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So, What is the story you tell yourself?


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A couple of days ago I was sort of vegging out and sort of watching TV. Not really paying attention to what was on, just kind of hearing it in the background. I had it on a show that is sort of a self-help spiritual type of thing.

One of the more famous motivational speakers came on and began to explain why a lot of people don't make the changes they say they want to make. Whether it be about breaking an addiction, beginning to exercise, lose weight, save money, control anger, etc., etc. He said something that caught my ears enough to pay attention for the next half hour or so.

Basically, it was about the story you tell yourself. What your core beliefs are about the matter.

The main host said something like this: "We don't become our desires or dreams, we don't become our wishes, we do become our beliefs".

I've been thinking about this for the past couple of days and found it profound. Wanted to share.

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Wow.  I'll have to ponder this one.

So I've been pondering why I don't want to exercise and can't figure it out. :/

I'm pretty sure it's laziness.

Will give this some thought and see what happens. Agree we do become our beliefs.

DH and I were sitting at the bar and I came to the conclusion that my life was meaningless.. So that is my core belief.. my life has no meaning.. it's a good thing I am really shallow so that is fine with me.

 

Sooo true. If it weren't for the fact that I believe I can live a better life by eating healthier & doing exercise I would still be sitting on my ass all day eating chips and stuff. I'm scared to think what would happen if I get depressed (again) because I'm going to start thinking what's the use of doing all this and get fat again Cry.

yup, agree. can be hard to admit some of them. especially when they're still powerful but somehow embarrassing or trite sounding.

[Not sure if similar, but here we go:] I've heard a song a few days ago (In My Mind by Amanda Palmer) and got struck by a verse: 

How strange to see
That I don't want to be the person that I want to be.

and in the end she sings:

And maybe it's funniest of all
To think I'll die before I actually see
That I am exactly the person that I want to be.

I was like.... Wow. Exactly! WTF. Mind=blown. Can't get the lyrics out of my head. It really made me think.

Original Post by cptbunny:

So I've been pondering why I don't want to exercise and can't figure it out. :/

I'm pretty sure it's laziness.

I think that is a pretty good guess ^___^  Same here: the food and excercise issues are plain lazyness. I'm a bon vivant and sweating a gym and counting calories stinks so I don't liek doign it (and haven't for the past year - and it shows!)

My other issues are more problematic and sit deeper. I selfsabotage - especially in the form of procrastination. I was always a bti lazy but until I was in my midtwenties I was able to balance that with an incredibly slefconfidence that made me near invincible.

Unfortunatly, I lost that confidence and have struggled ever since. i once did a few coaching sessions (for the last money I had) and the coach told me that the most common core belief of especially women is: I am not worthy (of success, money, being happy etc. etc.)

I've been struggeling with that for years - so far I haven't been able to change it. But at least due to my pooch I am generally a lot happier than I was at the moment.

 

And: (((catwalker)))

 

I'd like to tell my self that "I am the master of my fate and the captain of my soul" but sometimes it feels like I'm a wildebeest in the midst of crossing the rapids filled with crocodiles. Some how I will keep kicking for the other shore.

I am exactly what I expect myself to be and a few measures short of where I want to be. I don't see that as failure but as continuous striving to be better. The improvement is hard to see day to day but is pretty good when I look back.

For the longest time, I believed I was doomed to be a failure.  Because of my family and my upbringing and my issues and my poor decisions so early in life.

It's only recently that I've allowed myself to hope for something better.  And I do think that if I believe, I can make things change.

Guy at work said to me this morning "you exercise too much, you lost too much weight" I was in no mood for it so I informed him (too sternly in fact) "I have the body of a finely tuned athlete". He stepped back and said "Yea, I wish I could loose a few pounds". I told him I tried the "wish I could diet" for 12 years and it never worked.

It's no wonder nobody loves me. Oh well, fewer Christmas cards to write that way....Cool

This topic is really resonating with me. Whatever the story is I'm telling myself, right now, it feels fraught with lies.

Original Post by kathygator:

This topic is really resonating with me. Whatever the story is I'm telling myself, right now, it feels fraught with lies.

Me too, KG, me too.

In the case of being too lazy to exercise, the internal belief could go like this -

I don't really care about being more physically fit or extending my life.

(eta) What you tell yourself might go like this -

I'm too busy. I'm too tired. I need to get x and y done right now.

I mean, you can *say* you want such and such, but what you *do* in actuality is what you actually want.

Telling ourselves we want something when we really want something else just creates dissonance and so we feel that unhappiness dissatisfaction (for lack of a better word) on some unconscious level.

It could be, that you do want to be more physically fit, but the things you've tried have been more disagreeable to you than your lack of fitness.

If that's the case, the best thing you could do to test whether you really do want to exercise more is to try different things. If you can find one that you enjoy, one that's fun, then you'll probably do it. Then your actions will match your words.

Some people force themselves to do a particular exercise even when they don't like it, so based on that, you could conclude that the disagreeableness of the exercise is less than the disagreeableness of being out of shape for them. Obviously we don't all like the same things.

 

I had to reach middle-age before this began to resonate with me, but I grow more and more convinced that it is true.  I think of it as a self-fulfilling prophecy.  It was not until I observed it in some former co-workers that I began to understand how it manifested in my own life.  To simplify:  As long as I thought of myself as unlovable/a victim/etc then I became that.  What ever I encountered in my universe could be tweaked to support that perception.

These former co-workers were notoriously self-pitying, and they took aim at people whom they believed "had it all."  For example, they surmised that some people were born with money, therefore they never had to work as hard, therefore they received what they did not deserve, therefore they thought they were superior, etc., etc....So from a flawed point of departure they took leaps in locgic that defied gravity.  They created "reality" that supported their original premise.  They harbored a belief system regarding money and they interpreted they world against the backdrop of that.  I don't know why money is what had their attention, but it certainly colored their world views.

Remember writing research papers in school?  You developed a thesis based on the evidence--not the other way around.  There is error in thinking if we establish a thesis and then force our observations to support it.   If I am so attached to my beliefs then I am likely to skew my experiences to conform to them.  I am reminded of two quotes, neither of which I can share verbatum:  One is a zen notion that asks not to be relieved of my beliefs but to not be so attached.  The other is from the Dali Lama that reminds me that I do not see people as they are; I see them as I am.

I wonder if many people who do the "i wish diet" truly believe that people (including themselves?) should accept them the way they are. So many women are plagued with unhealthily low self esteem... it has a real impact on life.

Original Post by liseey02:

I wonder if many people who do the "i wish diet" truly believe that people (including themselves?) should accept them the way they are. So many women are plagued with unhealthily low self esteem... it has a real impact on life.

The "I wish" diet is probably the most popular diet with the "I start tomorrow" diet coming in at number two.

Wanting is easy, doing is hard.

Original Post by trh:

Original Post by liseey02:

I wonder if many people who do the "i wish diet" truly believe that people (including themselves?) should accept them the way they are. So many women are plagued with unhealthily low self esteem... it has a real impact on life.

The "I wish" diet is probably the most popular diet with the "I start tomorrow" diet coming in at number two.

Wanting is easy, doing is hard.


^ someone gets it.

Original Post by kevinatthebrook:

Original Post by trh:

Original Post by liseey02:

I wonder if many people who do the "i wish diet" truly believe that people (including themselves?) should accept them the way they are. So many women are plagued with unhealthily low self esteem... it has a real impact on life.

The "I wish" diet is probably the most popular diet with the "I start tomorrow" diet coming in at number two.

Wanting is easy, doing is hard.


^ someone gets it.

I guess my point was the underlying battles that make doing so hard.

So I've been pondering this thread all last night and early this morning. Ignoring the exercise-hatred thing, I thought about other things.

I have a belief that nothing I do is "good." Everyone can say it's good. I can think it's good, but then I will see something I think is better and suddenly mine was never good. I feel like I am a fraud. A fake art student because "I suck."

I must reverse this belief, but how do I know it's belief and not the truth? :/

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