do you prefer to be in a relationship after or before you lose weight?
what about you? i hear a lot of people saying " I want to lose weight so i can be in a relationship".
which is understandable but ....
...
I want to be in a relationship (I am in a relationship, but answering your question...). Period. I want to be a in a relationship with someone who loves, accepts and desires me. Someone who loves me as I am, and maybe even for who I could be, all of me.
Weight doesn't really enter into it.
I wouldnt want to be the person someone settles for....
even when i was at my highest weight of 200 lbs that never stopped me from being in relationships. i admit i was alot more self conscious then when i lost a bit but it didn't stop anything for me. i got love at all stages of weight...
Just my 2 cents, took me 29 years to realize this, but I am finally getting it...
It's the whole if you believe in yourself than you can do anything theory!!!
I think I'm probably happier in a relationship when I'm also at a healthy weight. It's not about me not loving myself, it's about my general state of being.
Original Post by loriklorik:
Yup, if i were heavy and in a relationship.... i would question their low standards (afterall, if i want to lose the weight its not even a standard i would accept in myself).
I wouldnt want to be the person someone settles for....
you really do on purpose to make comments that will p!ss people off eh? (I know, rhetorical question). If you question why they are with you, then it's you who has bad self worth, not them having low standards - to some people it doesn't matter.
I met mine before, and I'm glad. I was unable to run very well (used to be marathon runner) due to a fracture and surgery with lot's of hardware in my leg. I recently got the hardware out, and am back to competative running, and now he's gotten to see how disciplined and determined I can be. And how fast I can shape up when it's the right motivation ;)
I want to know what are the high standards?
I've had relationships at varying sizes and I definitely feel more comfortable on the lower-end of my weight than, say, how I am now.
Original Post by vicereine:
Original Post by loriklorik:
Yup, if i were heavy and in a relationship.... i would question their low standards (afterall, if i want to lose the weight its not even a standard i would accept in myself).
I wouldnt want to be the person someone settles for....you really do on purpose to make comments that will p!ss people off eh? (I know, rhetorical question). If you question why they are with you, then it's you who has bad self worth, not them having low standards - to some people it doesn't matter.
It actually makes quite a bit of sense though in honesty. " I am just thinking if someone doesn't accept me as I am now, he doesn't deserve to be with me when I lose the weight. " They set the question up for that kind of response from someone. Seriously. The OP asked for 'opinions ' and that's what she received from Loki.
I don't think weight should be a factor in relationships. Unless you aren't within a healthy range. Some people are less inclined to be with someone unhealthy. The reason being they don't want to gamble on you. Health is upper most on the list of personal importance to some of us. Especially, when it's a health issue they can reverse. Such as those caused from being considerably overweight. I wouldn't be with someone that wasn't actively trying to become healthy. Or with someone that was being counter productive to their health. Such as someone that has one kindey being a drunk or social drinker. I wouldn't accept such things from myself. Therefore, I wouldn't think highly of someone that accepted that from me. I wouldn't think highly of someone that took poor care of themselves. Or wasn't openly and actively bettering their current condition.
Personality isnt everything that makes up a person (and looks arent either)... its a combination of the two.
The highest on the ideal would be someone with both qualities.... so those who go for one while sacrificing the other are lowering their standards.
This isnt some sexist thing either. Its the same for a woman who takes an out of shape man, they are lowering their standards.
Again, i just wouldnt want to be the person someone is settling for because they dont think they can get better.
an overweight person can have a very attractive personality but not a perfect body. why would I want to be with someone who only wants my body?
I want to lose weight to be healthy and be attractive outside as it is inside.
Original Post by safina1:
alibsam, define " attractive", please?
an overweight person can have a very attractive personality but not a perfect body. why would I want to be with someone who only wants my body?
I want to lose weight to be healthy and be attractive outside as it is inside.
Why would she want to be with someone who doesn't take care of themselves? There is a difference between someone saying they want perfection... and someone wanting healthy. Healthy is attractive. It's attractive when someone takes care of themselves. Some people want to be with someone that's healthy on the outside and inside.
Or do like I did. Meet someone, the chemistry is awesome, you both are wildly attracted to one another...you date, become engaged and THEN you both gain weight. It's seeminly happy weight...but it is still weight.
Weight (and good health) is something you have to keep track of in all phases of your life...not just for special occasions...or meeting Mr. or Ms. "right". You should want to do it for yourself first of all. For you.
Original Post by monarch777:
Weight (and good health) is something you have to keep track of in all phases of your life...not just for special occasions...or meeting Mr. or Ms. "right". You should want to do it for yourself first of all. For you.
Exactly! It's very attractive when someone brushes their teeth for them ect. You don't have to accept them with bad breath before they decide to brush. It's not something they only for special occasions. Lol That's the point I was trying to make that may've been lost.
#5 jillmenow : "I think I'm probably happier in a relationship when I'm also at a healthy weight. It's not about me not loving myself, it's about my general state of being."
That's attractive. Someone that wants to be healthy because it makes them happier to be in a state of well being.
I am just trying to find a balance here. how would you know if a person likes you for who you are? I mean if looks are part of the equation then I guess the love will be gone when I get older.
do you know what I mean?
so based on your responses, I guess an overweight woman should not get involved in any relationships because she is not " attractive"? she has to lose weight first. right?
and if someone wants to be with me now, it means he has low standards.. how sad.
Original Post by safina1:
enchantingimage, I agree that being healthy is attractive. I don't want to be with someone who is couch potato and doesn't care about his health. he HAS to have the desire to lose weight and be healthy.
I am just trying to find a balance here. how would you know if a person likes you for who you are? I mean if looks are part of the equation then I guess the love will be gone when I get older.
do you know what I mean?
so based on your responses, I guess an overweight woman should not get involved in any relationships because she is not " attractive"? she has to lose weight first. right?
Male or female. The person should understand that because someone enables you doesn't mean they love you either. Just because someone accepts or tollerates qualties or attributes of a person doesn't mean they love them. Some people accept and tollerate the bad because the positive aspects are worth keeping to them. It's not ' one thing ' that's attractive. A man or woman can be attractive as well as overweight. There are qualties or attributes of everyone that are attractive. Just because someone accepts you unhealthy or overweight ( Or regarding whatever failing ) doesn't they love or deserve you either. Now or later though. That's a misconception in my view also.
Everyone values the various qualities of a person in different ways.
If the person you are with honestly doesnt care about a few extra pounds (or its something thats lower on their list of importance) then there isnt a problem (or it can be worked on slowly as things go on).
BUT if the person you are with really does hold that important but is with you simply because they cant find someone better... well... thats when they leave once they can get someone more towards their ideal (and thats the cause of a lot of relationship problems, when people settle for lower then what they really would want).
It really just depends on the person....
an overweight person can have a very attractive personality but not a perfect body. why would I want to be with someone who only wants my body?
I want to lose weight to be healthy and be attractive outside as it is inside.
Attractiveness is, of course, subjective but in general no one wants to date someone who is extremely unhealthy. You even said this in your post after the one I just quoted.
I am not attracted at all to overweight guys. If I'm overweight, why wouldn't I want to change that? I want to be more attractive for myself and for whoever I'm with. I want to be the best me. Therefore, I'm not going to lower my standards since I don't expect anyone else to...
What you eat can have a direct effect on your skin if you're struggling with psoriasis. See what to shop for.
