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How to gently tell a guy you don't like him?


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We've all experienced this. I'm in a situation where I know a guy likes me. I really enjoy his company, but I only like him as a friend. He's made his point by calling/texting often and slipping hints into our conversations.

I want to know, guys who have been rejected, how should it be said to make it as painless as possible? I want to remain friends, but I'm afraid things will become akward after I tell him I'm not looking to hook up or anything. Any suggestions?

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There is no way to make it as painless as possible. He likes you, you're about to reject him, it's gonna hurt.

HOWEVER, guys get used to it, learn to get over it.

Be honest and polite, but firm. You like him as a friend ONLY and you aren't interested in him in that way. You really don't want to lose him as a friend over this.

Good luck!

I know I'm not a guy who has been rejected, but I'm a girl who has been rejected, and I've had to reject a few friends also.  Just be prepared to deal with some awkwardness.  It may take him time to recover, and he may not want to be friends right away. 

Also, if there is a truthful way (lying is a bad plan) that you can indicate that you have feelings for someone else, maybe..kind of offhandedly bring that up.  That's kind of a nice way to communicate a lack of interest without directly saying you're not interested.  It's not very direct though, so it may not really work.

The best way is firm and honest. It will hurt him, but less so if you give him any hope that you may change your mind. Good luck!

*sigh* ive always had problems with this. not that many guys have liked me, but i never liked the ones that did. i always end up being too nice and encouraging them more, and then realizing it and starting to distance myself...and its never worked right..

i guess the showing interest in someone else is good advice!

I had to do this just a few days ago. What I did is when he asked me out again, I said "thank you for the offer, but I am not interested in dating." That's all. But then he called me the next morning, he wanted to know WHY I was not intersted in dating HIM. So I said it's just not there for me, romantically - no connection. I said it's not anything specific that you did (because he seemed to think that it was).

There were very specific reasons why I don't want to date him. But I didn't want to be hurtful and tell him those reasons.

Whoever said be firm - I would agree with that.

It may be a bit different experience than mine, if you want to remain friends with the guy on a platonic level. I didn't really have interest in remaining friends, and we weren't friends before he asked me out.

Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.

Direct and honest. It really gets your point across.

The real responses are pretty right but I'll tell you what I think might also happen. He won't talk to you for a bit. It's nothing personal, but he may have only been interested in dating you and not in making more friends. He will need a little time to get over his slight interest, so if he hasn't talked to you in a couple of weeks then send drop him a line and invite him out to a group event. Depending on the sort of person he is you may even want to add as a friend.

Sometimes we're not interested in just being friends though. If we're looking to date girls and have a relationship making lots of new friends along the way is just going to pull time away from our search. While this isn't always the case I've found that it isn't always in the wrong either.

I agree with everyone, but truly be 100% clear. And really, it's up to him if you can be friends, not up to you.

  Guys (and girls for that matter) can easily misundertand the friendship intentions for mixed signals later on. So, be clear of your feelings and take the chance that friendship may not be in your future. Good luck!

#8  
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I feel ya! This is what I've found to be the best way: When he asks you to do something with him, just say something like 'I appreciate the invitation, but I just don't think we're right for each other'.

It might make an akward moment, but, most guys will muster up an 'ok, I guess I'll see ya around' or 'ok, take care' rarely EVER will they sit there and make the situation more uncomfortable.

If he asks you why, just say its intuition.

Original Post by muttlover:

Any suggestions?


Knee to the groin. He is a passive aggressive flirter and must be dealt with!!

Original Post by cstefan:

Original Post by muttlover:

Any suggestions?


Knee to the groin. He is a passive aggressive flirter and must be dealt with!!

 Ha ha ha Laughing

I'm going with this one, because I don't think there is an easy way to reject someone, and as someone said before it'll be up to him if you remain friends or not.

Good luck

Not a guy, but I've been on both sides of this, usually the explaining it's not you, I'm just not feeling it, but occasionally on the never to be called again side.  Being clear and kind is best.  If you're not feeling a romantic connection there is nothing he can do to change that.  Rarely will a woman change her mind and there is nothing active a guy can do to change it.  If you have some reason that he can change that you're positive will help him have a better chance with other women, then tell him as kindly as possible.  For instance, the killer bad breath, poor hygiene or grooming habits, conversational habits that he might not be aware of, etc.  While hopefully his friends would have told him anything they've observed, some people just haven't quite gotten that sometimes pointing things out is kinder than letting people wander around unwittingly doing offensive things.

I have male friends that occasionally try to make the romantic run at me, and again I just let them know that friendship is all we've got going on.  I'll give them a shoulder to cry on, help them move, lend them up to $20 bucks, give them a ride, give them romantic advice, but that's it.  Most of them get it, but occasionally some get ideas, when they do, it usually takes a few weeks before we return to no strain in the friendship, they'll let me know when they're available to hang out as friends again and if my schedule's free I'm all for it.

ugh this is my biggest problem. I've completely killed three pretty strong friendships because I didn't want more than that. Then it just got awkward as hell & the friendship was done.

No matter what, he's gonna be hurt. But just try to be as honest as possible- no sense wasting your time on a relationship that you only got into because you felt bad or guilty.

Maybe you are too close to him and he sees that as affection. Even if you try to show him that you're not interested, the fact that you spend time together anyway must be confusing him.

If you want to preserve this friendship you need to distance yourself from him for a while. At least until one of you enters into a stable relationship. Only then can you really be friends, without any ambiguity.

"I'm sorry, but you are not my type. If it makes you feel any better though, I'll think about you the next time I masturbate."

This comment is just for giggles. I know you're a girl and I know that the question is about 2 years old, but it would probably work. If anything it would make him laugh and get him to forget about you not wanting to go to the next step.

Dual appeal to logic...

"Dude, this isn't going to work out. I'm just not into you, and I'm never going to be. Don't try to 'prove your love', it'll just make you look desperate. On the plus side, you don't have to waste time and energy trying to get with me."

... and sex:

"On the plus side, I have single girlfriends, and I know one or two who might just be your time. I love fixing my friends up."

Heh. Zombie rejection.

I wish I would have followed everyone's advice here, but I didn't have the balls to.

He ended up stalking me.

He would have anyway, Mutt. If he's a nutball, he's a nutball. Don't beat yourself up.

Original Post by 3434343434utubeguy:

"I'm sorry, but you are not my type. If it makes you feel any better though, I'll think about you the next time I masturbate."

This comment is just for giggles. I know you're a girl and I know that the question is about 2 years old, but it would probably work. If anything it would make him laugh and get him to forget about you not wanting to go to the next step.

ROFL!!! Dude, that's classic:) I'd definitely use this response, if it wasn't for the fact that the man that's after me is already stalking me. A response like that would just egg him on. That would be a good response for the ego-maniac type.

Muttlover: So sorry that you're having those problems. I've been having them too. Been thinking about consulting some sort of stalking-expert to see what I can do. Some guys just don't get subtle- or even not so subtle- hints. ALWAYS be alert and aware of what's going on around you and never let your guard down for a second. Carry mace or a little LED flashlight on you at all times. Those little LED's are VERY bright and can be very blinding. I think it's probably more effective than mace. You're in my thoughts, best of luck to you. God Bless:)

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