Motivation
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Mental state for loosing weight


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I have been struggling with losing weight for over 10 years. I have lied to myself so many times, that I am running out of excuses and lies to remain unhealthy. I came into the conclusion that changing my mental state regarding myself is the first step towards embracing a healthy lifestyle. I have in the past always focused on changing my relationship with food first, therefore always failing due to a lack of a strong mental state enabling true change. 

I keep reading, watching and talking about weight loss, lifestyle changes and exercises but deep inside i am loosing the battle. I try to keep my thoughts positive and my visions optimist but the "NOWs" of my life  are my real challenge. I could not resist a 990 calories breakfast this morning, I could not bring myself to work out the whole week. NO, I am not depressed; yes, I have the time; i think I am just lazy and overindulgent but saying it and acknowledge it seems not to be enough for me to change my attitude. What to do when you are your worse enemy? when you have all the information, when you understand what is going on , when you know the solutions but still feel powerless to change? help!

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What about your environment? Do you live, work or socialize with people who behave the same way you do (same excuses or similar circumstances?). One of my issues was having someone who had issues not the same issues but would be considered paid compliment to 'misery loves company'. Between his issues and my issues and together binge eating and bad eat and choices cause most of my weight gain. We didn't compliment each other healthily at all so I ended that relationship.

Shortly after, I started my diet with a family member and was able to stay with them for a month it kick start it and was the only reason I could do this I believe. No one else in my usual environment was trying to loose weight, so my motivation was not there. She is still my weight loss buddy but it is hard since I am in an environment with junk food eaters (struggling). Once I can remove myself from the house of junk food eaters to my own place again or someone else with like mindedness on healthy eating, losing or maintain weight I believe I will be on track like I was when I was staying with my buddy. 

Actually my environment is way healthier than I am, I do not keep junk food at my house but I do not know how to not finish everything on my plate at a restaurant or to limit myself to 1 mango instead of two. I manage to make my healthy choices unhealthy. You are right about environment and its impact on my decisions regarding food. Maybe on top of only keeping healthy food at my house I should also limit the quantity I keep at any given moment, limit my outings to restaurants and bars and try to meet friends at the gym or food free places. 

By the way I am the only fat person in my entourage which I think is a double edge sword being that i hide my embarrassment by acting and behaving like it does not matter to me. 

I believe you're correct - I was much like you, I had the base knowlege and the resources, but I didn't change anything for a long time. Sure I made limping, half hearted attempts here and there but until last year I wasn't ready for it mentally.

The simple truth of it is this: you either do, or you don't genuinely want to get healthier, a factor of which is losing weight & whichever way you choose to go, you'll keep going there slowly. It took chest pains, the realisation I could drop dead because of my weight & more importantly, unconditional love of a friend to shake me out of my deathly direction. I am now 65 pounds lighter and still working on the rest.

The choice is yours and when you choose to take it, surround yourself with as many helpful things as you can. I find the food log on here particularly good - I used it originally to track calories but learning to fill in all the vitamin needs daily has helped shape my nutrition more than that. The forums provide a place to touch base with others trying to lose.

I've purchased a few cheaper exercise items, they sit in the same room I am in most of the time when home so I have a constant reminder to move. I keep a water bottle next to me to sip on and I've removed the bulk of my trigger foods from the house, if I want them, they aren't just sitting there handy.

Realise that when you do start, it's okay to slip up. It's okay to eat what you love in moderation. One decision at a time is how you get to a goal, take it slowly, slow is sustainable.

No one approach works for everyone, but I am trying to get my life back in order using the strategy found here: http://zenhabits.net/4/ The basic idea is that you change one small thing at a time. The small things add up to permanent changes. I changed my mentality from "I want to be skinny now" to "I want a long, healthy life supported by healthy habits, and if it takes me five years to permanently change my habits, I still have fifty-odd years to enjoy my life."

Maybe instead of shooting for a caloric deficit you could start out with just logging your calories. If you log everything you ate in a day, even if it's a gazillion calories, you can be ridiculously proud of that accomplishment. Maybe after a month you start cutting back 100 calories a day from your average, and so on and so forth until you have a deficit. Maybe instead of going to the gym every day you just aim to walk for two minutes, and increase it a minute a week. The idea is to start so small it's hard to fail, then build up.

Another thing that's helping me this time around (I've tried and failed to permanently lose weight for about eight years now) is to let go of my pride and tell people around me that I'm trying, especially my husband. It's humiliating, honestly, but people have been kind and supportive, and it's helped me to understand that admitting and dealing with problems is ultimately easier than trying to live with them.

Best of luck to you. I understand where you're coming from.

Original Post by lyne98:

Actually my environment is way healthier than I am, I do not keep junk food at my house but I do not know how to not finish everything on my plate at a restaurant or to limit myself to 1 mango instead of two. I manage to make my healthy choices unhealthy. You are right about environment and its impact on my decisions regarding food. Maybe on top of only keeping healthy food at my house I should also limit the quantity I keep at any given moment, limit my outings to restaurants and bars and try to meet friends at the gym or food free places. 

By the way I am the only fat person in my entourage which I think is a double edge sword being that i hide my embarrassment by acting and behaving like it does not matter to me. 

Yes, that could very well be your double edge sword. But I remember one of my grandmothers who was struggling with obesity couldn't even have peanut-butter in the house and she wouldn't abuse her portions but she still eat it instead of a better choice of food (and at one time I discovered I did the same 1 jar of peanut butter didn't even last a month and I'd have no more that one piece of toast with it a day) and she keep the good food in her house but even the food that was borderline she strategically put on the top shelves and the better food closer just to have her self mentally gravitate to better choices. 

Mentally preparing can be done in many ways. They say even just writing something down give you a higher % of following through with it. I still have the envelope she had visible in her kitchen written was 'RESIT THE URGE' in big letters and inside was written the AA scripture: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference." and we are not religious, just an AA family. It was rewritten quite a few times overlapping and so I know she used this when she struggled.

Thanks for the link I will look it up. you are right about disclosure and little steps . I have to keep in mind that my ultimate goal is to live a long and healthy life. this site really helps, reaching out and finding people who understand really makes a difference. I will incorporate reminders like your grandmother.  thanks

By the way how do i reply to a specific note? i don't want to be rude and not reply to each one, because all of the replies I find very helpful and uplifting.  thanks all.

Either within the thread or via the mailbox function. To access the mailbox go to community tab then mailbox link :)

After 15 years of trying and failing to lose weight, a year ago I decided I was not going to fail again.  I weighed 242 pounds (maybe a few more).  I got rid of anything in the house that I did not want to eat and I made a plan to change my eating habits.  (I did not do any exercise for several months.  It was enough of a challenge just to control my eating.)

I started counting calories.  No diet.  I bought a food scale and I counted every calorie.  I decided not to even weigh myself.  It didn't matter how long it was going to take or how fast or slow I was going to lose the weight. 

Today, one year later, I am 60 pounds lighter.  I still have 30 pounds to go, and it is going to be harder to lose the last 30, but no matter how long it will take, I will do it.  I started at a size 20/22, I am now a size 12. 

You can do this!!

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Original Post by lyne98:

Thanks for the link I will look it up. you are right about disclosure and little steps . I have to keep in mind that my ultimate goal is to live a long and healthy life. this site really helps, reaching out and finding people who understand really makes a difference. I will incorporate reminders like your grandmother.  thanks

By the way how do i reply to a specific note? i don't want to be rude and not reply to each one, because all of the replies I find very helpful and uplifting.  thanks all.

I think you just took a little step by signing up on CC, then a huge step by posting your fears.  Good luck to you, and don't be afraid to ask questions. Smile

#10  
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It sounds like you're ready for the hard work that comes with weight loss. I think that we all can be our own worst enemy but that can change with awareness. Maybe try preparing (or ordering) your food like you would for a loved one whose health was in your hands. In other words, consciously try loving yourself. Good luck! We're all in this battle together.

You need to convince yourself, first and foremost, that you're going to do something.

You can't have the attitude of "trying", you either will or you won't, if you have the will then you will. I say this with over 100lb to lose, because I know this time next year I'll have lost most of it. I don't hope or wish, I'm determined to make that my reality, therefore it will be, because I say it will. My ego won't allow me to fail. You will find this trend with the successful people who've lost weight here, almost exclusively they have one thing, will. How's your self confidence, you seem to doubt yourself and question your own capabilities

The problem you're having sounds psychological more than physical, but the mind is a powerful thing. You can mould it however you want to mould it. A Buddhist would tell you that food is just an attachment, an external thing that you turn to because you're unhappy without it. A happy person doesn't need tasty food, television, drugs. You can say you're not unhappy, but that can't be true. A happy person wouldn't need a 990 calorie breakfast. If you want to be healthy and lose weight, that's easy, eat for health, don't eat for pleasure. If a healthy meal tastes good, so be it, but the primary focus should be health. You could lose weight eating for pleasure, but more often than not you'll have bad day after bad day and fall off the wagon. 

People eat junk to feel good, if it didn't make you feel good you wouldn't eat it. If you need a 1000 calorie breakfast to feel good then that tells me you don't feel good without it, that you depend on food to make you happy. If it didn't take you from a state of not-happy to happy you wouldn't eat it, would you?

You definitely seem to be on the right path in regards to being very highly aware of what your  downfall areas are.

I think for some people it just clicks and there is really no specific trigger that gets you in the mindset to do this for the long haul.  I know for me, my life has settled down (married, kids are all in full time school, good stable job, own a house) etc and now that I am not in any transition period/season in life, this time around seems to be a success.

I remember reading a Dear Abby column many years ago that had a beautiful poem in it titled 'Just for Today' and it was about how we can do things 'just for today' that we do not think we could do for the long haul.  Because it was 'just for today' I think it was supposed to encourage you to make healthy decisions for your life and I tell you- that poem keeps coming back to me as these weeks go by!  Google 'Dear Abby Just for Today' and you'll see the link.

Just msg me or write if you want to talk further! I love being an encouragement to people!

 

 

 

I can relate to what you are saying. I was out to dinner last night, wasn't particularly hungry when I ordered, ordered the vegetable quesadilla, was full after eating two sections, but some reason, ate the rest! I don't understand why I feel compelled to eat it if it is there.

I have felt the same way for over a year now...I think the answer for myself at least, is to become my own loving parent. This is an ACOA term, but anyone can do it and a lot of people do it intuitively without being taught, but it doesn't come naturally for me.

What would a loving parent do in terms of helping you to lose weight and become healthier? They would make sure you had wholesome food to take care of your body and avoid hunger because a loving parent doesn't want to see their child go hungry. They would allow you to enjoy treats in moderation without feeling guilty, or feeling the need to eat the whole thing. They would encourage you to get moving doing something you enjoy because movement is good for your body and your mind.

Most important of all...a loving parent doesn't scold a child that stumbles as they are learning to walk. The parent will walk or run to that child and help them up, and after they have comforted them they encourage the child to try and take another step.

We should all treat ourselves with this kind of loving discipline and respect:)

blessedgirl37- I really like that!  Thank you for posting that- it really spoke to me!

The hardest thing is starting....I was in the same predicament you were in before 12-5-2011.....I prayed to God about it over and over.  Finally one day I asked one of the troopers ( I work in Law Enforcement) to help me.  He took me on and we have been rolling ever since.  I say all that to say that sometimes you just need help.  Especially if you dont have the mind set to get started on your own or you are just not motivated.  Try seeing if you can get a trainer to start you off.  Or just do it (like Nike says).  Get your butt up and just do, dont think about.  If you think about it you will give yourself 20 millions reason why not to.  I wish you luck honeybee.  I know how hard it can be.  But take it from me who started at 295 lbs and am down to 280....15 lbs in 1 month and I feel so much better already.  U can do it!!!!!!!!

The fact that you posted this blog is a good sign. I decided 4 years ago to lose weight and keep it off for good. Been up and down for many years. Since I've started I've lost 60 lbs. Sounds good, but think about that---60 lbs. in 4 years is 15 lbs. a year. Still a lot of ups and downs but I won't quit. Steve Reynolds' book Bod4God has recently helped me a lot. Just remember what Churchill said years ago: Never, never, never,never.......give up!!!

Lyne,

Perhaps you're trying to change too much at once.  Too many goals can be overwhelming and can set you up to feel like you've failed.  Start smaaaallll.  Pick one thing you'd like to accomplish each day/week and add to it when you feel comfortable.

For example...Drink 8 glasses of h2o everyday.  Write this goal down, and keep track of it in your food log or however you'd like to track.  If that was easy...add another goal the next week.  Keep a food log.  Everyday...be true to it.  When that becomes 2nd nature, figure out your target calories for a day and try to change one meal that would fit into your "plan".  Building on small goals is a great way to prove to yourself that you are accomplishing a lot...NOT FAILING. 

Use your resources...this site is full of them! :)  Calorie Camp is a fantastic place to start...lots of people riding the same boat as you.  Great job stepping forward and asking for help.

Ang

This weight loss journey is very challenging. I think one of the keys is making small changes. Maybe just start logging, or cut out one trigger food. I find it is best to request a take out box at the start & box up 1/2 of the food right away. This is good when the restaurant sizes are so huge. Good luck & keep trying even the smallest of steps helps.

I suggest making small changes for the next two weeks and see if you find some motivation. Making a very fast start often sets us up for failure. Make some small changes like taking a walk or eating an apple instead of a candy bar. Don't eat in front of TV and drink some water instead of soda. Take care of yourself by simply raising your consciousness of what you are doing and how you are caring for yourself. Keep up the quality reading about being healthy, not necessarily weight loss. Read about healthy foods or recipes like Cooking light or whole foods. I read a Biking magazine and found some motivation. I also think about a trip to Disney and wanting to have pictures that I love that I'll treasure instead of ones that I loathe because of my weight. I have a sign on my bathroom mirror right now that says "Feel great at Disney! Look good too." It really made me think twice about buying powdered donuts this morning. I've been trying since September 2011 and it's now January 2012 and I have only lost 4 pounds but I am not giving up. I am just now starting to get a groove on this thing and I now have a goal to lose one more pound by 1/31. It's taken a while of keeping good things going into my brain daily that I have been able to find and sustain some motivation and it seems to be working. hang in there. We are with you here at CC.

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