so, I have been married to my wonderful husband for a few years now and I am so tired of him articulating everything I eat! He claims that he is doing it to "help me" loose weight, but he does it ALL THE TIME! yeah, I could stand to loose 15 pounds, I am not overweight though! (5.3/135)
I have been eating a lot of candy this past week because of leftovers from Halloween and my husband is being so annoying! Everything I eat..."oh that's going to cost you 1 mile on the treadmill," blah, blah, blah.
Now, whenver I eat anything unhealthy, I have to make sure he is not around. I just don't know what to say to him! Anyone else have this problem?
I don't think I'd call it abuse. I would, in your shoes, feel the need to give your husband a candy enema to shut him up.
Kindly suggest to your husband that while you appreciate he cares about helping you out, that his efforts have not been very helpful. Then work with him to find a system you can both work/live with.
if you've told him you don't like it and he persists...well, abuse is a stretch. but i guess you could tell him it feels abusive, and maybe he'll stop. if he still doesn't, then you'd have a case.
Mine does/did the same thing. We had a lot of problems that stemmed from it. Thankfully, he realized or was made to realize his critiquing of every little bite was probably going to end us.
Now, he makes remarks now and again - but immediately realizes that he's done it, and apologizes. Granted, I DO need to lose weight, and AM, but still. There is no need for it.
Talk to him. Tell him how it makes you feel. If he keeps harping on you for eating this or that, eventually, you could become a "closet" eater like I was doing (eating snacks quickly when he wasn't around, etc). That is NO way to be in a relationship. Trust me. Talk it out. If it persists, therapy is always there to help!
thanks for the suggestions. it just hurts, like all he cares about is me being skinny. I know it is not for health reasons because I don't have high cholesterol or anything like that.
he doesn't have a morsel of fat on him, so he doesn't understand how hard it is to loose weight. I have my good days and bad days, just like any other "normal" person. I am just tired of him watching everything I eat! Even when we are grocery shopping, he will take things out of the cart that aren't considered "healthy."
Original Post by aly_1:
he doesn't have a morsel of fat on him, so he doesn't understand how hard it is to loose weight.
And that might be the crux of the problem.
Be patient with him, if you think he truly doesn't understand, and try to help him understand what this is like for you.
He may be trying to be supportive and just totally failing since he doesn't understand what you need.
yes, you are totally right, he doesn't understand. He said he doesn't understand why it is so hard to loose weight! He said if he had to loose weight he would eat fruit and salad all day.
I am just not that type of person. I need my chocolate fix sometimes 
Has he ever tried eating fruit and salad all day? Maybe challenge him to try it and see how boring it is (and how hungry he still is at the end of it).
I do think he's trying to be supportive and help, just going about it in the tough love sort of way.
Are you losing weight for yourself, or are you losing weight to please him?
Original Post by thehappyfish:
Has he ever tried eating fruit and salad all day? Maybe challenge him to try it and see how boring it is (and how hungry he still is at the end of it).
yeah, I should! he eats twice as much as I do too! I am just so frustrated because I never ask him to change anything so he looks better! It's like saying...oh you are too fat for me, loose weight!
lose.
Original Post by baybeez04:
I do think he's trying to be supportive and help, just going about it in the tough love sort of way.
Are you losing weight for yourself, or are you losing weight to please him?
yeah, I have been trying to loose weight for me. but, I have a hard time keeping it off. I will loose 5 pounds, then gain it back. I know he knows, I struggle...but, I don't feel like he is being supportive anymore. Or, maybe it is being overly supportive?
So...in a nutshell, I want to loose weight for me. but, I think he likes the fact of me loosing weight, so I look better, not so much that I am happier. if that makes sense?
The next time your hubby starts commenting on what you are eating or should eat you should tell him to shut the fawk up that you're tired of hearing him nag you.
Original Post by moonikins:
The next time your hubby starts commenting on what you are eating or should eat you should tell him to shut the fawk up that you're tired of hearing him nag you.
And then send him in to the kitchen to make you a turkey pot pie.
Original Post by aly_1:
Original Post by baybeez04:
I do think he's trying to be supportive and help, just going about it in the tough love sort of way.
Are you losing weight for yourself, or are you losing weight to please him?
yeah, I have been trying to loose weight for me. but, I have a hard time keeping it off. I will loose 5 pounds, then gain it back. I know he knows, I struggle...but, I don't feel like he is being supportive anymore. Or, maybe it is being overly supportive?
So...in a nutshell, I want to loose weight for me. but, I think he likes the fact of me loosing weight, so I look better, not so much that I am happier. if that makes sense?
So you told him that you want to lose weight.
So he takes that as you actually do want to lose the weight. And he wants to help you succeed. When he sees you eating things like candy, he feels like you are half-assing your efforts and thus you'll fail. Then he'll have to hear you whine about those 15 lbs that you just can't seem to lose after watching you eat junk the day before.
You are not overweight. You do not have to lose weight. If you are not in the mental state to make a serious effort to lose that weight be honest with your husband about it... then he'll back off.
baybeez...thanks, I think you are right! I do complain because I want to lose weight and have a hard time. Maybe that is why he is so strict with my eating habits? I have been on this roller coaster for over a year now, I really need to try harder.
Respectfully, 5'3"/ 135 doesn't sound like a problem. In reading through some of your posts, it looks like you want to start a family soon. I'd work on stabilizing your weight, keeping it consistent, to aid in conception.
thanks Kathy, good to know. I would be happy if I lost 15 lbs. so, hopefully in a few years, when we are ready to start a family, I could lose this darn weight already!
Original Post by aly_1:
thanks Kathy, good to know. I would be happy if I lost 15 lbs. so, hopefully in a few years, when we are ready to start a family, I could lose this darn weight already!
PLEASE make sure you and your husband are on the same page, in terms of weight, when you get pregnant. Weight gain during that time is inevitable, and his back-handed comments, supportive or not, will not help.
Also, pregnancy and raising a young child will already put some stress on your relationship. Harboring resent for him will only make things worse. Good luck working things out!
Original Post by muttlover:
Original Post by aly_1:
thanks Kathy, good to know. I would be happy if I lost 15 lbs. so, hopefully in a few years, when we are ready to start a family, I could lose this darn weight already!
PLEASE make sure you and your husband are on the same page, in terms of weight, when you get pregnant. Weight gain during that time is inevitable, and his back-handed comments, supportive or not, will not help.
Also, pregnancy and raising a young child will already put some stress on your relationship. Harboring resent for him will only make things worse. Good luck working things out!
Thanks. I think I need to have a talk with him. I am not sure if he is being overly supportive, or if HE wants me to lose weight.
Original Post by kathygator:
Original Post by moonikins:
The next time your hubby starts commenting on what you are eating or should eat you should tell him to shut the fawk up that you're tired of hearing him nag you.
And then send him in to the kitchen to make you a turkey pot pie.
(I loved that movie)
