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Why do men have to look at other women?


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Normally, I really don't mind but recently,  it's starting to bother me.  I think it is so rude when your (husband or boyfriend) is walking or sitting with you and their eyes is looking elsewhere.  Sometime, the girls or ladies is not all that good looking.   I get so angry because it makes me feel like I am not good enough or what!!!

I am I alone on this subject????

 

 

 

 

 

 

214 Replies (last)
My husband's eyes don't wander anywhere (at least while I'm around). He's awesome. Then again, we've only been married 2 months...

We look at women together, me and my boyfriend. It's fun and we don't get jealous!

You might as well ask why men have to breathe, eat or go to the washroom.

As biological entities our basic function is to spread our genetic material as widely as possible. That means we're constantly on the hunt for new targets, which means, yes, the infamous "wandering eye".

You'll never 'fix' it. At best, you can nag someone into trying their best to hide the activity, but it'll always be there.

That said, it's not a statement about you. There's not a heterosexual man on the planet who doesn't check other women out regardless of their social situation. That doesn't mean he's going to abandon his relationship or go out of his way to seek that variety that is his instinct to pursue... we have a neocortex for a reason: to moderate the urges of our more primal nature.

I agree with hatamoto and would add the following: the only reason women don't check out guys as much is because there aren't that many hot guys on display, compared to hot women. We, too, are programmed to upgrade the genetic gifts we give our children as much as possible, meaning attractive, healthy male partners (whether we partner with them long-term, or just use them to cuckold our stable, less attractive long-term partners... yes, nature is a bitch).

That said, it's kind of rude to check out other people so blatantly when you're with your partner. He should be expected to do it so discreetly that you have to really work to notice him doing it.

Original Post by trustwomen:

 the only reason women don't check out guys as much is because there aren't that many hot guys on display, compared to hot women.

That said, it's kind of rude to check out other people so blatantly when you're with your partner. He should be expected to do it so discreetly that you have to really work to notice him doing it.

LOL and totally Laughing

Original Post by trustwomen:

... (whether we partner with them long-term, or just use them to cuckold our stable, less attractive long-term partners... yes, nature is a bitch)...

I think your name just blinded me with irony. Cool

You're absolutely right, of course. Biology doesn't give a rat's ass about social convention, situational ethics or any sort of morality. It wants what it wants, and complaining about it is as useful as crying over the sunrise or having the ocean whipped for its tidal impertinence.

I know that myself and my female friends check out guys - perhaps just more subtle than the ogglers (I've seen women ogglers too).  So its not just males that look at others.  Even if we see another woman who's got on an awesome outfit (or the complete opposite) on we look. 

Next time you catch him looking make a comment like "she has a nice outfit on doesn't she?".  Then he knows you know he's looking and it gives you the opening to talk to him about how it makes you feel when he looks at other women.

God I hate when my husband does this. Yes, I know it's natural but I still dislike it. :| I used to complain when we were first together but I've given up. I check out people too... but I'm far less obvious about it.

And like trustwomen said, there are alot less hot guys wandering around than hot women. I find myself checking out hot women too (not in a sexual way, but if she's hot, she's hot!).

Original Post by cptbunny:

God I hate when my husband does this. Yes, I know it's natural but I still dislike it. :| I used to complain when we were first together but I've given up. I check out people too... but I'm far less obvious about it.

Damn, that's hypocritical!  Just because you're "less obvious" about it doesn't make your actions any "better" than his!

Original Post by flonklar:

Original Post by cptbunny:

God I hate when my husband does this. Yes, I know it's natural but I still dislike it. :| I used to complain when we were first together but I've given up. I check out people too... but I'm far less obvious about it.

Damn, that's hypocritical!  Just because you're "less obvious" about it doesn't make your actions any "better" than his!

I never said mine were.

I think the issue is not that it's being done but that it is being blatantly done in front of wife/husband/partner etc.

I think it is rude if you want to do it do it when they are not there.

So... how does one modify a basic, genetically mandated behaviour?

Make the offending person guilty for doing it, of course!

The church has been doing this for millenia... sex gets in the way of mother church getting the sweat, treasure and blood it wants from the peasants? Make one of their strongest instincts an evil thing that they should feel guilty even THINKING about! That'll keep the little buggers in line!

I see no flaws with this plan whatsoever. 1900+ years of sexual dysfunction is only a feature of this approach.

Original Post by andie-1:

I think the issue is not that it's being done but that it is being blatantly done in front of wife/husband/partner etc.

 

I think that might be an issue for some people, not all - it depends on the relationship.  My husband checks out hot women while we're out, but on the other hand, I check out hot men.  We acknowledge it, we don't care (but it's not like we go out looking to scope out hot people - we may just happen to notice sometimes).  I'll often agree with him, or even provide feedback (ie:  nice @ss, but the rack is too much...).  Heck, we'd wonder what was wrong with the other if we didn't appreciate notably attractive people.

He's still coming home with ME.  Laughing

I check out guys, depending on what part of town I'm in. Today I worked in a more upscale area and who I saw was a bit bland :(

The only time this ever bothered me, oddly, was when it was a guy I wasn't even interested in, and it wasn't so much the looking as the running dialogue--kept going on about how "that one is hot, look at her miniskirt, blah blah blah blah blah" So I stopped at one of those tables on 6th Ave where they were selling Playgirl (before it folded) and bought the rocker issue and of course the guy got all upset and I thought it was hilarious. Like you can be that way but I'm supposed to have no eyes? Nuh-uuh. He tried to hook up with all of us at some point or other so he was all miffed to begin with anyway, I think. 

Of course my husband looks and it doesn't bother me.  He's somewhat subtle about it however.  There have been times when I've had to caution him about putting an eye out if he's viewing a nice bozoom.

It took me 8 years to get my husband to even admit that he looks at other women!  He's very discreet about it, and now that he does it more openly, usually critical of them..."too much makeup", "too short",  "boobs aren't big enough", "too young"....whatever he finds about them that he doesn't like... however, I'm not naive enough to think that there wasn't SOMETHING he liked that drew his eye to begin with!  He just wants to be sure that I feel secure...and I do.  I have no problems with him looking and finding someone else attractive.  If I was the only attractive woman *in his eyes*, there would be something seriously wrong with the man's thinking!

I know that he knows where his bed is and who is supposed to be in it...as long as that's a certainty, there's no issues of where his eyes wander!

In the same boat as many of you.  My husband and I have just never thought anything about finding another person attractive.   We've never looked at it as a good or bad thing, it just is.  I figure he found me attractive so he must have damned good taste, so on that rare occassion where he actually makes a comment I am usually able to see what it is that he's appreciative of.  As to rather or not he eyes them when I'm with him, I don't know.  It's not that he's secretive about it or anything, I've just never thought to look for it so I really just don't know.

Though I still don't understand his draw to Angelina Jolie... I think she's a little on the nutty side personally, which kind of detracts from her attractiveness for me.  Maybe I can just turn his attention to Megan Fox so he can get all the look with a bit less nutty.

He knows I'm appreciative of the male form too... hell, some of them out there you'd have to be dead to not appreciate!  But again, he already knows I have good taste ;-)

On the other hand, if we were out and he was rudely ogling other women and making derrogatory comments (or if I was for that matter) or behaving in some other disrespectful manner or comparing me to other women, I'm afraid we'd have words.  But as it is, we're kind of best friends so who else you gonna discuss this stuff with??

e

Original Post by trustwomen:

I agree with hatamoto and would add the following: the only reason women don't check out guys as much is because there aren't that many hot guys on display, compared to hot women. We, too, are programmed to upgrade the genetic gifts we give our children as much as possible, meaning attractive, healthy male partners (whether we partner with them long-term, or just use them to cuckold our stable, less attractive long-term partners... yes, nature is a bitch).

That said, it's kind of rude to check out other people so blatantly when you're with your partner. He should be expected to do it so discreetly that you have to really work to notice him doing it.

I pretty much agree with this. I look at other men. But I don't stare (AKA, get whiplash) in a blatant way. Same as what andi said too... I think it's rude if it's that blatant and if say, the significant other stops in the middle of a conversation to turn and stare at someone else.

I also don't like when men blatantly stare at ME. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Yes I know I have large breasts and I am not bad looking. I think it's normal for men and women to check each other out and appreciate someone they find attractive. However there is a way to do that with some tact, class and subtle appreciation instead of making someone feel uncomfortable. I don't dress trashy or revealing and sometimes the way men look at me (usually, my breasts) really is offensive and makes me uncomfortable.

I've never noticed my boyfriend staring at other women. I'm sure he looks at attractive women all the time, when he is with me and when he is not. But he sure as hell doesn't make it obvious and he doesn't make me uncomfortable about it. And he tells me all the time how much he finds me attractive -- both inside AND out!!

We're all human. Of course we're going to appreciate attractive people. But get some class!!!

Noticing attractive women is normal and perfectly acceptable.

 

Ogling and staring for extended periods of time is tacky.

I wear a blindfold whenever I'm outside because I don't want to get coodies from girls.  ;o

214 Replies (last)
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