Pregnancy & Parenting

Hi, I am new to the site and just looking for a little advice. I am preg from a man i've been with on and off for 3 years. He was living with me and back and fourth with his other baby mom... I found out i was preg after he moved out.. I love him w/ all my heart but i know he is not a good person. He has a dead end job.. Lives with his ex who he swears on his son's head he is not havin sex with.. this girl bought him a car and lets him live there for free just so he will be there for his child.. he says he loves me and wants to be with me but his job and his baby mom house is an hour away so its so hard for us to see each other.. i want to believe he is not sleeping w/ her but i feel so stupid for believing something like that.. considering he has lied about so much already and is damn good at it.... he already has a bunch of kids that live out of state.. but i know if he ever does move back here it will just be temporary until his baby mom figures a way to buy him back... i refuse to pay for his bills like she does... but for some reason i still want him back... not sure what to do.. I really feel i should run as fast as i can away from him but i love him so much even though he doesnt show me love in anyway.. all he can do is just say it... anyone out to talk w/ me??? tired of crying alone everynight wishin for a man that isnt even worth my time... ?

run! and take care of your baby :) this guy doesn't seem very responsible at all... you're child needs a positive role model in his or her life; be it :)

stay strong and remember, you deserve the best life has to offer!!!

Get rid of the loser.  There are plenty of guys out, there are even plenty of losers so you can get your own loser if that what you're into but why put up with someone else's loser?

pretty the question you have to ask yourself is 'what do i deserve, do i deserve better than this man'. If your answer is yes then you know it is your gut feeling trying to tell you whats right for your mental health and wellbeing. if your answer is no then it shows how much turmoil your mind is in at the moment, so many women (like his other baby's mom) settle for loser guys simply because they are the father of their child. it may seem ideal but in reality it isnt, it will just waste years and years of your life thinking everything will one day be all good and one day you will both be content and happy. the guy is lying about his ex gf, i could bet my house on it. she is that desperate to cling onto him she is most definately 'offering' him something to keep him there, other than money and a roof over his head, and he knows it! otherwise he would have got himself away from her ages ago! i mean just think how easy it would probably be if he wanted to have sex with you now? men know that ex's are so vulnerable that they tend to jump back into bed with the man in an attempt to keep hold of him somehow. but it doesnt work, he gets his use out of you till he gets bored of you and starts doing exactly the same thing to another 'baby mom' of his. this guy is not going to do you any good. i only hope you are strong enough and confident enough to ask yourself that question and get rid of the loser.

I think you know that you deserve better than this guy and so as long as you arent completed blinded by being in 'love' with him, im sure you will pull through it. just think of all the millions of mums who do and they do an excellent job of raising their children. he sounds like a total user really, for all you know he might be using his ex's still for sex whenever he fancies it because he knows they are vulnerable because they have one or 2 of his kids. you don't have to stay with a guy that will make you unhappy, your little son/daughter would much prefer a happy mommy who is strong and brave rather than a downtrodden mommy who is only with loser daddy because she has a kid with him. im sure you will pull through it. there are loads of supportive single mums on here who will be able to help you. good luck. :)

Stick up for yourself and what you deserve - walk away from him. No man who has fathered a bunch of kids and walked away from them is worthy of you, and deep down you know that. You have the strength to do it. Coming from someone who finally got out of an unhealthy relationship, it will totally be worth it. It will be hard for the first month, maybe two - but eventually you will find yourself discovering how proud you are to be independent, and wondering why you stayed involved with him for as long as you did. There will be no better feeling in the world than to know that you fought your way to a better situation all on your own. Others will see it too, and people really respect that kind of initiative and determination.

I think the answer to the question "what should I do" is obvious. But based on personal experience, I know the your real question is "How do I move forward?" The truth is you have to get him out of your system. Having a baby may not make it easy, but as long as you go in with the right state of mind, you can find happiness...

You have to put on your tough skin and be absolutel honest with yourself and your expectations. Realize that your in this alone and anything from him will just be a bonus... Depending on your strength it may be smart to run as fast as you can, but if you have endurance and strong will, do what you have to do!

its hard to think about it like this.. but you don't really know you are any different than the other women in his life. he will probably do the same things hes done to them, to you. and by living with his x ... well in my mind it doesn't matter if they're having sex or not (though they probably are) he decided. does he know you're pregnant? if so he has no right to leave you even if he does have another kid or whatever if he really loves you. it seems like he doesnt. i know how you feel .. its been so long and hes your world, but you need to go live your life and be happy regardless of whether he love you back or not, or anyone for that matter.

no offense but you're pregnant now and you need to stop screwing around with your life. spend the next few months creating something STABLE for your child to be born into. that should be you. i know it huts to let go of someone you care for sooo much but its not the right kind of love when he doesnt love you back. real love feels different but it feels so much better.

it seems like he doesnt go out of his way to make sure ur happy so i would just let go emotionally. try to live your life like he'd already gone. assume he wont be there for you because he probably wont always be there. he sounds like a complete ass for doing this to you! its not ok to act that way! there are a million guys who would be so much better to you. they'd respect you! you would be equal in the relationship instead of you just wishing and praying for him to come back to you and him just deciding what he wants to do with all his women. he needs to decide and if he cant hes not worth it. just stop talking to him, dont make a huge fight out of it and cause a **** of drama... just leave emotionally and find someone else. even just a friend, maybe your parents (i have terrible parents so i understand if thats not an option or if it sounds awful but id try if i were you) or just find strength in yourself to get through this on your own because you can. but you cant if you are going to let this guy get in the way!!! this isnt even about just you anymore. if you are on and off with this guy while your baby is growing up whats that going to do! dont give your child a bad life.. do whats hard and take one for the team, do what is RIGHT in the LONG run cause u dont really have any more time to mess up. your whole life is changing its all ahead of you and this is when you choose what kind of life you are going to have! do whats right for BOTH of you plzzz

good luck

Ditch the loser. If he won't leave you alone, tell him your pregnant with another man's baby! Or maybe don't tell him at all....only if he's persistent, although, in this case, it sounds like he won't be. Trust me, even if you think you could get help from him like child support, don't count on it. My ex is constantly bugging me about seeing his kid, but he does drugs and won't take meds for his bi-polar disorder. Thus, by court order, making it impossible for him to see his daughter....he doesn't get the connection...do good, see your kid, do bad, don't see your kid, and make life harder on yourself and everyone involved(back and fourth to court all the freaking time!). He doesn't work and gets SSD......and can't even pay $25 a month in child support on time!

My point is, do you want to end up in a **** situation like mine? Or would you rather get out of it now before he even realizes he's gotten you pregnant? If he has no apparent strings attached and you make it clear you want nothing to do with him anymore, he will hopefully leave you alone...forever. And hun, I know it's hard to imagine now, but things WILL get better..I promise, I've been there. I just wish I'd left when I could've...life would be so much different now.

Be strong and think of what's best for you and your child. In your heart, you already know what that answer is.

Love and luck to you,

Stephany

Don't end up like me and be 43 wishing you could go back in time and change things!!  It may seem like you love him, but 5 years from now you're going to wonder why you even thought that.  Or even sooner.  There are good men out there!!! 

He's got babies all over the place.  It's not going to stop!