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When someone doesn't text you back...


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how do you take it? I mean assuming their phone is working correctly, there is no way to avoid seeing a new text and they'd have to willfully ignore it to not reply, if you asked a question.

I texted this guy I'm sorta dating, who lives in another city (which i"m moving to, not for him though!) 3 days ago asking him a question and saying I hope he's well xx etc.  He hasn't responded or texted me for any other reason like he normally would.. or would he? I mean it's not like i'm some clingy person who texts everyday, it was a couple days since we'd spoken. IDK, I guess I take it very personally when people don't text me back. 

Is it really as bad as ignoring someone completely though? 

55 Replies (last)

It's important to consider how they normally are with texts.  I know tons of people who just really don't like texting and will sometimes completely forget to respond to a text and it has nothing to do with their feelings for the person that texted them or the content of the text.

But if he is an avid texter and ALWAYS responds to texts, his silence may be telling you something....unless there was a service error and he never even got the text.

maybe he got run over by a taxi.

Hmmmm....of course there is always the issue of "did he even get the text?". I have had text messages disappear into the ether and emerge days later.

This is not uncommon and I have heard emergency services people here tell people not to text in an emergency.......because it in not necessarily "instant" or even timely.

sorry....just adds another level of uncertainty doesn't it?..........

Original Post by pgeorgian:

maybe he got run over by a taxi.

Guess he wont be there at the top of the empire state building then...:(

But actually, he doesn't own a car so that's a bit worrying :/

I don't text, for me it is silly. But if you want to actually know what's up call him and ask.

and this is why i hate dating.

so everything was completely normal with him?  hm.  honestly, chances are, he got the text and didn't reply.  there are always small likelihoods of something other than that, but most likely, that's what happened.

i agree with bagga - call him. 

To be honest with you, yes!  It's bad, any rejection is bad.  However, before you look at it that way make sure he got your text in the first place.  If you have any romantic feelings for this person, it's best to proceed with caution.  It's a red flag when they don't respond for that length of time.  I might do that to a friend but never someone I'm getting good vibes from and flirting with (that's the sad truth).  However, I'm not the one who didn't respond to you in three days, ASK HIM.

He saw the text and forgot to respond. No biggie! If you keep thinking about it, it'll make you insecure.

Original Post by bagga:

I don't text, for me it is silly. But if you want to actually know what's up call him and ask.

 Yo.

Not getting answers makes me feel bad, but I know I deserve it because I sometimes do the same thing.

I don't like texting and when I don't answer straight away (for whatever reason - usualy because I'm busy doing something else) I sometimes forget it entirely.

So to me it's Karma.

But I think if he was really into you he'd probably would have been delighted to hear from you and answered within a reasonable time span (same day or next norming)

I'm a wee bit clingy, though, communicationwise. If I'm together with someone I have to touch base at least once a day. Only exception: I'm having a 16 hour day or if I know my SO has one, but those are super rare.

i love texting, but not for real conversation or idle chit chat. for me, texting is about fine-tuning an already-established plan, as in "run at 10:30?" or "will be 5 minutes late."

the most i expect in response is a "yep" or an "ok."

I don't want to call him up. I always call or text first and it makes me feel clingy and annoying. He knows I'm going through a bit of a rough patch right now and if he cared, he'd check up on me like i did on him...It does make me insecure. I feel like he only likes me in person, because he only really likes the way I look/wants to sleep with me. I feel bad coz I really opened up to him and trusted him- what a turn off, obviously. Blargh. 

Original Post by ducati45:

I don't want to call him up. I always call or text first and it makes me feel clingy and annoying. He knows I'm going through a bit of a rough patch right now and if he cared, he'd check up on me like i did on him...It does make me insecure. I feel like he only likes me in person, because he only really likes the way I look/wants to sleep with me. I feel bad coz I really opened up to him and trusted him- what a turn off, obviously. Blargh. 

well, i guess it doesn't matter what he's thinking then, does it?

*pat pats Ducati*

Just dump the jerk!

:-)  (I know I have to pay someone a dollar, now. Was that Thonx?)

You're starting uni soon. You'll be spolit for choice when it comes to guys!!

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by ducati45:

I don't want to call him up. I always call or text first and it makes me feel clingy and annoying. He knows I'm going through a bit of a rough patch right now and if he cared, he'd check up on me like i did on him...It does make me insecure. I feel like he only likes me in person, because he only really likes the way I look/wants to sleep with me. I feel bad coz I really opened up to him and trusted him- what a turn off, obviously. Blargh. 

well, i guess it doesn't matter what he's thinking then, does it?

it does matter. I really will call him, even though I don't want to. Can't imagine the conversation going well. 

Original Post by ducati45:

I don't want to call him up. I always call or text first and it makes me feel clingy and annoying. He knows I'm going through a bit of a rough patch right now and if he cared, he'd check up on me like i did on him...It does make me insecure. I feel like he only likes me in person, because he only really likes the way I look/wants to sleep with me. I feel bad coz I really opened up to him and trusted him- what a turn off, obviously. Blargh. 

aaah

just dump the jerk.

Original Post by ducati45:

it does matter. I really will call him, even though I don't want to. Can't imagine the conversation going well. 

  1. you feel bad for texting him
  2. he hasn't been supportive even though he knows you're struggling
  3. he only thinks about you when there's a possibility of getting into your pants
  4. you trusted him with whatever it is that you're going through, and he responded by ignoring you.

 yeah, you should call him right now.

Original Post by ducati45:

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by ducati45:

I don't want to call him up. I always call or text first and it makes me feel clingy and annoying. He knows I'm going through a bit of a rough patch right now and if he cared, he'd check up on me like i did on him...It does make me insecure. I feel like he only likes me in person, because he only really likes the way I look/wants to sleep with me. I feel bad coz I really opened up to him and trusted him- what a turn off, obviously. Blargh. 

well, i guess it doesn't matter what he's thinking then, does it?

it does matter. I really will call him, even though I don't want to. Can't imagine the conversation going well. 

 Why do you feel you need to call him? You said it: if he cared, he'd call you.
Sometimes the most liberating thing we can do is not dial that number. :)

Original Post by kotov_syndrome:

Original Post by ducati45:

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by ducati45:

I don't want to call him up. I always call or text first and it makes me feel clingy and annoying. He knows I'm going through a bit of a rough patch right now and if he cared, he'd check up on me like i did on him...It does make me insecure. I feel like he only likes me in person, because he only really likes the way I look/wants to sleep with me. I feel bad coz I really opened up to him and trusted him- what a turn off, obviously. Blargh. 

well, i guess it doesn't matter what he's thinking then, does it?

it does matter. I really will call him, even though I don't want to. Can't imagine the conversation going well. 

 Why do you feel you need to call him? You said it: if he cared, he'd call you.
Sometimes the most liberating thing we can do is not dial that number. :)

Shall I tag this for you to remind you once you're off that mountain and feel bad about skiny-dude? :-)

Okay I will not call him then. Gosh! haha no it's good advice. uni guys my own age are probably a better idea. I'm really terrible and being logical about such things, emotions seem to motivate me more. My emotion right now: pissed off. 

55 Replies (last)
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