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The Trouble with Friends

sorry, no sympathy here. you choose what goes in your mouth. you choose how and with whom you spend your time. if your friends can't or won't support your health goals, there are plenty of people out there who can and will.

"My roommate and I spend most of our free time together. We'll go out to dinner on the weekends, cook dinner together on week nights, etc. I am currently attempting to make myself go to the gym in the morning, before work, as it makes the most sense with my work schedule. She has joined me at the gym a few times (maybe 3) but then stopped all together. I am the farthest thing from a morning person you could find, so having her wake up and come to the gym with me would be a big motivator. My coworker has less of a direct impact on my motivation. I try to make mostly healthy lunch choices, regardless of her, but I do wonder if her attitude toward her own weight is still affecting me indirectly."

You are cooking dinner..so I do not understand why you don't cook healthier things.. there are tons of delicious healthy recipes on here you can try, or google for some. Choosing to make half your meal steamed veggies will go a long way towards making your meal more healthy.

Who chooses the restaurants you go to on the weekend? Take it in turns and research places in your area that offer more healthy options for your pick. You do not have to choose the same meal as your friend. Most restaurant meals are double/ triple the proper portion size. So start by making a healthier choice and then put half into a "to go" box before you even start to eat. Look out for hidden calories. Assume even vegetables have been basted in butter (ask for them plain) and ask for all dressings/sauces on the side. Drink only water. Small changes like this will make a big difference to your calorie intake.

At work, instead of going out for lunch why not pack one? Suggest your workmate do the same and eat in the lunchroom together if companionship is the pull. Surely it's not about the food? Take a shorter time to eat and use the remainder of your time to be active*. If you have to time to eat out for lunch then you also have the time available to workout at that point in your day. If eating out is your only option (can't think why) everywhere has salads, even fast food places these days, just go easy on the dressings and calorific toppings.

No matter what, you have to decide how much you want to achieve this weight loss. You cannot rely on others to give you that motivation and these friends are simply not motivated to eat right or be healthy. That is their choice. You do not have to do the same.

It's no problem if you are not a morning person. There is no workout rule that says you can only do it in the morning. Just as effective for weight loss and fitness to workout at lunch time or in the evening. *Lunch time walks (30 minutes brisk walk) using the stairs (run up and down several times), push ups squats and lunges in your office /cube, go to the gym (if you are a member) which will likely offer lunchtime classes or any of the other usual options.

If your current companions are not actively supporting your efforts, they are not your only options for support and motivation. Join a group online. Or a workout class. Or hiking/ walking/running/cycling group.. there are hundreds of options open to you. You choose.

ETA: I forgot you asked for experience of all this; My family and co-workers are not trying to lose weight. Their choices do not have to be mine. There are always snacks and cakes in the break room, I do not have to eat them. At work I take my own lunch.  With family I serve myself only small portions. If eating out I choose the healthiest option available and eat only half of the portion provided. I decide what and when and how much I will eat. It is my responsibility to my own health.

i didn't contribute my experience because my friends are all really healthy.

I have had it different ways and I agree that it is hard when your friends are unsupportive!

Last year my roommates were very skinny but didn't try to eat healthy which was discouraging to me. They were naturally skinny and didn't eat too much as well.

This year I have really gotten serious about losing weight. My friends/roommates (I have 5) are about my size, maybe slightly larger. They don't particularly care what they eat and don't make healthy choices (Except for one, who goes to the gym about 2 hours a day and eats VERY healthy. But she is also unnaturally sleepy all the time so I find that discouraging). Anyway, it is really hard when they want to get late night pizza / in n' out or get starbucks or cupcakes! But frankly I had to take a good, hard look at myself and realize that I want to be skinny and fit MORE than I want any of those sugary things and I want to truly be happy with my health and my looks rather than just complacent and insecure, but too lazy to do anything about it.

One of my roommates is clearly jealous that I'm getting fit and once drunkenly "confronted" me that she was "concerned" about my dieting and that I shouldn't lose any weight and just accept the lbs I had gained. I was quite bothered by this as it had clearly come from a place of insecurity on her part. But that is just how people are and you have to accept that sometimes they won't be happy or supportive even if they are your "friends".

You need to disengage somewhat from your friends, at least where food is concerned.  Their excuses and complacency, or whatever is going on with them, have nothing to do with you.  Or they shouldn't, if you don't let them.  Maybe you and your roommate need to not spend most of your free time together?

If you have to cook or eat together, lobby for healthier choices at least half the time. Or do things together that are not centered on mealtimes, so you can eat separately but still hang out.

Also, I don't think you're doing this, really, but make sure that you don't bring it up too much.  If your conversation turns to food and your weight loss efforts all the time, they're going to resist.  You can't control what they eat, don't eat, do, or don't do, so don't try to drag them into it if they aren't ready.

Also, saying: "I do wonder if her attitude toward her own weight is still affecting me indirectly" sounds like an almost-using-it-as-an-excuse to me.  "Well, she's not worried about her weight, and she's a lot bigger than I am.  Sure, I can have those extra fries."

Do you want to lose weight for yourself or for your friends?  I think in order to be successful, you need to be motivated by the right reasons.  It has to be something you choose because it's best for yourself, regardless of what your friends think.

I wouldn't sweat it too much (pun not intended). Everyone in life has their own path they follow....some enjoy being larger than others, and some don't want to make the effort and make the sacrifices needed to lose weight. Also, temper yourself and your own expectations of others, as everyone around you, even those closest to you, can't be expected to fall under your spell of weight loss.

The one thing you do not want to do is to let their attitudes and opinions of your newfound lifestyle affect you in such a way that you'll be dragged down by them. Keep on living the healthy life, don't put yourself in a situation where you're "shoving it down their throats", and if you care about them, you can mention it in a subtle manner, or at least in passing.

Take it from me, it's easy to want to go around, sprinkling your "diet dust" on others in the haze of your fitness kick. Everyone's "light bulb of health" comes on at different times. Yours just came on before theirs, and appears to be shining rather brightly. Just be yourself, follow your own path, and don't try to mold yourself into someone else's Play-Doh fantasy.

Speaking as someone who sits in fast food restaurants nursing a diet soda while her friends stuff their faces with future heart-attacks, I can say that I do not think  that your friends' choices affect you at all, unless you allow them to do so.

That said, I can sympathize--to an extent. Sometimes that gigantic order of fries looks mind-bogglingly appealing. Then I remember how hard I've worked to get my RHR where it is how much better I feel when I'm not full of chemicals of indeterminate origins (save for the diet soda) and I make myself something worth ingesting when I get home.

Okay, I can offer this. My main friend (I have several, but this is the one I spend most of my time with.) and I always, and I mean ALWAYS went out to eat together. That's literally all we ever did.

And for whatever reason (thank the heavens) we were in the car one day and I turned to her at a stop light and said, "The next time we hang out, we're not going out to eat."

The look on her face was one of someone who was just sucker punched.

She said, "Okay.... why?"

And I said, "You can't possibly tell me that all we have in common is food."

That was three weeks ago today.

What changed? When we meet (at least once every week, like tonight), we go to the gym. We stay anywhere from 1 to 2 hours. Then we come back to one of our houses and we eat very healthy, pre-planned meals, then play on the wii. We have so much more fun and we don't feel so tired at the end of the hanging out anymore.

And once the rain finally leaves, we have plans for picnics in the park with healthy food and day hiking. We are debating at the end of our journey participating in the Amazing Race. It would be an absolute blast!

But, the point is, say something to them, even if it is, "You can't possibly tell me that all we have in common is food."

I wish you the best. As far as everything else goes... I can understand the temptation, but you have to decide when you want your midlife to be. My biological father died at 48 of a heart attack, my grandpa (his dad) 52, my great grandpa (his grandpa) died at 54, my uncle doodle (grandpa's brother) 45. That puts their half life point in their 20s.

I'm 30 today, I don't want to be over halfway through my life.

If you need someone to chat with or need help with motivation, count me in!

Good luck hun!