Pregnancy & Parenting
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Scared I might be pregnant! And I don't want to be! What to do?


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I might be jumping the gun, because I'm only a few days late on my period, but usually I'm like clockwork.  You could set your watch to my uterus!  But now I'm three days late, my boobs are huge, and sore (doesn't usually happen to this extent), I kind of feel like my period could be starting - I have cramps, but nothing.  I'm scared.  I really, really, don't want to be pregnant! 

I just started grad. school, and I'm getting married in, oh, about nine months.   I'm 30 years old, and so I think that at this point, if I'm pregnant, I'm a mom, but.... noooooo!  Has this happened to anyone else?  (Of course, I know it has)  How did you deal?  How long into the pregnancy did you feel excited instead of dread? 

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I had our first baby in June of 2006, and 9 months later, I found out I was pregnant again... I cried... I still had a baby that was gettting up twice a night!  I had that dread in the pit of my stomach for a couple of weeks, then when I thought about the fact that I was making another wonderful baby just like the one I loved so much I put that feeling aside, and realized that everything would be OK... maybe not the way I planned it, but OK.  Good luck either way!

With my last baby, my husband had been seperated back together and had decided to seperate again and low and behold I ended up pregnant...mind you a full 7 days before I should have been able to get pregnant. lol. It was shocking, I smoked like a whole pack of cigarettes that day... knowing I shouldn't.  But the shock wore off and it was amazing, it was the string that finally made us realize we are truly made for each other. I look at as if it is meant to be it will be. As a mother of 3 I will tell you they are truly a blessing.

Good Luck!

Original Post by anderson1042:

I had our first baby in June of 2006, and 9 months later, I found out I was pregnant again... I cried... I still had a baby that was gettting up twice a night!  I had that dread in the pit of my stomach for a couple of weeks, then when I thought about the fact that I was making another wonderful baby just like the one I loved so much I put that feeling aside, and realized that everything would be OK... maybe not the way I planned it, but OK.  Good luck either way!

 I should also add that I love that little boy so much now, and I don't know what I ever would have done without him!

I'm on BCP so I don't get scared lol seriously, in 6 yrs never had any "scary" moments b/c they work perfect. didn't gain weight on them either. I'm 27 and married but a baby would ruin both of our carriers now...no thank u!


so if you REALLY don't want a child, use birth-control; otherwise you can always get pregnant.

your period can be late b/c of MANY factors; diet, exercise, stress, etc....

wait a week and take a home pregnancy test.

#5  
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Well, the other thing is that until yesterday, when I realized that I was late, I'd been kind of... um.. partying a lot?  Maybe not 'partying' per se, but definitely drinking every day.  Now that's something else to stress about.  What kind of damage could I have done? 

 

Original Post by cricketro05:

I'm on BCP so I don't get scared lol seriously, in 6 yrs never had any "scary" moments b/c they work perfect. didn't gain weight on them either. I'm 27 and married but a baby would ruin both of our carriers now...no thank u!


so if you REALLY don't want a child, use birth-control; otherwise you can always get pregnant.

your period can be late b/c of MANY factors; diet, exercise, stress, etc....

wait a week and take a home pregnancy test

 

not true. You can still be on birth control and get pregnant...yes it's rare but still know your facts

Let me make this very clear: I don't advocate smoking, drinking, or knowingly doing any other harmful thing to your baby during pregnancy or afterwards... with that said, a lot of people party and end up pregnant, thankfully our bodies create a barrier that especially protects the baby during your first three weeks of pregnancy... so stop now, take a pregnancy test, and GET ON PRENATAL VITAMINS... then try and enjoy yourself, just a little, and don't spend all of your time worrying about what is in the past, look to the future.

Original Post by anderson1042:

thankfully our bodies create a barrier that especially protects the baby during your first three weeks of pregnancy... 

where'd you hear this?  my understanding of teratogenic alcohol affects is that they can occur any time after implantation, which occurs up to two weeks (or as early as 5 days) after fertilization. 

dog_lady, it's probably fine that you had a few drinks, but anyone who offers you a guarantee is either lying or uninformed.

I don't believe that I offered anyone any guarantees... I have read this in What to Expect When You're Expecting.  I believe I made it very clear that drinking is not good or encouraged, but I don't think it's healthy to worry about it constantly either.

And this is the reason I don't post on message boards, b/c I have enough to deal with in my daily life without dealing with defending myself to people I don't even know or have a relationship with!

Original Post by cricketro05:

I'm on BCP so I don't get scared lol seriously, in 6 yrs never had any "scary" moments b/c they work perfect. didn't gain weight on them either. I'm 27 and married but a baby would ruin both of our carriers now...no thank u!


so if you REALLY don't want a child, use birth-control; otherwise you can always get pregnant.

 I hate to break it to you, but even birth control is 100% effective... believe me, I know!  And I took it religiously, at the same time every day, blah blah blah. 

So, if you REALLY don't want a baby and it would "totally ruin your career," then I suggest not having sex, because thats the only 100% guaranteed method of preventing pregnancy.

 

So, back to the topic at hand, I found out I was pregnant shortly after moving overseas for my first real job post grad school.  My hubby and I had just gotten married, he was heading back to the states for a few months before making the permanent move, and SURPRISE!  There are a few things I can tell you.... first, it is NEVER a good time to have a kid.  Second, there are options if you REALLY don't want to have a child and find yourself pregnant, and only YOU can make the difficult decision about what to do IF.  Third, like me, you are in a much better situation that a lot of people who find themselves unexpectedly pregnant since you are both educated and in a stable, commited relationship. Finally, although I wasn't ready for my daughter to come along, she is probably the best thing I have done and I wouldn't change what happened for the world!  I did eventually want to have kids, just not at the time she came along, but now I can't imagine it being any different.

It hasn't been easy as a full time working mom with no family support since we live in Australia, but I think you someone work it out and deal and then thrive.  I love ALMOST every minute I spend with my daughter (she is going through her terrible two's right now, so thats why right now it is ALMOST every minute instead of every minute). 

Now, to answer your second question about excitement.... thats a bit tougher, I had horrible prenatal depression (quite similar to post natal, but obviosuly it occurs DURING your pregnancy and not as widely diagnosed or talked about).  I literally cried my way through the first 3-4 months of my pregnancy as I was living in Australia all alone, no family, no hubby, few to no friends on top of the pregnancy hormones causing the depression.  My hubby moved out at 5 months and it got a little better, but I had a tough time emotionally through the pregnancy.  I never got that whole motherly excitement about being pregnant, mostly I was worried or depressed because of the big black box of the unknown that was to come.  However, I did have a few glimmers throughout when I would get a little excited about it, but I think I was just mostly scared of the unknown really and my hubby was even more scared of what was to come which didn't help the situation either.  I also worried about post natal depression, BUT the day my daughter arrived... everything changed.  I can't even begin to describe how surreal and wonderful that day was, and how my instincts just kicked in immediately and I just knew that everything would be ok.  Pregnancy, birth, and the time that follows are diffierent for everyone.  Hormones are raging, you can become a bit of an emotional, irrational mess at times.  So, with that said, if you do find yourself pregnant, and decide to go with it, just try to go with the flow and don't feel like you need to feel or act a certain way just because you are pregnant.

As for the drinking and partying, I had a couple of heavy drinking nights before I found out I was pregnant, I was even put under general anesthesia for minor surgery.  A lot of women have done the same thing as you before finding out with no ill effects to the baby.  The best thing for you to do is take care of yourself from now on until you find out if you are actually pregnant.

Good luck with whatever the outcome!

I was on BC for 8 years and  messed it up for 2 days by accident and BOOM!  Julia was born 7 weeks ago.  I'm 30 too and wasn't sure I'd ever have babies.

Its turned out to be the most amazing thing in the world.  Just to see her smile at me when I check in on her in the AM when I get back from the gym while her and daddy are still sleeping.

If you aren't; then this is just a scare.  If you are-  it's an amazing ride with lots of ups and downs.  The ups are euphoric.  The downs are sometimes overwhelming and are much shorter in duration!  (anyway so far for me)

At any rate-  start taking a pre-natal with folic acid.  good luck to you!
#12  
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Manta515 - Sounds like what you went through would have been super hard no matter what.  I don't know that I could have dealt with that. 

 

Bought the home test today so we'll see what happens.  Been thinking about it non-stop and I don't know what will make me happier, a positive or a negative.  At least we haven't really spent any money for the wedding yet! 

but you know what... I wouldn't change it for the world.  My little girl is sitting on my lap right now giving me kisses as I type and I can't imagine my life without her.  She is 2.5 years old and just the coolest and most adorable little person (of course, I am biased)

take a deep breath and pee on the stick, and know that you can deal with whatever the outcome. 

Also, don't worry, there is no rules about what or how you are supposed to feel about the result, whatever you feel is the right feeling for you!

hello,

I hope that everything works out fine for you. I was the complete opposite of manta515 as i had an awesome first pregnancy with my son. Felt gorgeous, lots of energy so happy etc....and than boom i had post-partum depression.  i only had it for two-three months and it was horrible!!!( i would not wish that on anyone) i have never felt so depressed in all my life, mind you my mother in law lived with us until my son was two months old. (hmmm now that i think about it...haha)

Having a baby is one of the greatest pleasures in the world, you have ups and downs but the ups are fantastic and the downs, depending on your situation, not so bad.

As for birth control being totally 100% effective that is not true at all. My sister got pregnant with the IUI in which is 99.9% effective...my sister in law got pregnant both times while taking bcp's. The only thing 100% is not having intercourse! i learned that in grade 7

Anyway, good luck:)
#15  
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Okay, it's as official as it's going to be before I get my ass to the doctor.  But... I'm pregnant!  Eeeek!  My boyfriend and I took one test and then had to rush out to the store to get another one.  That one came with two sticks, so we're going to try again later tonight :)  We just can't believe it!

 

Now... what do I do?  According to an online pregnancy calendar, I'm due about two weeks before my wedding.  Should I try to get my $2000 deposit back from the caterers, the only real money we've spent on this wedding?  Should I wait to make sure nothing happens?  I can't just go cancelling wedding plans yet, can I?

haha luvmyboy,  you had the same response to the birth control thing that I did!  Maybe next time around you and I can get the best of both worlds... great pregnancy, great post natal period! 

Seriously though, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about with the depression.  My prenatal depression was so bad that I barely even remember my first three months of pregnancy.  All I recall from those first few months was having awful all day sickness (morning sickness my arse!) and severe food aversions, lots of crying, and just a total feeling of despair.  While it did get better as the pregnancy progressed, I didn't fully come out of it until probably my last month of pregnancy.  The hardest part about it was that its just not discussed or nearly as well known about as post natal depression so there was little to no help for me.  Plus, taking depression meds was not really much of an option, although more and more they are discovering that the benefit of them may outweigh the risk during pregnancy.  No one but my close friends and family really knew about it.  Also, in my mind pregnancy is supposed to be this beautiful, happy time, where a women just glows, and mine was anything but.  I just had all these preconceived notions of pregnancy that was anything BUT what mine was like.  Apparently, prenatal depression has a big genetic component, and when I asked, I found out my paternal grandmother had it through all four of her pregnancies.  If and when I decide to have another, I will definitely be more open to other options if I find myself heading down that road again.  As you said luvmyboy, I wouldn't wish it on ANYONE!

 

have you done the test yet dog lady??

doglady-  wow-  what a ride it has been for you the last few days; to find out you're pregnant and planning a wedding; and all the thougts racing through your mind. 

Everything happens for a reason; and I believe that fate has a weird way of changing your "planned" course. 

Take a deep breath and don't think about the wedding for a few hours!  make a list and jot down all the notes and things you want to conquer-  you can still have a wedding pregnant-  women are beautiful when they are pregnant-  such a glow.  But if you change your mind and want something more intimate; you can do that too-  then renew your vows a few years down the road with a more elaborate affair.  That's what I'm going to do; since I only had family at my wedding.   Work it out with your finacee-  can you move the wedding up? 

We are all here for you-  listen to your heart and just be open with your partner-  this unplanned surprise will knock your socks off and you'll be going through so many emotions in the next few weeks until it sinks in for real!!!  Just take one minute at a time!!!

And, congratulations!  I was knocked off my feet when I found out I was pregnant; did 6 tests alone (my DH wasn't home) called my sister, then told my mother; THEN told my DH and then told the world.  I was so scared and amazed and flabergasted all at the same time.  There's no "right" way to feel when you find out you are pregnant.

As Vanessa said... take a deep breath.  Now take another one, and another... and another.  Ok, if you haven't passed out yet from all those deep breaths, I would also suggest you don't even THINK about the wedding atm.  It will take awhile for all of this to really hit home and even then, it hard to say how you will react in the coming days. 

As for the wedding, you can SO have a wedding while you are pregnant if you want to.  Being that the dates are close though, I would think about moving the date either ahead or down the road a little.  My hubby and I were married here in Australia, but had a big wedding on our one year anniversary back in the states.  My daughter was just about 3 months at the time, and it was great!  I have some beautiful pictures of the three of us from the wedding. 

Feel free to PM me if you need support, or just a shoulder to cry on.  I have been there and believe me, you are in for the most wonderful and scary roller coaster of your life. 

try to relax, go do something really nice for yourself, eat some chocolate if thats your thing (trust me, I ate enough chocolate for every pregnant woman in history during my pregnancy... its therapuetic, at least thats what i tell myself, my arse didn't really agree with that interpretation though!). 

I waited until I was 12 weeks before I told anyone but family and my best friend, but only because I think I just wasn't ready for it to be true until then. 

And Congrats! (I remember hearing that a lot when I was pregnant and always thinking, "yeah great!"  congrats on screwing up the birth control!)  But seriously,  it will all be ok in the end!

 

Hello Dog lady,

As most everyone else has said relax and try not to worry about the wedding. Besides, as long as you are married to the man of you dreams by the end of it all thats all that matters. I am so glad that you have a wonderful support system. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that " god" or what ever you choose to believe gives those the hardest situations that 'he' thinks can handle them. ( not sure if that made any sense...get ready for pregnancy brain-lol)

Manta515-hi with my second pregnancy no depression yet, but do not feel the same as my first. i am prepared this time for the depression and will not fight it as i did with my son. Also no mother in law living with me. With my first she choose to live with my dh and i the couple with the smallest house under construction and dil pregnant with her first. So glad she is not in my house this time around...lol

Anyway, dog lady...Good luck as i said b/f all will be fine:)
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