If you love each other so much and have been together for so long and made it work, what exactly is holding you back? What else do you expect to get before you decide marriage is a good idea?
Original Post by tropicalchic:
Original Post by smashley23:
Original Post by lysistrata:
From a "business" standpoint, if your bf is reasonably responsible about building a family, marriage makes sense for you because it means that under the worst case scenario, the next 5-10 years aren't just a sunk cost. You would have some rights to everything you built together. If you're not married, a break up could leave you out in the cold.
*not trying to be unromantic*
The flip side is also possible. If the relationship accumulates a lot of debt and you married, then you could get stuck paying for his stuff. Whether or not you get married, you should get your finances in order and protect yourself.
This is a little off topic but wouldn't the OP have some rights after a breakup due to being in a defacto relationship? I'm not sure how the law works in the USA but in Australia a defacto relationship has similar rights/obligations as a marriage. Therefore, if they were to break up in a few years time (sorry iloveyou098, just being hypothetical) she would be able to claim part of the assets that her and her partner built together. In fact, she could also claim child support from her (hypothetical) ex if the child was primarily in her care. Is it similar in the USA?
Back to the topic at hand, I believe you should wait until you and your partner are ready. The days of a shot gun wedding are over.
Yeah, you can be granted child support even if you were never married here, but I don't know. It seems to me that the commitment of having twins outweighs marriage by two elephants and a blue whale, but that's me.
I'm not saying she should marry him before she's good and ready, only that in the light of having two children together, and so much happening so fast, it doesn't seem like the big deal to talk about marriage that it was a few months ago when they were just young kids in college.
I'm actually wondering if I have the OP confused with someone else because I recall posts such as "Should we wait to be married.." but also ones about a young woman not necessarily having sex with her young gentkleman, so I may be scattering things all over the place.
Don't mind me.
If after being together for 8 years your problems now are bad enough that you aren't comfortable getting married then I'm not sure how solid a foundation your relationship is in.
Married people have disagreements/arguments/fights. It's part of a healthy relationship. If your current problems are so big that they are making you putt off the possibility of marriage you may want to reconsider.
Just my thoughts
If you don't want to get married yet, don't get married. When it's the right time, you'll want to jump in with both feet--until then, wait.
This. And even more reason IMO to wait.
ETA: I didn't mean this to be snarky which is how it came off. But a LOT of things change... especially in your 20s. I can honestly say I am a TOTALLY different person than I was at 15, 16, 17. I think you can still be in a committed loving relationship sans marriage. Wait and get through school, the first few years of your twin's life, and then see how you feel.
Don't let your parents pressure you -- it's your marriage, and your choice! :)
I was 22 and unmarried when my daughter was born. My husband and I started dating in high school (14ish) and had no plans to get married before or after our daughter was born.
My parents, being the conservative Christians that they are, pushed us to get married ASAP. We didn't feel that having an (unplanned) child was the reason to have a wedding.
Our daughter was 2 1/2 when we did finally get married. As Bex pointed out, we were completely different people than when we met. Hell, we were different people than when our daughter was born (thank goodness).
Original Post by iloveyou098:
*sigh* I don't think the amount if years we have been together matters. The fact we are still growing in to the adults we are ment to be is the problem. I am not planning on rushing into marriage because I'm pregnant. Marriage would not secure our relationship forever. When I was rushing into marriage I was constantly being told to wait, how does me being pregnant change peoples opinion now? We can end up breaking up married or engaged. However I rather give it some time before I rush into marriage. I want to focus on college and the babies before I spend my time planning a wedding. I want a REAL wedding not a shotgun one. That takes time and money and right now all of our time and money is going to the twins, and bills. I'm focused on the IMPORTANT things now. Rather we get married now or at 30, if it's ment to be we will get married.
I guess I don't see a reason to wait unless you're holding out for someone better. If that's the case, ok, I guess. But now that you two are bringing two new little ones into the world, you also have to consider what's best for them. Do you think you'll find someone better for you that is also better for them than their father?
Also, I'm not sure a desire for a fancy party that you think you'll be better equipped to throw after you graduate is a good enough reason to put off establishing a sound footing for your family. You can always throw an awesome anniversary party. I also think getting married now instead of waiting might provide some peace of mind to ease some of the stress and drama that will certainly come in the next few years of school and babies.
Those are just my two cents...congrats on the girls.
Minor children will automatically inherit, but you should consider all of that stuff. Also, consider getting life insurance.