How do you tell someone you love that you're concerned about her weight?
My sister is 20 and has a BMI of 32. This is especially worrisome to me because diabetes is really prevalent on our dad's side and I'm worried that she won't be able to lose it if she doesn't start to do something about it soon. She doesn't pay any attention to what she eats at all; cookies, french fries, ice cream, chips, mozzarella sticks-these are pretty much staples in her diet. she also likes those iced coffee drinks and milkshakes. Combine her diet with her complete lack of exercise (she sits on her computer or reads all day) and you have a recipe for diabetes, or at least this is my fear.
Despite how much I want her to get healthy, I don't feel like I can bring it up with her because I have lost 65+ pounds in the past two years, and I was pretty much in the same place physically when I was her age. (I'm three years older than her.) She's in denial about how out of control her weight is, because I don't even think she knows she's overweight at all.
My mom has already tried to talk to her about it; should I just leave it alone?
Weight can be a difficult subject to bring up, especially if you have accomplished losing weight (congratulations by the way!).
You could find ways to slowly approach the subject and test the water. Maybe bring up your weight loss the the changes you have made to your life to maintain a healthy weight. If she mentions wanting to lose weight, offer to help.
If she is completely in denial of her weight problem, well... I have no idea how to approach the subject. :/
forget weight; tell her you're worried about her health and quality of life.
Original Post by pgeorgian:
forget weight; tell her you're worried about her health and quality of life.
^This.
Especially because you lost the weight you'll be in a position to say how much more alive you feel now.
Mind you if she doesn't want to lose it you won't be able to make her.
It's a tough situation to face, but you care for her and you want the best for her. Sometimes you just need to be brutally honest with someone even if that means they're going to get mad at you for it.
I have a friend who is an alcoholic. Her life was spiraling out of control and no one wanted to say anything to her because she would turn it around and make you feel horrible for even mentioning it (she was in denial). But it got to the point where I had to be brutally honest with her and tell her that I thought if she wasn't going to stop that it would kill her and that I don't want to watch her do this to herself-- I told her how it is. She was MAD at me.... it hurt so bad.... but in the long run, it was for the better. It's now been about a year since she's had a drink and she's grateful that I had the guts to confront her.
I know, food is not alcohol, but if it's abused (and with the health history in your family) it can definately be deadly.
Like pg said, I would emphasize health over actual weight.
Get an air horn at the dollar store. Whenever you see her eating something bad for her, just blow off the air horn.
It worked for an ex-roommate of mine
Original Post by caloricat:
Get an air horn at the dollar store. Whenever you see her eating something bad for her, just blow off the air horn.
It worked for an ex-roommate of mine
I think after about a day of that I'd wander down to the dollar store myself, to buy a set of sturdy steak knives.
Original Post by hatamoto:
Original Post by caloricat:
Get an air horn at the dollar store. Whenever you see her eating something bad for her, just blow off the air horn.
It worked for an ex-roommate of mine
I think after about a day of that I'd wander down to the dollar store myself, to buy a set of sturdy steak knives.
A whole set for $1? That's a good deal.
I suppose sturdy isn't a total necessity. They'll only be used the once.
never mind
Joke would be on them when they realize how many times they have to be butt-banged in prison in trade for a couple Twinkies. And with no couch and mandatory yard time, they'll drop at least 15 pounds 1st year.
Looks like I'll be helping them lose that weight afterall...from the grave!!
You're welcome.
Also be aware that she may be envious and comparing herself to you, and has given up and gone the opposite way of eating whatever. If she feels she has to compete with you that could be nasty.
Original Post by caloricat:
Get an air horn at the dollar store. Whenever you see her eating something bad for her, just blow off the air horn.
It worked for an ex-roommate of mine
LOL!! I love it! I should have my husband do that for me.
Original Post by playofthepencil:
Also be aware that she may be envious and comparing herself to you, and has given up and gone the opposite way of eating whatever. If she feels she has to compete with you that could be nasty.
I was thinking this too. Because she's your sister, and because you've lost a lot of weight, maybe you shouldn't be the one to talk to her right now.
Original Post by playofthepencil:
Also be aware that she may be envious and comparing herself to you, and has given up and gone the opposite way of eating whatever. If she feels she has to compete with you that could be nasty.
yeah, this is my worst fear. I want to have a heart to heart with her, but she has always been competitive with me, even though I refuse to compete with her. (this usually makes her more angry, btw.) Now that we're in our 20's we've been getting along better...I don't know, maybe I'll just let mom handle this. Besides, muttlover has a point, if she's in denial it probably won't help if I try to get her to pay attention.
thanks for all the replies, everyone!
Original Post by hatamoto:
Original Post by caloricat:
Get an air horn at the dollar store. Whenever you see her eating something bad for her, just blow off the air horn.
It worked for an ex-roommate of mine
I think after about a day of that I'd wander down to the dollar store myself, to buy a set of sturdy steak knives.
I'd watch this sitcom.
OP, have you thought about arranging activities that you and your sister can do together? Hikes, rock-climbing, etc. Just things to get her out of the house and more active? You don't even have to mention her weight or looming health issues.
Original Post by caloricat:
Get an air horn at the dollar store. Whenever you see her eating something bad for her, just blow off the air horn.
It worked for an ex-roommate of mine
Sounds like ex-roommate is the illustrative part of this post, lol.
If you care, as we can all tell you do since you posted something on here, you NEED to give her some tough love...how hard that is to do sometimes the hard way is the right way. You have to tell her the negatives to how she is treating her body. Tell her that if she doesn't clean it up she's going to end up in serious trouble. I'm 21 and it finally took a good look into my parents life and my own to realize that if i kept treating my body the way i was, i was going to die of a heart attack very very young. So not only do you diet/get healthy for yourself you do it for your loved ones. This is a subject that is very passionate to me because i am in the process of converting my parents MUAHAHAHAhAH! I love them and don't want to see them dead at 50.
You absolutely have to talk to her. Try if all possible to not use the word weight either...it's all about HEALTH! It's like having someone give you a brand new mustang (your body) and you only get one...now would you fill it with cheap gas? or would you give it premium to ensure a smoother running car? Quality in = Quality out!
HOORAH CC!!!
Thats a pretty good idea engage her in activities. But I would start out slower then that IE; bowling, putt putt golf, rollerskating or ice skating. Heck take her to the mall and do some window shopping wish listing for next season. You can get a good 5k stroll in in one afternoon! :0]
Original Post by pgeorgian:
forget weight; tell her you're worried about her health and quality of life.
Yep definitely this, and I have the same problem&n bsp;with my daughter but i had to wait until she asked me about how I was losing weight to tell her what was working for me. The trouble is if you just launch into a serious talk then it's human nature for the recipient to close down and get defensive, so in my experience it has to come from them first. That's certainly how I was before I decided to lose weight.
I particularly like the window shopping idea I'm a firm believer that exercise doesn't have to be the sweaty kind in the gym and can be part of your life :)
Original Post by robkat70:
If you care, as we can all tell you do since you posted something on here, you NEED to give her some tough love...how hard that is to do sometimes the hard way is the right way. You have to tell her the negatives to how she is treating her body. Tell her that if she doesn't clean it up she's going to end up in serious trouble. I'm 21 and it finally took a good look into my parents life and my own to realize that if i kept treating my body the way i was, i was going to die of a heart attack very very young. So not only do you diet/get healthy for yourself you do it for your loved ones. This is a subject that is very passionate to me because i am in the process of converting my parents MUAHAHAHAhAH! I love them and don't want to see them dead at 50.
You absolutely have to talk to her. Try if all possible to not use the word weight either...it's all about HEALTH! It's like having someone give you a brand new mustang (your body) and you only get one...now would you fill it with cheap gas? or would you give it premium to ensure a smoother running car? Quality in = Quality out!
HOORAH CC!!!
I would LOVE to take this approach with her, but I'm really afraid she will get super defensive (which she is by nature, anyway) and refuse to listen to me.
As for doing activities together...my parents and I have tried to get her to play tennis and go camping with us because that's what we like to do in the spring/summer. she will play along for a little bit, but physical activity just doesn't hold her interest. She had lost a little bit of weight when she was going to the gym, although I think she was trying to lose weight for an ex-boyfriend at the time.
I think that she just needs to have an "aha" moment when she realizes that she has a problem. I just hope it comes sooner rather than later. I think I'm going to work with mom on this one and see if we can come up with a delicate approach for her, because I don't want to put her in defense mode. Mom is a nurse, so I think she will be able to illustrate the facts about diabetes risk better than me.
thank you all so much for your replies; it's really nice to have support on this. :)
