I'm not sure why this idea cropped up for me, but it seems like a common theme I have heard among straight women who have had weight fluctuations is this: single and lonely (or in casual relationships) for a long time, then they lose weight, and then very shortly afterwards they meet/date/marry someone. Then sometimes they gain it back (or sometimes not).
I'd like to solicit stories of those for whom this happened - how much did you lose before you met your partner? Do you think your partner would have begun dating you if you had met him while at your highest/prior weight? Has your partner stayed with you through a regain, if any?
And conversely, has anyone met a new partner (or generally meets or attracts more partners) while at their highest weight? (I'm referring here to those whose highest weight is actually overweight or obese, not those who fluctuate between underweight and healthy.) Or for that matter, is there anyone for whom a significant weight loss has not resulted in increased male attention?
And I'd be curious about the input of overweight or formerly overweight straight men, too - did that same pattern happen for you? I suspect it happens more to women, but I'd be interested in some "anecdata".
I met my bf while I was at my highest weight. I've been with him for 4 years now. I've lost 60lbs within the past couple of years. To quote him: "I thought it was impossible for anyone to be prettier than when I first met you. But every time I see you, you prove me wrong!" :)
Met mine at low weight (normal weight). Then gained lots of weight. Then married at highest weight (70 lbs above normal). Then lost weight and am back to normal weight. Was never an issue between us. As long as I don't get rail thin or very very obese the attraction will still be there.
I've dated my fair share of guys at my highest weight (obviously overweight) and none were guys who were typically attracted to bigger girls. I've lost a bit of weight (nowhere near goal) and started dating another guy. I dunno... I find myself unattractive because of my weight yet I've never had problems in terms of attention from guys. Some were casual dates, others were serious boyfriends...
I'd say for all four of you, the brainpower would be a pretty powerful attractant. Any intelligent guy (or girl) would be stupid not to snap you up.
I wasn't exactly at my "high weight" when I met my husband, but I was at my peak fitness level. I was pretty tight. I weigh less now but I'm much flabbier.
Ironically, I was at my high weight right when we got married.
We both understand there is some natural fluctuation (he has certainly gotten heavier since we met - having somebody cook for him all the time makes a difference!) but we also recognize we're responsible for keeping ourselves healthy and within reasonable levels of attractiveness to each other. It's never been an issue and I kind of doubt it ever will be.
I met my husband at what at that point was a low weight for me. I started gaining weight when we started living together about a year later, and I was cooking higher calorie meals and got "too busy" to work out. I really gained a lot of weight, up to almost 280. He did make it clear to me, in the most careful, sensitive way he could, that he preferred me at the lower weight and was worried about my health. Even so, he married me at my highest weight.
Nowadays, 130+ pounds lighter, we are enjoying a closer relationship than ever. I think it's not so much that I look better, although I do, but that I stared down so many demons in the years I've spent losing the weight and keeping it off that I've become a different person.
When i started dating my fiance, I was almost my high weight. After we got settled in together, I had gained more, and was up to 185. I'm down to 150 now, with 10 to go, and we're getting married in June.
I know I need some tweaks here & there for my own personal satisfaction.
I met my husband at my lowest weight, 135, got engaged at 200 and married at 235. I stayed at 230 for like two years, and am just now starting to lose (35 pounds so far). He's never said anything about my gaining weight, but now that I'm starting to lose it, he's speaking up about how he loves me no matter what size, but he is starting to remember how physically attracted he was to me when we first met.
I can't say for sure, but I think my husband would have started dating me even if he met me at my highest. But, who knows, I don't think I would have had the confidence to ask him out if I was at my highest weight.
I gained most of my weight in high school, and kept it on through most of university. I would essentially call myself single throughout that entire period. When I finished undergrad I was at an all-time high of about 185 (I'm 5'2). Then when I started my master's degree, I also overhauled my lifestyle and over the two year period, I dropped my weight down to fluctuating in the 125-130 range. This is when I really started dating quite a bit, I think more because I was more confident and outgoing than I had previously been. Although I'm sure I am also more attractive than before also.
Anyway, I met my now live-in boyfriend at my lowest weight almost two years ago. We've been living together for a year, and during that time I've gained about five pounds, my weight is now 130-135. I primarily blame him and his always wanting dessert, but I also went from being a grad student to a very busy desk job involving a lot of travel. The lifestyle change has made it difficult to maintain my weight (less time to exercise/cook healthy meals etc), but it's mostly my own weak resolve when it comes to junk food. This is why I'm back on CC, after about a year's absence.
I doubt my boyfriend would have asked me out at my higher weight since we did not know each other at all at the time, he had asked me out based on physical attraction, not my personality. We do love each other, and I do think he would still love me if I gained weight. But I think other problems would result (I am not happy when I do not feel healthy).
Thanks for the stories, ladies!
I started dating my most recent ex boyfriend when I was at my lowest weight, then throughout our relationship I put on like 30lbs?
But we worked together...so he knew me at my highest, my lowest, then back up again. He never once said anything at it. Me, on the other hand...he was so underweight that I always told him to be healthier! Who just forgets to eat for an entire day?
I've actually had an ex boyfriend call me out on my weight gain. But we were 17! And he was a...*insert bad word here*!!!
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