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My husband refuses to pay bills!!!!


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this is probably not the place to vent but i will so anyways. I have been married to this guy for 5 years. He has 3 kids from a previous relationship. He has not had a job the whole time and finally started working about 4 months ago. I have been the one paying all the bills, food, clothes, and etc. we also got a 5month old boy together. Anyways, ever since he started working he hasnt payed any bills. He prides himself on putting money in MY bank. Which means nothing cuz we cannot touch...as he is saving for his twins graduation in two years. He also dished the fact that he does not believe in "steps" and we are married. So if im not a step-parent, then why am i paying for your kids bills?? why am i constantly on the table helping your children with school work? etc. etc. i really got hurt.  and if you love someone, wouldnt you want to help pay the bills if we are a team? and your other half was supporting you the whole time. he made is clear, that even though we are married, we are not a team. Im just someone who supports his family and nothing else. Maybe its time i start being like him. and start saving for my own son.

83 Replies (last)

Jlit - You need to dump this jerk and soon.

Why didn't you figure this stuff out before you married/reproduced with him?

funny you ask...and the honest truth is I did. he had a job for about 7 months in which he made lots of money. and at that time, his kids wanted to live with him because the mom treated them as slaves. therefore, we got a bigger place. And as it is now, he saved all his money in an envelope while i paid the bills. Im stupid i know. I love to easly and have always been the one to help no matter what. but now, i realized that this is not love. im just a convienence. he just called. and i told him that im pulling all his money out of the bank and leaving what i already had in the savings. he argued the amount..and i just said fine. and i also told him that im not paying anymore bills besides my baby's childcare. the way i see it, i gave 100% our whole relationship. and now its his turn.

Also, on our tax return i brought a family van under his name. stupid, yes i know. And now he doesnt let me drive it, in fact, he makes one of his kids babysit me while i take the van to do household shopping and etc. So i told him i wanted to get me a car. He said, i cannot cuz who going pay the bills. I told him well i thought maybe you should start. he told me to shut up!!! so im catching the bus, riding bike to and from work. while he saves his money to buy his kids cars for their graduation present.

 

I heard some advice on this before and will pass it on to you.
First of all do a ratio of your combined income.  If he makes more then he is paying more for the household bills, if you make more then you pay more.  But it gets rationed so it is fairly split.
Total up all of your bills, food cost and car gas, everything that comes out, even budget for birthday and Christmas presents as well as vacations and savings.
Useing the same ratio tally up how much you each are going to contribute each month.
Then tell him what is left over in his favour goes to him for his kids college fund and whatever else he needs.
What is leftover in your favour you get to use as you see fit.  Even socking some away if you ever decide to leave him or for your baby's future.
Good luck

You're the second person I have seen with a 9 digit number in your username.  Is that like your SSN or something?  Or just something randomly assigned by about.com?

oh, forgodsake.

Original Post by fuzzy_a:

You're the second person I have seen with a 9 digit number in your username.  Is that like your SSN or something?  Or just something randomly assigned by about.com?

 it came when i signed up...i dont know how to change it.

 

Original Post by spoiled_candy:

I heard some advice on this before and will pass it on to you.
First of all do a ratio of your combined income.  If he makes more then he is paying more for the household bills, if you make more then you pay more.  But it gets rationed so it is fairly split.
Total up all of your bills, food cost and car gas, everything that comes out, even budget for birthday and Christmas presents as well as vacations and savings.
Useing the same ratio tally up how much you each are going to contribute each month.
Then tell him what is left over in his favour goes to him for his kids college fund and whatever else he needs.
What is leftover in your favour you get to use as you see fit.  Even socking some away if you ever decide to leave him or for your baby's future.
Good luck

 Funny i was thinking the same thing too. But i called his mom and told her about everything. she feels that i should not pay anything as i gave 100% our whole relationship. So i have rationalized it...im thinking i will let him pay 100% for 5 to 6 months and then do the ratio thing. he had chance to save for his kids. I believe im entitled to the same thing also.

Original Post by jlit437672246:

 

Also, on our tax return i brought a family van under his name. stupid, yes i know. And now he doesnt let me drive it, in fact, he makes one of his kids babysit me while i take the van to do household shopping and etc. So i told him i wanted to get me a car. He said, i cannot cuz who going pay the bills. I told him well i thought maybe you should start. he told me to shut up!!! so im catching the bus, riding bike to and from work. while he saves his money to buy his kids cars for their graduation present.

 

Holy siht. 

Leave now.  Seriously.  You guys did not plan your marriage right from the beginning and it's obvious that you two are not on the same page about anything (and he's a CONTROL freak). 

Do you love him and want to stay with him? If so, suggest counseling.  If he doesn't go, it's not too late for you to find happiness.

I'm not normally in the "just dump the jerk" trend when a married couple is involved, but you guys are not a team at all.  And it sounds like he doesn't love or respect you at all.

My mom had rules like this. Please don't raise your kids thinking it's okay to be in a fcuked up relationship.

 

Original Post by pgeorgian:

oh, forgodsake.

sorry for bothering you with my fustrations. I hope you have a blessed day!

Original Post by jlit437672246:

this is probably not the place to vent but i will so anyways. I have been married to this guy for 5 years. He has 3 kids from a previous relationship. He has not had a job the whole time and finally started working about 4 months ago. I have been the one paying all the bills, food, clothes, and etc. we also got a 5month old boy together. Anyways, ever since he started working he hasnt payed any bills. He prides himself on putting money in MY bank. Which means nothing cuz we cannot touch...as he is saving for his twins graduation in two years. He also dished the fact that he does not believe in "steps" and we are married. So if im not a step-parent, then why am i paying for your kids bills?? why am i constantly on the table helping your children with school work? etc. etc. i really got hurt.  and if you love someone, wouldnt you want to help pay the bills if we are a team? and your other half was supporting you the whole time. he made is clear, that even though we are married, we are not a team. Im just someone who supports his family and nothing else. Maybe its time i start being like him. and start saving for my own son.


I'd seriously consider shanking my husband in his sleep if he behaved this way.

Why did you marry him?

That is all.

Original Post by jlit437672246:

funny you ask...and the honest truth is I did. he had a job for about 7 months in which he made lots of money.

Did you date, marry, and conceive a child with him all in those 7 months?

Original Post by amethystgirl:

Original Post by jlit437672246:

funny you ask...and the honest truth is I did. he had a job for about 7 months in which he made lots of money.

Did you date, marry, and conceive a child with him all in those 7 months?

 Yes i was with him during that time. this was in the middle of our 5 year relationship. we just got a bigger place and he agreed to get a job to help me out with supporting his kids. So he did, however, he saved all his money and put it in an envelope instead. he proposed during those 7 months yes..but was jobless when we got married. I even brought our rings..im realizing how pathetic i am. I just had my child for 6 months now. I guess thats when i finally woke up..it aint about me anymore.

 

Original Post by havencounts:

Original Post by jlit437672246:

this is probably not the place to vent but i will so anyways. I have been married to this guy for 5 years. He has 3 kids from a previous relationship. He has not had a job the whole time and finally started working about 4 months ago. I have been the one paying all the bills, food, clothes, and etc. we also got a 5month old boy together. Anyways, ever since he started working he hasnt payed any bills. He prides himself on putting money in MY bank. Which means nothing cuz we cannot touch...as he is saving for his twins graduation in two years. He also dished the fact that he does not believe in "steps" and we are married. So if im not a step-parent, then why am i paying for your kids bills?? why am i constantly on the table helping your children with school work? etc. etc. i really got hurt.  and if you love someone, wouldnt you want to help pay the bills if we are a team? and your other half was supporting you the whole time. he made is clear, that even though we are married, we are not a team. Im just someone who supports his family and nothing else. Maybe its time i start being like him. and start saving for my own son.


I'd seriously consider shanking my husband in his sleep if he behaved this way.

Why did you marry him?

That is all.

 why? wow..hit the spot.

I married him because he was different. He's extremely funny. there is no one that would disagree. He can sing. He treated me so nicely. Maybe the reason i loved him the most, is because he loved me when i was fat. In fact, even though im still trying to lose the weight. he would look at my big pictures and say that he loved me that way. Also, my husband is very stupid..therefore, there is never a dull moment when he's around. He will argue with the television set, even a stoplight..lol. Like his family said, he may be stupid but he knows what love is. However, he doesnt know how to respect me or help out. I Guess when you didnt graduate from high school or hardly have a job. you wanna hold on to that money. but really, it shouldnt be that way. should it???

 

Original Post by jlit437672246:

Original Post by havencounts:

Original Post by jlit437672246:

this is probably not the place to vent but i will so anyways. I have been married to this guy for 5 years. He has 3 kids from a previous relationship. He has not had a job the whole time and finally started working about 4 months ago. I have been the one paying all the bills, food, clothes, and etc. we also got a 5month old boy together. Anyways, ever since he started working he hasnt payed any bills. He prides himself on putting money in MY bank. Which means nothing cuz we cannot touch...as he is saving for his twins graduation in two years. He also dished the fact that he does not believe in "steps" and we are married. So if im not a step-parent, then why am i paying for your kids bills?? why am i constantly on the table helping your children with school work? etc. etc. i really got hurt.  and if you love someone, wouldnt you want to help pay the bills if we are a team? and your other half was supporting you the whole time. he made is clear, that even though we are married, we are not a team. Im just someone who supports his family and nothing else. Maybe its time i start being like him. and start saving for my own son.


I'd seriously consider shanking my husband in his sleep if he behaved this way.

Why did you marry him?

That is all.

 why? wow..hit the spot.

I married him because he was different. He's extremely funny. there is no one that would disagree. He can sing. He treated me so nicely. Maybe the reason i loved him the most, is because he loved me when i was fat. In fact, even though im still trying to lose the weight. he would look at my big pictures and say that he loved me that way. Also, my husband is very stupid..therefore, there is never a dull moment when he's around. He will argue with the television set, even a stoplight..lol. Like his family said, he may be stupid but he knows what love is. However, he doesnt know how to respect me or help out. I Guess when you didnt graduate from high school or hardly have a job. you wanna hold on to that money. but really, it shouldnt be that way. should it???

 

No love, it shouldn't be that way. :(

Original Post by jlit437672246:

Original Post by amethystgirl:

Original Post by jlit437672246:

funny you ask...and the honest truth is I did. he had a job for about 7 months in which he made lots of money.

Did you date, marry, and conceive a child with him all in those 7 months?

 Yes i was with him during that time. this was in the middle of our 5 year relationship. we just got a bigger place and he agreed to get a job to help me out with supporting his kids. So he did, however, he saved all his money and put it in an envelope instead. he proposed during those 7 months yes..but was jobless when we got married. I even brought our rings..im realizing how pathetic i am. I just had my child for 6 months now. I guess thats when i finally woke up..it aint about me anymore.

 

 That's right. Since he isn't paying bills or helping anyway, you kind of have nothing to lose by kicking him out.

Make him leave, and change the locks. If he wants to make up or talk about getting together, then you could try counseling. Sounds like his behavior is pretty much what you're going to get from him since it's been this many years already, though.

I'm sorry he turned out to be a schlubb, but that happens sometimes, and you will find peace and happiness once all this crap is gone from your life.

I don't live with my current BF, but I cannot imagine it feels good to watch someone completely disregarding you in every way like that. It's not even about the financial stuff, is it? More that you've worked hard all this time to support and help him while he does absolutely nothing for you.

You and your baby deserve a lot more.

I hope you get it.

 

Original Post by jlit437672246:

Original Post by havencounts:

Original Post by jlit437672246:

this is probably not the place to vent but i will so anyways. I have been married to this guy for 5 years. He has 3 kids from a previous relationship. He has not had a job the whole time and finally started working about 4 months ago. I have been the one paying all the bills, food, clothes, and etc. we also got a 5month old boy together. Anyways, ever since he started working he hasnt payed any bills. He prides himself on putting money in MY bank. Which means nothing cuz we cannot touch...as he is saving for his twins graduation in two years. He also dished the fact that he does not believe in "steps" and we are married. So if im not a step-parent, then why am i paying for your kids bills?? why am i constantly on the table helping your children with school work? etc. etc. i really got hurt.  and if you love someone, wouldnt you want to help pay the bills if we are a team? and your other half was supporting you the whole time. he made is clear, that even though we are married, we are not a team. Im just someone who supports his family and nothing else. Maybe its time i start being like him. and start saving for my own son.


I'd seriously consider shanking my husband in his sleep if he behaved this way.

Why did you marry him?

That is all.

 why? wow..hit the spot.

I married him because he was different. He's extremely funny. there is no one that would disagree. He can sing. He treated me so nicely. Maybe the reason i loved him the most, is because he loved me when i was fat. In fact, even though im still trying to lose the weight. he would look at my big pictures and say that he loved me that way. Also, my husband is very stupid..therefore, there is never a dull moment when he's around. He will argue with the television set, even a stoplight..lol. Like his family said, he may be stupid but he knows what love is. However, he doesnt know how to respect me or help out. I Guess when you didnt graduate from high school or hardly have a job. you wanna hold on to that money. but really, it shouldnt be that way. should it???

Did you feel unlovable or undeserving of love when you were fat? Is that why he seemed so amazing, just because he accepted you?

Plenty of fat women have husbands who love them, respect them, and find them attractive. I really think you are wasting your time with this guy.

Original Post by jlit437672246:

Original Post by havencounts:

Original Post by jlit437672246:

this is probably not the place to vent but i will so anyways. I have been married to this guy for 5 years. He has 3 kids from a previous relationship. He has not had a job the whole time and finally started working about 4 months ago. I have been the one paying all the bills, food, clothes, and etc. we also got a 5month old boy together. Anyways, ever since he started working he hasnt payed any bills. He prides himself on putting money in MY bank. Which means nothing cuz we cannot touch...as he is saving for his twins graduation in two years. He also dished the fact that he does not believe in "steps" and we are married. So if im not a step-parent, then why am i paying for your kids bills?? why am i constantly on the table helping your children with school work? etc. etc. i really got hurt.  and if you love someone, wouldnt you want to help pay the bills if we are a team? and your other half was supporting you the whole time. he made is clear, that even though we are married, we are not a team. Im just someone who supports his family and nothing else. Maybe its time i start being like him. and start saving for my own son.


I'd seriously consider shanking my husband in his sleep if he behaved this way.

Why did you marry him?

That is all.

 why? wow..hit the spot.

I married him because he was different. He's extremely funny. there is no one that would disagree. He can sing. He treated me so nicely. Maybe the reason i loved him the most, is because he loved me when i was fat. In fact, even though im still trying to lose the weight. he would look at my big pictures and say that he loved me that way. Also, my husband is very stupid..therefore, there is never a dull moment when he's around. He will argue with the television set, even a stoplight..lol. Like his family said, he may be stupid but he knows what love is. However, he doesnt know how to respect me or help out. I Guess when you didnt graduate from high school or hardly have a job. you wanna hold on to that money. but really, it shouldnt be that way. should it???

 

If you stay, your child is going to grow up thinking that's the way people are supposed to treat each other. Is that what you want for your kid?

Original Post by jlit437672246:

Original Post by havencounts:

Original Post by jlit437672246:

this is probably not the place to vent but i will so anyways. I have been married to this guy for 5 years. He has 3 kids from a previous relationship. He has not had a job the whole time and finally started working about 4 months ago. I have been the one paying all the bills, food, clothes, and etc. we also got a 5month old boy together. Anyways, ever since he started working he hasnt payed any bills. He prides himself on putting money in MY bank. Which means nothing cuz we cannot touch...as he is saving for his twins graduation in two years. He also dished the fact that he does not believe in "steps" and we are married. So if im not a step-parent, then why am i paying for your kids bills?? why am i constantly on the table helping your children with school work? etc. etc. i really got hurt.  and if you love someone, wouldnt you want to help pay the bills if we are a team? and your other half was supporting you the whole time. he made is clear, that even though we are married, we are not a team. Im just someone who supports his family and nothing else. Maybe its time i start being like him. and start saving for my own son.


I'd seriously consider shanking my husband in his sleep if he behaved this way.

Why did you marry him?

That is all.

 why? wow..hit the spot.

I married him because he was different. He's extremely funny. there is no one that would disagree. He can sing. He treated me so nicely. Maybe the reason i loved him the most, is because he loved me when i was fat. In fact, even though im still trying to lose the weight. he would look at my big pictures and say that he loved me that way. Also, my husband is very stupid..therefore, there is never a dull moment when he's around. He will argue with the television set, even a stoplight..lol. Like his family said, he may be stupid but he knows what love is. However, he doesnt know how to respect me or help out. I Guess when you didnt graduate from high school or hardly have a job. you wanna hold on to that money. but really, it shouldnt be that way. should it???

 

 ha. He sound fun.  The advice to leave the father of your child over the bills thing at this point seems a bit drastic...especially when your love for him and decision to marry him in the first place obviously weren't based on his financial savy.  I don't know, but I think there are a few steps between here and there where the money problems, and the manner in which he shows you respect, could get worked on. 

'borked, he's worked for 11 months out of the last 5 years, and then he wants to control the purse strings. he's a jerk-off loser.

83 Replies (last)
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