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Please feel free to post "gem statements" from off-the-wall family members...

Comments / statements from my mom are usually epic fails, so I will start:

"All lesbians are liberals"

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My uncle, after I commented that engineering school was challenging:

"That's okay, pretty soon you'll get married and you won't have to go to college." 

My hubby's uncle during a World Cup game (Italy v France) after someone commented it was "interesting" that a good number of the French players were black:

"Soccer is a white man's game."

hahaha, nice one's santo!

Original Post by santonacci:

My uncle, after I commented that engineering school was challenging:

"That's okay, pretty soon you'll get married and you won't have to go to college." 

I'm pretty sure I would've flipped my lid....

My husband told me yesterday (after I complained that I was sore from lifting), that it "will be better before you get married."

Now I realize this was something his dad would say to him when he was younger, but at this point, I'm going to go out on a limb and say no. No, it won't.

"What good is an elephant?" -- my grandfather on preservation.

Original Post by amethystgirl:

My husband told me yesterday (after I complained that I was sore from lifting), that it "will be better before you get married."

Now I realize this was something his dad would say to him when he was younger, but at this point, I'm going to go out on a limb and say no. No, it won't.

LOL. Does that even make sense? haha

Original Post by roxysparkles:

Original Post by amethystgirl:

My husband told me yesterday (after I complained that I was sore from lifting), that it "will be better before you get married."

Now I realize this was something his dad would say to him when he was younger, but at this point, I'm going to go out on a limb and say no. No, it won't.

LOL. Does that even make sense? haha

Not unless he expects me to remarry. In which case, he's probably right - divorce takes time, then I've gotta find a new guy... I think I'll just assume that he's wrong.

This one was from my MIL (I love her to death, but sometimes... she's a little slow! haha)..

"What are hummingbirds? Insects?"

No, mom, they are BIRDS hahaha

Original Post by amethystgirl:

Not unless he expects me to remarry. In which case, he's probably right - divorce takes time, then I've gotta find a new guy... I think I'll just assume that he's wrong.

Haha what was your response?!

Original Post by roxysparkles:

Original Post by amethystgirl:

Not unless he expects me to remarry. In which case, he's probably right - divorce takes time, then I've gotta find a new guy... I think I'll just assume that he's wrong.

Haha what was your response?!

Something along those lines -- he seemed to take it in stride. ;)

"You make a better door than you do a window"

"Huh?"

"You make a better door than you do a window"

"Huh? What?"

"You make a better...get out of the way of the damn TV, drifty!"

"Oh...I didn't understand what you meant, Dad, sorry..."

*snicker*

From my grandma, on Christmas, completely unprovoked by my adopted fur-baby, and in front of extended family including my in-laws:

"You should return that dog to the pound."

Merry Christmas to you too, granny!

My granddad had so many crazy things he said, I hate that I can't remember them all.

You're daft, me ducks, you're full o' balloons!

and

Twas the night before Christmas
The rain was snowing fast
A barefooted man with clogs on
Stood sitting on the grass

it goes on and on, but that's all I can remember

He also called my Nana by the endearing nickname "rat eyes" or sometimes "dog face"

He liked to make spoonerisms out of every street or store sign (Food Mart was always my and my brother's favorite)

If you asked him what he was doing, he would almost always answer:

Waiting for a bus, have you seen one come along?

If you asked him what something was, he would almost always answer:

It's a wigwam for grinding smoke. What'd you think it was?

I miss him very much.

Awww - awest, that is so mean! lol... mean granny, mean!

Original Post by nomoreexcuses:

My granddad had so many crazy things he said, I hate that I can't remember them all.

You're daft, me ducks, you're full o' balloons!

and

Twas the night before Christmas
The rain was snowing fast
A barefooted man with clogs on
Stood sitting on the grass

it goes on and on, but that's all I can remember

He also called my Nana by the endearing nickname "rat eyes" or sometimes "dog face"

He liked to make spoonerisms out of every street or store sign (Food Mart was always my and my brother's favorite)

If you asked him what he was doing, he would almost always answer:

Waiting for a bus, have you seen one come along?

If you asked him what something was, he would almost always answer:

It's a wigwam for grinding smoke. What'd you think it was?

I miss him very much.

What's a spoonerism?

Original Post by dnrothx:

"What good is an elephant?" -- my grandfather on preservation.

 baahahahaha

Original Post by kathygator:

What's a spoonerism?

I didn't know either KG so I googled it:

A spoonerism is an error in speech or deliberate play on words in which corresponding consonants, vowels, or morphemes are switched.

Spoonerism

What did the nervous usher say?

Mardon me padam, may I sew you to another sheet, this pie is occupewed.

'meechus a brown u svayded'

Phonetic : Slovenian for "To think is not to know." Simple enough.

It's the only Slovenian my grandmother ever taught me, so the first time I said it to one of my kids all they heard was 'peaches and brown meat gravy'.

Which my husband immediately cataloged as KathyGem.

 

Original Post by kathygator:

'peaches and brown meat gravy'.

Hysterical!

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