the empty plate syndrome

Ok... so i have been overweight pretty much my whole life, with it spiking after high school when i stopped doing sports. my friend and i always joke around about having the "empty plate syndrome"- not being able to refuse food if it is in front of you, eat until it is gone. the thing is i'm starting to look at it as more than a joke and am wondering if any of you can relate

when i was growing up i always had to clean my plate, especially if i dished it up myself. my parents weren't mean, they just didn't want to waste food. so i would sit there until it was gone. i find myself doing that now. i have always been pretty good about food choices, and even better now that i have found this website. but i still can not refuse food.

this becomes a big problem when i eat 'bad' foods, like on weekends when i go out to dinner or have late night snacks with friends. why can't i just get something small and have a little bit--- most of the time i'm not even hungry to begin with!! i just gotta keep going... then feel sick from overeating.

i hope some day i can have control over food. the thing is, i can always make good choices about what food i buy and have very good control when grocery shopping, etc. but if someone offers me something, i eat out, or other situations like that i feel completely out of control, like i don't have a choice.

questions? comments?

thanks, nicole

When I go out to eat I either ask for a to go box right away and pack half up or I pour pepper all over it so I won't eat it.

When I am eating at home I use a small plate or I use a lean cusine tray. I save a few to help with portion control. And before I sit down to eat I pack up the left over food and put it away. That way I don't snack.

I can relate.  I was part of the 'clean plate club' growing up too.  And, as a mom, I did teach my kids that if they took it, they should eat it.  What I was trying to accomplish with that is to show them that they could take a little to start with and then have seconds if they were still hungry.  So, I try to do that too, especially in social situations.  Instead of heaping my plate, I only take a taste of a few things.  And, at home, I still don't waste food, I will put any leftovers into the fridge, even if it's not very much because then I will have a little snack for later.  Hope that helps.

I have the same thing. I was 'force fed' the idea that if I waste a bite of food, then a thousand children will starve half way across the world. I have freed myself from that mindset and am very relieved to have done so. While I try not to waste food and do know what it's like to struggle financially, I do not force down the very last bites until my plate is clean. Really, I think of it as a part of my eating disorder to be driven to 'clean my plate'. It is not healthy for me in any way, and does not help those children across the world either. No one gains when I insist on doing that to myself. So now, I try to take smaller portions, save food for next day snacks, and yes, throw it away instead of shoving into my mouth in the guise of being thrifty and unwasteful. Letting myself out of this 'rule' has been very liberating.

thanks everyone, this really helps!!

this empty plate theme seems to be popular.  I had to teach myself to throw the food away if I couldn't take it home right away.  It was amazingly hard but they give you so much food in so many restaurants.

Yes, my mother always told us to clean our plates.  Now she lives with me and I am always telling her, "it is ok to throw away". 

Nicole, that's it Exactly!!!!

It's the "children are starving in Africa syndrome" and "waste not, want not". Most of my weight is from bad eating habits learned in childhood.  I was a skinny kid and my mother thought I was sickly, so she kept trying to fatten me up.  The consequences didn't hit until I was over 40, and now I'm trying to un-learn and get healthy.

Getting past that mindset has been the hardest thing for me, and now that I'm past it, it's the hardest thing to explain to other people.  One of my friends had a fit when she heard that I throw out egg yolks.  Now, months later, she still has suggestions about what I can do to use them up.  I finally told her that they were poison to me so the yolks go out with the shells.  And no, my cat won't eat them.  I think I've traumatized her!

I recently saw an interview of a French writer, who has an interesting way of dealing with this very problem.  She says that we should enjoy all our food, but only take 3 bites of the things that are not so good for us, like desserts.  I did this with my mother's birthday cake and it worked.  I had the little taste but not the 300 calories, the butter in it, the eggs, the cream, the sugar.  It did cause me a pang to see the rest of the cake on my plate scraped into the garbage, and I think some people there thought I didn't like the cake.  My cousin was sitting next to me and begged to have "just a little sliver".  She got instead a large piece and was upset.  When I said just don't finish it, she looked at me like I was nuts, a slave to the clean your plate law.

I live alone and cook for just myself most days.  That means I have total control over what goes into my pantry and refrigerator, and from there onto my table.  The only way I can stick to my plan when I go out is to try to know what's going to be served so I can work it into my total.  If I'm going somewhere and don't know what's on the menu, I save calories from that day and the day before and make notes of what I ate.

I hope you'll post here often! 
Claire

you know it never amazes me what we all have in common!  This was almost the exact same post that was posted in Jan!!!  It just proves we all have gone thru so much of the same things, even our post are similar.  Another one for you is as being a mom, trying not to finish what is on your childs plate!  I would eat a nice healthy salad for lunch and fix the kids like PB& J sandwich, french fries, chicken nuggets....you know basic kids foods.  Well, I would find myself eating what they didnt, I think this is where I slowly put on the weight!  I have started making the kids portions smaller so they do finish what is on their plates and if they are still hungry they get some fruit or something else that is healthy that I know I wont feel bad if I finish it!

Great idea about smaller portions for the kids supplemented with fruit.  There is so much talk about our kids unhealthy diet.  Our society is all about eating empty calories in white flour and white sugar.  Fast foods both in restaurants and the grocery store are all about empty calories.

I am trying only to eat whole grains and stay away from the white sugar. 

elrich- I will repost one for about kids and society!

Yeah my parents were big with the "make a happy plate" and "you don't have to like it you just have to eat it thing"  the thing is I LIKE veggies, the things I don't like are cake (I hate anything that is a chocolate bread type thing!  Brownies, chocolate cake, choolate cookies...) But if someone puts something in front of me I HAVE to eat it all.  I am still trying to get out of this habbit...  There is this place that I love to eat at lunch and there are things there tha fit into my diet nicely..  the childrens chicken burrito (belive me it is enough!) and the salad are my favorites!  However they give you these wonderful fried chips with them.  I now ask them to leave them out or I will take my salad out of the bag and immediately throw the bag os chips away..  IF it sits in front of me I know I'll eat it!

i'm so glad to hear you all deal with this! thank goodness i live alone right now while i'm trying to change my lifestyle or i know it would be 100% harder (eating food bought for the kids, other people cooking, etc.) i guess i just need to learn that the world will NOT stop turning if i throw something away! or just not eat anywhere but my own house :)

thanks all-- i love this place!

ps one of my students told me i look skinny today-- SMILES!!!!!!!! (i told her it's because i'm wearing black!!!) Have a great day everyone

also i added you as my friends! feel free to do the same :)