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The sexiest thing about a woman is her confidence.. really?


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I dont know if I can believe this, my boyfriend said it to me last night. Apparantly shape and size isn't much to him, as long as the woman is confidence in what she is and whats shes got.. he can get off on that.

I dunno, would he be saying this if he had a 350lb woman between his thighs wiggling about? Well, at least shes confident..

I can see where hes coming from, but there must be a limit to how sexy a person can be just by their confidence

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Original Post by roseelle:

I dont know if I can believe this, my boyfriend said it to me last night. Apparantly shape and size isn't much to him, as long as the woman is confidence in what she is and whats shes got.. he can get off on that.

I dunno, would he be saying this if he had a 350lb woman between his thighs wiggling about? Well, at least shes confident..

I can see where hes coming from, but there must be a limit to how sexy a person can be just by their confidence

On a scale of 1-10 going from no confidence to very confident adds 2.875 points.

I personally don't think that's true when people pull out that line. I think a man would really be talking about an attractive woman being comfortable and confident in herself but like you said, would men really say that about women who were obese and confident in themselves? I don't think so.

 

It's just a line..

But we are so much more confident when we are a size 6, perfect white teeth, long legs, beautiful long hair, blue eyes, big boobs........right??    ha ha

 

 

 

My boyfriend says this too, and I know he means it at least.

I'm 97 kg (but tall, at 180 cm) and have always had plenty of attention from guys, even when I was heavier. Guys do find me attractive at this weight, I actually get more attention and compliments than I'm comfortable with. Most of the guys I've dated have been fit (a couple were competitive athletes even) and generally very attractive. 

I'm reasonably attractive and well-proportioned for my weight, but I'm no great beauty and I definitely need to lose a few kgs. I consider myself confident (but realistic), and guys notice that and comment on it. I've been told it's refreshing that I'm so comfortable with myself, not insecure about my body and that I don't need validation or reassurance from them.

I'm sure the confidence=attractive thing doesn't apply to all men, but I'm not attracted to all of them either, so it's fine :)

Think about it this way- if I were to say the sexiest thing about a guy is his sense of humor, does that mean I would date a guy who's sense of humor was a 10 but everything else a 2? No. If somebody's favorite facial feature is the eyes, does that mean they have to find somebody attractive if they have gorgeous eyes but the rest of their face is misshapen?

They're saying confidence takes the highest slot in traits that draw them to a woman. They're not saying it's the only requirement.

And can I speak for the guys for a second when I say, ladies, can you please stop trying to find fault with everything men say? They do a good enough job putting their foot in their mouth with things you have a legitimate reason to be upset about. But stop suspiciously dissecting their every comment looking for dishonesty. 

As a guy, I think most men would agree with me that personality/confidence is more important than looks when we are talking about sustainable relationships.  Sure an attractive shape will turn your eye but you don't want to spend time with someone you can't stand just because she looks good in a bikini.  But all things are relative, confidence can overcome a lot of physical flaws but there still has to be some attraction.

I will add to this that I think that the less confident a man is in himself the more he values looks over personality in a mate.

Original Post by lindseh:

Think about it this way- if I were to say the sexiest thing about a guy is his sense of humor, does that mean I would date a guy who's sense of humor was a 10 but everything else a 2? No. If somebody's favorite facial feature is the eyes, does that mean they have to find somebody attractive if they have gorgeous eyes but the rest of their face is misshapen?

They're saying confidence takes the highest slot in traits that draw them to a woman. They're not saying it's the only requirement.

And can I speak for the guys for a second when I say, ladies, can you please stop trying to find fault with everything men say? They do a good enough job putting their foot in their mouth with things you have a legitimate reason to be upset about. But stop suspiciously dissecting their every comment looking for dishonesty. 


I wasn't personally looking for dishonesty, I completly believe he means what he says, and if I didn't I would have told him anyway. Plus it's impossible to find fault in anything he says, hes an expert with words annoyingly.. but I love him :)

Anyway, I just wanted other opinions more than not trusting his, I didn't mean it to come off like that.

#8  
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As a guy, I second what lindseh said. Dead on! A pretty girl isn't very attractive if she lacks confidence. Confidence and being a general happy person is what keeps me interested in a girl, or any other person for the matter.
My contribution to the cause.

Here is a system of ranking a woman's attributes by (1) order of importance #1/most to #n/n-th and (2) the minimum required value for that attribute on 1/worst-10/best scale i.e. if she rates below that value on that attribute, she's not desirable to you regardless of being an 11 on everything else.

I have populated the example below with my ratings for the "long term mate" category.

Character aka kindness, honesty, reliability, etc: #1, 10

Personality aka funny, positive, confident, interested, socially adept: #2, 9

Smart aka sharp-minded, quick-witted, well-read, well-informed : #3, 8

Facial features: #4, 8

Congruent interests aka has similar interests as you: #5, 5

Body from the neck down: #6, 3

Feel free to provide your own ratings, I think it might be interesting. I think this system can be used for either sex and any sexual orientation, but I don't know for sure. Maybe women will want to add a "size matters" attribute :-)

So if anyone wants to add attributes or subdivide "face" or "body" into constituent parts, have at it.

A confident 350lb person is a hell of a lot more attractive than an unconfident 350lb person.

Confidence=personality and personality is what it's really all about, imo. 

I agree with rosieii in that people who would be normally viewed as unattractive are so much more attractive if they're confident. I see guys all of the time who exude self confidence that are ridiculously attractive even though they have enormous noses, bald spots, etc. 

However, I think I'd prefer an aesthetically attractive person with confidence than an ugly person with confidence...if I had to pick between the two of them.

Oh, and has anyone noticed that girls with really low self confidence and good looks always tend to get the guys? Dark, tormented, gorgeous girls who think they're butt ugly ALWAYS meet confident guys who bring them out of their shells.

Maybe I've just watched too many touching movies.

Original Post by sungiant:

 

Oh, and has anyone noticed that girls with really low self confidence and good looks always tend to get the guys? Dark, tormented, gorgeous girls who think they're butt ugly ALWAYS meet confident guys who bring them out of their shells.

Maybe I've just watched too many touching movies.

Yep, too many movies. Most guys who want unconfident girls don't want them coming out of their shells. It's hard to control a confident person.

Original Post by rosieii:

A confident 350lb person is a hell of a lot more attractive than an unconfident 350lb person.

This.

You can't compare apples and oranges.

You can't compare a confident 350lb person to an unconfident 120lb person because, obviously the smaller weight will win in terms of instant attractiveness.

But if you compare to women of similar weight, one is confident and one is not, the one that is confident will always be more attractive.

As a woman, personality, kindness/empathy, sense of humor, and face structure/appearance in a man are the most important to me than his weight/body type.

I think, for the most part, women aren't as selective/picky as men are when it comes to what they find attractive.

Original Post by cptbunny:

Original Post by rosieii:

A confident 350lb person is a hell of a lot more attractive than an unconfident 350lb person.

This.

You can't compare apples and oranges.

You can't compare a confident 350lb person to an unconfident 120lb person because, obviously the smaller weight will win in terms of instant attractiveness.

But if you compare to women of similar weight, one is confident and one is not, the one that is confident will always be more attractive.

As a woman, personality, kindness/empathy, sense of humor, and face structure/appearance in a man are the most important to me than his weight/body type.

I think, for the most part, women aren't as selective/picky as men are when it comes to what they find attractive.

I'm very picky. I look for intelligence, humour and kindness. And confidence.

I think that people are attracted to different body types.  Some men prefer women who are small and petite.  Some men prefer tall women others short women.  Some men like thin women and some men like women with curves.  Case in point, my husband does not want me to lose too much weight.  He likes curves.  He doesn't find size sixes attractive.  He prefers a little bit more than that.   Some cultures value a large woman over a skinny one as it is a sign of wealth.  I think that the whole package of a person is more important than one single trait.  I think that people who are confident and comfortable with themselves will certainly find that person who is attracted to them. 

I do people that some men have been brainwashed into believing only size 6 women are attractive.  I also believe that some women are brainwashed into believing only a man with a six pack set of abs is attractive.  I certainly believe that it cuts both ways but the question is not what people find attractive about you but what you find attractive about yourself.  Do you love yourself or are you always negative about your looks?  That is very unattractive in my opinion

Last night at dinner I was talking to my boyfriend and we were on the topic of weight.

He's losing weight and I'm attempting to lose weight as well (he has a lot more weight to lose so it's much easier for him).

I jokingly asked what he would do if I gained all the weight he lost. He said he loved me and it wouldn't matter how much weight I gained. I think that's a sweet answer...but he's full of ****. Really, how else could he have answered it though? I would dump your fat ass! 

If I gained 50 pounds, he would not be as attracted to me...regardless of confidence, I know that for a fact.

 

 

Original Post by rosieii:

Original Post by cptbunny:

Original Post by rosieii:

A confident 350lb person is a hell of a lot more attractive than an unconfident 350lb person.

This.

You can't compare apples and oranges.

You can't compare a confident 350lb person to an unconfident 120lb person because, obviously the smaller weight will win in terms of instant attractiveness.

But if you compare to women of similar weight, one is confident and one is not, the one that is confident will always be more attractive.

As a woman, personality, kindness/empathy, sense of humor, and face structure/appearance in a man are the most important to me than his weight/body type.

I think, for the most part, women aren't as selective/picky as men are when it comes to what they find attractive.

I'm very picky. I look for intelligence, humour and kindness. And confidence.

I mean the same way men are. A woman is more likely to date a chubby guy who is smart, funny and kind than if the roles were reversed (man dating a chubby woman).

I forgot intelligence in my list too. It's very important. It's also my criteria for friends too. I just can't tolerate dumb people. *hangs head in shame*

Personally, as a man, my highest rated traits are friendliness, trustworthiness, and sense of humor.

I'd much rather be with a 350 pound woman who is fun to be with than a 125 pound woman who is spiteful, untrustworthy, and terribly boring.

Next comes intelligence, then confidence, then facial features. If you meet all (or most) of the above criteria, then overall body shape is irrelevant. You'd be far too interesting to ignore simply because your appearance isn't up to some standard.

I'm 48 and have just this year figured out that it's most important to be happy with yourself...if a partner finds you attractive, cool.  If not, hey - it wasn't meant to be! My advice -  be happy with yourself, and if you're not happy with yourself, then change what YOU are not happy with.  

You have an ED, it is going to seem ridiculous to you for a long, long time. You'll learn that it is true though. 

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