biggest concern is that my miniscule annual clothing budget is going to get used by, like, February every year.

I'm going from "It fits so I buy it" to "Everything fits...BUY IT ALL!"

LOL!!!!!  I feel the same way.  Before I used to shop for what fit, but now that I can fit into pretty much anything...shopping is even more frustrating, in a new way lol

Emmy - to reference what you said about judging overweight people - I feel horrible, but I do this.  I don't think it's so much meanness and "judgment" so much as it is me wanting to run over and hug them and say "I DID IT!  IF ANYONE COULD I COULD!  YOU CAN TOO!  LET'S GO TALK ABOUT CALORIES AND EXERCISE!!!!"  Obviously, that would be rude and out of line...but nonetheless, that is my brain.

Of course, there are times I do judge in a little bit of a mean way.  I just left a restaurant job after 3 years, and some people would come in, visibly overweight, tell me they're on a diet, order the biggest burger on the menu...and I'll have a diet pepsi with that.  Yeah.  Okay.

As for your number 3...

I always thought that this would be how I felt.  When I met my boyfriend Jeff, I weighed over 230 pounds.  Throughout the past 2 years, and the 90+ pound weight loss over the past 1 year, he's loved me just the same.  He's told me that I'm beautiful every single day since we met.  I always tell my friends I hope they find their "Jeff."  I hope you do, too!!!!!

All of these too...!!! Including finding my "Jeff" - when we met I was around 215, now I'm around 140. He tells me that I am the same - just narrower. And that he loves me - he tells me every day. Laughing

3.  I've never had a serious relationship.  I'm afraid that, if I do meet someone AFTER I've gone through this journey, I'll always be wondering, "But where were you when I was fat?"

 

Ok, it's funny because I actually got more play when I was a size 14 than now as a size 8, and then I knew they wanted more than my body.  Now anytime I get hit on it feels smarmy an I'm completely turned off; that, or guys are intimidated by me now and aren't as forward as they used to be before, I guess because then they thought I was desperate enough to be more agreeable to their advances.  I don't know, but that was a big one for me!  Not an issue for me now because I have someone, but at first it was sort of mind boggling.

#18  
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I'm afraid of two things:

1.  I won't be able to keep the weight off and will have to restart the process every few months/years.

2.  I won't be happy with my goal weight and will just keep trying to lose...thus, I will be addicted to losing weight and get myself into a whole different set of health issues!

I second the comments on clothing shopping.  I keep putting it off because I'm not at my goal weight, but with the cooler weather coming, I realized I have maybe 3 pair of pants that will fit somewhat.  So, I may have to go shopping.  When I can pull down my pants without unzipping or unbuttoning them I know they have to go away!

As for the comment about the sister and intimacy...she needs to lose the weight for herself.  And let's face it, she will probably be more likely to want more intimacy also because she will feel better about herself.  So, she shouldn't feel resentful of her husband.

And I totally understand about wanting to run up to people and tell them they can lose weight too!  It is exciting...you have great news and have ways that others can benefit.  It's like an analogy I've heard regarding sharing the Gospel...if you had the cure to cancer, wouldn't you share it?  Same way with weight loss!  But, I do restrain myself from telling total strangers about how to lose weight! :)

Original Post by mparkhill:

I'm afraid of two things:

1.  I won't be able to keep the weight off and will have to restart the process every few months/years.

2.  I won't be happy with my goal weight and will just keep trying to lose...thus, I will be addicted to losing weight and get myself into a whole different set of health issues!

 I have these same two fears.  Maybe 3 people in my life have made fun of my weight, so that's not really an issue for me. 

The relationship stuff isn't an issue right now, either, though I'm worried that when I start dating again the calorie counting and my outright refusal to eat certain places might come off as "controlling", which I've had issues with before. 

I think that the clothing thing is becoming an issue: my current set of clothes is starting to look comically oversized (well, at least in my head), but the local stores don't quite have my (hopefully) intermediate size at any kind of reasonable price.  Still, I don't need suits or anything super formal for my job, so I can get away with WalMart and Target chic, so that part isn't bad.

Original Post by 0queensheba0:

I hate being eye raped and it's only getting worse.

At what point does looking at a woman become this? 

I know I will take a second look when I see a woman I think is attractive; that doesn't mean I want to violate them. 

I know I don't leer at women and I certainly don't want then to think I am doing that.

Conversely I would be thrilled if a woman checking me out.

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