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How to tell that the relationship is REALLY over


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(when do you walk away)

OH--from a relationship --not a marriage and --no kids involved

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Sorry to hear that olivia.  i'm through with E.  He wasn't there for me when all the awful stuff went down, and i guess i began "loosing my religion", so to speak.  i gave up on hoping someday he'd evolve into someone who was there for me as much as i'd like. 

So, in answer to the original post question, i'd say when you give up hope.

i'd say the important thing, olivia, is you can probably take things at your own pace...

If you have to ask... it's over.

Yes indeed.

My Dad's words of advice:

How would you feel if something happened to that person and you had to live without them for the rest of your life?

I think it's different for men and women.

I've only walked away from relationships early on...but the reasons I've had are either the female wanting to wait till marriage to have sex (sexual compatibility) and with two others it was getting stood up.  But if ya get stood up and decide you are through with this person...it's like the chicken and the egg arguement.

As for women in my past who have ended things...it usually involves a combination of their friends telling her she should go out with someone different and her meeting some random guy in a bar who has bigger arms...I actually don't know because most women when they end it don't tell you why, it's usually, "it's nothing that you did or didn't do...it's just me."...which of course I don't buy...but it is what it is.

Zen,

I have little to say that hasn't already been said.  There are many times and ways you just know a relationship is over.  A lot of it comes from how you feel when you're around the other person.  If you're not happy around that person, or you feel like you're putting on an act, then the relationship is doomed. 

If you're looking of ways to end it, you should start with a conversation.  Tell the other person that you're not feeling it the way you used to.  You might discover some things that might make you reconsider, and if not, you have been honest to your future ex. 

Caloricat -

The "It's nothing that you did or didn't do.. it's just me," is not always a line of bull.  I dated someone who was a perfect gentleman, and he will undoubtedly make someone blissfully happy.  He was the type of guy who would hold the chair for you, and give you random flowers, and buy you dinner, and all the wonderful things that women often say they want.  And I can't say that all of that stuff was horrible.  The problem was that I wasn't feeling for him all the mushy romantic stuff.  He was good, he was nice, he did everything right.  I just did not have an attraction for him.  He didn't give me that "spark."  I found myself resenting time I spent with him, and all these lovely gestures, because the spark wasn't there for me. 

So it really wasn't what he did or didn't do.  It was all me.  The compatibility wasn't there on my end.  We're still good friends, but that's what it was supposed to be - friends only. 

#26  
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Original Post by beanie1125:

Caloricat -

The "It's nothing that you did or didn't do.. it's just me," is not always a line of bull.  I dated someone who was a perfect gentleman...the spark wasn't there for me. 

 I could buy that...but if you're going out with and "having relations" with a significant other for a decent amount of time....obviously the spark was there.  I mean, yes, if you met a guy and went out on a few dates but he just didn't do it for you...that's one thing.  But I thought we were talking about relationships that lasted a little longer...and I would think the "spark" issue would be determined fairly soon after physical intimacy.

And also, what you're saying is a nice way of saying, the guy's appearance didn't turn you on.  So, technically, that's a reason.  To say, "it's not you, it's me" is sort of a lie.  It's a nice lie...but you could be more honest with said gentlman by simply saying, "hey...I prefer other types of guys to you physically...everything else was great...but I don't want to get involved with a guy of your size/appearance/etc..."  Am I wrong?

Original Post by moonikins:

If you have to ask... it's over.

Yes indeed.

 yep.

#29  
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Wow, this is exactly the thread I was looking for. I just broke up a relationship of one and a half years. Here's why

I knew it was something I should have done a long time ago.

He had/has a drinking problem and was emotionally abusive and sometimes got physically rough with me

I realized I wanted to end it but I didn't know how and I wanted to be sure it was the right thing to do

I didn't feel any affection towards him anymore

He broke my trust, I caught him lying to me

I don't connect with him intellectually.

He makes the same stupid crappy jokes day in day out as a conversation filler and if I had to hear it one more time I might shoot myself

I didn't want to waste my time on something I knew had no future

I felt like I was lying to him when I was forced to tell him that I loved him

I don't love him.

He's kind of a douche.

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