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 Yes, I'm beginning to believe that I truly dislike people, in general. Not that there's anything so wonderful about me, but as I'm getting older, I'm realizing that I don't want to hang around the office clique and least of all, pretend I'm something that I'm really not (snobby or devoutly religious).

 How difficult can this be, you may ask? Here's a little snippet of a typical day:

M'okay, I have 2 abnormal breast nodules...too tiny to biopsy, and I get another mammo in 6 mos, to follow up. My doc recommends I do monthly self-breast exams to watch for any changes. I tell mother. Mom, the old fashioned Catholic gal. She is appalled. "You don't have to do that!" she tells me. Mother considers BSE masturbation and sinful. Ha!

Colleague M constantly brags about her material assets. I can envision the water fountain in every room, including the giant one that reaches the 2nd floor, the statue of David, the grand piano, the toilet seat warmer, etc...you get it. Oh, and her brother who is an eternal bachelor in his 70's has a million dollars worth of watches and he has invested his money well. Oh, and her grand-children are perfect little angels who never ever misbehave and only wear the best, brand name clothes. After a year of this...EEK! Change the subject! Money isn't everything.

 Colleague C is the watcher. What time did so & so get to work? Are they late? How long did they take in the bathroom? How long did they take at lunch? How long did so & so take working with that client? "I can do twice as many as so and so. I work harder," and this goes on and on...*sigh*

 Colleague B (a friend) said she is aggravated when people commit suicide on the freewaybecause it ties up traffic! (This happened a few days ago IRL. I hope she was just having a bad day).

 My sister & her grown up daughter...they fight all the time (true hatred here). They don't live with me, but I still don't want to be drawn into this lifelong battle. My niece wants to draw me in on her side and comes by my house, bi-weekly to rant about her mother. My mom is mostly on my sister's side and constantly talks about it. I just want to be left out. It's not my fight. I don't have sides, I love them both.

 Thanksgiving celebration will be at my brother's this year. Naturally, he invited my snobbish aunt- again, for the 3rd year in a row. The aunt that doesn't say "hi" back when you greet her. The one who looks down her nose at the rest of us, lowly middle class folks. I bowed out of the holiday, this year. I offered to work on Thanksgiving. I really don't want to pretend that I like someone pretentious, when I really can't stand to be around them. That's difficult enough to do in situations where you don't have a choice (such as work).

 New Hire: I've been around her in the mornings as she's training with one of my bosses. Oy, she sounds like a know it all. "Well, that's not how it should be done"...and "Meetings shouldn't run that long." and "You have to tell the workers who makes the rules," Yikes. She will be with me about 3 hours a night, after orientation. If this is not a case of simply trying to impress my supervisor and the woman is truly very bossy and/or power hungry...take up the power struggle with one of the other ones, please! Just leave me alone!

 And, back to my mother (who kids & I now live with). She is very religious. She feels that by not giving God 1 hour a week at church on Sundays, I'm being selfish. Mother is a black and white person. It's her way or the highway. My kids have been taught that religion or lack of religion, sexual orientation, and class do not matter. Hopefully, I've instilled values of compassion in them. Since they were wee ones, they've been taught that compassion is the #1 value. It doesn't matter how righteous someone is, if they lack compassion for other beings (not only humans)...they are lacking in character. Mom was shocked that my son knew what a lesbian was, because mom considers homosexuality a sin. In fact, if she ever heard me utter the word, homosapien...she would just about have a meltdown. Seriously. She's kinda funny about the church thing because she wants people to come to church, but she criticizes those that do, but show up wearing jeans or sweats. What does it matter? Isn't the fact that they are there, the more important issue? I don't get it.

  Also, full force, righteous Christianity and full force Catholicism is not my thing. Mom believes that anyone who abandons the Catholic church to seek another religion is a traitor (not every Catholic is like this, mother is just hard-core). How do I tell her I'm mostly New Age Buddhist? Believe me, I love her and I'm ever so grateful for her, but I know I'd be seriously f*# if I were to share my true beliefs with her. I finally told her I was pro-choice and why, and she actually didn't implode!

 Ay, it's probably just something wrong with my brain.

 Any advice, folks? I'm happiest when I'm alone with my kids (I adore them, but I'm a bit biased) and/or dogs & cats. I actually enjoy being home with mother too, most of the time and we are closer now than ever before. But, when the religious, guilt issue is brought up, then I'm like, "Check please!" and I run! She's been a great shoulder for me to lament my woes to, as well, so I need to give her credit where it's due.

 Help, I need to hide in a cave from the rest of the world!

 

 

24 Replies (last)
Original Post by phoebe_luvs_smallville:

How do I tell her I'm mostly New Age Buddhist? Believe me, I love her and I'm ever so grateful for her, but I know I'd be seriously f*# if I were to share my true beliefs with her.

In what way?

Anyway, it sounds to me like she already knows that you don't share Catholic beliefs... But what do you think will happen if she finds out (other than her ranting about your religious views for a while)?

You need to move to New England. :) Around these parts you can say "I'm an atheist/buddhist/wiccan/whatever" and most people won't bat an eye. They certainly won't make you an outcast.

I apologize in advance for not having more to say or to be able to give you any advice...

but I did want to say that I think you are an amazing person, and I want to hug you IRL.

Many people are idiots. They want to feel better than others (ever watched "Keeping up Appearinces?), think they know better, believe the world revolves around them, disagree with anyone who doesn't think exactly the same way as they do, are jealous other people make more money/have better jobs/responsabilities/..., and want to tell their "grievances" to others so they can agree with them.

I think that sums up pretty much everyone you mentionned there. 

Just make the rules clear. "Look, I know you have many things but your constant reminder of it makes me uncomfortable. I'll happily chat with you about ....... though."

 

 

seek out a group of friends who share your values; they'll make all the rest of it less important. then start looking for a new job. you can't trade in your family, but you don't have to spend 35+ hours per week in a toxic workplace.

r.e. explaining your religious beliefs to your mother: you don't have to. You're an adult who believes differently than she does, and even if she doesn't agree with you, do not owe her an explanation. No amount of explaining will change her mind, right? Nor will it make her understand or accept your differences, right? I speak from experience as my mom and I have very differing beliefs as well. We have a tacit agreement to simply not discuss the subject.

Good luck with the work environment! Sounds like maybe you should be actively seeking other employment!

With your co-workers, my best advice (which may not be super helpful) is just let them be who they are.  Sure, they sound annoying but who cares?  Really.  I mean you are wanting people to accept you for who you are, yeah?  Just accept them.  Don't take what they say or do so personally. You are letting them get to you, when this is just not necessary.

With your family, I'd have the same outlook.  Just be you and they can be them.  Who cares if auntie rolls her eyes at you or whomever.  Just be happy being you.

When it comes to your mother, this might take a bit more delicacy.  Only because you live with her.  So, you know your mother better then anyone on how she would react.  So, I will say to just take it slow with her! 

Good luck!!

Original Post by jules817:

You need to move to New England. :) Around these parts you can say "I'm an atheist/buddhist/wiccan/whatever" and most people won't bat an eye. They certainly won't make you an outcast.


*deems Jules a witch and puts her on trial*

*readies a sentence that she be pressed to death*

OMG, you summed up how I feel. I am at best when left the heck alone. I moved some ways away from family because I figured that if they wanted to see me they would had to think twice before making the drive. When on the phone, my husband showed me a feature that works great when my mother starts rambling about religion and how I am sinning for not going to church and for having tattoo's on and on and on...... that button is the "END".  (oops, my phone's battery died!!!, just in time) When at work I feel like I just can't relate to no one so I usually are in a corner by myself just doing my work. Talk to people when needed. when I start hearing the rambling my excuse is usually "I got to go pee". I am out.... Don't want to hear it. I thought I was alone on this one. I thought I was weird but I am glad that I am not alone. welcome to the club of 2... jejeje.

Original Post by lasposacadavere:

Original Post by phoebe_luvs_smallville:

How do I tell her I'm mostly New Age Buddhist? Believe me, I love her and I'm ever so grateful for her, but I know I'd be seriously f*# if I were to share my true beliefs with her.

In what way?

Anyway, it sounds to me like she already knows that you don't share Catholic beliefs... But what do you think will happen if she finds out (other than her ranting about your religious views for a while)?

 She would probably set up some sort of Catholic intervention or exorcism. Some of her friends in a church across town are involved in learning about Deliverance, what it entails and how to do one.

roxy,

 aww, thank you! :)

jules,

 I do think I live in the wrong part of the country. New England sounds great, perhaps even Mars. I'm a big weirdo around here. On Sunday I got my left ear pierced with two studs in the cartilage area- the outer conch. I've been wanting to get a tattoo for a few years, but haven't yet decided on a lotus flower or what I want or where.

 Anyhow, a few people have freaked over it, saying that it was a crazy, wild thing to do. I'm thinking, "What's the big deal?It's not a 666 tattoo on my forehead, here in the Bible belt, for pete's sake."

Move to San Francisco.

And don't tell your mom you're a Buddhist! You'll never hear the end of it - not a good idea if you live under her roof.

Phoebe, you're just not surrounded by the right kind of people. And your post, like many other story of co-workers, makes me glad I'm a freelancer, as terrible as that can be sometimes.

The woman with the David statue is hilarious. It sounds like the naffest house on the planet.

There are oodles of nice and funny people on this planet, don't lose all hope in humanity just because you'Re surrounded by asshats, just try and take it with as much humor and confidence as possible.

 

PS you forgot somone: You know, that passive-agressive animalrights nut that ruins people's thanksgivings by muttering how sorry she feels for turkeys? ;)  Kiss

(((Phoebe)))

Original Post by pgeorgian:

seek out a group of friends who share your values; they'll make all the rest of it less important. then start looking for a new job. you can't trade in your family, but you don't have to spend 35+ hours per week in a toxic workplace.

 I hadn't though about whether such people live in this area, but there must be others, perhaps hiding in a part of town I don't usually frequent. I found information about a local vegetarian society on-line. What's missing is the guts to actually show up at a meeting and interact with others, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 I really do like my job, mainly because by 1-2am, everyone leaves and I'm alone for about 4-6 hours. My last job was extremely stressful compared with this one. Best of all, I still get to help people. 

Original Post by crazineko:

With your co-workers, my best advice (which may not be super helpful) is just let them be who they are.  Sure, they sound annoying but who cares?  Really.  I mean you are wanting people to accept you for who you are, yeah?  Just accept them.  Don't take what they say or do so personally. You are letting them get to you, when this is just not necessary.

With your family, I'd have the same outlook.  Just be you and they can be them.  Who cares if auntie rolls her eyes at you or whomever.  Just be happy being you.

When it comes to your mother, this might take a bit more delicacy.  Only because you live with her.  So, you know your mother better then anyone on how she would react.  So, I will say to just take it slow with her! 

Good luck!!

 I try, crazi. I don't argue, I just listen. But I've been doing this for years and it has gotten old. Looking to offend others is by no means in my agenda, but unfortunately, my brain still processes what they are saying, even if I try to ignore what's coming out of their mouths. It's futile.

Original Post by anneya23:

OMG, you summed up how I feel. I am at best when left the heck alone. I moved some ways away from family because I figured that if they wanted to see me they would had to think twice before making the drive. When on the phone, my husband showed me a feature that works great when my mother starts rambling about religion and how I am sinning for not going to church and for having tattoo's on and on and on...... that button is the "END".  (oops, my phone's battery died!!!, just in time) When at work I feel like I just can't relate to no one so I usually are in a corner by myself just doing my work. Talk to people when needed. when I start hearing the rambling my excuse is usually "I got to go pee". I am out.... Don't want to hear it. I thought I was alone on this one. I thought I was weird but I am glad that I am not alone. welcome to the club of 2... jejeje.

 Can I friend you? You must be the only other one on the planet that feels this way, too. ;) 

Original Post by kikt:

Move to San Francisco.

And don't tell your mom you're a Buddhist! You'll never hear the end of it - not a good idea if you live under her roof.

Phoebe, you're just not surrounded by the right kind of people. And your post, like many other story of co-workers, makes me glad I'm a freelancer, as terrible as that can be sometimes.

The woman with the David statue is hilarious. It sounds like the naffest house on the planet.

There are oodles of nice and funny people on this planet, don't lose all hope in humanity just because you'Re surrounded by asshats, just try and take it with as much humor and confidence as possible.

 

PS you forgot somone: You know, that passive-agressive animalrights nut that ruins people's thanksgivings by muttering how sorry she feels for turkeys? ;) 

(((Phoebe)))

 haha! Maybe that nut needs to come out a bit more! After all, this is a celebration of an event which ultimately led to the genocide of many Native Americans, plus it's currently a turkey holocaust (IMO). See kikt, crazy is still here! 

I hope the lady with the mansion doesn't begin her usual holiday questions that make me squirm, like:

 "Do you bake a turkey for your family? How do you feel about that? Is it still murder to you? Do you eat turkey for just one day?"  -to all these, the answer is no.

 For one, I do not have mad baking skills. I can buy turkey slices at the deli and make the kids sammiches (which is still murder)...those are the extent of my culinary skills.  

Original Post by kikt:

And don't tell your mom you're a Buddhist! You'll never hear the end of it - not a good idea if you live under her roof.

This... Well, at least not until you move out. Then she'll have no right to complain (not that she has any now, but you get my point).

 

And there's nothing wrong with your brain. I just hope you'll eventually be able to actually have some fun with your coworkers' ridiculousness.

Original Post by phoebe_luvs_smallville:

Colleague M constantly brags about her material assets. I can envision the water fountain in every room, including the giant one that reaches the 2nd floor, the statue of David, the grand piano, the toilet seat warmer, etc...you get it. Oh, and her brother who is an eternal bachelor in his 70's has a million dollars worth of watches and he has invested his money well. Oh, and her grand-children are perfect little angels who never ever misbehave and only wear the best, brand name clothes. After a year of this...EEK! Change the subject! Money isn't everything.


People like this make me wonder... if she's so filthy rich, why doesn't she just retire?  And why is she always bragging about how much stuff she has?  Does she have some need to impress or is she trying to compensate for something she's lacking?

It sounds like you need a vacation, Girlfriend!

All those daily things that get under your skin...they're just building to the point of boiling is all, I bet.

Can you get away all by yourself for a night or weekend? Cute little cabin in the woods or something near the beach?

You, your camera, some wine..a few good books and a big bottle of bubblebath.

You can raise a toast. "Screw them, I'm not dealing with their chit til Monday!"

 

Original Post by phoebe_luvs_smallville:

Original Post by lasposacadavere:

Original Post by phoebe_luvs_smallville:

How do I tell her I'm mostly New Age Buddhist? Believe me, I love her and I'm ever so grateful for her, but I know I'd be seriously f*# if I were to share my true beliefs with her.

In what way?

Anyway, it sounds to me like she already knows that you don't share Catholic beliefs... But what do you think will happen if she finds out (other than her ranting about your religious views for a while)?

 She would probably set up some sort of Catholic intervention or exorcism. Some of her friends in a church across town are involved in learning about Deliverance, what it entails and how to do one.


LMAO!!! Your Mom sounds like a hoot. I think I would like her, and I bet you get a kick out of her, too.

Lock your door at night before sleeping.

Just sayin. Never know when she and her exorcism pals might come for you.

 

 

 

24 Replies (last)
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