It's bee 2 years since I dropped about 60 pounds from 220 to my current weight of 172. I have not weighed a pound over 176 or a pound less than 170 on the scale in the past 2 years, I know because I weigh in weekly. I am 5'11. Yet at work and with some of my friends I still get mixed reactions about my weight, usually it doesn't bother me when somebody says I'm skinny but whenever when I hear the word anorexic it annoys me .. I feel very good about how I look I worked my butt off to get here and maintaining it thru running and lifting weights 4-5 times a week without fail.
Here is sampling of the kind of comments that sometimes throw me off.
A few months ago, a person at work I see in the hall pulled me aside and asked me if I was sick or dying?
2 weeks ago I was in my doctors office to get my allergy medicine renewed, he asked me if I was still running to which I replied yes and he noded and said " Your very lean" .. That's all he said, not that I was unhealthy or anything else. The way he said it though made me wonder what he was thinking.
I have a dear Aunt who constantly tells me I look too skinny and my face is hollowed.
Today at work, a coworker stops by and says " Dude are you anorexic, you need to start eating" ..
Try as I may to laught it off, comments like this start to wear on you when you hear them enough, I guess my question is two fold.. any other guys in this situation of getting crap for losing weight. Does it bother you? Mind you all the criticism comes from people who I'm sure would love to lose some weight themselves.. but I don't want to dismiss it entirely. I certainly know when I look at other people who have lost significant weight, and when they get too thin it definitely makes them look less attractive. I'm not shooting to just get super lean but to have a nice physique, I feel like I've come so far but I don't want to push it to the point of being a stick. My only focus now is on maintaining my weight and adding muscle incrementally.
Anybody care to evaluate it? Anybody find themselves in this situation? I'm in a glass case of emotion here!
As long as you're eating healthy, supporting your workouts with enough calories and macros, and you're comfortable with your body, then those naysayers don't have a limb to stand on. It's none of their business in that regard, but people love to comment about others' bodies.
For your doctor, you can just say 'yes, I'm lean, but I'm also eating enough to support my workouts'
For those pulling you aside just say 'no, I'm not, I'm actually eating the correct amount to support my body and healthy habits, but thanks for your concern'
or just flip them all off.
There's always going to be people who like to talk about others' bodies and either bring them down or poke and prod. Try to be nice, but if it gets worse, just tell them where they can go... =]
I think people have a mental image of you that doesn't match with what you look like now. I get this a lot as well. I haven't lost anything in the past 7 months but people are still telling me I look like I'm still losing. When they think of you, they see the 220lb you. Then they see you in person and it is so severely out of sync with the mental image that they assume there must be something wrong with you. Then, of course, there are those who like for you to gain it back so they can be more comfortable with their own unsuccessful weightloss attempts.
Umm judging by your profile picture, I'd say you look more than fine. I've been working my butt off to lose weight for about 7 months now and I've noticed that a lot of people seem offended by my efforts. I get compliments...usually from people who are really positive personalities. But I've noticed that people who are more on the negative side want to find ways to tear me down for my progress. I'm down 58 pounds and several of the back biting women at work like to gang up on me because I don't take part in their luncheons and apparently it offends them when I turn down their unhealthy foods. People like to tell me that I'm "wasting away" even though I easily still need to lose another 60 pounds. They try to discourage me and tell me that I'm fine now and should give up my fitness goals. Or they tell me that "just one donut won't hurt." Sometimes it feels like sabotoge. lol.
My theory is that people feel guilty when they see your progress. Some people don't like seeing others suceed. It makes them feel lazy and dimishes their self worth. It's ridiculous but it's not YOUR problem...it's theirs. I think it's their way of trying to bring you back down to their level because you've obviously accomplished something impressive.
It's annoying but in the end you just need to worry about yourself. If you're happy, ignore them. Maybe list off your BMI or flash some muscle to shut them up. haha.
You deal with it by going harder. Keep running, do some resistance exercises to keep your bones/joints strong. Just focus on what you're doing and ignore the haters.
When people make the comments, just laugh it off and say you're healthy, and they'd like to lose some weight, you'd be more than happy to support them. I bet they won't bring it up after that.
btw you don't look anorexic at all.
You look perfectly fine to me. People have no filters. I think you're getting a little taste of what it's like to be a girl - we get comments about our appearance constantly. It's frustrating, it's annoying, it wears on you. You get over it and move on. If you let it bother you, you're the one that's losing out.
Original Post by dynacat:
I think people have a mental image of you that doesn't match with what you look like now. I get this a lot as well. I haven't lost anything in the past 7 months but people are still telling me I look like I'm still losing. When they think of you, they see the 220lb you. Then they see you in person and it is so severely out of sync with the mental image that they assume there must be something wrong with you.
I know I've been guilty of it myself a number of times, and the last thing I want is to de-rail someone's attempts at weight loss. A friend of mine lost ~100 lbs over the course of a year but I only saw him a few times during his journey. When I saw him after he hit is goal weight, I was shocked at how (to my mind) sick and unhealthy he looked. Fact was, it was my own bias getting in the way - I was just too used to how he looked previously, and when he was finally in shape, it took me a while to adjust. Now he looks normal.
My advise is to just shrug it off and go on about your business. As long as you're practicing healthy habits, how you look is up to you, and not up to the rabble around you. Yes, I just called your doctor 'rabble'.
When everyone around you is in the "overweight" category, of course they think you're anorexic. I'm also around your weight/height 170-175 lbs and 5' 11 (and three quarters). I got the same comments from people at work when I lost weight (from around 215) and also when I haven't seen family in a while. I've been around 170 now for over 6 years and I'm at a different company now in another state, so this is my new "normal" to others.
I think in general:
1) People get used to seeing big guys, even if that big is mainly fat. You're in the normal weight range.
2) People don't seem to think men are sensitive about their weight at all and tend to blurt things out.
3) People think men should be big - even if that means fat (see #1).
You could toy with their heads. My sister-in-law made a comment about me being too skinny when she was in town. Later I posted to facebook something like: "Love it when people who are borderline obese call those of us with normal BMIs too skinny".
She spent the next few months losing weight - without any serious lifestyle change - and then put it right back on again and now looks even chubbier. LOL...
Your post reminded me of a time when I lost a lot of weight, and got this longer, and more slender neckline. My son (about 3 at the time) looked at me and said:
"Mom, you have a chicken neck!"
It really bothered him because I had changed so much. And I in turn was bothered because I didn't want to look weird to him, although I actually looked really beautiful. Neither of us adjusted well, and I gained the weight back, plus more. Not my son's fault, but totally mine for having such a twisted perspective, and such low resolve.
People don't always adjust well to how we change, whether in manner of dress, economic status, our new interests, new love(s), etc. I guess it's one of our survival mechanisms -change = response; (You change, I respond). If you think deeply about it, you're doing the same thing. You are responding to the change in the attitudes around you. Totally understandable. But, you are more informed than they. You have the ability to gracefully step over their ignorance. (And I have to work on getting my chicken neck back, and keeping it this time!)
Keep up the GREAT work! You look fantastic.
Yeah, I think that is normal when someone makes a drastic change. I'm about 5 years out and I still hear it from people I don't see on a regular basis.
I think part of the problem (at least in this country) is that society has a very whacked sense of what is a healthy normal weight. A healthy person is usually considered skinny, while a moderately overweight person is considered normal, etc
Thank you all for your supportive and insightful replies, I honestly feel much better knowing others deal with this stuff too. It's so funny how many different reactions you get from others when you make a life change isn't it? As many of you guys noted, some people support you, others either don't want you to change or try to trip you up.. but it's really nice to have the community support on CC!
I guess I'm late on the game here, but I wanted too add my thoughts, even if they're not all that different from what's been given.
There are a lot of reasons people make these types of comments, and at the end of they day they're never really about you.
Guilt- They feel bad because they've tried and failed to lose weight. They feel bad because they're having a donut and you're not. They feel bad because they know they need to lose weight, but don't.
Self-Counciousnes. "Oh he lost all that weight he must totally judge me". "I wish he would gain that weight back so I could feel better about myself already" "I can't eat this donut in front of him, he's totally thinking I'm a fat pig". "I can't make jokes about skipping the gym, he'll think I'm a lazy slob".
Jealousy- "I wish I could lose all that weight" "I wish I had self control like that" "I wish I was in better shape"
It sucks, and I know ignoring it is way easier said than done, but it sounds like you're doing it the right way. I have a co-worker who responds to these type of comments with remarks about how she's in shape now and doesn't eat garbage, etc., and I've found it only makes people even more self-concious about themselves and in turn turns them malicious against her.
I gave up processed foods years ago and only recently started to try and lose some weight. Company luncheons ALWAYS include heavily processed foods and people would always give me a hard time about not eating it. So while I don't get the weight thing yet, I do get that. I never once spoke to anyone about my hippie eating habits, I just quietly did it. And yet everyone assumed by me not eating that muffin they brought from the grocery store I was making a personal attack on them. I just had to realize it was because of all the above reasons.
Just smile and change the subject. Then log on here and we can talk smack about all them together!