I hope this doesn't start trouble...

...as some other parenting topics have, but here goes:

Do your kids clean up after themselves? Is it a battle? Is it no problem? Discuss.

In my house, it is a daily battle. I have taught (tried to teach) my kids from a young age to put one thing away before they play with the next, but when playing independently they rarely follow this rule. Then, when faced with a big mess at the end of the day clean up turns into a tantrum. I have never given in to this, they always must clean or they miss out on something fun after dinner or the next day or the toy is taken away for a month... I have even donated toys that are not put away to charity. Nothing works. They do eventually clean but it is never easy. Why? Why? Why?

I have been fighting this battle with my 15 year old for 15 years. The only things that gets him to clean are:

1. money
2. threat of money supply ending
3. his girlfriend is coming over

Well I have no kids yet but when I was a child cleaning up after one-self was not enforced as strongly as it should be and now that I'm older it's hard to get it under control. Old habits die hard and I wish my mother would have been more strict with me in that department so I wouldn't have this issue now. I mean, I love my mom and she did a great job raising me if I do say so myself and I'm NOT balming her for my messiness but I DO think if I had been taught this from an early age I wouldn't be such a slob now! I know I sound repetative and I'm kinda contradicting myself but my point is... teach your kids to clean after themselves NOW before it's too late! :-)

Thanks, spirochete, your post made me laugh. Maybe now I won't hurl myself down the basement stairs in an effort to show my children how desparately I mean business. LOL

meg - how old are they?

i have a 18 month old daughter, and we're in the "please" phase right now.. I'm trying to get her to say please and thank you...  its difficult.   But I havent embarked on the 'clean up' phase yet...

stlgirl, mine are 8.5, 5.5 and 2. I started working on clean up around your daughter's age and so far it hasn't really paid off for me. LOL Having said that, I'm not sure you want my advice, but I just always said please and thank you with and for and to my kids, "Mommy gives you your milk and baby says "thank you" and Mommy says "you're welcome." One day, they just start saying their own part of the conversation. =)

**edited to change your to you're

LoL yeah... right now, sometimes she'll say please but other times I'll say "Gracie, what do you say?" and shell say "eeehhhhhhhh" in the high pitched squeal...  

My youngest doesn't, but then we have a special set of challenges with him because he's autistic.  Right now we're working on the "only use one marker at a time" and "don't throw food on the floor" thing.  We'll eventually work our way up to toys.

As for our oldest, we used to have a problem, but now we use several tactics that seem work well.  Instead of saying "clean up your toys", if we say "help me clean up your toys", he's much more open to it - he really likes to be a "helper."  Sometimes the "who can pick up more toys" game works with him too.  When he's not up for that, we tell him that he can have his _______ when he's finished cleaning up (chocolate milk, tv program, etc.).  Sometimes it does turn into a tantrum, and we don't give into that either.

One time we took just one of the toys, his favorite, off the floor and put it in a hidden away little cranny in the living room.  The next day when he was looking for it, he got really upset, and we said "Well, this is why you need to keep track of and pick up your toys at the end of the day" and guided him to finding it.  He's been much more diligent about it since then.

Why is it not easy?  They're kids - it's part of the territory.  Keep your chin up and be patient - It will get better (I'm pretty sure....)

:-)

My mom was like "Mommy Dearest" when it came to making us pick up and clean.  I hated every bit of it and continue to protest to this day through my own messy house.  Tehee - that is my excuse and I am sticking to it! 

With my son, I had to "let go" and allow him to "clean-up" the way he knew how.  He doesn't do it the way I do but, by watching him clean up, I could tell what was happening to him in the process.  He was being distracted by TV - now I turn the TV off.  He wouldn't know where something went - now we have pictures  he can look at.  etc etc.

Tell your children to "clean up" then watch what happens, or just make observations in their hour to hour activities and figure out what their mis-steps are.

My mother used to do a "who can pick up the most blocks" or "who can clean this part of the room fastes" and would give us a little treat like choose a movie to watch or TV show, or book to be read. As we got older she would teach us how being clean is a good thing, and if it was out of place we would be locked in our rooms. Mot really working... as I'm a slob in my room. But one thing they did inforce (enforce?) was chores. I was dusting at 5 and cleaning the bathroom at 8. Every Sunday was cleaned the crap out of the house. We even made a chore list, rotated what we did every week. My Parents even had to vacuume (after a much long debate of them saying "yes well we work all day and feed you" and we said "yes, well we are growing up still and going to school". We won) every other weekend. Really kept our house nice and clean. Now living on my own its good that I know how to scrub a bathroom and how to keep the house look clean. Its sad how my friends have no idea what the 'Blue stuff' is or what Vim does...

My suggestion? Keep strong with the cleaning your room thing, and try and make games out of it. but start early at the chore thing. That is one thing that the children will be thankful for and its a great thing to teach them. Make a list if you need to and practice it on a set date regularly.

Another drawn-out post brought to you by:  Boredom at work.

ahh i'm just getting to the point where i feel soooo bad for moms!

I think I only put my toys and stuff away when I was little because I was so selfish. I didn't want my sister to be able to play with ANYTHING of mine (unless I said okay) and so i would make sure to put everything where it belonged. Don't worry, I learned to share.

my mom let me keep my room as messy as i wanted--just not the rest of the house. It sort of worked. Id let my room become a "fire hazard" as she would say, and then id go through a clean phase...eh, i'm still the same way. Sometimes my apartment is scary, other times, I insist on coasters and taking your shoes off! i'm quite inconsistent.

One of my good friends is 22, lives with her parents, and i swear, doesnt know how to wash a dish. I do not know anyone more lazy. She has never held a job for an extended period of time or finished a degree of any sort. Her parents are the hardest working people--her brother takes care of himself (he's 25)--i do not understand why they don't seriously just KICK HER OUT. it would be GOOD FOR HER. she thinks you should only work if you love your job and she thinks you should just go when you feel like it. i'm sorry but no one ever in the WORLD has ever wanted to go to work EVERYDAY OF THEIR LIFE. but you do it, right?

Her mom sometimes makes a comment or two, but then goes right ahead doing her laundry and washing her dishes and giving her money and paying her bills... i dont even know how this is possible actually.

I am so thankful my parents used to call me out on any lazy or selfish move i made--I mean i rather scrub sewers than live with the guilt my parents would pile on...

Ohh I have a friend who is JUST like that. They gave him a bed that is worth more than a small car (its gourgous I tell you) he has hardwood flooring in his room, he has granite tops on all his dressers and everything, the just bought him another car, he smokes in his room, he has a satelite TV in his room, and he also has a private bathroom and a lock on both doors. Hes a brat.

My kids never did unless I enforced it.  However, as soon as they were old enough, I didn't do it for them.  What I did do was stand over them while they did it, and tried not to make it too unpleasant with a lot of scolding.  Sometimes it was kind of hard to remain calm in the face of all their tricks to get out of cleaning. 

They knew I wasn't going to leave them alone until it was done.  It's a lot more effort than doing it yourself, but it's a parent's responsibility to teach kids how to live in the real world.

Oh I like that one. 

My kids only do it if forced, bribed or otherwise harrassed.  Never on their own accord.  Ages: 6, 8, 10, and 11. 

I have a soon to be 8yo, 5yo, 4yo and soon to be 1yo. and ill be damned if they EVER clean willingly unless i brib em, meaning they want something already and i say NOPE till its cleaned sometimes i actrally have to sit in the room telling them what to do next just to get it done right :(

I think some kids get overwhelmed by a messy room, and just don't know where to start, what to do, to get it clean. Even now that my son is 13, I still tell him specifically what I want him to do. (Okay, he has an autistic spectrum disorder, but I don't know that that's necessarily why I do this!)

It's not "clean your room," but rather "please put your books in the bookcase, put your dirty clothes in the laundry pile, and take all the cups and plates in your room to the kitchen." Once those things are done, I can tell him to "please make up your bed, vacuum your rug, and put away your clean laundry." Or whatever.

And hey, I hate cleaning, too. I'm not very good at it, and yeah, it's boring! So sometimes, I'll set the timer for a certain amount of time (10 minutes, 15 minutes, 30 minutes, sometimes even an hour), and I'll say, "Let's clean like crazy for xx minutes!" I still usually state specifically what I expect to get done during that amount of time, but sometimes, I don't -- sometimes, whatever we get done is enough.

I find that getting started with cleaning is often the hardest part, so the setting the timer trick is how I get around that. I often keep cleaning after the timer goes off, but if I don't, well, at least I got something done!

I can't offer any advice.  Both of my children are slobs ( 4 yr old boy, 11 yr old girl)

I on the otherhand am not a slob.  Husband is a pack rat, but not slob.

We have tried everything from: Cleaning the room myself, taking away allowance, taking away toys, etc.  Nothing seems to work.  Now I just close the door and walk away.  If my daughter can't find her favorite jeans - well she has to go back and clean the room.  She is leaving for camp tomorrow, so next week I will be doing an overhaul.  Next one will probably next summer when she goes away again.

My kids are 9, 7 and 2 and I am likely to be the first one starting a temper tantrum when it is time to clean up, lol.  Its like a never ending bad story.  I know the path well...Say "clean up" 3 times, then start bagging toys for goodwill, temper tantrum, etc, lol....

Of course Im not exactly a neat freak myself despite my mother drilling it into me as a youngster.  *cringes and smiles*

The good news is none of it is detrimentally dirty (like the gross stuff you hear on the news) and the house hasn't walked away yet.  *giggles* 

Original Post by athena_tavener:


It's not "clean your room," but rather "please put your books in the bookcase, put your dirty clothes in the laundry pile, and take all the cups and plates in your room to the kitchen." Once those things are done, I can tell him to "please make up your bed, vacuum your rug, and put away your clean laundry." Or whatever.

That's a good way to look at it.  Mine are long grown up, but I remember battles and tears.  The thing that worked best for me was to do it with them - no yelling allowed.  Music and dancing around also helped.  I also developed a high tolerance for messiness in their own spaces, as long as it didn't overflow into common space, and as long as it was not unsanitary. 

My son is in a phase where he wants to "help" me do everything.  It's kind of annoying actually, but I don't discourage it.  It takes me twice as long to get things done when he's helping, but I figure if I can get him to do things now, maybe he'll keep it up?  LOL!  I doubt it.  I was Mommy's Little Helper, too, and I grew out of that fast!  But Cole likes to help me put clothes in the dryer, take them out of the dryer when they're done, throw things in the trash (often without me even asking-just gotta make sure he doesn't throw out toys because he'll get into a cleaning mode and try to throw out everything). He's really good about helping me close doors and drawers, but he doesn't always wait until my hands are out of the way. :( 

It is difficult to get kids to clean.  When my kids were little, I helped them.  As they got older, we made a game of it.  Set a timer for 5 minutes and announce you are going to clean up as many things as possible before the timer goes off.  When it goes off, you are done even if things aren't cleaned up completely.  Do it again later in the day or just before bedtime.