The Lounge
Moderators: spoiled_candy, Mollybygolly, nomoreexcuses, peaches0405


We had our second session today with the counselor. I was a little shocked though that the counselor suggested my husband move back in. He thinks him being in the house will give our marriage a better chance. Husband is all for this and has called twice wanting to know if he can come back. I don't know if I'm ready for this. He says he'll sleep on the couch but I can barely look at him still. What do you think? Is this a good idea?
35 Replies (last)
Original Post by stoogesfan:

What do you think? Is this a good idea?

Nope. Oh and...**** slap your counselor. If you can't do it, I'll do it for you. Deeds.

Original Post by stoogesfan:

... but I can barely look at him still.

Besides all he's done, this alone answers your question.

Original Post by pinegrovedave:

Original Post by stoogesfan:

What do you think? Is this a good idea?

Nope. Oh and...**** slap your counselor. If you can't do it, I'll do it for you. Deeds.


Amen.

Not a good idea! He hasn't earned the right to be part of the family again yet after the way he's behaved.

And Dave..I'm keeping you on file. Someday, I might want a Tonya Harding kneecap type job on someone, and you sound like the man for it.

 

I finally confided in a couple friends and they told me absolutely not but I started really questioning my decision thinking maybe my close friends weren't being objective and maybe I wasn't either.

I'm just feeling really pressured from him. Thanks for your support, it's helping me stay strong.

If you can barely look at him, then no, I wouldn't say you've had enough time; but I'm not a trained counselor.

What are your boundaries, how do you expect to be treated by other people and by your husband? What is it you need to heal?

I'm objective, and hell no, he should not move in. Remember the last thread? You admitted yourself, you reached the point of no return, no matter what sign of "recovery".

Besides, one passed counseling session does not mean anything. This is a guy you cannot trust anymore. He hasn't done anything yet to build that trust back.

Why are you going back on your decision?

With him out of the house you have a large measure of control over the situation, if he moves back in you forfeit the control and boundaries - once he's back it'll be hard to get him out again, don't do it until the point you're ready - if you reach that stage at all.

NO

1. Get a lawyer 2. Serve papers

Nope.

Heck, I'm so objective on it I don't even think I commented on your last thread (though I did read it).

Counselors are human too, and just because they toss a suggestion out there doesn't make it law.  Do what's comfortable for YOU.   And during the next session defend your decision.  Don't let anyone bully you into something you don't want to do (and I'm sure one of the first questions will be "So has he moved back into the house? - and you can follow it up with "I decided that based on my feelings at the moment that it was not something I was comfortable with, so no.").  And stick with it until *you're* ready.  If ever.

And I'm seconding mythals on the control of the situation.

Original Post by stoogesfan:

I finally confided in a couple friends and they told me absolutely not but I started really questioning my decision thinking maybe my close friends weren't being objective and maybe I wasn't either.

I'm just feeling really pressured from him. Thanks for your support, it's helping me stay strong.

The only reason you are doing this, is because your confidence has been knocked!

I say NO, you clearly aren't ready, and may never be ready.

I would ask the counselor why they think he should, when you clearly aren't there yet!

Original Post by stoogesfan:

I finally confided in a couple friends and they told me absolutely not but I started really questioning my decision thinking maybe my close friends weren't being objective and maybe I wasn't either.

I'm just feeling really pressured from him. Thanks for your support, it's helping me stay strong.

even more reason NOT to. hold onto your solid truth and reality in each of these moments. You are doing an excellent job as you "keepago" absolutely.

If he is to come back, it should be by your own self initiated desire and on your own terms. There is no alternative.

If you aren't ready, then no.  That's a very important, perhaps the most important, factor.

Original Post by raychelc:

And Dave..I'm keeping you on file. Someday, I might want a Tonya Harding kneecap type job on someone, and you sound like the man for it.

 

My rates are competitive, I'm discrete, and I guarantee results. *grin*

You need an avi, girl. It took me a while to remember which story was yours.

I'd say, No, not yet. Even if nothing physical has happened between your hsuband and the Fatal Attraction girl he has been mesing with you. It's one thing to carouse online due to a seven year itch, it's quite another to blame the spouse for such behaviour and the problematic results.

Personally, I think you guys need a bit more time to have a proper restart and put your relationship back togehter onto different feet - or you'll end up being the vicitm again in no time.

It might be good for him, too, to have a few months off the usual routine.

Although, it also just took the longtimepartner of my bestie a week of her being gone to beg her in tears to stay with him -and make the necessary changes when she did.

They'd been together for over ten years, ahve a daughter and had decided to go separate ways when she went on a holiday for 10 days. Alone he had the chance to reflect on a few things and was ablet ot realize that hs youth is gone and gone for good and throwing away what he has (i.e. a great woman at his side and a family life) just so he could spend a few more horus each day than he does playing instrumetns is just idiotic)

So he made a serious effort to be less of an ass (he really was at times, holy cow!) and they are together again. Reasonably happy from what I can see.

 

If you are not ready, you are not ready. A week or two really isn't that long. Do this at your own speed.

He still hasn't admitted to any infidelity, he's experiencing blow-back at work because some crazy chick has been spreading rumors, plus she's tried to manipulate you and made the situation public to make further trouble.

Dunno stooges.

Reading back through some of your threads, and assuming you really honestly have decided to trust him, and want the marriage to work...why is it so difficult for you to allow him to move back in?

Forgive me, if I've missed any components of the story; it looks like it's spread out over several threads?

Has he been physically abusive to either you or your children? Verbally abusive? How did you decide on this counselor? Is he on the department's payroll or yours?

 

I dn't think divorce is the easy way out. I think it's much easier to keep the status quo. All you have to do is say the word yes, and it's much cheaper and quicker than a divorce.

Here's a summary. He repeatedly violates your trust, gets involved with a shady woman who is probably crazy, gets himself into trouble at work, blames you for his trouble, talks to you like you're garbage, and then asks to move back in. You have a counselor who says he should, not because he did anything to repair the damage he caused, but because it will be easier to repair the relationship under one roof. You need to quarantine yourself and decide a. Do you want to save this marriage and b. do you think he will change. If you can say yes to both, start working on your marriage. If you can't, say goodbye. Your friends can't tell if you want him back. The internet can't tell you if you want him back. The only thing I can say is if he were my husband, I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole and I'd get myself checked for stds.

Your counselor can make suggestions on what you could do, but it's up to you what you feel is right for your situation.

If you can barely look at him, it sounds like a bad idea to live together.

You really need to learn what you want from your relationship to figure out where it's going to go. That will take time.

Does the counselor know what he threw in your face last week when you had the below telephone conversation? 

he asked if I had been with anyone else since I thought he had cheated and I said no never been with anyone other than you

35 Replies (last)
Advertisement
Advertisement
Allergy Remedies
Is It Possible to Go Natural?
The side effects of allergy medications keep some people from using them. Natural remedies can be a great alternative, but some are more effective than others.