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Single Moms and the Child Killers They Date


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I feel like I hear stories of men killing their girlfriends or wives children way too often.  It outrages me.

As a single mom, I take my responsibility to protect my child very seriously.  Very.  I don't leave him with babysitters (other than my own mom), he's only ever met one person I've dated (and that was after several months) and I keep a very close eye on him when we are in public or around people I don't know.  This is standard protocol.  Shouldn't it be?

I understand that there are some parents who are more responsible than others, but the degree of irresponsibility displayed by mothers sometimes infuriates me.  Why would you leave your two year old with your unemployed, drug dealing boyfriend of two months?

Part of me feels like parents should be held responsible for the people they leave their child in the care of.  These are innocent, helpless children and not just anyone  is deserving of the responsibility of caring for them.  I honestly feel like it is a form of child neglect to leave your child in the care of someone so obviously ill suited for caring for them.

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No argument here. It's sickening to hear about these things, and to hear that a boyfriend (not the child's father, even) has, or had been abusing the child, and the Mom knew of it.

What kind of mother fails to call the police, or beat the guy to death with a frying pan or something for hurting her child?

I know abusive relationships are muddy territory, but when we are discussing a man abusing the woman's child..and not necessarily abusing her..I just do not comprehend how she could allow it to go on.

If my BF smacked my dog, there would be HELL to pay...much less.

 

"As a single mom, I take my responsibility to protect my child very seriously. "

You're not a crackhead then are you.

Original Post by trh:

"As a single mom, I take my responsibility to protect my child very seriously. "

You're not a crackhead then are you.


I'm not sure how to respond to this....other than to say...no?

Really?!  I did not know that.  I very much agree!

In all the cases I've seen and heard of, it seems like the heat goes all on the boyfriend/husband.  And of course that is fair, but I think that the mother shares responsibility.  Our ultimate job as parents is to keep our kids alive and healthy and safe.

in Russia it is against the law to "fail in your child rearing duties" so I think a situation like this would fall into that category. However, Russia isn't big on follow through as far as rule of law goes so who knows if they really prosecute people for it. 

In the last few years, the following stories have made headlines in Louisiana: a woman traded her children to two other adults for an exotic bird (the two other adults had records for child abuse/neglect/endangerment), a woman put her child out of her SUV and then ran him over (she was punishing him for something)...it killed the child and finally just last August a man dismembered his 7 year old special needs son and left his body outside in the drive for the mother to find.

I'm extremely particular about who I leave SD with. If they're not family, it's pretty much a no-go. Day-care is a must, but I know several of the people that work there personally, and I trust them enough to watch her for two hours each day.

I also feel pretty strongly that leaving your child in the care of someone who cannot adequately care for them or keep them safe is neglect/abuse. Kelrantymus, I'm not sure what the laws are in Louisiana, but I'd hope that they'd be in defense of the child.

Original Post by lostpumpkins:

he's only ever met one person I've dated (and that was after several months)

Did you ever leave him in that person's care?

Original Post by floggingsully:

Original Post by lostpumpkins:

he's only ever met one person I've dated (and that was after several months)

Did you ever leave him in that person's care?

No.

Yikes.  Could not agree with the bold in OP more.

I can't imagine not checking out someone that the kids were going to be with.  Family, I trust.... other than that, let's just say I'm the "wack job" that did a full background check and had potential nannies drug tested.  Or at least that's what some of the ones that didn't pass my screening process called me.  Ah the joys of having lived in a smaller town =)

But I think it comes more into my kids being my whole world and other people having priorities that are "higher" up than their kids. 

Original Post by kelrantymus:

A certain form of the opposite law is also true: We have laws in AZ regarding people "in positions of trust". If a child comes to a teacher or school administrator or counselor and says they are being abused or in danger, the teacher is obligated and must report this to law enforcement. Same for priests, firefighters, etc. Anyone who would be deemed to have an extra appearance of being in a position of trust for children.

Professionals such as social workers, doctors, nurses, etc. are mandated by law to report if they suspect or know of neglect or abuse going on in a home. Just a head's up to people and to spread the word, you or anyone else who doesn't work with children can anonymously call CPS (Child Protective Services) to report suspected instances of abuse or neglect. Even if you think there may not be any child maltreatment, it is not your call to make. Give them a ring! 

*disclaimer ended*

edited: not directed at specifically you, just the general term "you guys!" 

I agree with you in many ways...that being said so few people try to put themselves in someone else's shoes. Not every case is the same. That also being said I think it sucks that a psychologist, doctor, social worker, police officer, etc are taught through school and training that if a child goes to the hospital with a bruise or any broken bone (including a sprain) if the father figure is not the biological father to suspect child abuse. My husband is a wonderful man and amazing father to my two children (as are, statistically, most stepfathers). My father (biological) was an evil monster...but CPS didn't want to break up an "intact" family.

All I am saying is it is easy to be mad, frustrated, and judgmental (and some deserve that reaction), but not all do. Abusers can be very secretive and are even more likely to be manipulative.

Isn't your kid 8 or 9? I hope you're giving him some freedom, despite all the murderers lurking about

Original Post by rosieii:

Isn't your kid 8 or 9? I hope you're giving him some freedom, despite all the murderers lurking about


Freedom to hang out with my boyfriends when I am not around?  No.  And I won't.  It's not worth it.  I like to think I am a pretty good judge of character and wouldn't date someone who had the potential to abuse or harm my child...but you really never know.  In some cases, it's pretty obvious that a person is not fit to care for a child, in others not so much.

I just think that in the cases where it is so obvious, the mother (or father, in the reverse situation) should be held responsible.  Your parolee boyfriend should not be on your list of childcare providers, even in an emergency.

Original Post by lostpumpkins:

Original Post by rosieii:

Isn't your kid 8 or 9? I hope you're giving him some freedom, despite all the murderers lurking about


Freedom to hang out with my boyfriends when I am not around?  No.  And I won't.  It's not worth it.  I like to think I am a pretty good judge of character and wouldn't date someone who had the potential to abuse or harm my child...but you really never know.  In some cases, it's pretty obvious that a person is not fit to care for a child, in others not so much.

I just think that in the cases where it is so obvious, the mother (or father, in the reverse situation) should be held responsible.  Your parolee boyfriend should not be on your list of childcare providers, even in an emergency.

This x 1000.

From what I've seen and heard, it's family that is the most dangerous to be around. They're the ones that typically commit the most heinous acts against children.

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