I have relationship troubles...Help?

Ok, I have been in a long term relaltionship with my boyfriend for 1 year and 3- almost 4- months. I'm his first girlfriend and within the first 3 months of being together, we fell madly in love.

From the beginning until only recently has he changed from a man who used to be so passionate, caring and romantic; to a man who, rarely says i'm beautiful compared to what he used to, and also is obsessed with this one particular game. I know he still loves me, but sometimes i don;t think he means it.

There was one stage where we were having a really rough time in the relationship where we started to really go at eachother with personal things but since then, things have been back to normal but some how not the same. He says i've changed negatively, which frustrates and often upsets me because i don't know how i've changed, but i don't want to say anything to him about it just incase i start an argument. I have gone 'Back to normal' now according to him.

Something thats also really bothered me lately is the way he keeps mentionaing the fact that through his lack of relationships, he will never be able to appreciate me the way i appreciate him because of all the crappy relationships I've. This being complately different to what he used to say.

Maybe the honeymoon period is over between us and he's managed to find a way to calm things down between us, but i just can't help thinking that there is something wrong.

This is the long story cut short. But does anyone have any advice as to what might be going on in his mind? I love him so much :(

Hi there,

you gotta talk to him and I mean really communicate and even ask him straight out what the heck he means by he can't appreciate you fully.

Get him to stop beating around the bush so to speak.

And always remember there's tons of fish in the sea, he's not the only man on earth.

Thats not the first time i've heard that. Its easier said than done. Thing is though, I know this sounds so cliché, but with him not actually having a girlfriend before me, he's so much more down to earth and respectful towards me than the other guys i've been out with....because I know they all only wanted one thing and he's the only one who genuinly hasn't. I know this is hard to believe after the negativity i've just spewed, I really mean it.

Something about him has changed and I a detirmined to find out what it is.

It was like that with me and my ex, except the other way round. I always wondered if there was something better out there because I hadn't had as much experience as him, but this never really bothered me until he turned into a completely different person and we had to go our separate ways. If you change then you are not the same people who fell in love - and you have to decide whether the change is something you can do together or not.

But its like i'm constantly put in the position of being the bad guy in the sense that I am so harsh on him (which was true because he ignored talking to me because a computer game). Thing is though, He says 'This is the Amy I fell in love with' everytime i do something i did in the first place when i supposedly changed. Oh, and he also basically said that I was trying to be unintelligent too...which, I am sure you'll agree, was a bit below the belt and also a bit personal...

I have to agree with Sabineyvr....you just need to talk...trust me I know it's going to be hard...especially since you don't want to start a fight...but a good discussion is needed.

You are probably right about the honeymoon period being over, I mean after a year men aren't has emotional as they are in the begining.  My bf and I have been together for 2 years, and although he doesn't tell me as many sweet things as he used to...but sometimes actions can speak louder than words.

And maybe after you guys talk you'll figure out that you two aren't meant to be together...not to say you should definitely break up...but sometimes it is for the best.

and just a side question....is this video game in question World of Warcraft?  just wondering b/c I know A LOT of ppl who have become a little too addicted to that game lol

I'm not sure I totally understand - it sounds like its him that's changed, not you... There must be a reason he's saying all this stuff, but you can't have changed much if you haven't even noticed yourself - what do your friends say?

Lol! What game is he interested in?

i am just getting out of a relationship with a guy that i was his first gf. he asked me to marry him and everything. 2 years. then after a while... he doesn't appreciate me. he doesn't know how good he has/had it. ah well. and its fine. he doesn't know what being cheated on feels like, doesn't appreciate faithfulness, etc. so if you dont feel appreciated, let him fly and be free. if he comes back.. well you know the saying. he'll respect you more if he gets a dose of the single life.

but heck ill tell you right now. i'm young and was with my ex fiance for over 2 years, and being single rocks. especially with a new smaller body ;) i raised my bar lol. 

Go girl lol

...Whoa. You're in the same situation I'm in. Except I'm his first and he's mine...

I don't know what to do either, and I can't just walk up to him and hug him or something... We're long distance.

Hopefully he'll come around... *Shrugs* sorry, I can't give any advice... I'm stuck in the same hole. o_o

I went through a similar situation with my ex-boyfriend. We were together on and off for 6 years. It came down to being on and off because of this very problem. It felt as though we had just lost something. Often times, after going through a bumpy period in a relationship, a certain sense of reality kicks in that knocks the googles and oogles out of the relationship. This usually results in less intense hugs, less affection, fewer compliments, and other unfavorable consequences.

Sometimes certain things are realized about the other person that just changes the enthusiasm that the person has for you. They might feel so invested in you since you've been together for so long, that they would rather stay with you despite their (sorry to say it, but-) disappointment in you. This might not be the case- but it also might be. But if it IS the case... it is NOT a good situation. "Settling" as the word has it, only brews bitterness and discontentment. It leaves the unsettling feeling that there is something better out there and causes one to resent his or her partner, despite the fact that it remains a choice to be with that person!

It is a very complex thing to deal with... but this could be delving much deeper into the situation than need be. It could be possible that he is just going through certain things within himself that are causing him to be less able to share his affection with you so freely. Maybe he is afraid after you went through that rough patch- fear can cause a relationship to COMPLETELY change and, ultimately, to crumble into non-existence.

The point? Talk to him about it. Ask him if he still feels the same way about you as when you first dated. Ask him to explain how he loves you and what kinds of things he sees in his future. If he gets jittery and gives a lot of "I don't know" responses when talking about his future, he might be unsure about something in your relationship.

The best thing for you to do is simply talk to him and get all of the answers that you are looking for- good or bad. Hopefully he will be honest with you and you will be able to know if this is just a little bump in the road or if it is actually a big problem.

I'll say a prayer for you.

The honeymoon stage can last as long as you want it to!  Less than a year and he's already taking you for granted?  pfffft.
I'm going on 5 years soon and we still swoon over each other.  I said today that on another forum (that is all guys) it's nice to be adored, he said "I adore & worship you!"...... awwwwwww

Anyway, I'd have a sit down talk with him.  Do that word play thing where you say how you feel with "I" statements & don't use "you" and don't attack, ie: 'I feel like we don't treat each other the same, I feel hurt when  ______, I would like _____', you know how it goes.  Just stay calm & make sure he knows you don't want to fight, just figure out the situation.  If he's into music, find songs/lyrics that kindof express what you're thinking that way.

You are 17 and that's a crazy time..... I know you are in love but sometimes people aren't ment to be together.  If he takes issue with the fact he hasn't dated other girls, eventually it will become a HUGE issue and you'll end up in an on again off again thing like schmee mentioned, which is NOT fun.

You deserve a great guy who will support you and be interested in you, whatever you are doing!  This should be the best time in your life, don't let him bring you down!

You're 17. You're supposed to change. So is he. It's called growing up!

And sometimes -- usually, even -- that means growing apart from a boy/girlfriend. The two of you don't grow at the same rate, at the same time, in the same ways.

Couldn't agree more with Athena. ^5

 

 It's better to acknowledge the reality of the situation. Rather than letting it ebb on even though it's making you unhappy. At seventeen you deserve to be dating someone, that you think adores you completely. And he derseves to be able to play his computer games in peace. Without feeling like he's ignoring you...

Also it could turn into a longterm issue to shove in your face. " I never sowed my wild oats. YOU were the ONLY girl I ever been with. " He shouldn't ever act like that. It's a choice. Make it clear to him that he can choose to go else where...

There are no chains on my hubby, he's with me because wants me. Needs me. Loves me.

Everything is ok now...I guess i feel like I'm missing the old times. I mean, I'm trying my best to stay on the same level as him, and understand the things he's interested in and i'm DESPERATE to show him my interests...and I can see he's trying. I don't know. Something just feels different and its both good and bad...

"Communication is the key that opens all doors" This is the qoute that my english teacher would say all the time. I have been in a relationship for four years and 8 months and He is my FIRST boyfriend he had dated before me but we learned that inorder to have a good relationship you must be able to tell the other whats on your mind no matter what it is, Thats the only way things will work. Good luck I hope things go well!

Thank you. We had a talk yesterday and to be honest, It was me that did all the listening and i'm glad i did. Because I realise now, i HAD changed and I treated him like sh*t on my shoe looking back. He told me he was actually going to break up with me whilst on holiday because he couldn't handle it but towards the end of the holiday, I had changed.

He told me that since its really effected him and it may take him a while to get over it, but he's glad i'm back to normal. It's really put my mind at ease.

Thanks to everyone who prepped me for this!