When you thought you had an ED, how did you tell your parents? Reactions?

Did you attempt to recover on your own at first? Was it successful?

What's your story?

My parents still don't know. I know they'll find out one day. I did think I had an ED once and it scared me--This was the summer before it started. I was having symptons of anorexia nervosa--the real definition of it: Nervous loss of appetite. I couldn't get myself to eat even a cracker and food wasn't food--It was blood balls and worms and...It was gross. First I told my grandmother after she took me out to eat. She asked me why I wasn't eating and I told her I thought I had anorexia. She told me irrationally that I didn't and that saying that was a bad confession and that I was wrong! I felt bad. Later I told my mom and she told me that it was probably just the heat that was making me lose my appetite. I took that into consideration and was able to eat again after that, but...

My real eating disorder I guess I've kind of had my whole life. My mom had me when she was 17 years old and I never knew my father. She raised me as a single mother and when I was 4 she had a boyfriend named Andre who she got pregnant with. Andre wasn't a nice guy. He drank and was a felon and he beat my mother. It was very traumatizing for me. I don't remember if he every hit me--That time in my life was hard to remember. I do distinctly remember him chasing me around the house with a belt threatening to beat me. Finally, Andre was taken away to jail for punching my mom in the back of the head. We moved around a lot when I was a child and we always lived in apartments, but in 4th grade we finally got our own house (well, we were renting it). My mother was going through a depression so I had to take care of everything--Clean the house, get my brother ready for school, do the laundry, get my own food. But I didn't think anything was abnormal. I didn't realize how different I was.

For me, food was kind of my best friend. I was rejected at school a lot as a child, and I just remember always eating a lot. Always asking for more or for leftovers or "Are you gonna eat that?" I was never fat--never have been. In fact I was quite thin. I remember in kindergarten at family picnic day it was raining so we all ate inside. I had two lunchables in my lunchbox because they never filled me up. I didn't want anyone to know I had two though, but a mean boy in my class found out and got everyone's attention and announced, "Look everybody! Victoria's got two!" Everyone laughed and made fun of me--Even the parents. I felt so ashamed.

In 5th grade Andre came back to visit my brother. It was around lunch time and i was so afraid of him that I took my food into my room, locked the door and tried not to breathe. I didn't want him to see me. But I ate my food and something about that was so comforting. That's when my real problem started. Food had become my comfort, my friend, my support. 

When 6th grade started, I was a kid getting free lunches so I couldn't ever eat from  the snack line. The food was gross and I wasn't eating. Some girls reported to the counselor that I wasn't eating lunch. I didn't really know what the big deal was or why he pulled me out of math class to talk to me about it. I just told him that I didn't like the school lunches and didn't know if I could get snack food. He didn't seem to believe me, though.

Later that year my grandpa died. My grandpa was like a father to me--I saw him everyday. I loved him so much. After that I kept trying to diet and eat healthier. I kept thinking I was fat. My diet was basically school brownies, pretzels, frozen pizzas and no breakfast. But my mom was poor and we didn't have enough money to eat healthily.

In 7th grade my mother got engaged. I hardly even knew the guy and I found out that we would be moving into his house on their wedding night, going to a new school the next day and living in a new town. It was really hard on me. I went from a 25,000 populated town to a 169 populated town. It was scary, and I guess I started eating a lot again to feel better.

Then that summer came and I was showing signs of anorexia. I felt like I was eating too much and I needed to do something about it, but I didn't want to have to give up food. Finally in October of 8th grade, to add to my cutting habits and daily huffing that I'd started in the summer, I found bulimia. It was my answer to my problems. At first it wasn't about losing weight--It was about not gaining anymore. I wanted to be able to eat like a maniac, but not have to worry about overeating so i only threw up some of my food. I was throwing up too much though and I was starting to lose weight. Everybody noticed except me. But nobody thought anything weird was going on.

Then one night I had a dream about my bulimia and it disgusted me so much that I swore to never again be bulimic. I tried eating again, but my digestive system was all screwed up and I got really sick, which forced me to vomit. I decided in order to not be bulimic I would have to not eat very much. I was anorexic for a few months. In those months my ED was now about weight. I wanted to be 110 pounds so badly! I was very close and then my mother asked me one night if I was eating. That scared me! I couldn't let her know. So I told her "Of course!" and pigged out that night. And the next night. And so on  for the whole week. I felt terrible and said I've gotta go back to anorexia now. I did for a week but gave in and binged for another week. Then I tried to starve myself again, then i went back to binge eating. This cycle lasted for a year and a half. It became so frequent that I would wake up every morning and tell myself that I was going to starve myself, but then I just ended up binging. I would eat a little bit and feel so bad about it I'd eat more and then it would turn into, "Well, I'm already eating. might as well eat as much as I can because tomorrow I'm really going to do it!" It was like this every singe night.

Right now I have anorexia and am planning to stay that way until July is over. I know I'm terrible for using this site for my own self-destruction, but...Eating disorders are so terrible...I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm sorry to the people who are offended by this. I know I won't make it through July, I know I'll binge eat and give up hope, I just can't let myself give up or I'll lose control and I'll be overweight like the rest of my family! I'm so afraid of gaining weight. I guess I thought that if I could lose enough then I could try getting help for myself and then when I gained weight back I wouldn't be any bigger than I am now. I'm just really really scared. And I'm not pro-ana, pro-mia! I'm not supporting eating disorders.

God! I knew I should have never spoken up on this site............But you people, stay healthy. I'm not promoting anorexia or bulimia; I'm just telling you what I'm going through.

I didn't tell Mum but she knew. I just denied it and lied to her which honestly, I wish I hadn't.

I think the easiest way to do it would probably to write a letter.. Or, go to a school counsellor and have them talk to your parents?

For me I was just too scared because I didn't know what would happen.

4 years later, I'm completely ****. So PLEASE tell your parents =) It's the bets thing for you. If they don't know much about it, the counsellor would be the best option because they could help you to understand what's going through your head.

If you need to talk about anything I'm here!

heartsxandxunicorns, I feel like I can't even start replying to you without getting all preachy because there are just so many things I want to say. But as someone who's been there, I know preaching won't help.

But seriously, you need to get help. You need to get your life back. The world beyond an eating disorder is GLORIOUS.

You can't just choose to be anorexic for the month of July, let alone announce it to everyone on a forum focused on health. come on now.

Original Post by starcrossdlovex:

heartsxandxunicorns, I feel like I can't even start replying to you without getting all preachy because there are just so many things I want to say. But as someone who's been there, I know preaching won't help.

But seriously, you need to get help. You need to get your life back. The world beyond an eating disorder is GLORIOUS.

You can't just choose to be anorexic for the month of July, let alone announce it to everyone on a forum focused on health. come on now.

I second that.

I'm sorry. I know i'm totally abusing this website, but...........................

I know I need it back. I'm trying.

Idk. I don't know what my life was before my eating disorder. It was ****. But, I have the future to look forward to.

I'm sorry. Maybe i'll just delete my account...

I'm ashamed to say it, but they still don't know. My parents care, but they're out of the house working so often that they honestly have no way of knowing. My Mom's really into healthy food and getting adequate exercise and I'm a vegetarian, so it's treacherously easy for me to avoid high-cal foods and such. I think I heard someone on the forums refer to "mild anorexia". That sort of clicked for me because I've never been one of those poor, 85-pound girls whom everyone thinks of when they picture someone with anorexia. I usually get around 800-900 calories a day; maybe even 1100 on really good days. Sometimes, to make up for those days, as little as 600. I've tried recovering on my own. I still am. I'm fifteen, 5'1.5", and I weighed 99 pounds in May. However, I've climbed up to 108.5 =] It might not seem like a lot, but it's a HUGE accomplishment to me. I'm really proud of myself, but I absolutely abhor the way I feel about my body right now. A part of me wants to keep trying, but I mostly just want to give up. Deep inside, I really aspire to be in double digits again =[ I know I need to tell someone... but I can't. For me, anorexia isn't only about my weight (although that is one of the factors). To me, it signifies having control and reaching for that elusive status of perfection. I get straight-A’s in all Honors/AP classes, play tennis, speak French, and I’m friends with my entire high school. And everything about me is a terrible, painful lie. I want to be flawless Lauren, the girl with a life dragged straight out of a fairytale. Impossible, I know. But I try. And I absolutely [disgustingly] revel in the instances when my friends and family and even strangers call me "tiny" or "perfect" or "gorgeous". I hate that I'm so shallow and self-obsessed, but at the very least I’m able to admit the truth. I have a problem and I really need to fix it. Not only will it hurt me physically, it might hinder my focus on getting into an Ivy League college and attaining a successful career. As much as I know I should, though, I can't tell anyone. Everyone thinks I'm something I'm not. I like it that way. It just makes me sad when I read about all these pretty, smart girls who fall into the malicious trap of disordered eating. And then I just feel shame when I realize that some people would consider me one of them... How did this even happen to any of us? I never, ever would have thought I'd be one of the girls to get an eating disorder... no one else at my school seems to realize just how much anorexia can warp your life. They have no idea how much their jabs at those starving models a million miles away can hurt me personally...

Heartsxandxunicornsx:

I am really close to my mom which is a huge blessing. I told her to climb into the parked car one night in the garage. I stalled, telling her how shy i was at school, how girls were mean to me. But then I told her, I started sobbing, the pain behind my confessing making the tears spill out. She was/is so supportive and loving, and she told me that she loved me and will always be there for me every step of the way. I got a dietician, and a therapist, and I get weighed every week by my petiatrician. I'm 14, 5'6 and I weighed 100.5 pounds a couple of weeks ago. I can't imagine the pain you're going thru. At least I have a loving mother and family, and I live in an upper middle class family so food was never a problem. My heart aches for you. I wish I could reach out and give you a hug, but obviously, I can't. Please please please hear me out because when no one seems to understand the pain that you feel, I know someone who has felt your pain when you looked in the mirror, when your mothers boyfriend was scaring you and beating your mom, when your grandmother didn't seem to understand. Please don't write me off as some "Jesus Freak" because listening to this advice could alter your life. You need desperatly to find christ in your life. Jesus Christ has felt your pain, and will heal you if you let him. He has always been there for you, whether you've known it or not. When you listen to Christ, and let Him help you, little by little, you will heal. I'm not saying that you'll just magically heal, no pain, because I'm recovering and I still have days when I'm so disgusted with myself I just sit down and sob. Listening to Christ has given me compassion, and hope, and love. While there are all these rich snobby girls around me, I chose to listen to him instead of them. I mean, why would I? They get their sense off of MTV, while Christ gets his sense from God. PLEASE HEAR ME OUT, PLEASE this is your hope. Please at least think about this, please.

I'll pray for you.

I hope this helps you.