Stepmoms or Those Dating a Guy With Kids
I'm honestly just interested in your experiences. There are so many different people here, with different life experiences and backgrounds and I'd like to know what it was like/has been like for you if you married a man with kids or are dating a man with kids...especially in the beginning.
Did his kids like you? Did you like them? (Please be honest...I really hope no one is going to get ugly in this thread...but I would really like to know.)
Were you/are you ever jealous of the time he spent with his kids?
Did you ever feel like his kids might cause serious problems in the relationship?
How did you adapt to the situation?
What about the ex? Or the "Baby Mama"?
Just curious. Not really very relevant to my situation since I just started dating a guy with a little girl, but it has gotten me thinking and I'd love some feedback and to hear some of your experiences.
Original Post by ignayshus:
Original Post by imayoyodieter_nomore:
Original Post by ignayshus:
I understand. I'm just pointing out that we draw conclusions from biased assumptions we've made based on personal experience.
My trust is earned, you expect men to be shady, yoyo is big on shame, etc. There's reasons for that.
Now that's a pretty sweeping assumption as well. You assumed that pretty quick. At the very least I read 13 pages of why the woman you would best get on with would have no interest in getting to know you. Also, I think you did say asking if one has children is akin to asking if one has the herp.Are you asking me a question, because I'm confused... I thought you had all the answers.
That's clever. It just became clear why your marriage failed.
Original Post by imayoyodieter_nomore:
Original Post by ignayshus:
Original Post by imayoyodieter_nomore:
Original Post by ignayshus:
I understand. I'm just pointing out that we draw conclusions from biased assumptions we've made based on personal experience.
My trust is earned, you expect men to be shady, yoyo is big on shame, etc. There's reasons for that.
Now that's a pretty sweeping assumption as well. You assumed that pretty quick. At the very least I read 13 pages of why the woman you would best get on with would have no interest in getting to know you. Also, I think you did say asking if one has children is akin to asking if one has the herp.Are you asking me a question, because I'm confused... I thought you had all the answers.
That's clever. It just became clear why your marriage failed.
weak troll is weak
Original Post by ignayshus:
Original Post by nomoreexcuses:
Original Post by kathygator:
Original Post by ignayshus:
I'm not looking for a mother to my children, they already have a good one.
I'm not even looking for a wife, though I don't think I've written off marrying again.
Probably a good thing. The stats suggest you probably will remarry if there's a divorce.
Wait wait wait wait wait. Wait just a cotton pickin minute here.
Iggy is not separated from his wife is he?
Wha's he talkin about marrying again???
A trip to Jamaica to renew vows?
You missed a lot nomo. If you want, I trust kg to share with you.
This is the same strategy that you would use if children came up in conversation, right? :D
ok {{{Iggs}}}
:/
Original Post by imayoyodieter_nomore:
Original Post by ignayshus:
Original Post by imayoyodieter_nomore:
Original Post by ignayshus:
I understand. I'm just pointing out that we draw conclusions from biased assumptions we've made based on personal experience.
My trust is earned, you expect men to be shady, yoyo is big on shame, etc. There's reasons for that.
Now that's a pretty sweeping assumption as well. You assumed that pretty quick. At the very least I read 13 pages of why the woman you would best get on with would have no interest in getting to know you. Also, I think you did say asking if one has children is akin to asking if one has the herp.Are you asking me a question, because I'm confused... I thought you had all the answers.
That's clever. It just became clear why your marriage failed.
Um, ouch. Way below the belt.
Original Post by ignayshus:
Original Post by imayoyodieter_nomore:
Original Post by ignayshus:
Original Post by imayoyodieter_nomore:
Original Post by ignayshus:
I understand. I'm just pointing out that we draw conclusions from biased assumptions we've made based on personal experience.
My trust is earned, you expect men to be shady, yoyo is big on shame, etc. There's reasons for that.
Now that's a pretty sweeping assumption as well. You assumed that pretty quick. At the very least I read 13 pages of why the woman you would best get on with would have no interest in getting to know you. Also, I think you did say asking if one has children is akin to asking if one has the herp.Are you asking me a question, because I'm confused... I thought you had all the answers.
That's clever. It just became clear why your marriage failed.
weak troll is weak
Unfortunately for you, I’m not a troll. I really think you have issues. Major issues.
Who among us doesn't have issues? 'Major' is wholly subjective, of course.
Original Post by pavlovcat:
Original Post by imayoyodieter_nomore:
Original Post by ignayshus:
Original Post by imayoyodieter_nomore:
Original Post by ignayshus:
I understand. I'm just pointing out that we draw conclusions from biased assumptions we've made based on personal experience.
My trust is earned, you expect men to be shady, yoyo is big on shame, etc. There's reasons for that.
Now that's a pretty sweeping assumption as well. You assumed that pretty quick. At the very least I read 13 pages of why the woman you would best get on with would have no interest in getting to know you. Also, I think you did say asking if one has children is akin to asking if one has the herp.Are you asking me a question, because I'm confused... I thought you had all the answers.
That's clever. It just became clear why your marriage failed.
Um, ouch. Way below the belt.
Pavlovcat, just curious. How was what I said below the belt? Because it's true? I used his own tactic. Did he or did he not just say NC has issues with men?
Original Post by ignayshus:
Honestly I wouldn't have thought to ask a woman I was on a date with if they were married... is this something I should be doing?
How you word things matters, but there's a handful of responses to not getting information and they don't all involve speculating one's self off the deep end. It depends on the person.
Well, I mean, to me, being married and having kids are both equally crucial and important bits of information. So if you're on a date lying about or avoiding acknowledging having kids, I wouldn't rule out the possibility that she's lying about or avoiding acknowledging being married.
I didn't say anything about speculating one's self (or myself) off the deep end. Speculating doesn't have to be done in obsessive manner. We speculate all day long about all manner of things...especially things that we either have no way of knowing for sure or things that we are waiting to get an answer to.
If I were on a date with a man, asked him any question and he declined to answer, I would wonder why. And would probably wonder when, or if, he ever would feel like answering. I wouldn't go home and get out my handy dandy notebook and try to solve the mystery...but then again, it would be a huge turn off to me anyway and I wouldn't be interested anymore, so.
Original Post by imayoyodieter_nomore:
Original Post by pavlovcat:
Original Post by imayoyodieter_nomore:
Original Post by ignayshus:
Original Post by imayoyodieter_nomore:
Original Post by ignayshus:
I understand. I'm just pointing out that we draw conclusions from biased assumptions we've made based on personal experience.
My trust is earned, you expect men to be shady, yoyo is big on shame, etc. There's reasons for that.
Now that's a pretty sweeping assumption as well. You assumed that pretty quick. At the very least I read 13 pages of why the woman you would best get on with would have no interest in getting to know you. Also, I think you did say asking if one has children is akin to asking if one has the herp.Are you asking me a question, because I'm confused... I thought you had all the answers.
That's clever. It just became clear why your marriage failed.
Um, ouch. Way below the belt.
Pavlovcat, just curious. How was what I said below the belt? Because it's true? I used his own tactic. Did he or did he not just say NP has issues with men?
I don't think Iggy was trying to insult me. (If you were, Iggy, correct me and I will have a snarky retort ready.)
But I didn't really understand the relevancy of my experiences with men in this conversation.
Original Post by imayoyodieter_nomore:
Original Post by ignayshus:
Original Post by imayoyodieter_nomore:
Original Post by ignayshus:
Original Post by imayoyodieter_nomore:
Original Post by ignayshus:
I understand. I'm just pointing out that we draw conclusions from biased assumptions we've made based on personal experience.
My trust is earned, you expect men to be shady, yoyo is big on shame, etc. There's reasons for that.
Now that's a pretty sweeping assumption as well. You assumed that pretty quick. At the very least I read 13 pages of why the woman you would best get on with would have no interest in getting to know you. Also, I think you did say asking if one has children is akin to asking if one has the herp.Are you asking me a question, because I'm confused... I thought you had all the answers.
That's clever. It just became clear why your marriage failed.
weak troll is weak
Unfortunately for you, I’m not a troll. I really think you have issues. Major issues.
Sniff Sniff..
ITS A TRAP.
Yeah, total troll.
Original Post by imayoyodieter_nomore:
Original Post by pavlovcat:
Original Post by imayoyodieter_nomore:
Original Post by ignayshus:
Original Post by imayoyodieter_nomore:
Original Post by ignayshus:
I understand. I'm just pointing out that we draw conclusions from biased assumptions we've made based on personal experience.
My trust is earned, you expect men to be shady, yoyo is big on shame, etc. There's reasons for that.
Now that's a pretty sweeping assumption as well. You assumed that pretty quick. At the very least I read 13 pages of why the woman you would best get on with would have no interest in getting to know you. Also, I think you did say asking if one has children is akin to asking if one has the herp.Are you asking me a question, because I'm confused... I thought you had all the answers.
That's clever. It just became clear why your marriage failed.
Um, ouch. Way below the belt.
Pavlovcat, just curious. How was what I said below the belt? Because it's true? I used his own tactic. Did he or did he not just say NC has issues with men?
You didn't say, "You have issues with honesty" or "You have issues with children" or even "You are bat**** crazy". You basically poked a salt-covered stick in the fresh wound that is his marriage.
Original Post by pavlovcat:
Original Post by imayoyodieter_nomore:
Original Post by ignayshus:
Original Post by imayoyodieter_nomore:
Original Post by ignayshus:
I understand. I'm just pointing out that we draw conclusions from biased assumptions we've made based on personal experience.
My trust is earned, you expect men to be shady, yoyo is big on shame, etc. There's reasons for that.
Now that's a pretty sweeping assumption as well. You assumed that pretty quick. At the very least I read 13 pages of why the woman you would best get on with would have no interest in getting to know you. Also, I think you did say asking if one has children is akin to asking if one has the herp.Are you asking me a question, because I'm confused... I thought you had all the answers.
That's clever. It just became clear why your marriage failed.
Um, ouch. Way below the belt.
It's called trolling. It only matters if you're in that same place as them, if you actually buy into it.
But I know why my marriage failed. I know every stupid thing I did along the way. I can play it back in slow motion. And truly there are things that I needed to do differently and that I'm surprised I didn't see. But sometimes that's how things go, we do dumb things, because we focus too much on our own perception.
The only thing that'd make it tragic would be to not learn anything from it, to be ashamed of it, to continue to relive the pain and then try to take that pain out on other people.
Original Post by nicepumpkins:
I don't think Iggy was trying to insult me. (If you were, Iggy, correct me and I will have a snarky retort ready.)
But I didn't really understand the relevancy of my experiences with men in this conversation.
If you are prone to mistrust men, you will read evil intent in anything that seems hinky to you. If, otoh, you trust men, generally, you are more prone to take reticence regarding certain personal matters in stride...is I think what he was suggesting.
Issues? I haz them. You haz them. We all haz them.
((ignay))
Original Post by kathygator:
Original Post by nicepumpkins:
I don't think Iggy was trying to insult me. (If you were, Iggy, correct me and I will have a snarky retort ready.)
But I didn't really understand the relevancy of my experiences with men in this conversation.
If you are prone to mistrust men, you will read evil intent in anything that seems hinky to you. If, otoh, you trust men, generally, you are more prone to take reticence regarding certain personal matters in stride...is I think what he was suggesting.
But the principle does not apply only to men.
If I asked anyone if they had kids and they said, "I'd rather not answer that question", I would wonder what was up and it would seem super weird to me. Because...either you do or you don't.
Original Post by nicepumpkins:
Original Post by ignayshus:
Honestly I wouldn't have thought to ask a woman I was on a date with if they were married... is this something I should be doing?
How you word things matters, but there's a handful of responses to not getting information and they don't all involve speculating one's self off the deep end. It depends on the person.
Well, I mean, to me, being married and having kids are both equally crucial and important bits of information. So if you're on a date lying about or avoiding acknowledging having kids, I wouldn't rule out the possibility that she's lying about or avoiding acknowledging being married.
I didn't say anything about speculating one's self (or myself) off the deep end. Speculating doesn't have to be done in obsessive manner. We speculate all day long about all manner of things...especially things that we either have no way of knowing for sure or things that we are waiting to get an answer to.
If I were on a date with a man, asked him any question and he declined to answer, I would wonder why. And would probably wonder when, or if, he ever would feel like answering. I wouldn't go home and get out my handy dandy notebook and try to solve the mystery...but then again, it would be a huge turn off to me anyway and I wouldn't be interested anymore, so.
If I had a young child, I would just lie and say I didn't have any children. (I think declining to answer would be worse... for some reason)
I would want to find out how he would respond in that case, because that would probably be the real him.
Then a few dates later, if I like him well enough, and think he's worth my time, I would say, I have a confession. I told you I didn't have any children, but I actually do have one. I didn't want to tell you before because I wasn't sure we were going to hit it off. And I'm fairly protective of my child. But I just wanted to come clean because I really do like you blah blah blah.
Does this mean I have issues?
(I think this is what we're talking about.)
Original Post by imayoyodieter_nomore:
Original Post by pavlovcat:
Original Post by imayoyodieter_nomore:
Original Post by ignayshus:
Original Post by imayoyodieter_nomore:
Original Post by ignayshus:
I understand. I'm just pointing out that we draw conclusions from biased assumptions we've made based on personal experience.
My trust is earned, you expect men to be shady, yoyo is big on shame, etc. There's reasons for that.
Now that's a pretty sweeping assumption as well. You assumed that pretty quick. At the very least I read 13 pages of why the woman you would best get on with would have no interest in getting to know you. Also, I think you did say asking if one has children is akin to asking if one has the herp.Are you asking me a question, because I'm confused... I thought you had all the answers.
That's clever. It just became clear why your marriage failed.
Um, ouch. Way below the belt.
Pavlovcat, just curious. How was what I said below the belt? Because it's true? I used his own tactic. Did he or did he not just say NC has issues with men?
Troll, we knoweth thee now.
Original Post by nicepumpkins:
Original Post by ignayshus:
Honestly I wouldn't have thought to ask a woman I was on a date with if they were married... is this something I should be doing?
How you word things matters, but there's a handful of responses to not getting information and they don't all involve speculating one's self off the deep end. It depends on the person.
Well, I mean, to me, being married and having kids are both equally crucial and important bits of information. So if you're on a date lying about or avoiding acknowledging having kids, I wouldn't rule out the possibility that she's lying about or avoiding acknowledging being married.
I didn't say anything about speculating one's self (or myself) off the deep end. Speculating doesn't have to be done in obsessive manner. We speculate all day long about all manner of things...especially things that we either have no way of knowing for sure or things that we are waiting to get an answer to.
If I were on a date with a man, asked him any question and he declined to answer, I would wonder why. And would probably wonder when, or if, he ever would feel like answering. I wouldn't go home and get out my handy dandy notebook and try to solve the mystery...but then again, it would be a huge turn off to me anyway and I wouldn't be interested anymore, so.
Fair enough. From what I've heard here, it's certainly I risk I run, but I have to live with that, because I'm just not comfortable telling people this kind of stuff. The funny thing to me is that it doesn't tell me a thing about who you are.
Let's say:
I have 3 kids.
I work as a well paid analyst at Trustuswe'reabank.
I own my own home.
I'm divorced.
Are we compatible?
