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Sex scares me....is something wrong ( May be graphic)


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Ok...so this has been a problem for a long time and I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone close to me about it. Since this is pretty much anonymous I thought I might as well get it off my chest.So here it goes.

I am terrified of bieng touched sexually or even talking about sex with guys. When someone touches me or even says certain things I feel literaly sick to my stomach and start shaking. So many of my boyfriends have cheated on me because I pushed them away and I really want it to end. Does anyone know what it could possibly be? And how do I stop this becuase I'm tired of pushing guys I really like away.Please help me.

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#1  
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Okay, this is a sensitive question, and by no means do you have to answer.

The first thing that comes to my mind though is the possibility of past sexual abuse?

If not that, maybe you're just not ready...everyone's different.

Original Post by jblarghp:

Okay, this is a sensitive question, and by no means do you have to answer.

The first thing that comes to my mind though is the possibility of past sexual abuse?

If not that, maybe you're just not ready...everyone's different.

I was, but I never told my parents until it was too late.

#3  
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Yea, that probably has a lot to do with it. A situation like that can have a lot of impact on a person later on in life.

Maybe look into some counseling for it? It's never too late for counseling. There's a lot of different techniques that could possibly help you out.

Ok..thanks alot. I'm just really worried, I dont want to be like this forever

#5  
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I'm sure you'll be fine. Something like that takes time and usually some form of help to heal.

Good luck with everything!

Thanks!

I think you might want to mention your history (at least briefly) with anyone that you're considering getting intimate with.  That should give them heads up to be more patient and at least realize that there is more to you pushing them away then a lack of interest.

Original Post by smwhipple:

I think you might want to mention your history (at least briefly) with anyone that you're considering getting intimate with.  That should give them heads up to be more patient and at least realize that there is more to you pushing them away then a lack of interest.

the only this is...the abuse happened when I was really really young. Like I can hardly remember it. Do you think it still makes a difference.?

wow, im going through th same thing girl, you are not alone. i tell everyone that i am friget (sp?), that i have no sex drive wich is basicaly true. i hate it with a passion. that is one of the biggest reasons my ex left me. i dont feel like i will ever be able to have a normal relationship with a man.

Original Post by bambiscarredme:

Original Post by smwhipple:

I think you might want to mention your history (at least briefly) with anyone that you're considering getting intimate with.  That should give them heads up to be more patient and at least realize that there is more to you pushing them away then a lack of interest.

the only this is...the abuse happened when I was really really young. Like I can hardly remember it. Do you think it still makes a difference.?

I think that the age of the abuse does not make a difference.  It happened.  The reason to mention it, at least briefly, is that when men and women start to get physical it is important to know when there might be unexpected reactions.  If someone that I were getting close to were pushing me away unexpectedly I would at least be confused and might feel rejected when the reasons have nothing to do with me. 

I don't think you need to go beyond mentioning that you were molested as a child, certainly not until you are more deeply involved.  With a boyfriend you might want to go into more detail, but that's probably something best discussed with a counselor working on the issue with you.

Now, having said that, I found when I was younger that men had a tendency to make inappropriate advances which I found very confusing and often scary.  As I've gotten older, I've gotten much better at deflecting them or just ignoring them if I choose or even stopping them cold in their tracks if they are being inappropriate.  You do not have to allow men to talk to you about sex, a simple "I don't know you well enough for that conversation" should take care of it, if they persist, then walk away, find some help if you feel threatened.

Thank you all so much,its nice to know that i'm not alone. In the future I thing you're right, I should talk to my boyfriend about it when we're getting serious instead of just pushing them away.

Moonbay,

I am very sorry to hear about this. I think having no sex drive is different than being terrified of being touched sexually. they are two separate issues. sex phobia sufferers can have sex drive but they are afraid to have sex.

 

Original Post by bambiscarredme:

the only this is...the abuse happened when I was really really young. Like I can hardly remember it. Do you think it still makes a difference.?

What you have has a name: it's called sexual aversion disorder (look it up). One of the common causes of it is childhood sexual abuse. The effects of childhood sexual abuse can actually be stronger and affect you more if it is at a younger age.

Your mind will just repress the trauma from your conscious mind, but weird symptoms caused from the trauma will continue to pop up, such as substance abuse problems, nightmares, irritability, sexual aversion, depression, anxiety.

Get professional help, then you'll be able to enjoy a normal sex life. I personally would not be in a relationship with someone that had an aversion to sex, so I could see how this would affect your love life.

I agree with the advice to get professional counseling, traumatic things that happened to us in our childhood can definitely affect us later in life even if you can't remember it.

I am a professional.  Definitely seek professional help.  Even though it was when you were younger and you may not be able to recall much or any of it, you still know somewhere in there.  And your body knows.  Think of it this way....if every time you ate <fill in blank> and threw up, after a little while, the idea of eating that same thing will make you ill.  You may or may not actually throw up, but your body reacts that way. 

You can work through this.  There is hope there.  And although you said I never told my parents until it was too late, it's never to late to tell.  You might not have gotten the legal response desired, but being able to tell somebody at some point can be a huge battle, so it's great that you were able to bring yourself to do that.

You also sound like you're a teenager, I'd guess that you're probably about 15 or 16.  At that age, most girls are not ready to have sex.  They may not have your response, but they're still scared of it.  And even the girls who have had sex tend to regret it (at least most of those that I've worked with).

Original Post by fortius:

Original Post by bambiscarredme:

the only this is...the abuse happened when I was really really young. Like I can hardly remember it. Do you think it still makes a difference.?

What you have has a name: it's called sexual aversion disorder (look it up). One of the common causes of it is childhood sexual abuse. The effects of childhood sexual abuse can actually be stronger and affect you more if it is at a younger age.

Your mind will just repress the trauma from your conscious mind, but weird symptoms caused from the trauma will continue to pop up, such as substance abuse problems, nightmares, irritability, sexual aversion, depression, anxiety.

Get professional help, then you'll be able to enjoy a normal sex life. I personally would not be in a relationship with someone that had an aversion to sex, so I could see how this would affect your love life.

gah - have i mentioned lately how much i hate internet forum diagnosis?

bambi, you need to talk to someone about this.  you don't need a label, but you do need to talk.  a good place to start would be a school counsellor or your family doctor or, ideally, a parent.

you're having a perfectly normal and understandable reaction to reaching your sexual maturity as a victim of abuse. 

Original Post by pgeorgian:

gah - have i mentioned lately how much i hate internet forum diagnosis?

And I hate McDonalds! Generally speaking, I would be against  a forum diagnosis, but this is so obvious... come on. haha

 

 

Original Post by pgeorgian:

gah - have i mentioned lately how much i hate internet forum diagnosis?

bambi, you need to talk to someone about this.  you don't need a label, but you do need to talk.  a good place to start would be a school counsellor or your family doctor or, ideally, a parent.

you're having a perfectly normal and understandable reaction to reaching your sexual maturity as a victim of abuse. 

I really can't talk to my parents about it, I'm going to try and find a therapist.

good for you.  and just a tip: the right person to talk to is the one you're comfortable with, the one you feel a connection with.  you might not get that at the first meeting, so be patient, and try to be honest.  but if it doesn't feel right after two or three sessions, you're totally within your rights to move on and try someone else, okay?

the research shows that only two things are really predict best outcomes: that the treatment you get is the treatment you believe in, and that you have a good therapeutic relationship.  so go with your gut.

all my best!

Find a therapist...  I've known an unfortunate number of victims of sexual abuse, and the right therapy really does make a world of difference. 

Also, I suggest telling your boyfriend about the reasons behind you pushing him away, if you haven't already.  Communication is important.

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