Have any of you told before the baby was born? And if you're expecting, will you do so?
I was adamant about not telling anyone, but today I let slip a few names that I liked to someone. I didn't commit to any one name, but I did say what my preferences were. Naturally the person had to provide suggestions on possible names.
What do you think? Is it also bad luck to name the child before birth?
We've told a few people what our potential names are. We can't name the baby until it's born, because we won't know the sex until then.
Generally the reason I've heard to not share your name list is because inevitably someone says "I knew a xxx and s/he was awful" or "yeah, that's super trendy right now" or "oh, so you are going for that kind of name." So if you are at all worried about people crapping on your choices, keep it to yourself - people seldom say those things once the baby is born (although I'm sure some still do).
I only let slip some of the possibilities to this one person, and I received a lukewarm reaction. It wasn't even an outright criticism. But even a lukewarm reaction is kind of hurtful in its own way, isn't it? I wanted to hear outright excitement and something like, "Yes, that's great! That's a beautiful name!"
With my family, I'll get criticism whether before or after. While I understand that some people are less sensitive and care less about what others think, I'll admit that my feelings will be hurt. I mean, what could be more personal than a NAME, especially when its your own or the one you choose for your child?
I'm not at all suggesting that your feelings wouldn't (or shouldn't) be hurt by someone being less than enthused about your chosen name.
What I meant was... well, for instance, the name we've come up with if we have a girl is based on my aunt's and grandmother's names (both on my mom's side). So I was pretty confident that my mom would like the names. But if I told her that we were going to name a girl Queen Latifah, her reaction would be ... less than positive. Well, she'd probably laugh and say that we were bs'ing her. But if we were serious? Yeah, she wouldn't be gushing. And if I had my heart set on Queen Latifah, I'd be pretty hurt.
I can understand wanting feedback on your choices but if you only want to hear that people love it (and that is understandable) it's probably best to keep it to yourself until the child is named.
I've had some experience with this in my family. My mother has always been very critical regarding baby names and has caused some hurt feelings when she openly expressed a dislike for a chosen name and has actually tried to change the parents minds on the name they have chosen.
Most particularly she didn't like my youngest son's name, saying it was too common (I prefer the term classic, but whatever) she was annoyed I wouldn't change my choice just because she didn't like it. And a serious family rift almost occurred when she vehemently and very vocally objected to the name my sister gave her eldest son (the rest of us thought it a very appropriate choice). Those are not the only incidents though.
With this in mind I advised my sons to keep their name choices secret until after their children were born and named.. and I suggested to my mother that for the sake of family harmony she could simply not comment or say something neutral if she disliked a name that was chosen by them. Thankfully she took that advice.
As A-girl said, no one wants to hear that other people, especially family members, don't like the name they have so carefully chosen for their child.
Or, the other thing that may occur is that someone might like your choice so much, they could use it for their child. If it's an unusual name that is a shame. Happened to me. I was visiting my friend the day she had her baby and I was telling her I'd found out I was expecting too. Not knowing she hadn't yet really settled on a name for her son, I told her what name I'd already decided on for mine and she loved it so much, she named her child the same thing. I was so disappointed. In retrospect it was stupid to go on to think I couldn't use the name myself, but we basically began all over again searching for another name.
We found out the sex of the baby at an ultrasound a couple of weeks ago and revealed the finalized first name of the baby to family members. They knew it was the chosen name and we have not heard anything negative. My husband's family is less effusive than mine as mine is already using the name all the time and his hasn't mentioned it, but I realized I don't care - I LOVE my name choice!
I think if you go into it with options people are apt to think, oh it's not set yet so I can still give an opinion and possibly change the outcome. Also, giving several name choices to someone automatically makes them think about which one they like the most and implies that an opinion on their part is appropriate.
I already had a feeling of what the baby would be when I got pregnant, which my doctor confirmed with an ultrasound later. Even before getting pregnant we knew we wanted to name the boy Jack.
My husband had a brother that drowned when he was little and we wanted to honor him so we decided to pass his name on to our son. I told everyone right off the bat that the little fetus growing inside is little Jack and everyone called him that throughout my pregnancy. We didn't really receive any good or bad reactions or maybe I just didn't notice because we were stuck on that name so it didn't matter.
The only bad reaction, which I thought was totally out of line was from a nurse after I had given birth. She asked what his name was and I told her Jack, she made a face and said "well you can still change it if you want...". I thought my husband was going to strangle her and I was so mad I didn't even know what to say.
We love the name we picked, and never had any negative reactions to it.
I was open about sharing possibilities with friends and family. I am a strong minded person and one person not liking the name or knowing someone etc. would never deter me if I had my heart set on it. If the baby comes out and we decide he doesn't look like the name or something suits him better, we can always change it!
My fiance's grandmother was Marguerite for the first week of her life, then her mom decided she was a Sarah but never went to change the birth cert. So when Sarah got married and wanted to change her last name legally, they couldn't find a Sarah in the records. lol. It's a funny story, since now we all call her Nana or Sally.