I am a 44 year old male 6' and 369 lbs. I am pre-diabetic and am starting to have joint problems. I am considering gastric bypass but want to give this a try first. Anyone in a similar position want to get together on here for support?

Hiya,

I'm Vicki, I'm 34, 5'7", married, 3 kids and about 340lbs now (was about 380). I haven't weighed myself (I get obsessed when I have scales in the house) but I have been measuring myself and have lost 10 inches around my middle and hips. I can tell from clothes fit roughly. I'm over estimating my current weight though. I know it's probably less but it'll be better to do that and be hopefully pleasantly surprised when I do get on the scales again.

I've had a lot of trouble getting any help from my doctors even though I have begged them to help me. I grew up with a yoyo dieting mum and a lot of emotions were attached to foods. I spent my teens and early 20s anorexic and bulimic, then ended up COED (compulsive over eating disorder, just in case you don't know ) through all the years of deprivation. I was prescribed Xenical (Orlistat) 3 times and all three were stopped because of mistakes on the doctors part (No I couldn't believe it either). Each time I felt defeated and was pushed into further decline in self esteem and gained more weight.

I went to college, started to lose some weight, was studying midwifery and everything was going great. Then my back went and I was unable to stand for more than a few minutes. (I have a weird dip in my spine now. Partly caused by years of heavy lifting but mostly due to obesity) Compensating for my back, my already worn knees got worse. So ended up physically disabled and fully dependant.

I gained a lot of weight over the next 18 months due to a combination of being housebound and miserable. Food seemed the only pleasure in life anymore and I wasn't going to deny myself that one thing! I also knew that it was part of the COED and that something needed to be done before I got to the point where I was going to have to be cut out of my house or something!

All the while I tried to get help from the doctors and all they did was tell me what I already knew 'You need to lose weight' Well done! Tell me something I didn't know! I asked for help with my eating disorder and they told me they couldn't help me. I asked for counselling, to see a proper dietician and they said 'no we don't do that, we are referring you for a gastric band' I said I didn't think a gastric band would help with my eating disorder and I was accused of refusing treatment. They said If I saw a consultant for lap band surgery they would 'deal with all that anyway'. Mmmhmmm. I'm currently in the process of changing doctors.

So, after all the emotional trauma of the doctors and being forced into full dependence at 32 (2 years ago) I've lost all and any interest in food. Sure the weight is coming off but I wish it didn't have to be all or nothing you know? Enjoy food & binge, or eat sensibly but don't enjoy it.

I hate that there are so many people in a similar position and that we're all made to feel so guilty and greedy and disgusting about it all. I have got to a point where I feel none of those things anymore. I won't let other people dictate how I should feel about my eating habits!

I would love to be friends on here and get to know more about your story and why you ended up with your eating habits. I'd like to be able to help people like us see what happens and that even though we think we'll just continue being OK, it can happen to anyone. I thought I'd be OK! I never in a million years thought I would be in a wheelchair aged 32! It's humiliating and it causes depression, guilt and thoughts of suicide.

Ever tried getting an electric scooter around the shops? I wish I didn't have to! People just think YOU are in THEIR way. They won't just step aside. They think you should wait. After doing that 40 times round the supermarket it's pretty annoying! They also assume it's due to your weight too, not that there's something else. Frankly I'd be too ashamed if it was just my weight!

Anyway, I've waffled on enough.

Hope to hear from you soon! 

 

Vicki

Hi Vicki nice to meet you.

My name is Keith and I have been overweight all my life.  I was at my heaviest at 19 years old when I was at 420.  I've tried losing weight several times but I seem to always regain.  I have settled at around 380 and have been there for around 20 years.  I am beginning to develope other issues related to my weight (pre diabetic, joint problems) and I want to do things with my children that I can not due to my size. 

I spoke to my doctor and I was referrred to a surgical weight loss clinic and after doing all the research and talking to doctor I have decided to have a Roux-en-Y bypass.  I was told that I needed to lose 30 pounds before the surgery.  I have been keeping this log and watching everything I eat and it does not seem to be helping. 

I am eating 800 to 1200 calories a day but I am finding that my entire day is spent dealing with food.  I am either writting about what I just ate or planning or preparing the next meal.  this is making me depressed and I am considering giving up and that is why I was asking for help.  This is my normal pattern I can start a diet real good, but I have trouble staying with it when I spend so much time thinking about food but not seeing any results of my effort.

 Thanks for listening and I hope I can make this work.

 Keith

 

 

Hello Keith, nice to meet you too!

The thing I see here, is the same thing I've had. The doctors try to sort out the problem without getting to the cause. Nobody becomes super morbidly obese 'just because'. There are always underlying problems and usually an emotional attachment to food. If they would just give us some form of counselling, find ut why we have ended up the way we have, why those compulsions to eat are so strong and how to get around them, then just maybe we could get through it?

It seems that anorexics and bulimics get some kind of weird kudos for their eating disorders doesn't it? They have an illness. Fair enough, I agree. The over eaters? We're just greedy and disgusting and should learn to control ourselves!

A bypass should be a very last resort and there is risk. They expect you to lose 30lbs before surgery....I don't get that, isn't the surgery kind of the point? That you are unable to lose the weight? If you are sure about all this, then please get the counselling beforehand. Just because your stomach is smaller, it doesn't mean the compulsion will go away on its own. It's like an addiction...except with food you can't just give it up like you can alcohol cigarettes and drugs huh?

Even at your current weight, 800-1200 calories a day isn't enough. It's no wonder you're obsessing about food. As a male your body should never be consuming less than 1500 (I would say 1700-1800!). You're hungry! If you starve, your body will hang on to that fat like a woman in a purse sale! When we under-eat our bodies go into starvation mode and then when we start to eat a normal diet the weight goes right back on and more than before. I know this from bitter personal experience. I went through a long time of 600 calories a day and when I went back to 3 meals, whoosh, it was like a tidal wave!

I seem to be giving this same advice to people here, it's even on my profile because I believe it works and it works like no diet can. It's not a diet, it's lifestyle change. Food habits and activity habits that just need to be broken. Just starting by quickening the pace you walk, getting up and down more in the day and walking those short distances you might drive is all a start.

As for the food I try to live by this:

1. Only eat when you're hungry

2. Eat consciously and slowly, savouring and chewing every mouthful (20 times at least)

3. Don't put more in until your mouth is completely empty

4. Put your fork down while you chew

5. STOP when you're full; don't feel the need to eat everything that is in front of you. Even if you leave just a spoonful to begin with, just get used to that not having to eat EVERYTHING

6. If you get hungry again in an hour, eat again! Repeat 1-4

7. Aim for smaller portions more often, it'll speed your metabolism up

8. DON'T STARVE, you'll only binge later.

9. Keep food with you all the time, a cereal bar, dried fruit, seeds & nuts, a yogurt or anything that isn't just a quick sugar fix.

10. Eat WHAT you want WHEN you want and not because you're upset/emotional, just because you would like it. Just not to excess

11. Drink plenty of fluids (preferably water but I know how it is) as sometimes hunger pangs are just because we're thirsty.

If your day is centering around the preparation and consumption of food, perhaps you could prepare it all in advance? Write out a menu for the week. Prepare what you can and either refrigerate or freeze? Even if you mix it around a bit. Eat which parts you want when you want them. The minute you start saying no to yourself and depriving, is the minute you start to lose faith. 3 meals, 3 snacks and plenty of fluid. You won't get hungry because you won't give your body a chance to. Little and often works!

If you fall off the wagon, YOU HAVE NOT FAILED. Don't torment yourself with 'I shouldn't have eaten that!'. Accept you fell off and get right back on again. I used to do that and then binge the rest of the day. 'I've failed now, what's the point?'

There IS a point. YOU, your kids, your family, those that love you. It won't happen overnight and I don't expect you to take everything I say and necessarily use it but I do know how you feel and I have been there and these techniques work for me.

I wish you all the luck in the world and if you need to talk, just drop me a message to my inbox and I will get back to you as soon as I can.

Take care

Vicki ~

Welcome and Hello!

You can do this!!! I've been on this site since August and I love it! (And I've lost 80 pounds so far!)

SUGGESTIONS FOR GETTING STARTED!

=^..^= MOLLY

Hi Molly:

Nice to meet you.  Thanks for the vote of confidence but I have tried dieting and I know I will not be able to continue without the help of the surgery.  I have been researching this for a couple years and I know this is the right choice for me.  For anyone else reading this please remember this is a drastic measure with many consenquenses for the rest of my life.  I have weighed this decision and I am sure this is the right choice for me. 

I watched my father die from this problem and his doctor told him that the yoyo weight was by far worse on him that being overweight.  He did not see his 54th birthday and I was prepared to accept this fate as well until my children were born.  I do not want them to see me die this way too.  I will do for them what I was unwilling to do for myself.  

I am using this tool though to learn how to help them not go down the road I took.  I will show them how to make the better decisions I did not make. 

I am trying to learn how to teach my daughter not to follow my lead, I want her to never go though what I have being overweight all my life.  I appreaciate all the information I can get regarding a healthy lifestyle so I can help her and my son follow it and not have to face such a drastic action to correct a health issue.

Keith 

 

Hi

Iam also a overweight male with many health issues creeping up and i just started this as a preop diet for banding surgery. glad to meet you I started at 299 and have gotten to 278 in 3+ weeks just by slowly reducing intake and being more active (not crazey!) just start slow work down so not a drastic change and it might help!!

Terry 

I'm also a 43 year old and started my journey at 370 (actually, this weight was after I had been on my diet for about 3 weeks, so I am sure it was probably closer to 375 or 380).  My whole reason for starting was similar to yours in that I was tired of not being able to do things with my family.  My children are my life and I want to be around to see not only them graduate from college (which since my kids are teenagers, isn't too far in the future), but also to see my grandkids graduate at least from high school.  My health issues were the other concern.  I had a total cholesterol number over 400, a herniated disk in my lower spine that was causing severe nerve pain that shot down my leg, bad knee joints, and just a general lack of energy.

I started out just trying to lose 20 pounds.  I cut fast food completely out of my diet, I switched as many foods as I could to low or no fat varieties, I started eating more raw or steamed vegetables, and started counting calories.  In no time at all, I had lost the twenty pounds of my original goal.  Since I started this weight conscious eating plan in June, I have lost 95 pounds.  I eat only when I'm hungry and work to make every calorie count by selecting foods that are filling without giving me too much fat or too much sugar.  I lost 80 pounds just by changing the foods I was eating and the last 15 have been since I started working out.  Since I lost so much weight, exercise was no longer the excruciatingly painful experience it was when I weighed 370 and I find that I actually enjoy my time at the gym (even though it means that I have to get up at 4:30 am every day because that is the only time to fit it into my busy schedule).

I once thought about asking my doctor about gastric bypass surgery, but I decided first to see what I could do on my own.  When I reached 20 pounds lost, I set a new goal of 20 more pounds.  That goal came and went.  Now I just try to lose between 8 - 10 pounds per month and am closing in on my goal of dropping between 175 and 190 pounds.  My doctor has been very helpful in monitoring my progress and my most recent cholesterol numbers, although still over 200, are a far cry from the over 400 numbers I started out at.

Personally, if I were you, I would see if I could lose the 30 pounds you need to for the surgery and if you can manage that, maybe shoot for just 10 more and then 10 more......etc.  And when the going gets tough, then just remember your motivation, your family and how much it will mean to them to have you around for a long time to come.  If surgery is your only real option, then so be it, but you might be surprised at how much a positive motivation combined with support from family and friends (including people here) and a well thought out plan can do for you without the risks involved with surgery.

As for the person who asked about why the need to lose before surgery, it is most likely due to the high risks involved in surgery for people who are very overweight.  Every person I know who has had a weight problem who needed surgery of any kind (knee, back, or gastric bypass) has been recommended to lose some weight first to help reduce these risks. 

Hi malicar, I'm fourty 47 and needed to loose 140 pounds. I have done the same as techdog as far as cutting out the fast food and switching to low fat, no fat and added sugar free things whenever possible. I've only been at it 3 weeks and I've lost 12 pounds. I'm too affraid of surgery so that isn't an opption for me. Your first post was just over a week ago and you didn't say how long you have been on your quest this time. I'm hopeing I can find enough support here to help me. It sounds like we are all in the same boat and I'm not willing to let it sink. And if it starts to sink I hope someone will thow a life vest to me.I'm really set on changing my lifestyle (not dieting). Thats what it really is. Diet is such an ugly word. And in all reality, fast food may fill a person up, but it really makes you feel like you have a brick in your belly, where as fresh fruits and veggies fill you up but without the brick in the belly feeling. And really taste so much better. And razzberry has a lot of good ideas that I am using and some I'm considering using, thanks razzberry. And she is right your calorie intake isn't enough. Try to raise it a little.  Good luck to you.  If you would like to talk I have a good ear.

Malicar,  you can do this,  and you can do this without surgery.   You need to have confidence in yourself.    This is a challenge and may seem like a daunting task,  but it is do-able.  "I have tried dieting and I know I will not be able to continue without the help of the surgery". This statement from you shows me that you are lacking the self esteem and confidence in yourself to take on this challenge.

This isn't a diet.   This is a life changing ordeal.  A diet is something that has a beginning and an end, for us big guys,  this is the rest of our lives.   There is an underlying issue when you are this over weight.  A food addiction,  some sort of trauma in your life, etc etc.   Having surgery is just the quick and easy way out of this.  Gastric bypass is a major surgery and people do die from it every year and if you don't deal with the causes of this, you are destined to regain the weight after the surgery.   

I'm at 320 pounds right now.  I've spent much of my life eating fast food and junk.  It wasn't until a trip to my doctor put a scare into me that I needed to do this.  I've spent time with a personal trainer,  did a few visits with a nutritionist learning about my metabolism and what I need to be eating.    I set my goals low,  10 pounds,  then 20 pounds.   I set fitness goals for myself as well.  walking one mile on the treadmill,  then 1.5, then 2.   Yes,  you will have to think about food and plan the rest of your life.  Whether you take that surgery or not, food will be a battle that you will have to fight.  Plan your days and weeks out.  Planning is everything.

And the most important thing you can do is get support.  This website is fantastic,  and has some of the most amazing people here to lend support whenever you need.   Talk with a nutritionist,  let them show you what you need and point you in a good direction.  Visit a personal trainer, they can get you started on a very low impact exercise plan.   You can do this.   I know you can.   Start with small steps.  We are all here to help.  

Bryan 

 

malicar, downdeep is right, surgery is a quick and easy way out. But even if you opt. for surgery, you still have to make the lifestyle change. If you don't the weight will eventually find it's way back to you, so lets try the lifestyle change a bit longer. We can do this, I know we can. We just have to set our minds to it and help each other. It sounds like this is a great place, with people who have the same problem as we do. If we stick together and help each other it will help. I mean since you have to make the lifestyle change regardless why not put off the trauma your body will have to go through and give this some more time to work. Just keep remembering this is not a diet, this is not a diet, this is not a diet.

I just found this site today, and I'm inspired by you and everyone out here. I was afraid I was the only one with 100+ lbs. to lose. I feel deep in my heart that we can all do it together. I'm here to meet friends, get ideas and just feel part of a community sharing challenges. I'm not sure who I'm replying to, but feel good about yourself no matter what - just for being out here and trying. Wow, I already feel like a cheerleader! I'm Diane. aka: barchedm.

You have awesome advice, I'm brand new...hope I'm responding to Vicky. Everything you say makes good sense to me. Thanks for being here! Diane

Hey man im in the exact same boat. Im a  36 year old male 6'3" and 360lbs  ditto on the joint problems. Juts curious how many calories does this site have you eating? It wants  me to eat 3150 which seems crazy high to me

Morbius:  For people our size, I wouldn't use the calorie guidelines here.  They are based on calculating your BMR using the Harris-Benedict formula and then factoring in the activity level you entered.  The problem with that is that for people our size, the Harris-Benedict formula overestimates the number of calories required, so you are starting out with a bogus number and then compounding the error by multiplying it by the activity level factor.  If I were you, I would talk to your doctor or a nutritionist and have them recommend a calorie goal for you.  It will cost you more than this site, but if you rely on the numbers provided here, you are relying on faulty data.

I agree with techdog.  I started using this site to track my food log for my nutritionist.  I am in the process of getting surgery and needed to send complete food logs so I found this site as a shortcut instead of keeping a written log and faxing it.  My calorie count varies between 1000 to 1900 each day.  I was told that if you keep switching your body will not adjust and the weight will come off.  I am trying this for a for 45 days to see how it is working.

Hey malicar how is it going? Does switching your calorie intake seem to work? I have heard some things about it and was just wondering. Keep us informed of how things are going for you.

I am thinking it is working.  I am working with a nutritionist and submitting my logs weekly.  She seems happy with what I am posting.  I do not have a scale at home that goes over 300 (I have until recently not cared what I weighed) I have an appointment on 3/26 and that will be the proof. 

 I have had to get new belt and pants so I am thinking it is working well. 

I am also doing strength training with a coworker that put together a program for me 3 days a week.  He is also doing them with me to keep me motivated.  I have been lucky that he was willing to help me when he saw my trying to turn my health around.  He has been great and very non-judgemental. 

I will post when i weigh in next and I hope it is good news.

Way to go malicar new belt and pants woooooo hooooo! Sounds to me like it is working well also. What a great friend you have in your coworker. Keep up the good work and keep us posted on you progress.

Well I went for a wellness check at work today and got to weigh in.  348, still way heavy but considering I started at 369 on 1 27, 2008 I am fairly happy with my progress.  Shifting my intake from 1200 on the tightest days to 2200 on the worst days seems to be doing well.  I am also beginning to be able to plan my big meal days for days when I plan to eat out of have friends to dinner so I don't have to be so careful on those days.  My workouts are getting a little easier too.  My friend is helping me adjust weights for maximum benefit.  Funny thing is my legs are at the maximum for the equipment now.  Must be all those years of walking up stairs and doing 370 pound 1 leg presses.

thanks for the support and I hope what I learned helps others too.

Keith

 

21 pounds lost since the end of January?  That rocks, dude.  And I think that as you have found, if you adjust your plan according to your specific needs instead of just following someone else's idea of what works, that is the best way to succeed.  I wish you continued success.  Good luck.