Infatuated with my friend's guy friend
ok, so here is the scoop. My very close girl friend has this guy friend who is absolutely gorgeous, he has asked her out many many times and she has turned him down, she says there is no chemistry there. I on the other hand am absolutely head over heels. i only know him because he is her mechanic and i just started taking my car there. I can't technicaly get involved with him anytime soon, i just had a baby 5 weeks ago, baby,s father is a dead beat staying busy in the county jail for treating my like a punching bag. I have never hung out with him other than talking out the car stuff at the shop. ok now given what u know what do i do? i feel like i am getting second hands since she doesn't want anything to do with him. She calls him her boyfriend jokingly, he does whatever she would want, he even bought her jewelry and she said she couldn't accept it because she didn't feel the same for him. She has never kissed or done anything with him- uggghh i hate this sick feeling in my stomach. ohh my ex and i just ened a ten year relationship 4 months ago, any ideas.
I'm also very sorry for what you endured. Good luck and congrats on the little one!
i think she knows i have a small crush on him, but i am sure she doesn,t realize how absolutely infatuated i am, i can't stop thinking about him, this feels so weird after being with someone that treated me like crap for so long. I had a very diff delivery c sect complications, so he's been complimenting me on how healthy i look now that all my swelling is gone.
meta unfortunately i think you are right, about prior claims and i don't step on people's toes, but i haven't really felt this way about anyone, not even my ex when we first met or the guys that i dated before him. This guys personality, smile, attitude, his whole demeanor is just attractive. The sad part is I love my daughter more than any man, so i don't want to get involved right at this momnt at least not serious relationship, i am still just too scared of guys.
so hate this feeling, i just wish i knew how he perceives me.
Couldn't hurt to plant seeds though. When you're ready.
Keep us posted.
Let me get this straight.
You have a five week old baby.
Your baby's daddy is in jail for beating you.
And you are just recently over a ten year relationship.
You have to much on your plate right now to deal with anything else right now.
Slow down, you need some time for yourself and the baby before you get into any new relationship. Mainly you need time to be by yourself, but that baby needs you first. This is not the time to get involved with someone new.
Someone once gave me some great advice and I am giving it to you. Wait a full twelve months after a significant relationships ending to get involved with a new person. You need to find yourself first and get to know you again. You also have the added responsibility of getting to know this new baby of yours.
If he is still available in a year then go for it, by all means, just get your life together first so you can have a relationship with a partner and have your baggage taken care of first.
Take care
He probably sees you as a woman with a 5 week old baby, an ex in jail, and the friend of the woman he wants to be with.
Also, I bet your friend would be pretty mad if you tried to get together with this guy.
I would wait it out and see how you feel in a few months time. If you still feel the same, talk to your friend about how she would feel if you asked her friend out for coffee.
The friend-zone for guys is an odd place. A girl puts him there, but then sort of claims them as well. It boggles my mind!
ETA: You could also be feeling lonely and vulnerable because it's the first time you've been single in 10 years. You should take this time to enjoy being single. Date yourself. Pamper yourself. :)
I was not and did not intend to sart dating anyone anytime soon, i thought i had made myself clear of that, apparently some people failed to read my entire post. I just wanted to see if there was a friendly way to approach this situation. If she doesn't feel anything for him ???? I just wanted to get some ideas on how to be approachable material, so i will be in his list of i would like to get to know better girls, for the FUTURE, my little lady comes first duhhh
Original Post by elaine911:
ok, so here is the scoop. My very close girl friend has this guy friend who is absolutely gorgeous, he has asked her out many many times and she has turned him down, she says there is no chemistry there. I on the other hand am absolutely head over heels. i only know him because he is her mechanic and i just started taking my car there. I can't technicaly get involved with him anytime soon, i just had a baby 5 weeks ago, baby,s father is a dead beat staying busy in the county jail for treating my like a punching bag. I have never hung out with him other than talking out the car stuff at the shop. ok now given what u know what do i do? i feel like i am getting second hands since she doesn't want anything to do with him. She calls him her boyfriend jokingly, he does whatever she would want, he even bought her jewelry and she said she couldn't accept it because she didn't feel the same for him. She has never kissed or done anything with him- uggghh i hate this sick feeling in my stomach. ohh my ex and i just ened a ten year relationship 4 months ago, any ideas.
Re: post #11. Please don't get defensive. People have read your posts, the whole posts... the problem is, you're saying one thing but totally trying to get us to tell you how to do another.
If you (technically or not) cannot be in a relationship right now, there's nothing TO do. It really sounds like you're infatuated with this guy because he is completely off-limits and unavailable so it's safe to fantisize about him. There is something very attractive about wanting what you can't have -- but upon reflection you wouldn't really want anyway. Fantasies rarely work out well when put into reality.
Do you **really** want a guy that is head over heels for your friend? Whether she would date him or not, and whether she would approve of you dating him or not, is a moot point. You just got out of a bad relationship, don't sign on for another where you're just going to be playing second fiddle. There's always going to be that niggling doubt in the back of your mind (if you 2 ever do hook up) as to whether or not he's just using you to get closer to her anyway. Well, at least there would be in my mind.
If you still want ideas on how to be approachable material for this "future" romance that you're hoping for, just keep doing what you're doing. Talk. Get to know each other in a friendly way. You say you're not ready to push it to the next level anyway so there's nothing else that needs to be done. If you push it to the next level, you will have initiated a relationship that you say you aren't ready for. It simply cannot be both ways.
Original Post by spoiled_candy:
Let me get this straight.
You have a five week old baby.
Your baby's daddy is in jail for beating you.
And you are just recently over a ten year relationship.You have to much on your plate right now to deal with anything else right now.
Slow down, you need some time for yourself and the baby before you get into any new relationship. Mainly you need time to be by yourself, but that baby needs you first. This is not the time to get involved with someone new.
Someone once gave me some great advice and I am giving it to you. Wait a full twelve months after a significant relationships ending to get involved with a new person. You need to find yourself first and get to know you again. You also have the added responsibility of getting to know this new baby of yours.
If he is still available in a year then go for it, by all means, just get your life together first so you can have a relationship with a partner and have your baggage taken care of first.
Take care
Excellent advise , I'd take it. Focus on you little one for now.
