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Her daughter sent me an email on facebook. I kinda take that as an invitation to come visit and that they would like to see me? I already found out which hospital and room number she's in. I dated her son for 5 years and it ended, messy. But it's been over 5 years since it all went down and I've seen her son since and it was awkward but fine, does time heal all wounds?

I'd like to go visit her but I'm nervous and don't know if she would even want to see me. I think she might having a near death experience and all. It's just that, they were my family when my own family turned their backs on me. I think about them all the time and I definitely still love them.

I plan to ask my husband how he feels about it. I wouldn't want to go if it made him uncomfortable in any way. But I don't want this to be the last chance to see her, say good bye and maybe even apologize (for my part in the messy break up).

Should I just leave it? Or try and go visit her and the family? Has she been through enough? And if "wait until she's home" is the suggestion than I'm just going to leave it because that would make it WAY too awkward and intimate. I'd much rather it just happen in a clinical controlled environment.

44 Replies (last)

So you havent seen the lady in 5 years and out of the blue you just show up in her hospital room?

Send a card.  If she hasn't reached out to talk to you in 5 years, after you dumped her son (or however it happened)...I doubt she's going to be heartbroken if you don't show up.

A card shows you heard, care, and hope she has a spedy recovery.  Maybe she responds, maybe she throws it away...but at least you'll be at ease that you made an effort.

I have to agree with calcat on this one.

I agree with ccat

holy crap, so do i.

it's a sweet thought, ac, but i think he's right about sending a card.  it opens up the lines of communication should she wish you contact you later.

If you can do it without making things heavy with apologies, etc, I don't see why you couldn't make a two minute phone call, and say 'hey, x told me what happened, i think of you & didn't want to miss the chance to touch base; glad you're better, take care'. you don't actually have to promise to maintain communication (unless you want to). am sure it would mean a lot for her to know she's been important in your life.

eta: yeah wouldn't even mention the relationship or the ex unless she brings him up, it's been 5 years & doesn't matter anymore.

eta: though yeah, same could be accomplished with a card.

eta: no. at least call her.

Just going to say it, if my brothers ex showed up at the hospital to see my mother after a heart attack after being absent for 5 years due to a "messy" break up she wouldn't get within 5 feet of the room.

good point. right. 

 i don't know. what kind of woman is she? momma bear? forgive and forget?

what kind of role did she play in your life?

card is safe, true. 

eta: but death is permanent. do it.

As a mom of a divorced son, I would be happy if my ex dil visited me in the hospital.  I was her "mom" for quite a few years.  What happened between her and my son is their issue, not mine.  I love her and would welcome a visit from her. 

Given how close you were to her, at the very least send flowers and a nice card...and leave the door open for her to contact you.

I have seen her since the break up, she didn't express any hard feelings. In fact, she said that she missed me. At the time it wasn't practical to remain in contact.

I could send a card and very well may. I just didn't want to miss the chance to see her in person and hug her. She was like a mother to me when my own mother was no where to be found. And I don't want to hear a word about why we haven't remained in contact if we were so close, I don't expect someone who was like a mother to me to choose me over her son, no matter what the circumstance.

Without going into ALL the details, the messy part was more on his side than mine, though I was in no way innocent. He tried to attack me after I left him. Resulting in a restraining order... I've seen him since and it was awkward but we were able to resolve things. So I'm sure "getting within 5 feet of the room" wouldn't be a problem. Obviously the family wanted me to know or his sister wouldn't have contacted me.

I know this is an Internet forum but for the love of God, you all piss me off sometimes! Maybe it's because you're right, maybe it's just because you're a bunch of jerks!Tongue out

Oh, go hug her!!

Now I'm scared to go with all the negative feedback.

Look, both of you know who you've been for each other. Her daughter told you about it for a reason. Life is freaking short. Go and see her, you won't regret it :)

OK, I'm gonna do it. I'm very nervous. I'll go tomorrow after work and report back here afterward.

Good :)

Five minutes, a bunch of flowers, a hug. It'll cost very little, and mean a lot.

I do not want my son's ex coming within miles of me. She need not call or send a card. She is not part of our family any longer.  If she showed up in my room one of us would be dead.

I'm still in touch with my Exe's parents- although our breakup was sad and a bit confused rather than messy. Second last time I was in London they had come dpwn from Yorkshire and I made sure I could see them (it had been 2 or 3 years by that time) They were very happy to see me!

If you hadn't seen her in 5 years I'd agree with Ccat (but would throw some flowers intothe bargain) but sicne the duahgter called I'd go. If I was unsure as you are I mgith call the daughter and ask her pinion.

And make sure you don't bump into your ex.

edited... just saw your post about still being in contact with her... if you guys are still 'friends' then go see her... otherwise, I would send a card and maybe some flowers.

Original Post by aczinder:

OK, I'm gonna do it. I'm very nervous. I'll go tomorrow after work and report back here afterward.

I think she'll be very glad of your visit! She will know that even though you broke up with her son, the friendship you enjoyed with her was genuine. This will mean a lot to her in hospital and probably raise her spirits considerably. Good show for making the decision to go. I hope you have  a lovely visit!

Original Post by ianheavy:

Original Post by aczinder:

OK, I'm gonna do it. I'm very nervous. I'll go tomorrow after work and report back here afterward.

I think she'll be very glad of your visit! She will know that even though you broke up with her son, the friendship you enjoyed with her was genuine. This will mean a lot to her in hospital and probably raise her spirits considerably. Good show for making the decision to go. I hope you have  a lovely visit!

^This.

Glad you are going.  She will enjoy seeing you.  I'd keep the conversation focused on her, her health, etc.... and not get into any kind of regrets, apology, etc....  Just being there shows all of that without speaking.  :-)

44 Replies (last)
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