The Lounge
Moderators: spoiled_candy, nomoreexcuses, Mollybygolly, peaches0405


Meeting Someone New ... Worried they will find me unattractive


Quote  |  Reply

It's been about a year since I seriously dated anyone, and over the past two years I have put on quite a bit of weight (I stopped smoking, the weight piled on) and now weigh about 155lbs (I'm 5'4"). 

I started talking to a guy that I met online a couple weeks ago and we're thinking of meeting up next week, however, I am nervous that he won't find me attractive offline. We've exchanged pictures, but I am alas one of those people who actually photographs really well and I worry that I'll look worse in person.

We're probably going to meet in a week and at my current weight loss rate I will probably weigh about 152. I'm not hugely overweight, I realize this. I'm a size 10/12, I exercise and I'm proportionate. 

Have any of you guys met people online and worried about the same things? How do you get over it and meet them with confidence? 

10 Replies (last)
#1  
Quote  |  Reply

I would try to take the worst possible picture I could of myself. Find your worst angle, your worst pose...and take a picture of it.

Then he'll be pleasantly surprised when he sees you in person.

If I ever went on a dating site, I think I would always put really nasty pictures of myself up...

Do you want a real relationship - or an online one?  If a real one....  be real!  If he doesn't like it toooooo bad.  You are it!  You will find someone who finds you irrisistable in real life!  Don't sweat it.  He may not be all like his pic either. 

You may hit it off and you may not.  Either way - make that OK with you! 

Jnesse, I had a similar situation. A few years ago,I met someone online and was very worried about my weight. I was around 200 pounds at that time. I wish I didn't waste my time on him. it was not worth the pressure at all. Basically, he was a jerk and it didn't work out. so, RELAX and if he is a good person, it will work out well for both of you. 

I wish you best of luck. Laughing

i was basically in the same situation as you. i photograph better than i look in person--you can't see the dark circles under my eyes most times, or the huge birthmark on my right cheek. plus i'm over 200 pounds. i met this awesome guy online, too. but this is how i handled it.

i had a full-body shot posted, but i told him how much i weigh over the phone, and how much i'd lost, and about my birthmark. we had our first date just a few days later. how he wasn't scared off confused the heck outta me. on the date, he told me i looked even better in person when i asked if i looked different from my photos. i'm sure he was just being nice b/c i know that's not true.

anyway, he knew beforehand that i don't look exactly like my pix, but we clicked anyway, and now he's the bf. so just tell him upfront what you're concerned about. if he's a cool dude, it shouldn't bother him.

i'd say just make sure you are honest about how you look in the pics. obviously, when you are on a dating site you want to post pics that make you look good, but don't post pics that make you look a lot different than you really do because there is no point in deceiving someone you are going to meet in real life. if you are really worried, send him some full length shots. if he's a jerk and doesn't like what he sees, it's better to find out before meeting in real life!

 

Don't worry...everyone gets nervous before that first date and worries about the same kinds of things, even if we know them a little bit better.

Your stats aren't even close to being a turn off, if that makes you feel better. and as far as I know, lots of guys don't want to date sticks. He at least probably saw that you weren't a stick in your picture. Give yourself some credit too, you can be just as hot in person as you are in your picture. Just say "cheeeeese" when you meet him, eh? Voila, now you look like your pic. Ok, stupid joke.

Just put your effort into the things that you can actually do something about. I would be more turned off by a bed head than a little extra weight. Make sure you have things to talk about. For some people it comes naturally, but ya' never know when you need to fill awkward silences. Just relax and be yourself.

By the way....what are you guys gonna do for your first date?

I'd like to echo the people who say being yourself is what will make the difference, not your looks.  But in terms of your looks, I don't think you'll have anything to worry about! My best friend is exactly the same weight and height as you, and she looks amazing.  Not skinny, but amazing.  I think you'll look fine.  One thing that really ups my confidence is to go get my hair washed and blow-dried the morning of the date - good hair, nice nails/eyebrows good makeup and a great outfit do a lot more for your look than losing a couple of pounds.

I knew my husband (then friend) online for almost two years before we actually met in person! I was so scared he'd get right back on a plane to Australia. I know exactly how you feel.

Turns out, the guys are just as nervous as you are. Trust me.

and yeah, you're stats sound find, just not what you're used to. I understand that, too. Just try to remember you're meeting another human being and not an airbrushed male underwear model or something

Just go and be yourself. If he is a jerk, then he would not be a good guy to date no matter what your size. But if he is as good a guy as he sounds, he will be more eager to explore your connection than judge your appearance. It's a matter of finding the right guy, not being the "cookie-cutter" girl every guy wants to date. Have fun!

I went through this once. When I mentioned it to the guy later, he laughed and said I was actually better looking in person. There are elements of a personality, such as mannerisms, that can't be captured in photographs. Sometime those animated aspects are what the opposite sex may find appealing.

Meet the guy! Maybe you'll find that you aren't attracted to him...and I'm sure that's crossed his mind as well. Go and have a good time. You already know you get along with the guy on some level.

10 Replies
Advertisement
Advertisement