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how to get over someone u really love:(


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i have been trying to get over someone for the past 6 months now.bt i cant simply do that.i m a complete mess now.its just that we were going so strong and out of the blue he just stopped loving me.he even admitted that it was not my fault and i did not do anything wrong.it was just him.he just got confused.i cant accept the fact that he does not love me anymore.how can someone be so insensitive and irresponsible.i totally cut him out of my life as it was even more painful to remain as a friend with him.and why would i give him the privilage of being a friend with me.now i have become more vulnarable.i cant even tolerate my other friends or anyone who are in a relationship.i have started to envy them.i feel more anger when i see that hes life is going the perfect way.he is doing everything that makes him happy.and heres me,sitting all depressed and sad.and crying upon such a thing.i have had my crushes before bt he was my first love.do ppl actually forget their first relationship?can they really forget the first love?

i feel so used and cheap. i feel that when he needed me he just used me.while taking the decision he never thought of me.never even cared what will i be going through.did not even bother to ask me what i wanted.why is god doing this to me?of all the ppl out there do i really deserve this to happen to me?

 he used to call me everyday and then i told him to stop calling me and he did so.but i dont knw. he was online just a couple of mintues ago and he saw me online but did not knock me.i feel so lost. i feel i wont be able to forget him and forgive myself for bringing me into this situation as i let him take the advantage of me(yes this is what i think now..he used me!!!!).

oh god why cant i get him out of my mind.all the ppl whos reading this post plz plz plz plz pray to god.

plz help me out with this **** situation:(

Edited Oct 26 2008 15:29 by coach_k
Reason: profanity filter
60 Replies (last)
It sounds as if this is your first love. I won't be condescending about that... I felt my first real love (and loss of that love) at the grand age of 40! It hits us all one time or other...

Feelings of love (or infatuation or whatever you felt) may well remain simmering below the surface for a long. long time. You need to expect that. Then learn to live despite that.

When we have a falling out with someone we dared to care for, dared to open up to, and dared to love... or if they break contact with us... we go through a grieving process not too dissimilar to accepting the death of a loved one...

See Elizabeth Kubler Ross's Grief cycle for an explanation. It might help.

I won't lie to you and say it'll all be fine.... just know that others have been where you are and feel your pain.

The pain will go away - eventually.
I'm not even going to get into my story as it's seven long, sad years long, but I still care about my first love and haven't spoken to him in over a year now.  I was 15 when we met and 22 when we (I) finally decided it was just too much even though I loved him more than anything in this world.  For over a year when it was "ending" I was a mess, skipping classes (which I ended up paying for literally when I had to retake a semester of classes), not eating, not caring about anything or anyone, including myself.  I didn't hang out with my friends or family and stopped doing anything I cared about.  I actually had a bout with cutting for a while because I was so depressed and hated myself.  Anyway, that was the worst but it gets better.  I never thought I could love anyone again until I met someone else totally out of the blue.  I was not looking for love, didn't want it, didn't deserve it.  I was still not "over" my love for the other person and may never be.  Just telling this story and thinking about the whole thing makes me sad all over again.  You will never forget your first love, ever.  But there is a point when you just have to decide to move on.  I called my mom and had her literally burn all the letters, cards, pictures of us except one or two that I kept just for me.  Anyway, I've been with my b/f over two years now and am happily in love with him.  My old love will always have a place in my heart, he was such a big part of it and who I am.  The only advice I can give you is to take what you had with him and keep the good.  Learn from what you had with him and eventually (even though it sounds corny) you will find someone to open up to again, even if it's just a friend.  It's so cliche but times does heal.  I still have moments when I actually cry over stuff that happened years ago with my old b/f but it's in the past and you can't change the past. 

I don't know if this helped at all.  If you want to message me I'd be happy to share my story or just listen.  Everyone has had a first love but I also had a very very hard time getting over mine so I feel your pain.  Good luck and I'm always here to listen.
i'm really not a fan of that kubler-ross stuff.  it implies that grief is passive - that if you just wait, it will go away.  i believe that grief is an active process and that you have to work it. 

loss is a learning experience, as is love.  try to look at the situation critically, ask yourself what you can take away from it that will add to future relationships, what were the warning signs, what do you need to avoid. 

you are not a victim - you are a survivor!

and for god's sake, get offline, block him, remove him, whatever you have to do.  he is NOT your friend, he is your ex.
#4  
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thanks everyone for replying..makes me feel good about the fact that i m not alone..others have gone through this phase .well i  dont know,i feel i m ok at one momnt and at the next moment i m all sad and frustrated.

i dont want to waste time over this because i m in a very critical stage of my academic life.but i cant study.cant concentrate.

dont know where the hell am i going with this feeling:)

anyway keep posting if you feel like.and u r right i m not a victim i have to survive.and dont worry i have already blocked him:)
...don't listen to the radio...

suggestion (someone will undoubtedly think it stupid):  volunteer some time doing something nice for someone (human or animal).  No kidding, it's very healing.
#6  
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you would not believe this if i tell you
but i go through the same thing
I went out with my ex boyfriend for 10 months and i decided to break it up for i've been being mistreated for awhile now but the love for him is still der and i just wish that he will realize his mistakes when Im already gone. After a month of waiting a guy asked me out and im stupid enough to fell for it.But i never stopped loving him and even if im with another relationship I still love him no matter what.
I broke up with the guy I was with cause I cant stand that I still miss my ex and i love him so much.
That time he is already liking someone else but didnt work out too well between them and wen i thought things are doing better i was wrong because he met someone and out of the blue he asked her out and they went out.It was valentines day and dat day was memorable for me because it was our second anniversary. I went through every bad things in life when this happened.I chase him through out when he was with her.I thought of things I would never think of thinking at all until this happened.I commited suicide for loss because of every problem i've been having and thinking im done with life. Everything for me went down into drain. I realized how bad things are already when I came back from recovery. I stopped chasing him but i never stopped loving him. When I thought things are good with me he came back to me running that she broke up with him.
This time when he came back I was moving on and doing good until this day and I had the fear back again.
We tried getting back together many times but we always end up on a decision of "time will come".I had a vacation for two weeks in Philippines and after i got back he confessed to me and cried to me dat he want me back but i had to give a sacrifice dat i found out im moving out to philippines for next year. I had to lie to him and tell him i dont love him and dat pushed him out. This time her ex gf broke up wid her boyfriend and crying back to him. Now that they are back together i am back of being alone and being one sided love.
I am letting go and moving on but i dont know how. I dont know how to stop loving him for all I know nothing i do works on forgetting him and still end up as if im still chasing him.
im tired like you are but the hard thing is dat our heart is wat matters and our heart says to love this person.
but dont you worry dont let him hurt you more and more do wat i do and just be friends with him and try to forget everything with him.just live life and always tell yourself that you are great and he doesnt deserve your love.
keep on smiling and thank you for letting me share my story =]
#7  
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well its been almost a year since my last post..i was going thrugh my old emails and found those notification mails from calorie-count:)..so i thought that i should let all those sweet and generous people who responded to my post know that i m doing great in my life now.i am doing well in the school and hopefully go abroad for further studies next year.i moved on completely and those crying days are over for me.though i m still single but  i am very happy with my life.and i came to know that u dont need to go out with someone to forget someone else!
i was reading my first post and it kinda suprised me.coz i sound extremely angry and i am actually relieved to realize that the rage is gone now.(thank god!!)
i learn to cope with the fact that if someone cant be happy with you,u surely dont want to be with him:).my ex met someone else and they seem very happy together.and i managed a way to be happy for him:).
i guess time is the greatest healer of all.if anyone out there is trying to recover from a terrible break up,i would say from my experience, just hang in there..everything will be just fine.
trust me on that.

take care and be happy:)

p.s-munlyt18,thanx a lot for sharing ur story:)

Original Post by hogue1:

...don't listen to the radio...

suggestion (someone will undoubtedly think it stupid): volunteer some time doing something nice for someone (human or animal). No kidding, it's very healing.

My mother's #1 breakup rule! No radio!!! ( more when you first break up obviously not 6 months later!)

I remember my first boyfriend who had to move from where we lived ( Maine) to Florida, I was 15 at the time and although looking back now it wasn't really LOVE, but man at the time the feelings and hurt were as real as you can get. I was devastated to say the least, wouldn't eat or come out of my room and Laid in bed crying with the song "Far Behind" by Candlebox on REPEAT for over 24 hours! lol My mom busted in unplugged my little boombox took it out of my room and explained why you NEVER should listen to music after a breakup, just makes you cry more and things even worse. I was pissed at the time, because I wanted to just be miserable listening to my sad music and OUR SONG ect.

I can totally see her point now.

hey there your situation sounds so similar to what i am going through now i msg him saying why am i hurting so much he said it will go away i have erased him from facebook im finding it hard the guy was so into me at the start then he doesnt love me anymore....i was paranoid with him though i was very insecure and i know that's why he stopped loving me fell into depression fark how long is this going to take

I would say that honestly, it just takes some time. When it happened to me, I literally felt like I was going to die...like I could not stand it. But time seems to heal things...and in addition to that, you should be proactive. Try to do things to distract yourself, like finding new interests, friends, activities. Spend time with your friends and family. You may feel desperate now, but really, things will get better over time. And yeah, they say you don't forget your first love...that may be true, but you won't have the same type of emotion/feeling toward that person, so in a sense, you do "get over it". I have to say that "losing my first love" was the best thing to ever happen to me, as I found someone I feel even more strongly about the second time around. :) Keep your chin up, it'll get better. And just know that everyone has been there before!

 

It just takes time. It took me a long time to get over the first guy I loved and then one day (literally overnight) the feeling was gone. We maintained being best friends after the breakup but as soon as I really was over him our friendship faded quite a bit because I just didn't care anymore. haha

#12  
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"Maybe getting over someone you're in love with isn't impossible. Unless, maybe you don't actually get over it. Maybe you just learn to live with it." - Felicity

EDIT: Just noticed that this is an old post and you're feeling better. Excellent!

 

#14  
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hi there, we have the same situation, but congratz coz ur over and done with it. I broke up with my ex for 7mos now, and i still not over him.. he's my first serious boyfriend and we've been 2gether for 1yr.. and after all the hardship he made to win me..to win me back again after the pain he made[he went back to her ex, and accept him again as soon he come back to me, but he left again for good. w/ a new girl].. but i still want him back.. The place.. the memories we shared together is killing me so much.. i'm still dwelling so much and it hurts that i even tried to ask him to meet me but he refused me. Maybe i need help too this time. I did everything, cut my hair,go on councelling..psychologist..etc. just to erase him totally but i just can't. He move to a new place, a new job and i think im just nothing with him but i still love him.

Ancient post

#16  
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just need some help too... it's not how long t'was been posted....

I don't understand why people can't move on. The relationship ended. Focus on the things you have in your life.

 

Also, leave 2 year old posts alone. 

Original Post by broken8:

just need some help too... it's not how long t'was been posted....

broken - different forums have different rules on bumping posts. Here, it's generally considered better to start your own rather than bumping something from years ago (assuming it isn't something like "Does Alli work?" in which case, a simple search of the forums will give you all the answers you need).

I'm sorry you are hurting.

Original Post by alibsam:

I don't understand why people can't move on. The relationship ended. Focus on the things you have in your life.

 

Also, leave 2 year old posts alone. 

 Ouch!  That's a little harsh, isn't it?  Some people can go on with their lives easier than other people. 

If you read harshness into it, sure. If you focus on the things you have it's easier to move on. You just assume everything I say is dripping with disdain. 

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