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How do I tell my husband I want an open marriage?


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I've been married to my husband almost 20 years.  Our sex life has become boring and I'm really craving the attention from someone who can fulfill my needs.  How should I tell my husband I don't want to leave him, but I want to fulfill our sexual needs outside of our marriage?

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Marriage counseling... I say go.... like, 10 minutes ago.

Good luck to you and your husband.

Yikes

What do you suspect his reaction would be to this request?

That's quite a bombshell to be dropping after 20 years.  If there are things you want him to do to satisfy you, you should tell him what they are, and if necessary work with a sex therapist to improve your sex life.  That sounds like a much fairer option than being like, well you're not very good in bed and I want a stud to satisfy me, so do you mind if we have an open marriage?

#5  
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Original Post by aczinder:

What do you suspect his reaction would be to this request?

I'm not even sure his penis works anymore!  I really don't know how he would feel.

Is it other MEN you want or WOMEN you'd like to be sleeping with?

Original Post by angie1293:

Original Post by aczinder:

What do you suspect his reaction would be to this request?

I'm not even sure his penis works anymore!  I really don't know how he would feel.

Wow, that's really unfair to say. Is it possible that YOU don't turn HIM on?

#8  
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Original Post by aczinder:

Is it other MEN you want or WOMEN you'd like to be sleeping with?

Men.  I just want a man to make me squirm again.

Perhaps an open marriage is what you need (I suggest reading some of Dan Savage's advice columns). But I would suggest that you start talking with your husband, with a therapist preferably, about your needs and desires, to see if they can be met without introducing some strange into the equation.

Original Post by amethystgirl:

Perhaps an open marriage is what you need (I suggest reading some of Dan Savage's advice columns). But I would suggest that you start talking with your husband, with a therapist preferably, about your needs and desires, to see if they can be met without introducing some strange into the equation.

OMG I did not see that coming!!

Original Post by angie1293:

Original Post by aczinder:

Is it other MEN you want or WOMEN you'd like to be sleeping with?

Men.  I just want a man to make me squirm again.

Has anything changed in the relationship? When did the sex stop?

I highly advise counsel so that you can learn why things are not satisfying for you, and likely for him either. There are many things to work on before you jump into new rules 20 years into the agreement.

Address those things before you race to the decision that you get a new sex partner. Trust me, that might not solve as much as you think.

Get some reading material. There is also a website dedicated to non traditional relationships, such as polyamarous and open. They have a great discussion forum. Its not as uncommon as a lot of people believe and it can work.

However, do not not not pressure him. Don't expect him to be game right off the bat. It might take a long time. Make sure you express that you value his opinion and feelings. It won't work if he feels pressured or threatened.

Any chance of fixing it between you two before opening your marriage?
Original Post by eninad:

I highly advise counsel so that you can learn why things are not satisfying for you, and likely for him either. There are many things to work on before you jump into new rules 20 years into the agreement.

Address those things before you race to the decision that you get a new sex partner. Trust me, that might not solve as much as you think.

True, you can get a new partner but you've still got some issues to address.

Original Post by aczinder:

Original Post by amethystgirl:

Perhaps an open marriage is what you need (I suggest reading some of Dan Savage's advice columns). But I would suggest that you start talking with your husband, with a therapist preferably, about your needs and desires, to see if they can be met without introducing some strange into the equation.

OMG I did not see that coming!!

Me neither!

I actually refuse to participate in a relationship that isn't open anymore. However...after 20 years of monogamy, I'd suggest trying out some other avenues before getting it elsewhere. I can't imagine it's good for a relationship when partners have sex with others because they aren't getting what they need from one another.

An open relationship can enhance what you have with your primary partner, but only if both people are on the same page. Jealousy will destroy a relationship quicker than anything.

If jealousy might be an issue, do you think he'd be more open to the idea of the two of you experimenting with other couples or partners together?

are you attracted to you husband? What are HIS turn ons?

Or, do you already have another person in mind and you want to get the okay?

Forgot to add that when you put another person into your equation THEY have needs too. You're not just adding someone to please you who has no other purpose in the world.

I think you may be leaving out information.

What do you do for him? Are you waiting for him to start sex??

Does he have an illness/take medication which may prevent or make it difficult for him to perform sexually?

Have you talked to him about what you want? What turns you on?

I agree with everyone else. You and him should try counseling.

#20  
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Original Post by lostpumpkins:

 

Any chance of fixing it between you two before opening your marriage?

I've tried everything I can think of.  Our marriage is great on every aspect minus the sex.  It's like he just isn't interested.  He looks at porn constantly, but even with stimulation he just doesn't want to participate in the act of sex or anything sexual.

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