Christmas presents for ungrateful kids
I always have great memories of holiday presents growing up, I know I got far more than I needed even if it was never what I wanted (because I usually wanted something that I'd grow out of or an expensive piece of plastic). I know I was brought up differently, I got expensive classy "old world" presents. I never ever got a barbie for example, I got an antique porcelain doll and now that I am grown I still value those presents because they were the type you kept but I know kids these days do not care like that. I do not have kids. My bf has three and I try and spend equally between them. I know he does not spend the same on me as I spend on all of them, but he always gets me something nice. My job is very up and down so I usually split up christmas present buying over the year just in case so I already have everyone's for this year done. I put a lot of time and thought into finding things that they would all like or wanted. None of them have asked me for anything specific and I've never had a complaint about what they got - I try and make it fun, there are gag gifts etc too.
This year I got the oldest girl (she is 21) a small LV speedy (almost $300), Angel Perfume ($87), and some MAC professional pigment ($27). (this is not including small things for the stocking (candy, a silver necklace etc))
She begged me to tell her what she got, and I figured she was old enough that really if she wanted to know that's her choice. Her dad already told her what he got her anyway. Her response was, well she'd rather have had a bigger bag (same brand) and a different perfume (ironically cheaper but only because JLO has her name on it instead of it being a proper french designer) and keep the make up because it's not the right brand (maybelline, REALLY?).
I did not know what to say. I haven't got a job right now so it's not like I can just go out and buy a whole new set of presents. I've bought them over the course of the year so there's definitely more than 90 days on the receipts. Frankly I'm offended at the flippant ungratefulness, even if someone got me something I hated I would politely say it was a great thought and thank them at least! I guess I was just brought up different but that's basic manners to me.
I told my boyfriend, he said give her presents to her younger sister and see how she feels then and to give her a box full of coal instead. I'm pretty sure he will be having a "talk" with her soon. I don't think he's joking about the coal.
I would not feel right doing that, but I don't know if I should even bother giving them to her now since she obviously doesn't want them, and if I don't give them to her then she will know that she's "short" a present or two. I'm not exactly about to spend extra on her because frankly I don't have the money.
what would you do?
All due respect, if it was my kid, I'd keep all the presents I got for myself. The onion idea is good. I'd wrap it up with a pretty bow.
I knew someone that had the same issue. A 30 something old woman, and her mother (50 ish). The mother gave her a luggage set from walmart (200$). The daughter complained about the brand. It was cheap. The mother said no problem. She took the luggage set, bought tickets for a cruize, sent the daughter a photocopy of said tickets. On the day of the cruize, the daughter showed up, the mother and her husband drives her to the airport. Then and only then did they say, ok, now that your hear, hand us the luggage bags, drive the car home, don't wreck it. Oh and by the way, don't forget to feed the cat. They enjoyed the cruize and their new luggage set.
I hate to say this but my generation is filled with ungrateful brats. My mom would have never stood for that. Never.
In closing, do the onion idea. It's awesome. I like it. Oh and enjoy your new perfume :)
Original Post by pavlovcat:
I guess I have to tackle the issues I had with this post one at a time. My first one being, why in the world did you spend over $400 on presents for one person (whom you apparently do not like and are in no way related to) when you are un-freaking-employed?????? If you spent anywhere near the same amount on your boyfriend and his other kids, that is an enormous amount of money.
Seriously, I could rant on this topic alone for a good 5 paragraphs.
This. You are spending more on one kid than my husband and I spend on both of our families put together. And we are both employed.
But I also agree that your choice in gifts was perhaps patronizing - you got her things that you felt she should like, rather than what she would like. Is she a brat for telling you that? Yes, and she at this point doesn't deserve any gifts (besides the onion, which I love). But if you decide she deserves presents next Christmas (and that should be a high bar), pick something that suits her personality.
Oh, and maybe this is wrong to bring up, but... are these the kids of the boyfriend who is ignoring you except to use you as a free granny day care?
First of all, the coal is a brilliant idea. I love the idea of coal for naughty kids on Christmas.
Second of all, it sounds like your kid is due for some life lessons. Is this the first year she's done something like this? Is she really accustomed to getting very nice, very particular presents, even if it's not financially comfortable for you to provide them? If so, I think a talk is well in order. She's an adult.
I can't imagine being so rude and petulant. I don't even get Christmas presents anymore and haven't for a while. And I don't care. I wouldn't dream of stamping my feet and pouting to get some material thing...it's stupid and childish and I know that my mom especially is not in a position to be blowing money like that.
Don't take those gifts back. And don't buy a new set. This is a great opportunity to teach her to be grateful and, hey, maybe even exercise some manners in the future. Geez man.
Original Post by amethystgirl:
Original Post by pavlovcat:
I guess I have to tackle the issues I had with this post one at a time. My first one being, why in the world did you spend over $400 on presents for one person (whom you apparently do not like and are in no way related to) when you are un-freaking-employed?????? If you spent anywhere near the same amount on your boyfriend and his other kids, that is an enormous amount of money.
Seriously, I could rant on this topic alone for a good 5 paragraphs.
This. You are spending more on one kid than my husband and I spend on both of our families put together. And we are both employed.
But I also agree that your choice in gifts was perhaps patronizing - you got her things that you felt she should like, rather than what she would like. Is she a brat for telling you that? Yes, and she at this point doesn't deserve any gifts (besides the onion, which I love). But if you decide she deserves presents next Christmas (and that should be a high bar), pick something that suits her personality.
Oh, and maybe this is wrong to bring up, but... are these the kids of the boyfriend who is ignoring you except to use you as a free granny day care?
That would've been point number two. Dsam, you complain that the young woman is ungrateful, but why in the world should she be grateful that you think she acts and dresses like a 'ho and want to change her? What a heartbreaking thing.
Donate the gifts that you bought her to a women"s shelter in her name.
Her, she would get a card that a donation was made in her name.
I give everyone gift card, it is the prefect gift and comes in the right size.
And honestly, I don't even spend that much on both my girl's together. I have a $600.00 budget total for all presents, including Christmas and Birthdays each year.
Original Post by pavlovcat:
Original Post by amethystgirl:
Original Post by pavlovcat:
I guess I have to tackle the issues I had with this post one at a time. My first one being, why in the world did you spend over $400 on presents for one person (whom you apparently do not like and are in no way related to) when you are un-freaking-employed?????? If you spent anywhere near the same amount on your boyfriend and his other kids, that is an enormous amount of money.
Seriously, I could rant on this topic alone for a good 5 paragraphs.
This. You are spending more on one kid than my husband and I spend on both of our families put together. And we are both employed.
But I also agree that your choice in gifts was perhaps patronizing - you got her things that you felt she should like, rather than what she would like. Is she a brat for telling you that? Yes, and she at this point doesn't deserve any gifts (besides the onion, which I love). But if you decide she deserves presents next Christmas (and that should be a high bar), pick something that suits her personality.
Oh, and maybe this is wrong to bring up, but... are these the kids of the boyfriend who is ignoring you except to use you as a free granny day care?
That would've been point number two. Dsam, you complain that the young woman is ungrateful, but why in the world should she be grateful that you think she acts and dresses like a 'ho and want to change her? What a heartbreaking thing.
Those are nice gifts. The only way that girl would have a good reason to find them patronizing would be in case OP told her or implied in front of her that she lacked class... But, if that's the case, I agree. I also agree about that being way too much.
I love the coal and onion ideas, but I think she doesn't deserve anything this year. OR next year. And, if I were you, I'd make sure to tell her why.
Original Post by dsam511492637:
I hate impersonal gifts, ie gift cards. They always make me feel that i didn't know the person well enough to be thoughtful about a gift or that I didn't make an effort.
Two points...
- obviously you don't know her well enough, in her opinion, to buy what she considered a "thoughtful" gift. She proved that with her attitude. I, for one, would honestly think a gift card was thoughtful because it would save me from standing in the exchange line to return a gift that I didn't care for. Picking a gift card to use somewhere she likes would have been a better gift to her. Take that into consideration if you ever feel like you must purchase her a gift again.
- I don't disagree with the amount you spent on her. I happen to spend a great deal on my child. But what I don't understand is why you and her father each purchased her individual gifts instead of doing a joint gift. A small, girly gift from you is appropriate but if you feel comfortable enough spending this sum on her, wouldn't it have been better to pitch in with her dad?
Wow, that is alot for one person and it being an ungrateful adult. You are spending more on one person then I'm spending on 6 dearly loved people, but not one will be rude about what they get. Unbelievable that you spent that match on a necklace, I'd take that back and lower your debt. She won't appreciate it anyways and are you trying to buy their approval?
I have quite a different opinion to others. I think that if the girl asks you to tell her what her gifts are, and you yourself decide to tell her what they are- she has every right to tell you what she likes or what she doesn't like about them. I mean, it's better than being dishonest and it is quite 'brave' of her, frankly. You know that there's a chance that she may not like them. It's always a risk. Every individual has a different taste. At least now you know what she likes.
I don't know in what tone or manner she responded to you, but if she were to tell you what she felt nicely and politely, I don't think she was being a brat. How is she to know that you bought them over the course of the year and as such, you couldn't return them? Of course, if she responded to you in a very entitled manner, then to hell with her, I wouldn't give her anything if I were you ;p.
Personally, I always say thanks for any gift I get, whether I like them or not because I don't wanna have to deal with trouble of dealing with people's hurt emotions.
I should start by saying I am 22, almost 23. I was raised how you were, and I completely agree with how she "SHOULD" have responded... she is old enough that she DOES NOT deserve those gifts. If you have no one else to give them to, donate them to a teenager who would be over the moon to get that stuff. Heck, I would be!! I have a family and work full time, so obviously I appreciate the value of a dollar, which she may not yet, but still those are NICE gifts.
I think donating them and then when she asks where they are, telling her you gave them to someone who wanted them, would be the best lesson possible. She's not an ungrateful bratty 8 yr old who will be scared for life for not getting a gift from you. Your gift can be a life lesson 
Original Post by girlabsolut:
I have quite a different opinion to others. I think that if the girl asks you to tell her what her gifts are, and you yourself decide to tell her what they are- she has every right to tell you what she likes or what she doesn't like about them. I mean, it's better than being dishonest and it is quite 'brave' of her, frankly. You know that there's a chance that she may not like them. It's always a risk. Every individual has a different taste. At least now you know what she likes.
I don't know in what tone or manner she responded to you, but if she were to tell you what she felt nicely and politely, I don't think she was being a brat. How is she to know that you bought them over the course of the year and as such, you couldn't return them? Of course, if she responded to you in a very entitled manner, then to hell with her, I wouldn't give her anything if I were you ;p.
Personally, I always say thanks for any gift I get, whether I like them or not because I don't wanna have to deal with trouble of dealing with people's hurt emotions.
There is a difference between being honest and being disrespectful. I think that, in this case, being honest wasn't appropriate. It's not about the gifts, really. It's about that girl (not) showing respect to someone who spent time and money picking a present for her with no obligation to do so. :)
Original Post by lasposacadavere:
Original Post by girlabsolut:
I have quite a different opinion to others. I think that if the girl asks you to tell her what her gifts are, and you yourself decide to tell her what they are- she has every right to tell you what she likes or what she doesn't like about them. I mean, it's better than being dishonest and it is quite 'brave' of her, frankly. You know that there's a chance that she may not like them. It's always a risk. Every individual has a different taste. At least now you know what she likes.
I don't know in what tone or manner she responded to you, but if she were to tell you what she felt nicely and politely, I don't think she was being a brat. How is she to know that you bought them over the course of the year and as such, you couldn't return them? Of course, if she responded to you in a very entitled manner, then to hell with her, I wouldn't give her anything if I were you ;p.
Personally, I always say thanks for any gift I get, whether I like them or not because I don't wanna have to deal with trouble of dealing with people's hurt emotions.
There is a difference between being honest and being disrespectful. I think that, in this case, being honest wasn't appropriate. It's not about the gifts, really. It's about that girl (not) showing respect to someone who spent time and money picking a present for her with no obligation to do so. :)
Hmm, I do see your point. I think on second thoughts, I have mixed feelings about this situation. I think young women should be encouraged to speak about what they like and what they don't like and I do know that that could hurt feelings. At the same time, Christmas is such a joyous occasion and it definitely hurts if the gift's not appreciated. However, shouldn't we consider too, that when we're getting a gift for someone, we want that person to be happy with it as well? It's definitely tricky buying a gift - I think gift card is a very lazy and 'thoughtless/easy' way of gifting.
Right now, I am not so sure. I think as outsiders, we cannot know what's going on. We don't know the people involved very well, so as such, I think it all depends in the delivery method of the daughter. If she expresses herself well and tactfully, I think it's not as 'bad'.
That being said, I think I can only speak for myself because I feel like I'm quite technical when it comes to feelings. I try not to get too emotional with other people, perhaps it's a self-defense mechanism, but that's a whole other story. I don't like people making me upset, so I don't let them. This Christmas is stressful - I am gonna buy some gifts for my boyfriend and his family and I have been stressing since late October. If they don't like their gifts, I guess I feel like I've tried.
Original Post by spoiled_candy:
Donate the gifts that you bought her to a women"s shelter in her name.
Her, she would get a card that a donation was made in her name.
I second this.
