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Favorite Cheesy Jokes


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Here's one of mine:

What do Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper have in common?

 

 

 

The same middle name!

Now let's here yours

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LOL!  That one is pretty cute!

The oldies but goodies: Why was 6 afraid of 7?  Because 7 8 9.

Or one of my old favorites: Two atoms were drinking at a bar

Atom 1 said frantically "oh my, I think I lost an electron!"

Atom 2 replied "are you sure?"

Atom 1: I'm positive

I will be telling that one.

Have you heard the string joke? A string walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here". The string, without saying a word, walks outside where he proceeds to tie himself into knots and mess up his "hair". When he walks back in and asks for a beer the bartender says, "Aren't you the string that was just in here." "No, he answered, "I'm afraid not". A frayed knot

 

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "why the long face?"

Haha

Two peanuts were walking down a dark alley. One was assaulted. (A salted.)

Original Post by fatanr11:

A horse John Kerry walks into a bar. Bartender says, "why the long face?"

fixed it.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick. 

What's green and has wheels?

Grass...I lied about the wheels

two muffins are baking in the oven... one turns to the other and says "boy it's hot in here!" other muffin responds "OMG A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!!"

i laugh at this one every single time.. and tell it every time.. i don't know why but i just love it!!

ETA: this one isn't old.. that i know of.. i just heard it 5 minutes ago

Husband says to wife,
"My Olympic condoms have arrived... I think I'll wear Gold tonight."

Wife replies,
"Why not wear Silver and come second for a change..."

Original Post by pinkpinkotter:

Husband says to wife,
"My Olympic condoms have arrived... I think I'll wear Gold tonight."

Wife replies,
"Why not wear Silver and come second for a change..."

Hilarious!

A man walks into the doctor's office with a piece of celery up his nose and a carrot in his ear. The doctor takes one look at him and says,

"You're not eating right."

Original Post by pinkpinkotter:

two muffins are baking in the oven... one turns to the other and says "boy it's hot in here!" other muffin responds "OMG A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!!"

i laugh at this one every single time.. and tell it every time.. i don't know why but i just love it!!

Me too. It actually gets funnier each time.

Also, this one:

Two tomatoes were walking down the street.

The first one says "Hey, watch out for the <squish>."

"Wha- <squish>."

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

-No eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

-Still no eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs and no genitals?

-Still no effing eye deer.

My son's favorite:  Why do birds fly south for the winter?  Because it's too far to walk.

A couple of my favorite bar ones:

A neutron walks into a bar and asks "How much for a beer?"  The bartender says "For you, no charge."

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar, and the bartender says "Hey, what is this, a joke?"

And for some reason, I always really liked:

You know what a prism is?  It's where they keep the prismers.

Knock, knock. (1st person)

Who's there? (2nd person)

Interupting cow.

Interupting cow wh-

MOOOO! (cutting off the other person)

 

God, I giggle so hard at that one. All time favorite. :)

What do you call cheese that's not yours? 

Nacho cheese

Original Post by runyourlife:

What do you call cheese that's not yours? 

Nacho cheese

This is one of my all time faves!

Original Post by mistyrobbins:

What's green and has wheels?

Grass...I lied about the wheels

People always look at me funny when I tell this joke.^

What's red and has wheels?
A tomato on a rollerskate.

Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.

Why did the bird fall out of the tree?
Because it was stapled to the squirrel.

 

Why wasn't the pirate allowed into the movie?

Because it was rated Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Just remembered this from a loooong time ago:

How is corn on the cob like the army?

It has a lot of kernels.

Knock knock: Who's there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Knock knock: Who's there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Knock knock: Who's there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Knock knock: Who's there?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange you glad I didn't say banana!

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel on his crotch.

Bartender says "man, that's looks uncomfortable"

Pirate says "arrgh, it's drivin' me nuts."

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