Weight Loss

So… 30lbs and 15 inches later one would think I would be thrilled with my “new body”. Well I am not. I do not hate it like I did 30lbs ago…but, it just does not look the way I want. I think I am struggling with the reality and the idea of what I want to look like in my head. I am in desperate need of new clothing. If I did not have an ample backside, all my pants would fall off. Not to mention, my bras do not fit either. You would think I would jump at the chance to buy new clothes… and show off all my hard work. But, I am afraid too. I am not sure why. Trying on clothes before always left me in tears… and I am afraid that it will again. You know the “I am not as small as I think I am.” syndrome.  At least in my old clothes, I know I have lost weight… because they do not fit. It seems now that I am losing weight/inches… I have a new focus…all the flaws; stretch marks that will never go away and the realization that my stomach will never be flat unless a surgeon flattens it out…on and on. I do not know why I am having such a hard time with this. I feel like an idiot… people are complaining about wanting to be smaller and to buy new clothes… and I am afraid to walk into the store and try anything on. What gives?

I feel the same. I've lost 30 pounds now but dont want to buy anything until im at my goal weight.  I think we always imagine how we would look, ideally but really its not reality.  So for me, what I pictured I would look like may not be the case and I'm afraid of being disappointed when I finally reach my goal...of course I'll be happy but I just hope I haven't messed it up for myself.

This is exactly what I was telling my friend. I think I have been hiding behind 'being fat'. Now I feel like the more I lose the more under scrutiny I am. Honestly though, the only one doing any harm is myself and I know it. I had to go today and try on 3 dresses so I could find something to wear to a play on sunday. I dreaded it so much that I put it off until the last second! I tried on 3 and I liked every single one of them the same. So I got all 3, took pics of myself in the dresses and emailed them to my friend. She couldn't pick either, she said they all looked GREAT, so I kept all 3. It felt so good. It was motivational! I suggest you try it, shop and then ask opinions and return what you don't like. It's better than you think!

Thank you... you echoed my feelings exactly. I am so grateful for this site. It makes me feel like I am not alone in the world of "weight loss". No one in my family is doing this with me..., and that makes it hard. Thank you.

You are not alone.  Just remember that you are a work in progress.  30 lbs. less weight is a big achievement and is certainly going to be noticeable when picking out new clothes.  Don't fixate on the flaws, we all have them.  Look at the progress you have already made.  (I've lost 45 lbs. on a 5'10" frame and it's hardly noticeable: have gone from a tight size 24 to having a 20 fit comfortably - I don't really see much difference myself, but others do).

 

Just picture 30 lbs of steaks ... and that's the mass you may have lost!  WOW!  You deserve congratulations big time!

Is it possible that you thought to yourself: "I don't like myself because I'm overweight" and then realized once you lost some weight that the bottom line is that YOU STILL DON'T LIKE YOURSELF and it doesn't have anything to do with the weight?

I know that I'm like that. Losing weight or getting fitter doesn't make me like myself more at my core. I need other kind of therapy for that, which doesn't involve the gym or ice cream. :)

It sounds like you're a very self-critical person, and you're finding new things to criticize. Until you get to the root of why you don't like yourself, you're always going to find fault.

i have bno real advice, other than maybe giving it more time, or take someone clothes shopping with you, but it might not be the thing that helps. i can uderstand the feeling, and ALSO the fact that people sort of expect you to feel fantastic but it is not so... but again, i have no idea how to help the thing. good luck!

dude...I'm the same way...and I'm a guy who's not gay!....If I was back at my 220lb state and saw myself today, I'd be like " F*ck, I wish I had that body"...but like all spoiled little brats, I want more results

I have an eternal battle with my love handles and everytime I gawk at the mirror, my laser scope eyes immediately zooms to my "hate myself" spots.  Being picked on in grade school and high school for being fat has probably forever damaged my self esteem.  So last week I went shopping for the second time since starting to lose weight (I was starting to look like Aladdin, walking around in my ballooned out over-sized work pants) and must say it was more of a booster than a downer.

Congratulations on creating a goal and doing it...huge kudos.  I think ka2007 is on to something but I don't really know what issues you used weight to deal with or not deal with.  I think not liking yourself is too broad because I'm sure that there are things that you are proud of.  

In my case, I eat emotionally and felt as though if I reached my goal and had to maintain it, I would give up friends such as cheese and chocolate (and they were my best friends).  I was also not prepared to be noticed and subsequently asked out because even though part of me wanted a relationship, I'm terrified of giving up control and that to me is what relationships represent, extra weight and extreme self criticism kept me from having to risk getting involved.  Don't know if any of those make sense to you but I'm sure that there are specific things that you are dealing with that have nothing to do with body trouble spots.  

What has helped me is to work towards becoming the healthiest me possible, both mentally and physically.  Learning to establish healthy boundaries is huge.  I have also found things that I'm good at that make me feel good (taking an art class and started taking Aikido).  The more I get to know who I really am, the more I like me and am able to eat to keep me healthy so that I can enjoy life.  I still have little gut reactions to shopping, left over from all those times I looked into store mirrors, with that lighting that exposes every flaw and sometimes actually cried.  I have a trusted friend that I take shopping with me and before I look at any outfit in a mirror, I get her opinion, if she likes it, I will glance at myself and make sure I like it and that the clothes are comfortable.  If she doesn't, I avoid the mirror and go for the next item.

Hope this helps.