Motivation
Moderators: Sheila, devilish_patsy, sun123, imlosingw8


My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday because... how did he put it, he finds the majority of other women better looking than me. 

He said he can't help but look for hotter girls when he's with me, and that I'm just boring in comparison to them.  This, obviously hasn't helped my confidence.

You'd think something like this would make me more determined to look good, but we were together for a year and it's completely crushed my confidence. 

Please can someone give me some advice on how to stay on track.

Thanks.

21 Replies (last)

Wow ... if nothing else, it sounds like he was a real jerk and didn't deserve to be with you anyway.

Hrm ... motivation that will help you stay on track ... join a kickboxing class so in six months or so you can corner him in a dark alley and kick the living daylights out of him?

I'm half-joking :)  What I really mean is, maybe you could find some physical activity that you've always wanted to learn how to do -- be it kickboxing, rock-climbing, horseback riding, dancing, or whatever -- and sign up for a class?

That way, you get instant reinforcement and a built-in peer group, as well as the confidence boost that comes from learning a new skill.

Caveat: I'm beginning to think this is my answer for everything, and it probably will be for a while, because it's done wonders for me.  So, if you're not the join-a-class type, feel free to ignore me :D

First of all WHAT A JERK! Second, I have had a boyfriend like this, I dated him for a year and a half and he constantly called me fat and ugly and made fun of me when I ate.... I know it is rough, and I doubt anything I can say to you will fix it, but I have been there, and I am truely sorry you are going through it.

All I can do is give you a few tips....

  1. Do NOT let him come crawling back, that is the cycle of emotional abuse, it is going to be hard to turn him away, but do it- for you.
  2. If you have the money, go do something for you. Get your nails done (that ALWAYS makes me feel better), or do your own nails, get your hair done, have a friend do your hair, get a new outfit that makes you feel great.
  3. Keep busy.
  4. Start counting your calories... you might not have motivation now, but as soon as the pounds start coming off you will. (just think of you, how you want to be, seeing him around town... wouldn't that just be GREAT.)
  5. Finally, get dressed up and GO OUT WITH YOUR GIRLS!!! That is the best therapy out there. 

Hope I helped a little bit...

Thanks for the advice, I think I will sign up for a class.  I've always wanted to learn to dance but I've been too scared I'm too fat to do it or people will be mean.  However, I'm in a strange I don't care mood at the moment so I should really just go for it! 

WHAT A PIG! Good riddance to bad rubbish I say! You can definitely use this for motivation, take up kick boxing and envisage his face at every class! good luck, this time next year he may well be with with another poor girl and you can be one of the hotties he's checking out.

EDIT: sorry just seen koko's post as well.. good advice though

"Finally, get dressed up and GO OUT WITH YOUR GIRLS!!! That is the best therapy out there. "

 

this is probably the best advice ever. I always feel great after I go out with my girls or even when me and my bff do a wine night. Try not to loose confidance. Hang in there and try a class.

 

I don't have any better advice than the others, just wanted to let you know that I also think good riddance! What an awfull jerk! Honey, believe you me, I bet you are not boring looking at all, but he just needed some stupid excuse to make himself feel better and kick you down in the process, for whatever weird reason (people are so weird I tell you), so please don't feel down and use this to grow and come out stronger!!

you deserve so much better than that.  I dated a guy that did that to me...he use to call me thunder thighs, then finally one of my brothers said something to him.

If your goal is to lose weight and be healthy, by all means, do that.  But remember to always be happy with yourself the way you are.

I am 5'5 and weigh 167.8pounds as of today.  I have a boyfriend of two years that I live with and calls me beautiful and I believe him.  You don't need to weigh 130lbs to be beautiful...

 

remember, "hot" fades but beauty stays...he'll be kicking himself when he's married to some chick with skin like leather because she tanned too much and weak bones from malnutrition! :)

 

be healthy, be yourself, and be beautiful!

First off, don't believe what he has said - when anyone breaks up with someone we rarely tell the real reason we are breaking up ... I highly doubt that the reason given was truly the 'real' reason.  His 'reason' was a pretty shallow ... and I wuold tend to think that the real reason was much deeper than what he said.  Just put it off as a stupid comment that he made in an effort for him to justify to himself why he wouldn't want to be with a wonderful woman like you.  It is truly more a reflection of him as a person rather than of you.  In time, you will shake it off and move forward, stronger and better than ever.  Hang in there!

I second the advice to join a class. I do kickboxing and it's great! You do get a lot of confidence if you put forth the effort to learn.

He sounds like a very shallow guy.


And if he ever, ever comes crawling back, just tell him that you can't help but look for nicer guys whenever you're with him. Tell him that he's just not nice in comparison. ;-)

I know you are upset....but look on the bright side, you have rid yourself of this shallow, heartless, immature little man.  How wonderful for you to find this out now before more time has passed.  Outward looks are nice, but they are nothing in comparison to a loving, caring individual. 

I'm 5'1" 188 pounds and i just started seeing a guy who thinks i'm beautiful just as i am. He's happy that I want to get healthy for myself but he truely thinks i'm beautiful. (and he doesnt even wear glasses! lol)

I'm sorry to hear that this guy was such a jerk after a year. In time, you may realize other things he did and said while you were together to undermine your confidence. He probably has low self esteem and needs someone really hot to make him feel better. its a shame he didnt realize what he had in you.

Remember, the ones that make you cry aren't worth it, and the ones that are worth, won't make you cry.

Best of luck!

~andrea

delete

 I know nothing of what he said to you was true. You obviously got some powerful essence that his coward ass couldn't take and needed some how to hurt you in a way that might have been hitting an insecurity nerve or to insure that he could get you down. Not only was that childish of him but very sad because he has no means of defense other then to hurt you in a way that most women are insecure about.

 I wouldn't be surprised if he comes cowardly asking to date you again, I can almost guarantee. I can only say these things because I know too well what you are going through, it's so hurtful, self doubting, and damn lonely. You know you intimidated him when he whips that defense out, either way he is a complete idiot.

 So in some ways that is my advice to you, remember who you are, and I'm not just saying that, I mean it, cause that's what really scared him away. That powerful, concurring, eye catching thing about you that will keep you confident in the sense that you will want to treat your body with nutritious meals and smaller proportions.

 I have to add though that you are doing something most people CANNOT handle together. You have been through a crushing break up that burned your confidence yet you post that you need advice shows how strong you are! I would love to personally beat that **** up but I know it's not my place.

Don't give up! You'll feel better knowing you have this in your control!

Hell's bells! what a jerk.

I know it sounds old and tired, but seriously, the problem is HIS, not yours.

So okay, maybe you aren't entirely satisfied with how you look but that does not mean anything is wrong with you. I'm 120 pounds and feel like an orca!

All women have some body image issues regardless how they look..there is always something, right down to hating your nose or thinking your hair sucks.

Get angry, realize he's a jerk, and then remind yourself that you don't need to give up on yourself just because you dated a complete moron.

Aim for healthy..not for perfection. Every day, do good things for you. Eat well, sleep enough, get a bit of exercise.

Stay consistent, and it will fall into place.

Most importantly..remember he's a pig.

Love yourself anyway.

Original Post by complimentschemistry:

Thanks for the advice, I think I will sign up for a class.  I've always wanted to learn to dance but I've been too scared I'm too fat to do it or people will be mean.  However, I'm in a strange I don't care mood at the moment so I should really just go for it! 

As someone who does a lot of dancing I can tell you that no one is going to think you're too fat.  Anyone who is mean generally gets shown the door pretty quickly.  Just go for it, everyone else in the class will be too busy worrying about themselves and how crappy their dancing is to worry about you.  Wink

basically, i agree with everyone but i wanted to show my support and tell you he was a damn pig! so f that you deserve better and theres probably thousands of better guys out there than him. you look and sound like a nice girl and your young, youve got plenty to give and will be happy. guys like that, on the other hand, dont change. and hell be lucky to ever find a woman to put up with that and if he does she wont be worth anyones attention anyway.

so anyways, youll be down for a while,sure, but most people find they bounce back to normal alot faster than they predicted they would after a break up. try new things. when im upset i like to just go for walks, with or without my dog, ill put on some head phones and drive to a nice forest preserve or park and enjoy the sun. best wishes to you sweetheart

If you'll forgive me for saying it, your ex is a first class jerk.  How shallow can a person be?  You deffinitely need to work on your self confidence, because you deserve, and can find, a guy that treats you with respect and love, who doesn't ditch you after a year because he doesn't think you're pretty enough.

I'm 43, I have always been a big girl, and I've never been especially pretty either.  I've been with my fella for 17 years now, and he's a cutie pie.  He loves me, not what I look like.  He loved me when I got to 230 lbs, and he loved me when I got down to 175, and he still loves me even though I lost my mind and bounced back up to 199.  He doesn't care that I'm not beautiful.  He loves me for me. 

Looks change as the years go by.  You date a man who just likes your looks, and he'll bounce as life changes you.  You deserve love, and respect, and friendship, and kindness from any man you date.  Don't settle for anything less.  Find a fella that loves you for you, and not all the shallow, surface stuff.

Original Post by complimentschemistry:

Thanks for the advice, I think I will sign up for a class. I've always wanted to learn to dance but I've been too scared I'm too fat to do it or people will be mean. However, I'm in a strange I don't care mood at the moment so I should really just go for it!

I was competing at the national level (dance competitions) at 190-200lbs.....I really, really like ballet and was good at it but wasn't put in to compete at that level in ballet because of my weight; however, there was a niche for me in modern dance.  Don't let your weight hold you back.

He is a total jerk, and you can rest assured that you'll find the majority of guys a whole lot nicer than your ex! Think of it this way: now you don't have to waste your time with a guy who doesn't treat you right. 

How interesting, this post could have come from me almost a year ago. I was with a guy, we were serious (he was talking marriage within the first month! Eeek!), and things were going well when out of the blue he calls me up (he was traveling out of town), tells me he doesn't find me attractive in any way, shape or form, and says we should call it quits. Then he calls me back a half hour later, says he was all wrong and wants to keep seeing me. This went on and on for a few weeks before he decided the new girl he was seeing was better and wanted to be with her but that I was his best friend and we should still hang out. Long story short, I don't speak to him to this day.

I was so hurt, upset, you name it I felt it. He made me feel like the ugliest cow in the world. And I was mad! So I joined a gym with the idea that I'd get myself some muscle, drop some weight and make him regret dumping me. The day I signed up I met a (hot) personal trainer and now I work out with him 3 days a week, go to the gym when I can and I look good! I've seen pictures of my ex's now-fiancee (yes they got engaged within 3 months of dating, which he proceeded to call me up and tell me about) and she is no prize. She's the leathered-skin weakling someone else mentioned!

So my advice is to get mad :) I know it's so new to you right now but give it a few days and you will find that he was a jerk, you deserve better and make him eat his words! Go out, work out, eat well and next time he sees you his jaw will be on the ground and you won't give him the time of day. Success is the best revenge I say :)  Oh and yes, go out with your girls! It's the best medication for any boy problem.

Good luck!! I am proof that you will be fine and even benefit from what has happened to you. Take care of yourself!

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