Lost friends after weight loss?
It's not the first time that I've lost friends, but I think I'm about to lose one - again. After hanging out with a really good friend of 7 years for 2 days in a row over the weekend rock show, I still haven't heard back from her after numerous calls/texts. Photos of ours were posted in FB and I got compliments from friends/acquaintances for looking good after losing the fat - but all it did to my girl friend is feel horrible for herself as she posted "LAWWDDD. I'm going on a DIET." instead of saying "I had such a great time during the show!"
This is the second time this happened with her/us. I forgave her the first time she "dumped" me for 'getting more attention' but this isn't looking too promising this time.
I just feel pooped out right now. That's all...
Original Post by xmhwilson:
I'm sorry to hear that. I know How hard it is to lose someone close to you. But if this has happened before it seems like something that your friend needs to come to terms with. Have you talked to her about getting into shape ect? Maybe she needs motivation but at the end of the day she also needs to be excited for you. it's a hard situation to be in but one that needs to be addressed if the friendship is worth it. Good luck and remember things get better :)
I've had. She's lost some weight but she's not seriously trying to lose weight, at least within the last few months. She can't really do much for she had knee surgery due to bone spurs. Now it's even harder for her to exercise. She seem hesitant to talk to me about it (weight loss).
I don't have a large group of friends but I do have a handful of close friends, one of which is her, so it's a little painful for me to fathom that this is happening again.
I lost whom I called my 'best friend in college' when I got really serious about losing weight. Though that happened in 2008, sometimes it pops into my mind and I still feel sad about it. She became more and more distant though we were roommates and it was about the time where I had just accomplished a 56lbs loss that I confronted her about our seemingly deteriorating friendship. You know what she said?
"I don't like the way you are losing weight."
My eyes could not have widened any larger nor could my jaw have dropped any lower. I was certainly shocked but I was even more confused. Why on earth would an athletic woman of 23 who worked at the gym disapprove my weight loss efforts? I went to the gym. I watched my calories. Maybe I TALKED a little too much about diets and stuff but that couldn't have been what caused it. Maybe it was. Could it have been jealousy? It certainly could have. But I just don't know.
You'd think she'd be happy for me. But nooooo. I most definitely would have been if the roles were reversed, but then that's just my naive self talking. I supposed I can't expect everyone to be like me. Wow, did I just brag about myself? :-s In the end it hurt very much because at that time I only had 3 friends and she was the one I was closest to.
Personally, I suggest you try to move on to making new friends to keeping to those who hasn't made you feel negatively about your efforts. I did eventually find a new friend who LOVES to eat and couldn't care less if my weight loss resulted in me being slimmer than her chubby self. She's happy for me and my efforts and that's what counts.
Sadly I've experienced this with my younger sister. She's always been ridiculously thin, and liked to be the center of attention. When I started losing weight and doing things to better myself, she started out by telling me I was being unhealthy and that I couldn't do things like run 10k (finished the Vancouver Sun run, jogged the whole time, this year), be a size 12 (done!), or commit to a work out schedule because I was too flakey.
Now that I've done those things, she just doesn't keep in touch. When we do talk, she's very snarky and cold.
It hurts. It hurts a lot, and I wasn't remotely prepared for it. But what you and I both need to realize in this situation is that it is not our fault, and it's not a problem with anything that we have done or have been doing. We shouldn't feel apologetic for finally taking responsibility for our health and trying with determination to improve our lifestyle.
The hardest part of accepting that it's not our fault, is understanding that there's nothing we personally can do to 'fix' it. It's out of our hands, not in our control. Hopefully the person you were once close to comes around, and if not, that relationship was never as healthy as you once thought. Keeping a poisonous relationship in the name of 'old times' is often very unhealthy.
Just focus on you, and loving you, and doing what is best for you. The rest will eventually fall in line!
This make me think about my friendship again. Actually I am very thin two years ago, but I am influenced by my roommate. She is fat and like sweet food. What's more, she like eating things at the midnight. In the end, I gain weight of 30 bls. But, she laughed! And said, ' how can you be like me.' I never said something bad about her shape, but why she laughed. I just felt sad about this friendship.
Now I have lose weight of nearly 20 bls. I am trying the last 10 bls.
Thanks for all your experiences and advice - very enlightening. It is really sad how people can be insecure and selfcentered and not think about the effect of their actions and reactions to the people around them. Unfortunately like what you laides said, this is beyond our control and we can't fix it. It's just painful.
I haven't called nor texted her since I posted this topic. I think she texted back last night but my phone died in the middle of receiving it. I haven't turned the phone on (still feel a little bummed out).
I'm going to move on for now. She might eventually ask for apology, or not, but I'll do my best not to sweat it.
I can't believe you had a friend that actually said she was unhappy with your weight loss, that's crazy. But what I think would hurt me more is the sense of betrayal I would feel after such a revelation. Women can be so catty.
I am going to say something that is probably controversial, and I truly do NOT mean to offend anyone, but just for a different perspective . . .
I've BEEN the fat, jealous friend. Granted, I've never allowed myself to make witchy, catty comments, because I've always known that my feelings stemmed from my own insecurities, and I knew it wouldn't be fair to make someone else feel bad. But I've known women in the past who entered a phase in their lives where they felt beautiful and triumphant, and while I was mostly happy for them, it was also a fact that I felt bad about myself when I was around them.
I mean, I wish I was a good enough person not to let that bother me, but it did. And I ended up distancing myself from these friends - not because they did anything wrong, but just because their presence was simply not good for me. They made me feel bad - unintentionally, but systematically. So I removed myself from them, the same way I'd remove myself from a boyfriend who, say, adored skinny blondes. (I'm a chunky brunette :)
On the flip side, I've lost a friend or two because I was the one "came out on top," so to speak. And when that happened, it did hurt, but I also knew exactly what had happened, and could not fault them.
Life isn't perfect, we're all human, and sometimes, it can be really hard to control our emotions. If you want practical advice though, and you want to keep this friend in your life, keep your encounters with her intimate and girl-time-y. Not so much parties and concerts, where everyone is dressed up and dancing. The less opportunity she has to compare herself to your success, the less she'll want to escape your presence.
Sorry if I am ruffling feathers . . . I am not defending these friends, per se, but just trying to provide insight into their actions. Although I do think catty comments are just foolish and immature.
she should be supportive and proud of your weight loss !! sounds like shes just jealous and maybe if she wanted to lose weight you could help her out, keep her motivated! Don't be too concerned because you did nothing wrong, she will eventually realize her poor actions and change and if not than she prob. isn't someone that you need in your life holding you back, hope everything works out
Thanks, Viktor. I do totally agree that it's really wrong when people try to tear others down for their success. It's petty and mean, and honestly, all it does is make it hideously obvious that the person is just jealous.
My best friend and I always joke that you know you're cute if guys give you interested looks; you know you're HOT when women give you dirty looks :)
