The crap people tell you
For the past 60 minutes, I have had a classmate call me, and end up telling me her marriage is over (husband checked out, she needs attention from every man on the planet; and woman since she can't shut up about herself), was "date raped" by a classmate (even though for the past 1.5 years since has been chummy, buddy buddy with him until recently; Weird part is she had her husband come pick her up before they had sex, husband come by, but left her there because she looked "comfortable"...What? Huge story missing there) and basically talked about herself the ENTIRE time, after just calling to get a room together the night before an exam we have to take 1.5 hours away.
The crappy part is I already agreed to room with her, before her story. Ugh. I think she is in so much denial of what she brings on herself and so selfish.
She's already told about half the classmates about this date rape thing, so I know it's not about her needing to tell someone a deep, dark secret. I never liked the guy she is accusing, but I don't believe he "date raped" her.
I guess I wanted to be judgmental and vent without hurting anyone's feelings. Has anyone else just ever dump their life onto you (not a close friend) so randomly? I have so much on my plate right now, I don't have time to deal with someone else's drama.
I'm done with my random post, now.
If she isn't going to press charges she needs to zip her lip. He could sue her for libel/slander/defamation/whatever. ;
Sorry you got yourself a nutty one on your hands for the pre-exam hotel. Take ear plugs and an eye mask and go to bed early.
Original Post by corgisrule:
If she isn't going to press charges she needs to zip her lip. He could sue her for libel/slander/defamation/whatever. ;
Sorry you got yourself a nutty one on your hands for the pre-exam hotel. Take ear plugs and an eye mask and go to bed early.
thank you! yes, i think you hit the nail on the head of what bothers me most about the accusation: Saying you were date raped, but saying you would have slept with him on different terms, stating you are fine and a "big girl" and can are not affected my it, and that you knew what was going on but thought "whatever" because you were too drunk to care, but accusing someone of such a vicious act.
I asked her "so maybe the term wasn't right. was it rape or did you feel taken advantage of?" She agreed to being taken advantage of.
But please. It's still bull ****. She has been "budz" with him for a year and a half since and laughs about that night every time she talked about it before. She said she never said anything because she didn't wan the story to affect the cohort. I'm not buying it.
I'm hoping another classmate will be at the same hotel and I can hang out with her and study a bunch.
Ugh, that's disgusting. People who make false accusations of rape make it so much harder for real victims of rape to come out into the open and get support.
If she actually was date raped, she is going about it in the worst possible way. You would think that someone's first instinct would be to go to the hospital to get a rape kit, file a report to the police, get counseling, and maybe tell a few close friends and school officials, anyone that could help in some way.
Generally when someone is raped it makes you feel so embarrassed and full of confusing related emotions that you really wouldn't want people to know. At least it's not something that you practically brag about to everyone around you in an attempt to shame the guy.
I have a friend sort of like this. She likes to complain about things a lot and blows everything out of proportion. She often talks about how she's really depressed and thinks about suicide, but said this all so nonchalantly and then quickly forgot she even said any of that and repeated it a few more times when different people came around. I find that sort of behavior so insulting, especially having dealt with similar feelings and seen other friends torn apart with these issues. It makes a mockery out of things that cause deep pain in others. :(
I'm not saying people should keep feelings inside. However there is a difference between telling someone close about an issue to get comfort and just telling anyone around you because you want attention.
You would think this sort of behavior would stop after high school, but it seems that some people just never grow up in all the wrong ways. The worst part about that is that it makes the world a crappier place for everyone who legitimately needs help.
I'd advise to keep your distance and try to stay out of this matter because it is pure 100% unfiltered drama.
Original Post by hhop735623835:
......
You would think this sort of behavior would stop after high school, but it seems that some people just never grow up in all the wrong ways. The worst part about that is that it makes the world a crappier place for everyone who legitimately needs help. She's 41!
I'd advise to keep your distance and try to stay out of this matter because it is pure 100% unfiltered drama.
The thing that i guess really annoys me is that she really is a nice person, or at least she was really great at faking it... she just seems so artificial now. I use to enjoy her company, and maybe I'm being too hard on her because we're all going through problems with graduation, but I really don't trust her at all anymore. I always knew she was hungry for attention, but the way she is playing victim grosses me out. I can't stand people who don't take responsibility for their problems. Granted, he husband leaving her at another man's house is **** bizarre, but I'm not in a relationship were either my husband or I would ever do something like that.
You're right...I won't get pulled into this one bit!
oh my God , she sounds like my crazy ex daughter in law. I'm on a trip with her and she tells me how the hell she was raped 4 different times before my son married her. REALLY 4 times? Stop drinking stupid. EVERYthing was about her. Thank goodness she is gone but it broke my sons heart, she was cheating.
GET a different room mate now while you still have time. NUT case run.
I honestly can't believe all of the negativity towards a woman who alleges she has been date raped. Perhaps she is sharing too much information, but who are any of us to say she was or was not raped?
Rape and sexual assault cause a crazy mix of emotions, very true. Sometimes People choose to sweep it under the rug and act as though nothing ever happened (i.e. being "buddy buddy" with him). Sometimes they eventually NEED to get out, to tell someone they trust because when it happened they were too ashamed to go to the police.
As for the libel/slander issue - well first and foremost libel is the act of writing untrue things and publishing them so this is entirely unrelated to the post. Slander is the verbal act of defamation. Both of these can only be committed if the person is not telling the truth. If she was in fact date raped then she cannot possibly speak slanderously of this person. Also I'm fairly gossip doesn't qualify under any of this - pretty sure you have to be saying it in a public sphere.
I'm not saying this woman isn't crazy - she could be a wing nut for all i know - but to say she is acting out of sorts for someon who has been raped is ignoring the fact that sexualized violence has different effects on different people. Her husband thinking she looked comfortable has nothing to do with anything. I've been comfortable with people and 5 minutes later run off because they were becoming inappropriate. I'm sure many of you have done the same.
Original Post by kckstrt:
I honestly can't believe all of the negativity towards a woman who alleges she has been date raped. Perhaps she is sharing too much information, but who are any of us to say she was or was not raped?
Rape and sexual assault cause a crazy mix of emotions, very true. Sometimes People choose to sweep it under the rug and act as though nothing ever happened (i.e. being "buddy buddy" with him). Sometimes they eventually NEED to get out, to tell someone they trust because when it happened they were too ashamed to go to the police.As for the libel/slander issue - well first and foremost libel is the act of writing untrue things and publishing them so this is entirely unrelated to the post. Slander is the verbal act of defamation. Both of these can only be committed if the person is not telling the truth. If she was in fact date raped then she cannot possibly speak slanderously of this person. Also I'm fairly gossip doesn't qualify under any of this - pretty sure you have to be saying it in a public sphere.
I'm not saying this woman isn't crazy - she could be a wing nut for all i know - but to say she is acting out of sorts for someon who has been raped is ignoring the fact that sexualized violence has different effects on different people. Her husband thinking she looked comfortable has nothing to do with anything. I've been comfortable with people and 5 minutes later run off because they were becoming inappropriate. I'm sure many of you have done the same.
there are way too many contradictions in her story. The biggest one with her telling a 1/4 of the class after her and the accused got into a fight and she basically blackmailed him and said "we weren't in agreement that night we hooked up, and one phone call from me and I could ruin your career".
Or her saying "yeah, I guess it was more unwanted (ie: sloppy one night stand) than rape".
People who have been rapped, know it. This woman made a mistake and wants to play victim.
ETA: When she said the comment about "my husband thought I looked comfortable", she made it sound like he didn't care if the two of them hooked up (he "checked out" from the marriage at the beginning of the program). I think what happened is that she was lonely, feeling unloved and wanted to feel desired and she got drunk enough to lose all inhibitions. She recalls everything that happened that night. She said "everything" and never once did she tell him to stop. The guy is about 26. I'm pretty sure he was just thinking "awesome. I'm getting laid!".
