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..so how do I know if he's interested in me?


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Hi guys. I'm looking for advice from people with experience! Lately I've developed this crush on a co-worker (don't worry, there's no anti-dating policies!) and i'm..well in my own way... flirting with him. I can't tell if he's flirting back or just being a nice guy. I've looked up all the signs and stuff, but I know each guy is unique and has his own way of doing things. He's somewhat reserved, I'd say probably a little shy too. And you should note that I'm painfully shy as well, my self-esteem is very low, but i do a lot of wishful thinking - leading to my confusion. I'm also completely 100% inexperienced with guys and  relationships. I've never held hands with a guy, much less go on a date. I'm well over 21, so I already feel pretty pathetic and behind for my age. Frown

Guys - What do YOU do when you're flirting with a girl with intentions? What do you do differently that separates it from just being friendly to giving her hints you're thinking about her?

Ladies - What do YOU do to flirt with a guy and let him know you're interested, without risking humiliation incase he's not?

I don't need a list of do's or don'ts and signs to watch for, cuz I've seriously read them ALL. LOL I would just like some personal feedback of your experiences! Laughing

If you'd like to hear my interactions with him so u can judge, lemme know and i'll brief you.

32 Replies (last)

Who initiates the conversations? Are they work related or have you discussed personal topics, like hobbies?  If he is the one initiating the conversation, and it happens on a pretty regular basis, I would say he may be interested.

During one of these conversations you can casually ask him if he would like to grab a quick bite to eat at lunch.  Tell him you left your lunch at home if you feel an excuse is necessary.  If he accepts, its a really good sign that he is interested, if not, at least you will know for sure.

BTW, dating a co-worker is very awkward if things don't work out.  I would really consider how you would handle the situation if it came up before you pursue any kind of relationship.

Guys are genetically incapable of picking up on subtle signs. If you want things to happen, either you're going to have to make a move or give him an obvious signal that you want him to... and I do mean *obvious*. Don't do that "Well, I batted my eyelashes and he didn't get it. He must hate me!" stuff.

Also, and with respect to the first reply, asking a coworker to share lunch can easily be taken as a purely business thing, or purely platonic thing. Don't read too much into it if he says yes... or if he says no, for that matter.

 

If you really like him, be bold. That is, if your job isn't worth so much to you that you can't move on if things don't work out.

I really liked a guy I worked with, so I told him he should ask me out. He did. 3 years later and we're still together, so he was well worth the risk.

I'll provide a guy's perspective

When I liked someone or thought they were cute or whatever my #1 thing was to joke around with them a lot.  Kind of childish I guess but I'd give them trouble sometimes for the heck of it, things like that.  Now that I think back on everything I guess I became more like childish-flirting when I really liked someone, lol

Heh. Proving that old addage "If he picks on you, it means he likes you."

Date all of his friends. It worked for me.

Ok, probably not good advice, but we had a small social group and I only date friends... so, yeah, I wouldn't recommend it to other people, but yeah.

Better advice: Be yourself. If you start out acting fake, it probably won't play off well, and if it does work, that will be the personality he likes, not yours. Worse case senario, you have a new friend, and that's not too bad. My best (current) relationship just built off us being friends. And now we've been together for just short of a year. Not as long as some people here, but I'm happy.

Original Post by kathygator:

Heh. Proving that old addage "If he picks on you, it means he likes you."

It's true!

i'd definitely like to hear your interactions with him.

i agree that being bold is sometimes your best bet, especially with a shy guy. something as simple as "would you wanna grab a drink/coffee/lunch sometime?" is all it takes. unless he's a jerk, which i assume he isn't since you like him, he isn't going to make you feel bad for asking, even if he isn't interested. might be slightly awkward, but isn't that a risk worth taking?

Does your office do group lunches or happy hours.  Happy hour is how I got to know a co-worker and my future husband (going on 11 years now).  Or maybe ask him if he wants a drink after work. 

If he is shy, you might be waiting a long time for him to make a move.  If you think he is worth it, you may have to make the first move. 

Good luck to you!

 

Yeh, happy hour, holliday office party (this would have been perfect if you'd asked the question about a month ago)... anything where business isn't the main thought rolling around in people's heads and the potential for alcohol is high is good stuff.

Oh, and a little cleavage wouldn't hurt. Got something with a plunging neckline?

Um, I don't do the chasing. If I like someone, that makes me more shy around them.

The way my boyfriend got me was being very bold. We met on a Friday night, he asked me to a pool party the next morning, then asked me to go see dinner and a movie the next day.

Some people like to play games at first and do the "on, off" stuff. I'd rather just get straight to the point. Show me you want me. :)

The conversations are not usually work related. And they really have no point, with not much depth to them. They're basically random mini topics, and there's usually a few moments of awkward silence. I would say we initiate equally.

We work in a grocery store. There is no "happy hour" or anything like that, and it's almost impossible to coordinate sharing a lunch break with someone else, because we all have different tasks to do at different times and stuff. Oh, and I'm not worried about the dating a co-worker thing. If it didn't work out that's not a problem, cuz he's leaving soon anyway. Not sure when, but I'm giving it 6 months max.

I'd wear low cut shirts if i HAD any cleavage to show off! LOL

Jules, here are a few examples of our interactions.

* He pokes me or brushes past me sometimes as he walks by. Always trying to "startle" or tease me.
* Makes eye contact when speaking with me. (can hold a gaze.. except for today he was talking to the "ghost" next to me. But it was also kinda different cuz he was working and i wasn't, for once i was dressed up and wearing make up lol)
* Has joked about future get togethers - example: taking me for a ride when he gets his motorbike, inviting him over for dinner (when i mention cooking)
* Talks a lot about his new job and potential offers, but doesn't ask me many questions. (i've read this can mean he's shy and doesn't know what else to talk about?)
* Employee birthdays are posted in the breakroom, mine is coming up and he made a mention of it and asked what i was doing
* Visits my department for no reason at all.
* Smiles a lot or makes faces, as well as stands in "my space".
* Conversations are simple and short, but relatively frequent throughout the day.

If a guy likes a girl, and he has anything approximating balls, he'll make it known. Guys generally aren't super subtle when it comes to saying "I like you".

The way he shows it can be a bit perplexing, admittedly (I think someone mentioned the habit of little boys punching the girls they like until they learn how to communicate more effectively), but if a guy likes you you're going to know.

Sometimes, though, you have to break though a shell of politically correct behaviour. Especially in the workplace, guys have been near terrified of the consequences of acting in any way sexual... loss of a job is almost a big a deterrent as getting publicly shot down by a girl. This is why you need to show that you're open to his advances, or make the move yourself.

Personally, I'd say that you're better off showing him you're up for it without actually taking charge. Guys like to think they're the ones taking the risks and doing the pursuit. It also leaves you a route to escape with ego intact if he's not in the market for what you're offering.

Original Post by fillefollie:

1. He pokes me or brushes past me sometimes as he walks by. Always trying to "startle" or tease me.


2. Makes eye contact when speaking with me. (can hold a gaze.. except for today he was talking to the "ghost" next to me. But it was also kinda different cuz he was working and i wasn't, for once i was dressed up and wearing make up lol)


3. Has joked about future get togethers - example: taking me for a ride when he gets his motorbike, inviting him over for dinner (when i mention cooking)


4. Talks a lot about his new job and potential offers, but doesn't ask me many questions. (i've read this can mean he's shy and doesn't know what else to talk about?)


5. Employee birthdays are posted in the breakroom, mine is coming up and he made a mention of it and asked what i was doing.


6. Visits my department for no reason at all.


7. Smiles a lot or makes faces, as well as stands in "my space".

8. Conversations are simple and short, but relatively frequent throughout the day.

 Sounds to me like you have eight reasons to think that he likes you. Do you have a mall, bowling or entertainment location. If you do say something like lets go bowling after work. If he accepts go bowling and at the right moment try to hold his hand. If it works that will tell him it is ok and he maybe will open up to you about how he feels.

Nieto

Original Post by hatamoto:

Personally, I'd say that you're better off showing him you're up for it without actually taking charge. Guys like to think they're the ones taking the risks and doing the pursuit. It also leaves you a route to escape with ego intact if he's not in the market for what you're offering.

Do you have any examples of what I should do to accomplish this?

Original Post by nieto914:
Sounds to me like you have eight reasons to think that he likes you. Do you have a mall, bowling or entertainment location. If you do say something like lets go bowling after work. If he accepts go bowling and at the right moment try to hold his hand. If it works that will tell him it is ok and he maybe will open up to you about how he feels.

Nieto

 Yes, we do. Actually today we were talking about a movie, and I expressed I wanted to check it out, he said he thought it'd be interesting. I was there trying to get him to suggest seeing it together, but it didn't happen. I dunno if I'm just too subtle or he's uninterested in the idea. I don't have the balls, I need the man to initiate. LOL All it'd take is a simple:

Him: We should go see it.
Me: I'm up for that. When's your next day off?

Sorry not that simple, If you said "We should go see the movie" that alone maybe will get him to open up. Sounds like your both very shy and the only way you will ever go forward is to say we. When you open the door for a guy that is an indication that you are looking for more. Open the door and tell him it is ok to walk in. Sadly you need to spell it out before he will share. Also if he takes the bait don't forget to tell him how you feel and the rules. Just because you open the door it does not mean wedding.

Nieto

Original Post by fillefollie:

Original Post by hatamoto:

Personally, I'd say that you're better off showing him you're up for it without actually taking charge. Guys like to think they're the ones taking the risks and doing the pursuit. It also leaves you a route to escape with ego intact if he's not in the market for what you're offering.

Do you have any examples of what I should do to accomplish this?

Original Post by nieto914:
Sounds to me like you have eight reasons to think that he likes you. Do you have a mall, bowling or entertainment location. If you do say something like lets go bowling after work. If he accepts go bowling and at the right moment try to hold his hand. If it works that will tell him it is ok and he maybe will open up to you about how he feels.

Nieto

 Yes, we do. Actually today we were talking about a movie, and I expressed I wanted to check it out, he said he thought it'd be interesting. I was there trying to get him to suggest seeing it together, but it didn't happen. I dunno if I'm just too subtle or he's uninterested in the idea. I don't have the balls, I need the man to initiate. LOL All it'd take is a simple:

Him: We should go see it.
Me: I'm up for that. When's your next day off?

 from the examples you gave, he's definitely fliriting with you. especially the joking about you inviting him to dinner, etc. he's also fliriting with you in an immature way, which says to me he's probably just as shy as you are.

really, it sounds to me like he probably thinks you aren't interested. you probably ARE being way too subtle, and he's afraid he's gonna get rejected. i know some people say the guy likes to do the pursuing, and what not, but honestly, if something is going to work, it's going to work. i asked my boyfriend out on our first real date, and he still talks about how glad he was i did that 9 months later, because he was interested in me. if a guy is really interested in you, he isn't going to be turned off by you making the first move and asking him to a movie. 

next time you see this guy, ask him if he's seen the movie you discussed yet. if he says no, it's as simple as saying "i haven't either, would you wanna go see it with me {insert day} night?"

what is the worst that can happen? he says no? well then you know and you can move on to someone else.

there is no way to make him make the first move, your only option is making it yourself, or sitting around waiting and wondering. 

Hey fillefollie!

Here is my experience. I was very attracted to one of my coworkers. REALLY attracted. And we'd e-mail back and forth throughout the day. Finally, I said: "we are going out." He wasn't so sure b/c we did work together, etc, and it could get awkward (this was my temp summer job while i was in college, so i knew this wasn't going to be a permanent position for me - but it's permanent for him... still is!)

We eventually went out and............

 

 

...............

We will be married 2 years in March.  Laughing

My advice: GO FOR IT. What have you got to lose?! DO IT GIRL!

Ask him out already. Something light like coffee. From what you describe of your interactions, it will make his day.

Just go for it. It can be the scariest thing, asking a guy out, but from what it sounds like, he is totally into you. For my part, I used to try to hide my feelings when I have a crush because I'd feel like it would be written all over my face, and I didn't want to seem too obvious. /shrug. It wasn't until one time my friend told me that I acted like I wasn't into this guy I was completely head over heels for that I realized maybe I was hiding my feelings more than I thought.

It can be super nerve-wracking to ask a guy out (even just for something simple like coffee), but if you aren't going to take the initiative, you're just going to be sitting around waiting for him to do so. (And that might take forever, if you're inadvertantly hiding your feelings!) Just ask him sometime if he wants to hang out outside of work. Or next time you see him, bring up that movie again and if he says he hasn't seen it yet, ask if he'd want to go see it with you. If he starts giving you weird vibes, you could always get yourself out of an awkward situation by adding that you guys ought to invite other friends or coworkers. (Just in case you misread signs... but I sericously doubt that, esp given that he goes out of his way to physically interact with you as well.)

I've never gotten completely over my nervousness with guys, but I've accepted that I am awkward around them (really, that I'm awkward in general). And if someone doesnt like that about me, then they're not meant to be in my life. So... go forth and conquer! I believe in you :)

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