Need some URGENT boyfriend advice...
Ok, hi everyone.. this is slightly off topic, but I just needed to vent this and hopefully get some feedback. I live at college really close to my boyfriend (it's like a 2 minute walk from my place to his). Whenever we hang out we do it at his place just because it's more private. But recently I've been getting kinda frustrated because whenever I ask him to come to my ouse he makes an excuse or just says come to his. I usually do come over because I know if i don't i'm not going to get to see him. Today he wanted to get some notes off me and I said if he wanted them he should come get them and he didnt want to. He expected me to bring them to him. I know this is partically my fault for not putting my foot down in the beginning but what can I do now, short of dumping him (which i'm not going to do, so don't even go there)? Thanks everyone. Love.
um, just don't truck over the notes, if he wants them let him come and get them. Forget them at home when you go over to his place, you're his girlfriend not his trained mutt fetching stupid sticks.
Original Post by bagga:
um, just don't truck over the notes, if he wants them let him come and get them. Forget them at home when you go over to his place, you're his girlfriend not his trained mutt fetching stupid sticks.
^ What Bagga Said!
Just tell him the truth.
"Hey- it seems like you don't want to spend time at my place, what's up with that?"
Then make a plan- at least once a week at your place or whatever and if he doesnt stick to that or even entertain it then he is not really interested in being a or your "boyfriend".
Life is way to short to be with guys that wont participate in the relationship- you deserve someone who is into you enough to collaborate with you.
First of all, don't bring him the notes. He should be able to come get them himself.
Second of all, why do you have to see him everyday? How about on the days that you want him to come over (and he of course doesn't want to) you find something else to do? Your life shouldn't revolve around your boyfriend.
As the rest mentioned; this is quite odd coming from his behalf and should be checked upon immediately before continuing what could be seen as an uneaven and thus unhealthy relationship. As bella mentioned, why not try to find something else to occupy your time even if its just staying in and watching television or reading a book? This way you will pressure him to come to you instead of giving him the comodity of always attaining to his demands. As for the privacy... well, if its your place and you feel comfortable with it, then he shouldnt be the one worried about it. Its not like if your currently living with your family and they may walk in on you.
But in short, dont dump him at the moment seeing as thats not what you wish to do, but deffinately fix this if not things will just get worse. Ignore him for a while. If he wants the notes, let him come for them... and most importantly.. do not give in.
You should withhold sex until he comes to your place. Tell him you want to do it in your bed for once and he's not getting it until he makes that happen. Show him who's boss.
A real woman does not use her body to get what she wants. Shame on you, Kate.
Besides, I doubt the OP's notes are that good.
Original Post by bagga:
um, just don't truck over the notes, if he wants them let him come and get them. Forget them at home when you go over to his place, you're his girlfriend not his trained mutt fetching stupid sticks.
seconded thirded! exactly. dont establish any pattern you dont want to be held to for the remainder.
Original Post by kathygator:
Besides, I doubt the OP's notes are that good.
heh. kathy. indeed.
Oh and to the OP: ask him why he doesn't like your place.
Original Post by kathygator:
A real woman does not use her body to get what she wants. Shame on you, Kate.
seconded.
OP - i'm with bagga. don't bring the notes. if he wants them, he can come get them. make it known how you feel about always hanging out at his place. both partners need to put equal effort into a relationship. if he's not willing to do that, then i guess you'll have to start questioning if he's treating you right.
Original Post by iwannabeontop:
I usually do come over because I know if i don't i'm not going to get to see him.
here's the problem. "get to" see him? doesn't he want to see YOU? doesn't the fact that he is willing to just not see you because he's too lazy to come to your house bother you?
him letting you see him shouldn't be some priviledge he's giving you. he should feel LUCKY he gets to see you. he's not putting in the same effort that you are.
i'll be blunt, and cliche...but maybe he's just not that into you.
Original Post by kathygator:
A real woman does not use her body to get what she wants. Shame on you, Kate.
Besides, I doubt the OP's notes are that good.
Shame on you for not knowing how to have some fun in a young relationship. You must be older?
Original Post by starlitocean:
Original Post by kathygator:
A real woman does not use her body to get what she wants. Shame on you, Kate.
seconded.
Thirded!
we all were young once kate, and perhaps one going through all the recent drama with your husband renders you a poor candidate to give advice or be rude to one who is actually giving some.
Original Post by katesorad:
Original Post by kathygator:
A real woman does not use her body to get what she wants. Shame on you, Kate.
Besides, I doubt the OP's notes are that good.
Shame on you for not knowing how to have some fun in a young relationship. You must be older?
if by older, you mean smarter, then yes, gator is.
i'm only a few years older than you. 23. and no way would i ever consider that to be a good idea. and i believe EI is just a couple years older than me. and she is intelligent enough to agree with gator as well.
Original Post by bagga:
we all were young once kate, and perhaps one going through all the recent drama with your husband renders you a poor candidate to give advice or be rude to one who is actually giving some.
that was what i was thinking, but refrained from saying. :) <3 bagga.
Original Post by katesorad:
Original Post by kathygator:
A real woman does not use her body to get what she wants. Shame on you, Kate.
Besides, I doubt the OP's notes are that good.
Shame on you for not knowing how to have some fun in a young relationship. You must be older?
Hm. I'm young. ( 25 ) However, I agree with Kathy completely on her statement. Based on your current relationship status I'd say you could learn from older/younger heads, Kate. No offense.
Original Post by enchantingimage:
Original Post by katesorad:
Original Post by kathygator:
A real woman does not use her body to get what she wants. Shame on you, Kate.
Besides, I doubt the OP's notes are that good.
Shame on you for not knowing how to have some fun in a young relationship. You must be older?
Hm. I'm young. ( 25 ) However, I agree with Kathy completely on her statement. Based on your current relationship status I'd say you could learn from older/younger heads, Kate. No offense.
EI - we're on the exact same wavelength. it's freaking me out.
Original Post by starlitocean:
Original Post by enchantingimage:
Original Post by katesorad:
Original Post by kathygator:
A real woman does not use her body to get what she wants. Shame on you, Kate.
Besides, I doubt the OP's notes are that good.
Shame on you for not knowing how to have some fun in a young relationship. You must be older?
Hm. I'm young. ( 25 ) However, I agree with Kathy completely on her statement. Based on your current relationship status I'd say you could learn from older/younger heads, Kate. No offense.
EI - we're on the exact same wavelength. it's freaking me out.
:) That's fantastic!
