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Are parents (working mums) just selfish....


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http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/7861762. stm

There is on going dispute about this here just now, but how do you separate need from greed, bills have to be paid.

The debate goes on that mothers should stay at home with their children until they go to school and those who don't are being selfish!

Harsh words....I don't see this my mother worked when my sister and i were growing up, i didn't like it when she wasn't there but i wouldn't say that it has damaged me.

do you think mothers should stay at home....why....what do you see as the benefits to the children?

do you think it makes any difference....explain?

Or just your general thoughts on this.

53 Replies (last)

I believe according to the BBC news they polled ?? number of primary school children and way to many of them said they were unhappy and the reason for that unhappiness was down to the hours their mothers (the children said mum) worked too many of them were what we call here "latch key kids" in other words they have to let them self in because no one is home or they have to stay somewhere with supervision until mum (parent) is available.

On top of this because of the hours they work when they are at home the time is not spent as quality time because household things need to be done or just too tierd to be bothered.

ha ha, a new term to call myself.

interesting. i can see kids saying that (especially if the kids dont like the people who look after them), but i would also be wary about how the questions were actually worded. i wouldn't really call that a scientific study, its even easy to lead adults in surveys.

I had to research this topic when I took a Women, Work & Management class in college.

What I found was that children of mothers who are happy are happier than children of mothers who are unhappy, regardless of the employment status of the mother.

In other words, if mom goes out to work, but would rather stay home, then she's less happy and her kids are also less happy.  The opposite is also true.  If mom stays home but would rather go out to work, then she's less happy and her kids are also less happy.

Kids that performed best in school, interestingly, had moms who were able to work or stay at home according to their preference - if doing well in school is any measure of anything.

So it really is true.

If mama aint happy, aint nobody happy.

Laughing

The economic reality for many families is that a 2nd income is necessary to make the house payment on the house that is located in a good school district.

I can't see how it can possibly be selfish to work-- I have never understood that categorization of working mother's.  Children must be fed and clothed, bills must be paid, minds must be kept (some of us cannot stay sane if we stay at home), and these same moms are still doing most of the work that a stay at home mom would do.... how can that possibly be selfish?  thinking only of your self while you pile more on your plate for the betterment of your family?

this is horse crud.

well some women do take personal satisfaction in their careers, in the work that they do

and the people who call these women selfish are essentially saying that when a woman has children, she should be selfless and just stay home and raise her kids

there is also a supposition that the family could and should make do with a smaller house, fewer cars, less expensive clothing, fewer dinners out, etc. - that her income is only needed so the family can 'keep up with the joneses'

but this mostly a fallacy -- most women don't have the option to stay at home - a lot of women wish they did

it's great to fulfill your life purpose - whether you understand it to be as a stay at home mom or as a mom employed outside the home

as long as you feel content with your choice, your kids will not suffer

 

I'm  a parent.

When it comes to children my conclusion is that you're in a no-win situation.  However you choose to bring them up you can be sure that the latest survey will remind you that you're 'doing it all wrong'..... working mums this week.... single parents last week..... next week it'll be something else.   Take them all seriously and you'd be a basket case.

And even if you've done everything right - whatever 'right' is according to the latest survey -  at some point in the future you can guarantee the child will complain!   Because few kids are truly happy with their upbringing and parents are a convenient scapegoat for their own shortcomings.  For every teenager whining that their life would have been so much better if their parents had spent more time with them there's another one whining that their life would have been so much better if their parents had not insisted on them all doing jolly things together as a family.  "Those camping tips blood ... I'm scarred for life innit.... ?'

You see it all the time on here with food issues.  'I'm fat because my parents never let me have sweets as a kid'.....  next post.... 'I'm fat because my parents always fed me sweets as a kid'. 

Minefield...   

Original Post by gi-jane:

I'm  a parent.

When it comes to children my conclusion is that you're in a no-win situation.  However you choose to bring them up you can be sure that the latest survey will remind you that you're 'doing it all wrong'..... working mums this week.... single parents last week..... next week it'll be something else.   Take them all seriously and you'd be a basket case.

And even if you've done everything right - whatever 'right' is according to the latest survey -  at some point in the future you can guarantee the child will complain!   Because few kids are truly happy with their upbringing and parents are a convenient scapegoat for their own shortcomings.  For every teenager whining that their life would have been so much better if their parents had spent more time with them there's another one whining that their life would have been so much better if their parents had not insisted on them all doing jolly things together as a family.  "Those camping tips blood ... I'm scarred for life innit.... ?'

You see it all the time on here with food issues.  'I'm fat because my parents never let me have sweets as a kid'.....  next post.... 'I'm fat because my parents always fed me sweets as a kid'. 

Minefield...   

 ha ha! not to mention on the kicking & squirming they do when they are in you.

but i wuv my mommy.

Damn my single-parent mom for working full-time and going to school in order to provide a better life for me . . .

If only she had an article like this back then!

And I would like to mention that my father left the city and his children because his mother told him too (still haven't gotten over that one).

Thanks for helping out dad!

not to mention our new president is from a single parent family (a-hem, & the mother was the single parent), that really messed him up. altho he's a bit crazy for wanting the job in the first place.

I am a stay at home mom of six. When my oldest was 12, he was upset because all of his friends had "better things" than he did. I asked him how many of his friend's moms were working. He replied, "All of them". I said, okay, would you like me to go to work so you can have better things?  He thought about it for a very few seconds, and said, "No" and went off to play.

This let me know undoubtedly that I am doing the right thing for MY children.  They love that I am home when they come home from school, I can help in their classrooms, I make home-made treats for their classes.  They love that when they are sick, I am able to spend all day with them. 

As for working when kids are older, I disagree somewhat, at least for my family.  Teenagers need parental (super)(vision) as well.  When my kids have a tough day at school, they like that I am here when they get home to talk about it.  My kids are all well-rounded A-students and like school.

As for the fathers.  I believe a parent should be in the home, mother or father.  Sine men, in general, earn more than women, at least in this area, mothers usually stay at home.  But, fathers need to be a big part of their lives.  I believe fathers are the head of the home, partnered with the mother.

My father died very suddenly when my sister and I were little. No insurance, no will, not even any social security b/c he didn't qualify for some bureaucratic reason. 

If my mom hadn't already been in the workforce, she would have had a VERY hard time trying to get back in after 5+ years of being out with the kids (her field requires her to stay current), not to mention the low chances of success looking for a job while devestated by the death of her husband.

If I didn't work my daughter wouldn't eat, would not have a place to live, or clothes on her back.

Yup, I'm selfish as hell.

Original Post by vicki8seekers:

If I didn't work my daughter wouldn't eat, would not have a place to live, or clothes on her back.

Yup, I'm selfish as hell.

Oh my god, how dare you!? :P

I also disagree with a working mom is selfish. Anyone who is working to support and care for their children is selfLESS. Yes, there are people who love their careers, love to work, and do things for their careers. But there is a larger number of people who work to make ends meet (meat?).

And I think single mothers who raise a child and work hard everyday deserve some kind of medal. Hell, most mother's in general deserve one. :)

I grew up with my mom as a stay-at-home BECAUSE my stepfather did not allow her to work (they had an verbally abusive-controlling relationship for many years) or he would up and leave with his paycheck. The check she needed to feed us and pay the bills. Because of his SELFISH behavior we grew up very poor. My mother would go without eating to ensure that we ate something.

I don't understand how anyone could call any mother selfish. Unless she's leaving her kids with a babysitter and is off partying somewhere, I don't see how a mother can be considered selfish.

working moms (or dads) are no more or less selfish than non-working ones.  but reproduction in itself is a pretty selfish prospect.

Original Post by andie-joe:

I believe according to the BBC news they polled ?? number of primary school children and way to many of them said they were unhappy and the reason for that unhappiness was down to the hours their mothers (the children said mum) worked too many of them were what we call here "latch key kids" in other words they have to let them self in because no one is home or they have to stay somewhere with supervision until mum (parent) is available.

On top of this because of the hours they work when they are at home the time is not spent as quality time because household things need to be done or just too tierd to be bothered.

1)Where in the article does it specifically state this was the method used?

2)If the method used was quizzing children, how do we know they were not "led" by the querents? (This occured in the U.S. during the 80's "Satanic Panic" hysteria where unprecedented amounts of children were stating that teachers, day care workers, and other adults were molesting them and making them participate in bizarre rituals. Later the children said contradicting things, and when tapes of the interviews were studied, it was found that the investigators asked the children questions suggesting the answers they were looking for and "rewarded" the children, usually with a piece of candy, whenever they answered "yes".)

Interesting read -

I am a working mother of two children, my mother stayed home until my brothers and i were in school.  She was misreable at home, therefore so were we.  When my mother went back to work the stage was already set for an unhappy upbrining and her working made the situation more tolerable.  We resented the time she was home. 

I am not a "child" friendly type of person. I love my kids, but if I was around them 24-7 it would be problematic.  We make the most of the time when I am around. We eat dinner together on average 6 nights a week.  On the weekends we are a little more lax.  We read together, we play together, and we disagree together.  I think my children benefit from my working.  I am not just talking about a paycheck, but becasue I am happy.  My children also know that I am a phone call away. When I applied for my current position I made it clear that I am the one who takes care of the "Dr. Appts, school plays, and soccer practices"  I make time becasue these things are important to my children.  My children are also learning to be self suffcient and self aware.  My oldest is a girl, and I don't want her to fall into any stereotypes regarding female gender roles.  She has the ability to do anything and I feel that my working helps to instill this belief in her.

My rant is now done.

When my son was little I would leave him at home alone so I could work in order to buy more Coach bags and crack. True story

Original Post by pgeorgian:

working moms (or dads) are no more or less selfish than non-working ones.  but reproduction in itself is a pretty selfish prospect.

Ha! True! Why aren't more people crying about this post. I have gotten into many an argument about thi

i HAVE 45 KIDS AND I LIVE IN A SHOE AND THEIR DEADBEAT DAD OR MY BABY'S DADDY BELLED ON ME AND I HAVE TO WORK TO SUPPORT MY KIDS!!!!!!! HOW AM I SELFISH!!!!! I DON'T EVEN COLLECT CHILD SUPPORT CAUSE THEY DEADBEAT DAD WON';T PAY, AND HOW AM I SELFISH! HUH! HUH! *puts spirochete in headlock*

Original Post by spirochete:

Original Post by pgeorgian:

working moms (or dads) are no more or less selfish than non-working ones.  but reproduction in itself is a pretty selfish prospect.

Ha! True! Why aren't more people crying about this post. I have gotten into many an argument about thi

i know, hey?  try to get someting going around here these days...forget it.

53 Replies (last)
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