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Is bisexuality real... for guys?


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So, if I just found out that my boyfriend 'experimented' a couple times with this guy on his football team... long, long, long before we met.  Should I be worried?

I'm pretty convinced that bisexuality exists in girls... but I've always held the opinion that if a guy likes guys, he's gay.  Period.  And he's just in denial if he says he's bisexual.

Right now, I'm pretty worried.  Tell me if I'm right...

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Why do you think things are different for girls than for guys?

I'm pretty sure bisexuality is the same for both genders. Society's "rules" and stereotypes are 'for the lose'.

#3  
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Yea...I don't really get why you would think that only girls can be bisexual...?

I've just thought it's much easier for girls to experiment. 

For one thing, it's much more socially acceptable for girls to experiment.  I mean, it's actually considered kind of sexy for girls to kiss, etc.  But for guys... it's pretty much the worst locker room slur, right?  To be called gay/****, I mean.  So for them to do it, it would pretty much be almost a last resort.  Like there's no other way to satisfy their urges. 

Also, I just think girls have the ability to appreciate each others beauty.  And also, relationships/intamacy is a lot more about personality for girls.  So it's easier for them to switch back and forth then for guys.  I mean, you never see a straight guy going... 'Oh he's pretty hot'.  Because it's either all the way, or not at all.

I don't really know what I'm talking about here, but that's what I've always thought.  You guys don't agree then?

I am a bisexual female. But I know plenty of guys who are bi. Google "Kinsey's Continuum" - it's a popular gender theory that most of us are not straight/gay but somewhere on a continuum between the two. Obviously there will be some people right at one end of the spectrum, but there are plenty of people somewhere in the middle too. The theory applies to both men and women, but it was actually based on a study of men.

I also don't get why you think being gay is a last resort, the "only way to satisfy their urges." Do you think straight men only have sex with women as a last resort, because that's the only way they can satisfy their urges? There's nothing wrong with being a gay male. I don't see how it's the worst locker room slur at all. Maybe you need to take a good look at yourself and your prejudices.

I think when it comes down to it men and women are pretty similar in lots of ways. The biggest difference is our anatomy, and the way we are raised because of it, that's all.

Don't stress about your boyfriend. He wouldn't be with you if he wasn't attracted to you. And he must feel pretty close to you to let you in on his past.

Original Post by greenink:

I've just thought it's much easier for girls to experiment. 

For one thing, it's much more socially acceptable for girls to experiment.  I mean, it's actually considered kind of sexy for girls to kiss, etc.  But for guys... it's pretty much the worst locker room slur, right?  To be called gay/****, I mean.  So for them to do it, it would pretty much be almost a last resort.  Like there's no other way to satisfy their urges. 

Also, I just think girls have the ability to appreciate each others beauty.  And also, relationships/intamacy is a lot more about personality for girls.  So it's easier for them to switch back and forth then for guys.  I mean, you never see a straight guy going... 'Oh he's pretty hot'.  Because it's either all the way, or not at all.

I don't really know what I'm talking about here, but that's what I've always thought.  You guys don't agree then?

I like that you've edited out your prior "prove me wrong."

I think you're wrong. As the mother of a bisexual son, I could be offended by your blanket generalizations, but I expect this sort of closed-mindedness, so it doesn't offend me.

Were I your boyfriend, however, I'd be deeply offended.

#7  
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Hmmm...well when I think of someone who's bisexual, I don't think of 2 drunk college girls making out. I tend to think about people who have enough physical/mental attraction for both sexes, that they'd be capable of having a relationship with either.

Just because it's less socially acceptable for a guy to be bisexual, doesn't mean there aren't any bisexual men. You know?

guys absolutely can be bisexual, and straight guys are very capable of admiring other guys' bodies.  they just might not say it out loud.

and bisexuality is more than "experimenting."

i don't think your assumptions are offensive; they're just immature and ill-informed.

Original Post by greenink:

 And also, relationships/intamacy is a lot more about personality for girls. 

Huh? Since when? The more I re-read this post, the more I think I should just totally dismiss it.

if i had to guess, i'd estimate that greenink is about 16.  hence, the stereotypes and generalizations.  she just doesn't know what she's talking about.  gotta give her credit for asking.

Ouch.  I feel a bit attacked here.  Let me just clear things up...

I do not, have any prejudices towards gay/lesbian/bisexual people.  None. 

I was merely referring to the fact that, in society, whether we like it or not, it is still more difficult to be gay then straight.  Especially for guys (among their peers).  That's why I said that it would be a last resort... in that, if they didn't have to risk that kind of social alienation, why bother?  Unless, it's a pretty big part of them. -- I didn't mean that being with someone of the same sex is a last resort, I can see how you were insulted by that, and that's not what I meant at all.

Here's a little background... my aunt was married to a man for 13 years, before he came out as gay, told her and their two children that he loved them, but he couldn't live a lie anymore, and is now living happily with another man.  It is hard to come out and admit it for some people, so instead they continue dating or stay married to make life easier. 

Maybe I am a bit prejudice, because of that (although I never thought myself to be before)...

So, if I am, I'm very sorry for offending anyone, thanks for opening my eyes.

Original Post by pgeorgian:

if i had to guess, i'd estimate that greenink is about 16.  hence, the stereotypes and generalizations.  she just doesn't know what she's talking about.  gotta give her credit for asking.

I'm 21.  Trying not to let that comment hurt my feelings. Because I wasn't aware that this kind of thing was supposed to be common knowledge for the adult population. 

So far what I have seen of life, is that more females tend to fool around, or date other females, and then switch back to males.  If that's what I've honestly observed, then it's not a stereotype/generalization.

Hey greenpink! I'm a gay girl and most of my friends are gay and I have worked in a gay nightclub for over 3 years so I am associated with and know 100's of gay people. I DO find I am more likely to encounter bi girls than boys, in fact i have only ever met one bloke who is bi (and he's been in a relationship with another bloke for 4 years!) I have also noticed that a lot of 'straight' girls tend to experiment and then go back to men. This i just what i have seen from being quite prominent on the gay scene (I am no way saying this is a given fact just what i have seen)! SO in answer to your question, no i dont think it is anything to worry about with your bf (and i am in no way saying that bi men dont exist!). And yes, I do think girls are more likely to experiment - from personal observations in my area! And i am not stereotyping either. Just saying what I have observed!

 

Of course it does.  You're talking to one now.  I've been married for 13 years to a lovely woman.  That being said, it doesn't go away just because a man is married to a woman.  I bisexual man will entertain thoughts of other men, and has twice as many people he could possibly cheat with, but that doesn't mean he will.

Some bisexuals lean more "straight" (these are much less likely to ever admit it) and others lean more "gay", but of course bisexuality is real.

As long as he is open and honest about it and not full of weird hangups, bisexuality in and of itself should not be a problem.


If he was sexually active with men, there is a bit more urgency to getting tested for HIV and other STDs, but you should do that with any partner anyway...

You're wrong. He can experiment in college and that doesn't mean he's gay.

In fact, it might mean that he is mostly straight but was curious for a time, decided it wasn't for him, or maybe this was the only guy that ever really interested him. That happens to women all the time - some experimentation in college but then they decide they aren't interested in women really.

Check out Dan Savage's take on this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kS2my1FN_A4&am p;feature=channel_page

Original Post by greenink:

I've just thought it's much easier for girls to experiment. 

For one thing, it's much more socially acceptable for girls to experiment.  I mean, it's actually considered kind of sexy for girls to kiss, etc.  But for guys... it's pretty much the worst locker room slur, right?  To be called gay/****, I mean.  So for them to do it, it would pretty much be almost a last resort.  Like there's no other way to satisfy their urges. 

Also, I just think girls have the ability to appreciate each others beauty.  And also, relationships/intamacy is a lot more about personality for girls.  So it's easier for them to switch back and forth then for guys.  I mean, you never see a straight guy going... 'Oh he's pretty hot'.  Because it's either all the way, or not at all.

I don't really know what I'm talking about here, but that's what I've always thought.  You guys don't agree then?

You're right, there is more social stigma behind guys experimenting. That's why they do it behind closed doors (like your bf did) instead of becoming "out" lesbians in college but then marrying a dude and giving up women forever (like a friend of mine).  It isn't a last resort, all you need is someone you trust who seems to have the same urge to experiment, and then you don't tell anyone else about it, especially if it doesn't seem to "do it" for you after all. That's what women did, too, before this **** lesbian chic trend took over.

And the only reason straight guys don't say "he's pretty hot" is because the stigma will kick in and they will be unfairly called gay. It's not that they aren't thinking it.

They have shown that guys are less likely to be 50/50 bisexual and they will trend more strongly towards one sex - but what you are describing is not even a truly bisexual guy, if he no longer has urges to be with other guys - just a straight guy who experimented. And wrongly believed that he could trust his girlfriend with that information.

Original Post by greenink:

Original Post by pgeorgian:

if i had to guess, i'd estimate that greenink is about 16.  hence, the stereotypes and generalizations.  she just doesn't know what she's talking about.  gotta give her credit for asking.

I'm 21.  Trying not to let that comment hurt my feelings. Because I wasn't aware that this kind of thing was supposed to be common knowledge for the adult population. 

So far what I have seen of life, is that more females tend to fool around, or date other females, and then switch back to males.  If that's what I've honestly observed, then it's not a stereotype/generalization.

It's because the guys do it more discreetly, knowing that they would get lambasted (instead of praised) for this. I personally think half the women doing it are never even really into girls, just trying to impress guys with their fake "wildness", and that it's all a b.s. performance.

Original Post by merylwhite1:

I am a bisexual female. But I know plenty of guys who are bi. Google "Kinsey's Continuum" - it's a popular gender theory that most of us are not straight/gay but somewhere on a continuum between the two. 

Hey, although Kinsey did many many experiments with sexuality, I must worn you that SOME of his experiments with males, such as, 40% of males have had an orgasm from other males, were conducted in all male prisons.  I'm not trying to be debbie-downer, I just want people to be aware that studies are very deceiving.

Original Post by trustwomen:

Original Post by greenink:

Original Post by pgeorgian:

if i had to guess, i'd estimate that greenink is about 16.  hence, the stereotypes and generalizations.  she just doesn't know what she's talking about.  gotta give her credit for asking.

I'm 21.  Trying not to let that comment hurt my feelings. Because I wasn't aware that this kind of thing was supposed to be common knowledge for the adult population. 

So far what I have seen of life, is that more females tend to fool around, or date other females, and then switch back to males.  If that's what I've honestly observed, then it's not a stereotype/generalization.

It's because the guys do it more discreetly, knowing that they would get lambasted (instead of praised) for this. I personally think half the women doing it are never even really into girls, just trying to impress guys with their fake "wildness", and that it's all a b.s. performance.

 I actually agree with you here. - I really do think some (not all obviously) do it for attention or to impress blokes!

This thread is hilarious. 

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