Let's pretend we don't know each other for this one, 'kay?

I thought about making an alternate account for this question, but...I'm pretty sure everyone would know it's me anyway. I'z predictable. And have problems. Relationship-esque problems.

A lot of you know about my current medical issues. For those who don't...I have some medical issues. Now you're all up to speed. :P Basically, I have some neurological damage, a couple of my vital organs are in bad condition for a person my age, and I've got some mineral and vitamin deficiencies for which I receive treatment. In other words, don't make it a goal in life to drink yourself into a coma before you reach 24.

Some of these issues are going to be with me for the rest of my life, and they manifest themselves in some pretty horrifying ways every now and then...like internal bleeding. Which had been going on for the past few days. Yes, I've seen the doctor.

Anyway, the guy I'm seeing (I know, I know) has been really great through all of this, even though I can tell he's a little freaked out (but he's also in recovery, so he understands better than most). The thing is, I really can't handle being such a downer for him all the time. I feel like there's always something going wrong with me and that he's going to get fed up with it fairly quickly. And who could blame him? He didn't sign up for a defective girlfriend (well...he kind of did, but not one who's physically defective).

So I try to make things more about him and take the focus off of me and my problems, but the conversation always keeps getting back to that. Every ten minutes, he's asking if I feel okay or something similar. It makes me really nervous. To make things worse, the past few times I've tried to initiate...romantical...um, relations...sex, he hasn't been into it. He said he's afraid that he'll hurt me or "break something" and he'd rather wait until I'm further out of the woods. It freaks me out that he's freaked out. O.o 

So...no sex right now and the relationship seems to be all about me. Both things are completely not necessary, but I can't make him understand that. A lot of my medical issues aren't going to go away, or at least not for a long time. He's said that he understands that, but I don't want him to treat me like I'm glass everytime something goes wrong with me, or we're both going to lose interest in the relationship.

 I'm flying blind here, someone say something...

*wades in*

So, if I'm reading this right:

-you are impulsive, do what you want (this includes excessive alcohol), when you want & with whom you want.

-Your are not in the best possible health (physical or mental/emotional) right now.

Your new boyfriend is not giving in to do what you want/when you want. Instead he is putting your well-being first. Sounds like the smart thing to do right now. Why not do it his way until things improve....but what do I know? I'm going in as if I've never seen your posts before this one.

I think you are both uncomfortable with the attention and you are uncomfortable with feeling fragile. Whether you see yourself as fragile is your opinion. Do you?

Hmmmmm  The only thing that comes to mind is maybe having your dr. tell him sex  is ok. And a brief rundown that you are not a china doll and can exist like an average person, kinda?  Maybe?  I don't know. Totally sucks, Kotov.

I feel a little better now. We talked on the phone and he seems more relaxed. I hope that's the case. He's just always so...aggressive and...well, he's a horndog. It made me nervous to see him being the complete opposite. This whole time, he's only been showing the one side of his personality, so seeing something else threw me for a complete loop. Imagine it...a multi-faceted person. O.O

I think everyone who's weighed in is right. I need to hear these things from other people, since I never know if I'm thinking the right things.

I have been feeling a little fragile lately, tea, but no. Normally, I'm anything but fragile. :D

Original Post by kotov_syndrome:

I feel a little better now. We talked on the phone and he seems more relaxed. I hope that's the case. He's just always so...aggressive and...well, he's a horndog. It made me nervous to see him being the complete opposite. This whole time, he's only been showing the one side of his personality, so seeing something else threw me for a complete loop. Imagine it...a multi-faceted person. O.O

I think everyone who's weighed in is right. I need to hear these things from other people, since I never know if I'm thinking the right things.

I have been feeling a little fragile lately, tea, but no. Normally, I'm anything but fragile. :D

Yea, you've got quite the spirit. Sometimes it can be a bit depressing or alarming to be feeling fragile. I kind of loathe it when I feel that way, and yet at times, it is the perfect word. Allow yourself to take of yourself. Allow him to help you do that. 

I've never heard of you.... That said I am married to a woman who has had multiple physical issues ever since I met her. I can relate to your situation.

A man will happily put aside his sexual urges when he feels his woman's health physical or mental requires it. This is a temporary situation that will return to normal when the guy feels his woman is out of danger. Your physical condition will not make any difference in how he feels about you or how much he wants you. (assuming he does love you and isn't just playing around)

Men who really love their woman want what is best for thier woman and will sacrifice a lot for them including basic physical needs and wants when they need to protect her from some kind of harm.

Excellent opportunity for you to learn how to be cared for.

(((Kotov)))  I know you are fiercely independent and hate being seen as weak.  That being said, I can understand why you would be freaking out a bit right now.

Time to accept that at times you will be a bit needy and accept that your guy may need to be gnetle with you for a while.

----- ---- -----

***pats the Westies***

Original Post by kf5nhr:

I've never heard of you.... That said I am married to a woman who has had multiple physical issues ever since I met her. I can relate to your situation.

 

Idk why, but this made me lol.

What I picked up on is that you are worried that he is investing so much energy and time into worrying for and caring for you that eventually he will become exhausted by it and feel like it's a one sided relationship.

To be honest, that could be a risk.  It's really awesome that he is so concerned and caring and selfless, but you don't want him to continue to the point that he feels lost or overlooked.  And even if he insists on putting you first, don't let that always be the case.  You totally should be able to say, from time to time, "Hey, let's not worry about that right now.  What's going on with you?"  Or even tell him that you need a break from worrying about it or discussing it and that it will help you feel better.

Sounds like a good guy though.  Surely you didn't find him 'round these parts?

Never heard of me? Is it even possible for those words, in that order, to form a coherent sentence? Thanks, kf5. I don't know if "happily" putting aside his sexual urges is better than grudgingly, though...:P It's nice to have a guy weigh in on this.

It's not easy, pav. I keep wanting to hide or ask him to go away.

*makes sure corgi doesn't pat Kwixter...he just wouldn't appreciate it* ...*tells Sunny and Morgan that they cannot go home with corgi*

That's exactly how I'm feeling, LP. The good news is that he's more perceptive than I've given credit. When I feel better, he lets up a little. The funny thing is that he seems to know i'm feeling better before I do. He went out with some friends for the day and he's only texted once. :D Meanwhile, I've taken it upon myself to clean his apartment. Eesh. How can he have dirty dishes in the sink when the dishwasher is two feet away?!

He moved here a few months ago from New Jersey. ;P Most of his friends are from TN, though, and they're all pretty cool.

Original Post by pavlovcat:

Excellent opportunity for you to learn how to be cared for.

This blunt post is exactly what popped into my head as well.