Good Holiday Eating Tips
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
Have a great holiday season!
You are right about the eggnog... Drink up, people!
Those were funny... even though I almost felt nauseous at the thought of actually doing all of that...
very funny - will share that one with friends... =)
thanks!
I'm going to make sure I do #8!
Being Jewish does have an added benefit- no insanely yummy looking Christmas cookies to avoid eating. : P
I have a candy cane and I'm up 5lbs.
And all God's people said, AMEN!!!!!!!
What a well written post! If you're not a pro writer then you should be!
I agree with the spirit of this article, life is supposed to be fun, right?
If you can't enjoy food wholeheartedly at Christmas time then that is truly sad.
I find the more I obsess over food the less I lose, a lot of our transformation has to do with mental attitude. Keep a light spirit about it, look forward to reaching your goals, stay on track most of the time and relax you will get there!
Hilarious! Sounds like my Christmases past (but not this year;-))
Remember, anything worth doing (like eating) is worth doing to excess!!
"Live, live, live. Life is a banquet and most poor sons of bitches are starving to death!"
Auntie Mame
hehe good bump, this is cute
Might not have all those cookies.Just different ones. and don't forget those Potato Pancakes...LOL
11. Drink alcohol in extremely large doses :)
i think this was one of the first threads ever.
squeal! jayd!!!!
cecily is posting in the lounge again!!! yay!!!
nomo!!!!
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oh.
never mind.
Cecily, Love it, love it, love it! My XH and I believed in potatoes and fat for the holidays. Mashed potatoes with heavy cream, butter and full fat cream cheese. Add a pitcher of gravy. Mmm! Cheesy scalloped potatoes with ditto butter, cream, and pounds of cheddar cheese. Mm, mm, mm. Sweet potato pie, with pounds of brown of sugar, eggs, cream, butter and for good measure more sugar and pecans! (Faints!) We're separated now!
Original Post by cecilyb03:
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
I will be in the corner with the fruitcake and the single malt scotch. (though i hear you are what you eat....)
