Last weekend I went through my closet and packed up all my winter clothes, but first I tried each peice on and if it was too big, put it aside to go to SallyAnn. When I was done, I hardly had any winter clothes left!

So I am kinda proud of this and mentioned it to a few people, partially looking for a pat on the back and partially looking for feedback about whether or not to get rid of the clothes or keep them justincase. Most people I spoke to were very encouraging and said GET RID OF THEM! Cool....until I called my mom. Her advice was yes, better keep them, just in case. And not a single Good for you.

Sigh. Shoulda known better. I already know I should get rid of them...I think I just wanted to hear it from her, and instead got a huge vote of non-confidence. Now I am questioning whether i really should keep them, like in the back of the storage closet or something. Bah!

meh - it's just a different kind of wisdom.  weight loss wisdom says get rid of the fat clothes; pragmatic wisdom says wait and see.  you know your rationale.

A lot of my stuff is too big for me now but I've kept most of it for work out clothes and stuff... my 'fashion' sense was really bad before I lost some of the weight (mostly because I didn't care, wanted to hide myself, etc) and so my old clothes are not very fancy. it's okay if they are a little baggy... some of my old T-shirts I cut the sleeves off of and I wear that... and some of my old pants (the soft ones) I wear to bed etc.

of course if anything really doesn't fit you anymore and can't be used I don't see any reason why you should keep it around.. maybe if it's a LITTLE big on you but not if it's really really just too big.

and congrats :)

What a great feeling! To be able to get rid of those (as I called mine) "fat" clothes. Do it and don't look back. I feel bad for you that your mom did not take the hint and give you the pat on the back that you deserve. And isn't it so true that just ONE silly or inconsiderate comment can negate the last TEN good ones you got? Well consider this a HUGE pat on the back Victoriagirl. Good for you! Well done! Be proud of yourself cuz all of us are proud of YOU. :) Throw them away...donate them.... if you do keep anything, just keep one thing just for comparison purposes later. I love bringing out my old jeans and stepping into the one leg I can fit my whole body into now. Now THAT is a nice pat on the back as well.
Good for you! :) Celebrate! Kris

Thanks guys...it is funny (well really NOT funny) how mothers can have so much impact on your self-esteem, for good or bad. I know that she is cautious by nature and it's likely more to do with that then her thinking I can't lose it..but a little confidence in me would be nice! I am 36, when do I stop taking what my mom says to heart??

sigh

That's just moms for you... speaking as a mom myself... they've gotten a deeply ingrained sense of reminding you of things for your own good and that is so hard to let go of, even when their little girl is all grown up... I'm trying to think of when has my Mom ever approved or supported any of my own independent initiatives... I'll have to get back to you on that.... :( It's made me very conscious about supporting my own daughters to be self-guided, independent thinkers... if only they'd show more a mature sense of responsibility though! Nothing is tougher than being a mom!  

Is your mom a packrat?  I am and I have skinny clothes that I'll never fit into because they were from when I was unhealthily skinny.  I hate to throw things away.  ever.  I have fat clothes that I don't fit into either.  I probably will give away my fat clothes when I make goal but who knows. 

It does suck that moms are quick with the criticism and slow with the praise.  I'm 38 and my mom still has that power.  I told her I was exercising (before I started counting calories) and in a month lost 3 pounds.  I was proud of myself because I initially gained 2 pounds then lost 5.  But my mom just said, "that's it?! I thought it would be more!"  With a bunch of other comments about losing weight without trying and such. 

I'm not talking about my weight loss with her again. 

My opinion is get rid of them. Don't make going backwards and option. Just keep moving forward. My other advice would be to either tell your mom how you feel when she isn't supportive in the way you want her to be and maybe tell her what you were prefer to hear OR if you are not comfortable with doing that, then stop looking to her to be your support system. Some people, for whatever reason, can't give us the support we need. I am sure she loves you but that doesn't mean she is the right person to be your support system in this situation. If you keep going to her, looking for approval, and she isn't able to give it you eventually you will most likely give up on your weight loss efforts and that would be the worst thing you could do. Find another place/person to go to meet this need. Either here on the boards or a friend or other family member.

My mom won't let me get rid of any clothes because someday I'd be "poor, fat and pregnant".  I kept my old clothes for a long time, I stored them away and I used them as motivation NOT to need them.  Now, I still keep a small boxfull and get rid of the rest. 

At first, I was really dissappointed that my mom could be so discouraging.  But her comment made me REALLY determined to keep losing weight, to NEVER gain it back, to work hard and save money, and when I AM pregnant - I want to work really hard not to gain unhealthy weight.  It's strange, but my "poor, fat, pregnant" box really motivates me.  It represents what is very likely to happen unless I take an active role in my health and well-being. 

 

Mothers can be so mean when it comes to weigth loss take mine for example ifs she not complaining I shoul lose weight she saying i wont have the will power to stay that way when I do lose the weigth so annoying.  She says "yeah your looking so much better but you will only let yourself down wont you" and i just say yeah sorry as what can I say to that.

I personally enjoy throwing away my fat clothes, (or give away whatever most suitable). I kept a pair of fat jeans just to remind me though but I just wanted to make room for a new set of slim clothes really.

Well done for coming this far

Yeah...she means well, she is the sweetest person ever, but definately not a good choice for a support system!

That's why it bugs me... that I should know better than to expect anything different from her. When I was 16 and gorgeous, thankyouverymuch, but had terribly low self-esteem (I was a normal weight but very self-conscious about large hips and thighs, balanced out by tiny waist, could not find pants that fit to save my life) and when i would cry about it, her response was to pay for a diet program for me that I now refer to as The Evil Diet Centre. When all I really needed was for her to say "You are beautiful just the way you are" and "Everyone is shaped differently, you are very lucky to have such a gorgeous hourglass figure". But I never got any of that from my mom. I got $300 per month to "fix" myself with some crazily resptrictive diet it should have been illegal to accept 16-year-olds to. Who knows, maybe I still would have ended up on my path of self-destruction, maybe that's just a detail along the way.

I think the point about choosing your support group well is a good one. My bf is incredibly supportive...my family is not. I should just accept that and quit hoping for that to change.

I got rid of the clothes I only fit into with an overweight BMI, but keep the ones that are too big now but I fit with a normal BMI. I never want to be overweight again, but if I get tired of staying on the very low end of the normal BMI scale I don't want to have to re-shop. 

Original Post by victoriagirl:

Yeah...she means well, she is the sweetest person ever, but definately not a good choice for a support system!

That's why it bugs me... that I should know better than to expect anything different from her. When I was 16 and gorgeous, thankyouverymuch, but had terribly low self-esteem (I was a normal weight but very self-conscious about large hips and thighs, balanced out by tiny waist, could not find pants that fit to save my life) and when i would cry about it, her response was to pay for a diet program for me that I now refer to as The Evil Diet Centre. When all I really needed was for her to say "You are beautiful just the way you are" and "Everyone is shaped differently, you are very lucky to have such a gorgeous hourglass figure". But I never got any of that from my mom. I got $300 per month to "fix" myself with some crazily resptrictive diet it should have been illegal to accept 16-year-olds to. Who knows, maybe I still would have ended up on my path of self-destruction, maybe that's just a detail along the way.

I think the point about choosing your support group well is a good one. My bf is incredibly supportive...my family is not. I should just accept that and quit hoping for that to change.

I can honestly tell you that you would probably still not have been satisfied. I always had a mom who said "you are beautiful the way you are and you have a gorgeous hourglass figure!" AND all I ever wanted her to do was give me the money to go to some torturous diet center....LOL. I don't think moms can ever win.

I think you should keep it and see it every time you want to quit: great motivation boost. you came this farrrr!

Hahah my mom is very supporting but she did tell me to go lose few lbs years back... nicely... sort of. And my oler brother just put it bluntly that you look like you weigh more than me =_= nyarrrrr.

And now I definitely weigh less than him HAHA in the FACE!

My grandmother used to get really down on me about my weight.  When I got to the point where I had multiple sizes of pants and whatnot, she actually encouraged me and said "get rid of them, that way you can't go back and gain the weight".  She was right, by getting rid of them, you are sending yourself a very subtle message that you will never need those bigger sizes again!

I never forgot the time I was on a diet in HS and I told my mom that I thought I finally looked as good as she did when she was in HS. She proceeds to tell me "I was never as fat as you back then" My mom is for sure my source of my need to be skinny. However, now that I'm adult and can push past the pain I realize that my mom was having trouble letting go of her past (she gained a lot of weight through time) And was jelouse that I was still young and thin. It's hard to realize that parents are people too! I love my mom, but I just don't talk to her about things like that anymore, because if I'm not going to get a "good job" it's not worth the effort.

On the clothes side of this convo, I'm one of those people who has a hard time throwing things away. So I pack all my old clothes (fat and skinny) and put them in the back of my closet. I'm hoping I'll diet enough to wear my skinny clothes again, and I'm hoping to eventually have another baby and need my fat clothes again! There are good reasons for needing larger clothes other then falling off the bandwagon :) this is really one of those situations where you are the only one who knows what's right. sit all alone in the quiet and listen to your gut. It will tell you what to do.

Hi Victoriagirl:

We've talked about how fun it is to finally fit into "skinny" clothes that we hardly ever got to wear, but going the other direction is no fun at all! When I think about getting rid of clothes that are too big I also hear my mother's voice in my head telling me that they are still good and I might need them someday. I chalk it up to her being raised during the Depression.

I say toss them. If for some unforeseen reason you gain weight you'll want some new clothes anyway. No matter what we weigh, we deserve to have nice clothes that make us feel good.

When I was at my heaviest I decided that I wasn't going to put things off until I was thin. Life happens every day and I was going to enjoy it. What got me to lose weight is the desire to spend more time with my loved ones and to be healthier while doing the things I enjoy. I'm not going to put my life on hold while I work to reach some ideal weight. I might miss something!

You look terrific and have really accomplished something. By the time winter weather comes back around, you can confidently treat yourself to something new.

Thank you!!

You are right. I deserve to look good no matter what my weight,  and a part of my healing process has been to truly believe that i deserve better for myself....so when next winter comes, i will buy myself new clothes, no matter what size they will be. That feels right.

I love the support and encouragement I have found here. Especially when I feel it's lacking from people in my life. My mom said to me this weekend, "you look really good...how much good is it?" (her way of asking how many lbs I have lost). I was happy she noticed but sad that "smaller" was equated with "good". Ah well...kashikat you are right, I will never be satisfied with what my mom says! Next time I see her I will hug her anyway, she deserves it too.