ever since I started losing weight, it's like in the back of my head my goal was to be underweight. I don't know why. I felt fat whenever I was told I was in the "healthy" range of something. And right now, I just looked up the BMI of my goal weight, and saw that it's 18.9.. and it's SO hard for me to handle. I mean, I know my BMI even now that I've gained 8 pounds is still unhealthy, but I was so used to it being under 18.. I seriously need to get over this, though, because otherwise I know I'll find some way to lose the weight again as soon as I stop going to my nutritionist. Has anyone gone through this before? How did you overcome it? How can you finally let yourself believe that a number is just that?

I know the number thing is one of my major problems too. Have you ever thought of stop weighing yourself? I know weights, bmi, inches and all those numbers can be very triggering for many people...me included. I wish you the best of luck

That sounds like the VOICE of ED scratching at the back of your brain.  If not ED, than something pretty damn close because wanting to be underweight isn't "normal".  Don't get me wrong, I understand the desire as I have anorexia and absolutely bristle at the idea of a "healthy" weight and bmi, but am trying to accept that it's necessary to get rid of that VOICE. 

And yes, I've gone through this for ages dropping drastically, winding up in treatment, getting back up to a healthy weight, only to drop again.  It's a vicious cycle that has robbed me of my life, my marriage, and my health.

I haven't overcome it yet, but am going yet again to treatment and hope this to be the last time.  

A number is just a number, it doesn't reflect your worth.  You are worth more than the number on the scale.

I agree with eroth.  I've read two of your posts and you really sound like you have an eating disorder.  There are tons of people on these forums that are currently recovering or fully recovered from ED, so you will find a lot of wonderful support here.  You should try to be honest with yourself about what is going on though.  Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery!  Good Luck!

hey i know what you mean - and if it's not an ED, it's normal thinking. You're 16, and you put on a couple pounds (what you're getting curves?) and it feels, well, weird! that's how I felt when I got to college and slowly put on about 10 pounds, putting me in the "normal" range - but I felt so fat! how about you just work on toning and adding muscle, and eating normally. Listen to your body!

I'm in the process of recovering from an ED right now so I know just how you feel. At first I wanted to be underweight so that I would never have to worry about being overweight but than it became an obsession. It really does harm to your body to be underweight. I never felt good and I had no energy. Being healthy is not a bad thing but being underweight is. I've recently stopped weighing myself and looking at my BMI because it just became something that was keeping me upset and down all the time. I feel better knowing that I'm on my way to being healthy and that I'm not just a number on the scale. Good luck and message me if you ever need someone to talk to!

I've gone from a BMI of 13.3 to 16.3. Let me say, going up 3 points is not fun, so I can relate.

But then I think of how I felt at my lowest weight. Remember that your low weight came with consequences. Hair falling out, dizziness, dry skin, constant exhaustion. How do you feel now (physically) compared to your lowest weight? I hope you feel much healthier, more energized, and stronger! :)

I know this isn't a healthy range, but even the girls from Victoria's Secret are said to be too thin by many people - and they don't have bones popping out everywhere! Just remember that the way we picture ourself is just not correct.

hockey319--I think you're right.. it might be best not to know the exact values. Like eroth412 said, I have so more going for me than the number.. or at least I did, before this ED. I want my life to be more than just calories and numbers... and, actually, I felt like I was getting my life back for a while, but then I was told I had to gain and the focus was on the numbers again. And anishak--that's true.. I mean, I'm probably going to reach a normal weight sometime in my adulthood either way, and honestly I'd rather look like a woman than a 12-year-old boy. opal88 and muttlover--you're both right.. I felt like crap when I was underweight. I don't know what makes me think I'll feel good if I get back there again. I wasn't even happy with my body then.. and I really should be happier with my body now. I mean, my hair isn't dull anymore, my face isn't furry [eewww I know] and my skin's definitely not as dry. Thanks everyone for clearing that up for me.. it's gonna be hard, but I have to recognize that I'm worth more than a number.. ack it's just so hard :/

Original Post by revolution3:

hockey319--I think you're right.. it might be best not to know the exact values. Like eroth412 said, I have so more going for me than the number.. or at least I did, before this ED. I want my life to be more than just calories and numbers... and, actually, I felt like I was getting my life back for a while, but then I was told I had to gain and the focus was on the numbers again. And anishak--that's true.. I mean, I'm probably going to reach a normal weight sometime in my adulthood either way, and honestly I'd rather look like a woman than a 12-year-old boy. opal88 and muttlover--you're both right.. I felt like crap when I was underweight. I don't know what makes me think I'll feel good if I get back there again. I wasn't even happy with my body then.. and I really should be happier with my body now. I mean, my hair isn't dull anymore, my face isn't furry [eewww I know] and my skin's definitely not as dry. Thanks everyone for clearing that up for me.. it's gonna be hard, but I have to recognize that I'm worth more than a number.. ack it's just so hard :/

 I kinda know how you feel. Im at a 19.1 BMI and I feel completely obese half the time. People are yelling at me constantly to put on weight and it just doesn't feel right to me...It was really rough putting on another 4 pounds.

i agree with everyone else. i had a hard time gaining weight before and now i have curves and i feel so womanly and sexy now. women are meant to have curves ! embrace them !

I don't know if this has anything to do with your struggles but, there are people out there who we all idolize as far as their body and general beauty. Do you have someone or a group of someones who you strive to look like?

Although it's really lame, I long to look like certain glamorous celebrities who's BMI's are below the healthy range. I get it in my mind that the "real" beautiful people are extra skinny, not merely in the healthy range. The real beautiful ones are superior and that's why they look better than everyone (supposedly); because they are so much skinnier.

 

Gosh...the dreaded "BMI" I HATE that thing. I completely understand where you are coming from. I was between 17.9 and 18.5, but never over that, and I never wanted to be over that. My goal was set for underweight also...I get how you feel that it's always the skinniest people who seem to be the prettiest, but they always are underweight and never in normal range.

I got over it because I soon realized that it didn't calculate muscle mass in it. It just strictly goes by weight and height, so it's easy to throw people off that way. true BMI is really hard to calculate because of these factors, so now I just stick with my body measurements and how my clothes fit, and I weigh myself a couple times a week to make sure I'm not gaining anymore. But if it makes you feel better, I'm at like 20.2 now. That was really hard for me to get used to...ugh...but I definately know how you feel